Chapter Three

Waking up slowly is something that Anderson never does. For him, theres a very slender thread between consciousness and unconsciousness, one he can shift between in the quickest instant. Even in the deepest sleep, he will awaken at the faintest sound, the most minor tingle of insecurity. There is no groggy in-between, no lingering pull of exhaustion; the daily rush of adrenaline upon awakening prevents it.

But today is different. He stirs from his sleep with a languid stretch, feeling a kind of mellow contentment thats deceitfully seductive. Theres a sound, a breathing that isnt his own, but Anderson doesnt panic. Its as if all the paranoia and neurosis are simply gone, put to rest. He knows that it shouldnt be this easy to diminish them, but he cannot bring himself to wonder at the shift.

How long has it been? asks a voice quietly.

Anderson stirs, staring hazily into the shadowed room. The question doesnt make any sense, not permeating his sleep-fogged mind. He doesnt answer, just lets his eyes slide closed, tries to focus on the voice. He throws an arm over his eyes to block out the moonlight slipping in through the open window.

Well? asks Alucard insistently. How long has to been since it happened?

The question clicks in his mind quickly, and Anderson grins slightly at the proffered subject. Since I killed you? asks Anderson, unable to keep the small shred of pride from his tone.

The vampire pauses; its a heavy pause, and Anderson can almost feel the vampire pondering his words. Anderson becomes quickly frustrated by the silence, but he doesnt break it Alucard is the one thats so curious.

The silence is broken by a deep, throaty chuckle. Yes, says Alucard.

Seven years, replies Anderson, moving a hand to rub the sleep from his eyes. He hears another quiet laugh from the vampire, but doesnt ask of it. The lingering fogginess of restful sleep still linger, and somehow, everything seems less important. Even the inexplicable reappearance of the vampire seems trivial now.

Anderson glances at the vampire sitting in the chair pulled next to the couch, legs crossed, iridescent eyes shimmering in the darkness. The first realization is that Alucard must have been watching him sleep for the entirety of the night, however, this becomes a less pertinent problem when Anderson makes another fast realization.

The vampires no longer transparent. His body looks as real as any other, and Anderson cannot resist the urge to reach out and press a hand to the vampires chest.

It doesnt slip through. The fingers press over the rough fabric of Alucards jacket, and Anderson is momentarily taken aback. Even though he had expected to be able to touch Alucard now, he hadnt expected the electric current, the cold energy that seemed to blossom beneath his fingertips. It feels dead, certainly, yet Theres a distinctive sensation, an addictive stir of power.

A kind of bloodlust.

Anderson barely starts when he feels the sudden brush of cold fingers against his scar, and suddenly the vampire is kneeling next to the couch, staring at Anderson with the eyes of a lustful lover. The sensitive flesh of the ruined tissue feels almost soothed by the vampires touch, a sensuous stroke against the tender skin. Its strange to see Alucards hands ungloved. Theyre slender, very defined hands that are not entirely feminine. Graceful is a better word.

So how did you kill me? asks Alucard, a strange, dark amusement in his tone. The fingertip slips downward, following the vein of Andersons neck. Anderson would have pushed it away, but the touch sends an unwarranted wave of heat through his body, a strange, tingling sensation that he cannot help but succumb to. So he stays still, neither accepting nor rejecting Alucards caress.

You cant remember? scoffs Anderson, trying to sound as if he has no interest in the vampires touch. I tore you apart and burned you until there was nothing left.

You yourself said the void is a place without memory, says Alucard, sounding only mildly interested in Andersons explanation. And Anderson isnt surprised Alucards demise wasnt important, especially not if he was still able to enter this world. Anderson supposed this means that Alucard isnt truly dead anymore, but this realization is only met with a numb acceptance.

Anderson hadnt ever expected to kill Alucard in the first place. It hadnt been met with the satisfaction he had expected, and he realizes this must be the reason. Nothing he could have done would truly end Alucards life forever.

The vampire leans closer to his body, and Anderson instantly realizes what Alucard intends, the predatory bloodlust that burns in his eyes when his gaze drops to Andersons throat. Quickly, Anderson reaches out and grabs the vampires jugular, not so much trying to injure him, but rather just hold him away. Anderson had indeed allowed sex, sinful touch from this creature, but he is not going to allow another defilement of his humanity.

Surprisingly, the vampire doesnt persist, doesnt try to drink from him again. Whether its respect or disinterest, Anderson doesnt care. Any thoughts of blood drinking are expelled from his mind the moment the vampires hand lays over his, the long fingers caressing the broader, heavily calloused fingers of his own. Andersons grip immediately weakens into he vampires, almost beyond his will.

There is a certain calm that comes with giving into lust, a sense of defeat mingled with inexplicable contentment. Anderson had indeed felt passion for the vampire during their rivalry, something that went beyond just the ordinary bounds of hatred. It was an obsession, a desire that seemed far beyond just a physical need.

