Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FFVIII. End of story. I love reviews so please review.

Notes about this story:

This is the second chapter of the third story in Silver Bullet Story Arc. The other two stories in this arc in order are Falling Alone and It Has to Be

YOU NEED TO READ It Has to Be FIRST to understand this story throughly.

ANs for this chapter: There is one curse word and some dark themes. You have been warned. I hope everyone enjoys!

Special thanks to Tinnuial for recently encouraging me to continue this.

I drop my duffel bag onto the floor of the train compartment and throw myself onto the narrow bunk. I don't want to be doing this, I should still be back at Garden, not being guided by ancient magic towards Deling City.

When I was a child I knew that this would be my life. I had always wanted to be a SeeD though. At least if I was a SeeD I've have some degree of choice. I've never had a choice about who I kill. I do the job or I die, I've seen one of our 'members' die. It's that simple.

A shudder ripples down my spine as Jeremy's screams ring through my mind. He had been twelve, I was eleven, it had been shortly after our initiation. The job had been Jeremy's first assignment and he had refused. I'll never forget watching him writhe in agony on the floor of the guild house no matter how many GFs I junction to my psyche. A shadow like mist curls around the memory and a three toned voice in perfect harmony offers to try. Diablos awakens and mentally nudges the three headed mutt away. Funny that the demon in my head is the only one to understand. He understands that I need that memory to stay alive. I've found that there are some memories that my GFs just won't take and those related to my guild days remain as fresh as ever.

I never wanted any of my friends at Balamb to know about my past, about the fact that I am a guild bound killer. It is so much different from them being able to say that they are SeeD. I roll onto my side and squeeze my eyes shut. I don't want to do this again, I don't want to go back. I almost want to kill myself.

Squall and Matron would understand why if I did, but Selphie wouldn't and I can't cause her that kind of pain. I love her so much it hurts. I tried so hard to push her away because I knew that all I would do was hurt her. My only consolation is that Zell will be there to hold her and wipe away her tears if I did kill myself. He will take better care of her than I can and she deserves the best.

I've known for years that life is never fair but until I had friends I never realized that it was so cruel or complicated. My life was easier when I didn't have people who cared about me. I let them get close and now I'm paying for it. I'm sure they think less of me now than they did before.

The motion of the train eventually lulls me into a hazy sleep but my rest is haunted by nightmares that are all too real for me. My life is my nightmare and I remain trapped in my memories until the train reaches Deling City.

The sun has already gone down by the time the train settles at the station platform. I slip the strap of my duffel back over my head and adjust my rifle case so Exeter sits comfortable against my spine. I swear that the gun has been my best friend through the worst times. There is just something about focusing all your energy into a single shot that somehow makes things better for a few moments. The platform is mostly deserted as I step onto it. There will be no one meeting me so I slip through the small knots of people unnoticed.

The streets are louder and there is an undercurrent of chaos that I've missed and I allow myself to breathe in the cool city air. It's been far too long since I came home to Galbadia and I've gotten used to the relaxed pace of Balamb Town. The rush of the city excites me and I wish desperately that I had come home for different reasons.

A wave of magic crackles through my body and I feel the power of it overwhelming me. I give in knowing that if I resist I will only cause myself pain. I finally regain control of my body outside a rundown business in one of the middle class neighborhoods.

The building is small but I get the feeling that much of the guild's complex has been build underground. With a sigh I shift my duffel bag to my other shoulder and push the door to the shop open. A young woman is sitting behind the counter and she eyes me as I look around.

"You have business with them." I narrow my eyes at her and she smiles at me. "Of course you do. Only those who have business with the guild find this place." Suddenly she is beside me. I try to back away but she presses the palm of her hand to my forehead. Immediately a rush of my memories stir within me and her smile widens. "You are unwilling, have always been unwilling. They will eventually break you. You should know that by now."

"Shut up."

"You will find them through that door. Go to them, it's not like you have a choice."The door she indicates leads to an elevator and I step in. Almost immediately the door slides shut and the I can feel the motion as it moves downward. The doors open a moment later and I feel a draft of air brush against my face as I step out.

"Zarrendel stop." The air thickens and a man cloaked in shadow appears before me.

"Welcome home dear boy." While my greeting had been terse and edged with anger the spirit's is warm and welcoming, almost happy to see me. "Master Alundres eagerly awaits you in the receiving chamber." I say nothing as Zarrendel begins moving down the hall. The shadows seem to flow around him like a robe as he glides inches above the floor and I force myself to follow. When we reach the end of the hall the elaborate double doors of the receiving chamber swing open on silent hinges and I feel compelled to enter.