The vampires fingers touch his chest, but Alucard doesnt grab him, doesnt pull him closer. This in itself infuriates Anderson, the vampires obvious knowledge that he doesnt need to force this, that Anderson has already given in, already been defeated.

The kiss that follows is neither harsh nor gentle. The brush of cold lips against his own is almost pleasant, but quickly followed by the sharp pinch of fangs being pressed into his lip. But Anderson doesnt pull away, not this time he simply cant. The vampire wants to drink from him, and Anderson knows he lacks the will now to prevent such a thing.

The vampires kiss is long, explorative. Its as if Alucard is trying to determine what he enjoys the most, because the kiss goes from a shallow nip to a deep, passionate fight for dominance. Anderson can feel the cold tongue tracing every contour of his mouth, stealing away his warmth, yet arousing him beyond anything hes ever felt. Decades of pent up desire seem to sudden flourish within a matter of moments as the vampires hands slide down into the dip of his stomach, the sharp claws pressing into his skin hard enough to hurt, and yet he doesnt want those stings of pain to disappear. Almost of their own volition, Andersons hands tangle in the tresses of black hair, wrenching the vampire closer.

The touches themselves are indeed arousing, but Anderson finds himself suddenly more interested in the soft sounds the vampire makes. The soft groan that reverberates in Alucards throat, the deep, heavier breathing. Andersons hand slides over Alucards back, feeling out the lean frame. Alucards breathing hitches, and he quickly and sharply nips at Andersons lips. Its more a promising sign than anything else, and Anderson takes the opportunity to push the coat off his shoulders, to run a hand down the smoother fabric of Alucards vest. Anderson lacks the vampires infinite patience, pulling hard on the front of the vest until the buttons pop away.

Anderson then turns, pushes the vampire onto his back. He doesnt know why he didnt expect to fall off the couch, how he intuitively knew he wouldnt, but theyre suddenly on the bed. Anderson is momentarily startled by the sudden, inexplicable shift in setting, but the vampire is smirking up at him with his eyes, a knowing gaze that causes a deep, inexplicable bristle of irritation. Anderson immediately starts to pull away, to ask what kind of devilry Alucard had used to move them from one room to the other, but his lips are quickly bitten, drawn back into a bloodied kiss.

The unexplained magic doesnt seem as important anymore, and Anderson succumbs to the vicious lust. The feel of the vampire beneath him, the slender, masculine hips beneath his is enough to put any other concerns from his mind. Even the treachery to his religion, his oath seems utterly unimportant; this feels less like sin than it should. Somehow, it seems utterly natural, an obvious outcome to their rivalry.

Something shifts, the shadows change, and Alucards clothes sink away beneath Andersons touch, leaving nothing but a pale, naked body beneath him. Andersons fingers curl around the cold torso, body aching so desperately now that it was difficult to breathe, to think. The vampires hands are carefully unbuttoning his shirt, but Anderson can feel the faintest tremor of anticipation at the vampires fingertips, Alucards shaky, cold sighs brushing against his lips.

The moment the vampires hands press against the bare flesh of his stomach, something in Anderson snaps. The last shred of patience wanes, the last ounce of control. He kisses Alucard harshly, a violent passion sparking in his blood. The vampire returns in kind, and Anderson quickly finds himself flipped onto his back, his shirt pushed off of his shoulders enough to restrain his arms.

It takes a moment for Anderson to realize that his shirt is not the only thing restraining him. The shadows have coiled around his wrists tightly, pinning him in place in an unbreakable vice. Instantly, Anderson begins to struggle, frustrated at the sudden powerlessness.

The vampire doesnt seem to care either way, doesnt pay heed to Andersons thrashing.

The kiss ends, a wet, cold tongue tracing the scar on his face with a surprising tenderness, a vampiric affection that causes Anderson to hesitate in his struggle. The single caress of Alucards tongue sends a heat to his groin, far beyond any pleasure hed ever experienced. His body goes slack as the ecstasy threatens to overwhelm him, the addictive sensation of Alucards lips against his scar overwhelming his resistance. Alucards naked chest presses against his own, and Anderson gasps out with pleasure. The scratch over fabric under his back feels uncomfortable, but the smooth flesh against his is nothing short of a sinful bliss, an indulgence he cannot resist.

Its some time later when Alucard stirs. He doesnt move, nothing shifts, but Anderson feels a change. Its an almost tangible emotion, something that he can sense and taste. Anderson almost breaks the silence, almost asks a question he doesnt quite know how to word. However, he doesnt get the chance.

The void isnt what you think, says Alucard quietly, fingers caressing Andersons chest. It isnt a place of lost memory.

Andersons interest instantly piques. He adjusts his gaze to Alucard as the vampire sits up, the dark hair mostly obscuring his face. Theres a look in Alucards eyes, almost melancholy, but harsher.

Its a place of distorted memory, continues Alucard after a moment. Where the souls make up their own memories in order to delude them from the truth. They try to make up delusions, dreams to explain why theyre in such misery. Some can even convince themselves that theyre still living.