The strap of my duffel slips from my shoulder and the doors swing shut once I'm inside. Power swirls around me and I fight the haziness of my mind as I slip Exeter's case over my neck and drop him to the floor. My hat, and coat, and finally the black t-shirt I had been wearing follow it. Shadows thicken around me and it almost feels as though my senses have been numbed as I approach the table. Three men sit on the other side and one of them stands and walks around to stand before me. It takes all my will not to look at him and he chuckles quietly.

"Still defiant as ever aren't you boy? Barely eighteen and your meager years have made you arrogant. Look at me! Damn you!" I can feel the magic radiating from him but I force myself to ignore his, so far, subtle manipulations. Resisting him has always been a matter of pride for me. Cerberus and Diablos stir and to my horror are actually intrigued by the ripples of power that drifts across my mind.

Master Alundres grabs my arm and the tattoo seems to take on a life of its own. It glows an almost blinding silver and the bands of color tighten around my arm. Pain ten times worse than what I experienced when I was in Balamb rips through me. I lock my knees to stay standing and try to keep from screaming as wave after wave of agony tears through me. The pain finally stops as he places his finger under my chin and tips it upwards. His skin feels as cold as Shiva's touch and I can't keep from gasping as the magic ripples through my mind. I struggle to keep my hold on Diablos and Cerberus as the guild elder draws them away from me.

"N-no." I collapse to my knees as their abilities leave me and I can feel myself trembling before the sudden emptiness of my mind. The man kneels in front of me and a black ball of Diablos' energy crackles in his hand.

"How humorous and oddly appropriate that a demon and a hell-hound would bind themselves to you." Soft laughter reaches my still ringing ears as the man's statement reaches his companions. "Your choice of familiar only proves how deeply bound to us you are." He allows my gaze to drop to the floor and I fight back tears. I hate being this vulnerable and weak, above all I can't stand being humiliated. I try to reach for my spells and bite back a whimper as I remember that without Diablos or Cerberus my spells are unavailable to me.

My skin chills and I shiver as the elder guild master brushes his hand down the side of my face. The miniature black ball of energy eagerly laps at my already depleted life-force and I drop my hands to the floor to steady myself.

"G-give t-them back."

"You were taught not to rely on such trinkets. I should destroy them." My eyes flash upward in desperation and I shake my head.

"NO!"

"I will give them back on the condition that you cooperate. Make this not a struggle for us for a change and you get to keep them." I nod desperately, willing to do anything he says so I'm not alone in my own head for any longer than I have to be.

"Whatever you want."

"As you wish." The man cups my cheek and guides my gaze upward to meet his eyes. His power ripples over me and I gasp in relief as Cerberus' howl echoes through my mind and Diablos' power settles back in my muscles.

"What have I been summoned for?"

"You will find out in due time dear boy. For now you must rest. You have had a long journey."

"Just tell me so I can get this over with!"

"Do not forget your agreement to cooperate. You will do as we wish when we wish you to and you will not utter a word of protest." I nod in defeat and hang my head as his words, emphasized with his powers, wash over me.

"Yes sir." My words are a whisper and I almost see him smirking down at me.

"Escort him downstairs." I hear the doors swinging open behind me and Zarrendel's almost insubstantial hand settles on the bare skin of my shoulder.

"Gather your things young one." I nod numbly and struggle to my feet. Exeter's case feels like its made of adamantine and the strap bites into my bare chest as I lean down to gather the rest of my belongings. When I've gathered my clothes I follow Zarrendel from the room.

I already know where he will take me and my skin crawls as he leads me down the twisting narrow stairwell that leads to the dormitory rooms. The 'dorms' are little more than cells and I glance in the small windows of each small room as I pass. Many of them are filled with kids, anywhere from ten to fifteen, all male, all stripped to the waist with the guild's magical brand clearly gleaming on their skin. There is no saving any of us and a little desperation worms its way into my chest as Zarrendel stops before an open door.

I slip into the room without a word and shudder as the door shuts behind me. My weapons and bag drop to the floor and I curl up on the narrow cot. This is too much like the years in my early teens, when I would spend the downtime between jobs with Caib in one of these little rooms with nothing but my own mind to entertain me and a weapon collection to care for. It scares the hell out of me to be back here, even running around with Squall and his crazy bunch, fighting a battle to save the world hadn't scared me as much as being back in one of these rooms does.

At least I'm not alone this time. Cerberus' shadowy form nudges the edges of my conscious and the three headed mutt howls forlornly. Diablos merely shakes his head at the mutt as he continues to whine. I'm not sure which is going to drive me crazy first, the two of them, or the sudden claustrophobia that comes from being locked in a room that is responsible for so many of my childhood nightmares.