A cold feeling instantly grips Andersons heart, something intangible. His hands clench on the sheets around him, his shoulders tense, but he cannot stop Alucard from continuing, nor can he stop himself from listening.

Did you like that dream? asks Alucard quietly. The one where you killed me?

Anderson suddenly cant breathe. He stares at the vampire, and sees no lie in his eyes, just a somber gaze thats painfully honest. Reflexively, Andersons hand reaches for the silver staples over his heart, but theyre gone, vanished, leaving not a trace of themselves behind. And thats because

The staples had never existed in the first place. The nail has been torn from him, and he had

Anderson tries to speak. You

I killed you, interrupts Alucard, gaze piercing, voice unforgiving. You died in my arms. Your corpse was burned, your ashes scattered in the wind.

Everything changes, the room darkens and diminishes, and Anderson is left standing in an endless array of shadows, a secure, lonely place that seems to soothe the rising panic. This place, he had created it by his own will. Something that would have been impossible if he were living, something that could only be managed in the void.

You cant hide from the truth, Anderson, says Alucards voice in the darkness. This is not the first time youve been in the void. Why do you think you are able to use magic, Paladin? Youve been here many times.

Anderson feels an invisible caress against his face, the vampires hands on his flesh. He staggers back weakly, but it is true that he can no longer hide. The memories are no longer distorted, no longer obscured. Thats why, despite everything, he had lived in misery. The void is a place of sadness, not of victory nor joy; there is no room for such things here.

Why are you here? asks Anderson, voice hollow.

This life wasnt the first time Id met you, Anderson, purrs Alucard quietly in his ear, so close that Anderson can feel a brush of fangs against his lobe. Ive known you as people other than Alexander Anderson. Always an enemy, a rival, a slayer of my kind.

Anderson closes his eyes tightly; dim memories stir, but nothing substantial, nothing to indicate his past deaths. But it is, however, enough to corroborate Alucards words. Defeated, Anderson sinks to his knees. This entire life where he had believed himself Alucards killer, this world he had created for victory is nothing but an elaborate lie.

Hes been living in a dream conjured by his own mind.

You defeated me, says Anderson bleakly. The shadows lessen, and the dim form of the vampire is no longer obscured in the darkness. Thats why I didnt go back. You defeated me.

No, says Alucard, kneeling down to face Anderson fully. I only defeated the monster you became. You would have not been so easy to slay.

The vampire pauses briefly, almost sensing the questions stirring in Andersons mind. You drew your power from life, Anderson, not from the void. The void was simply a tool you used to hone the magic. But without life, you had no power. Not until I opened the doorway.

Anderson closes his eyes to block out the gaze of the vampire. Every preconceived notion he had had about his own abilities had been a lie; life is what brings him magic, not death. And you want me to be reborn? asks Anderson. The silence is enough to confirm the assumption. So you can just defeat me again?

This elicited a deep, reverberating chuckle from the vampire. Not exactly, Alucard teases, his lips brushing softly against Andersons, fangs grazing his flesh in a vampiric kiss. I believe that rivalry is over.

Anderson closes his eyes. I wont remember anything, will I?

Anderson feels the soothing caress of the vampires fingertips against his flesh. Not at first, says Alucard, withdrawing his hand from Anderson. But I will give you your memories when its time. They are ingrained in your blood.

And then Alucard is gone, fading into the shadows without a sound. Anderson feels the presence disappear, leaving a cold emptiness, a nothingness that eats at his soul. But the doorway between worlds is still open, the golden energy of life still flowing within him.

Alucard is beckoning him.

This world is a fake; Anderson doesnt know how he couldnt sense that before. A part of him did, but just subconsciously sensing death hadnt been enough. Now that he knew the truth, this mockery of life would not longer be acceptable.

There is no other alternative. Anderson has to follow Alucard out, even if that means losing himself again, losing his memories, his identity.

I will give you your memories when its time.

Anderson supposes that it is foolish to have such blind faith in those words, but he does. Anything is better than staying in this life, this supposed happy ending where he had been the victor. But indeed, happy endings were just stories that haven't finished yet. Victory is meaningless in the realm of a single distorted memory.

Youd better not be lying, Alucard, threatens Anderson, but its despairingly weak. He doubts the vampire is even listening anymore.

He does not wait long before letting go of the void, letting himself follow Alucard into that golden place, the true Eden. Happy endings and beautiful lies are meaningless, and Anderson knows that Earth is where he belongs. No, not just Earth he belongs with Alucard. Anderson has followed the vampire many times, and the realm of death is meaningless when he is without purpose. Even paradise would be a meaningless end.

Reincarnation is all thats left. Heaven nor hell would have him, and the void is empty, utterly worthless.

This new life will have purpose, to find Alucard again. It is the same purpose hes clung since the beginning, and he will continue to follow that single fate forever, out of hatred, love, and obsession that even follows him into death.

Author's Note: There's a smutty version of adultfanfiction if you want it. Enjoy!