A/N: I was very busy doing nothing today and Voldie came up to me and demanded attention. And, since he demanded it instead of asking, he shall be punished. Several times. In this chapter.

Speed, Journals and Basilisks, oh my!

Voldie stormed outside, looking for his minions. He was massively annoyed. He finally spotted them on the swing set, with Michael pushing JD and Moosk pushing Stephy.

"YOU IDIOTS!" He screeched. The Musketeers looked up. "GET OVER HERE, RIGHT NOW!" They ignored him, continuing to swing. "I said, GET OVER HERE!" he screamed. Still they kept swinging. V-dog sighed. "Fine, stay over there and away from me!" Immediately, he was swarmed by minions, all pestering him.

"Oh, Voldie-poo!" JD yelled, "Wanna play a game?"

"NO!" Volds screamed, "I want you all to burn!"

"Great," Moosk said, "We can play Speed using a deck of Exploding Snap cards." She grinned, "That way, we could possibly get burned if the deck blows."

Voldie thought about if for a moment. "What's speed?"

"It's a card game, duh," Stephy said, rolling her eyes.

"I got that," the evil one snarled with a snarl. "How do you play?"

JD rolled her eyes. "Then why in the name of Queen Elizabeth's' frilly knickers didn't you ask that?"

"I did!" Voldie shouted.

"No, you didn't, you asked 'What's speed?'" Michael said wisely.

"I…" V-dog paused. He suddenly realized that the Musketeers were right. But he would never admit that! He turned, making sure his thick robes whacked the four smirking brats. H e was followed by a chorus of "HEY!"

Now it was his turn to smirk! He could hear them following him into the DE meeting room. He sat on his throne and the minions sat near him. Stephy pulled out a pack of Exploding Snap cards and handed them to JD. JD spent sixteen and a half minutes shuffling the cards, doing card tricks, and generally annoying her lord. Finally, she handed the deck to Moosk, who then launched into an explanation of how to play.

"Ok, so you have two sets of five cards on both sides of these two cards, you have fifteen cards next to you-"

That was when the Big V saw it. Right next to Michael. Laying open for all to see. A journal, with 'Tom Marvalo Riddle' written several times on both pages.

He screamed, "What is that?" and pointed to the offending article. The Musketeers looked to where his shaking finger was pointing. Stephy squealed.

"Oh, there's my journal," she gushed. "I totally forgot I left it in here a couple DE meeting ago!" Michael pushed the journal across the table to her and she picked it up happily.

"What the-"

The author cuts in. "HEY HEY HEY! Watch the language!" Peter-pan-equals-luv cuts in. "I'm not getting into trouble because you have a dirty mouth!"

Voldie glared at her. "You did this to me! I'll kill you!" he screamed, madness glinting in his eyes, which is pretty bad, considering he was already pretty nuts. Living with DE will do that to ya.

Erm, I digress…

Volds whipped out his wand. But, before he could utter a syllable, the author disappeared. She's not stupid, she knows her Voldie-kins would Avada Kedavra in a heartbeat. Voldie sighed and stuck his wand back into his pocket.

He turned back to Moosk. "Let's get on with this," he grouched.

He pulled up his five cards, then realized that he hadn't been listening and had no idea how to play.

"GO!" Moosk shouted, flipping over the two face-down cards that sat in the middle of the two stacks of five cards. She started slamming down cards with surprising speed while Voldie stared at her. Gingerly, he laid down a card.

BOOM!

If Voldie had eyebrows, they would have been gone.

"Frick, I guess I got the extra explosive deck," Stephy said, looking up and biting her lip, before turning back to her 'journal' and decorating an elaborately written 'Tom Marvalo Riddle.' V-dude's eye twitched and made to grab the book. Stephy, without missing a beat, moved it out of his grasped and continued to doodle. Voldie looked like he was going to have another aneurism.

"Aw, come on, V-man," Moosk said, "it's not like you don't have a diary. Actually, why do you have a diary? Seriously, dude, like, what kind of evil wizard has a diary? Fo sho, that's pretty sad."

"It was a Horcrux!" Mouldyshorts shouted. "It's not like I used it for anything else!"

"Psh, yea, right," Stephy snorted, "that's why it had your name imprinted on it!"

"Did not," Vol-vol argued.

"Did so!"

"Did not!"

This went on for several minutes, until JD stopped the conversation she was having with Michael. She had been ignoring the others since she stopped shuffling the deck.

"Hey, Milord?" she shouted over the din. Voldie turned, face red from arguing. "Can I borrow your Basilisk? I have some people that need to die without having a mark on them."

Voldie-poo's eyes starting watering at the mention of his beloved, deceased Basilisk.

JD looked up when V-lord didn't answer. "Oh, I'm sorry, mate, I forgot Harry killed, didn't he? Eh, I'll figure something out." She turned back to the red clad Musketeer.

"Get. Out."

The Fantastic Four (they were just trying it out for size) looked around.

"But, Milord, we still haven't finished playing Speed," Moosk pointed out.

"Fine," he grumbled like a grouch. He settled back into his throne.

888

Several hours and fifty eight games later, the Fantastic Four were shoved out of the DE meeting room.

"AND STAY OUT!" The door slammed behind them.

"It's not my fault he wasn't listening to the rules and lost every game," Moosk giggled. The others laughed. They decided some dinner would be sweet at that point and started to walk to the kitchen. Stephy set her open journal down on the table across from the meeting room and followed the others.

They had just started chowing down when Bellatrix and Lucius entered the kitchen. The pair caught sight of the quartet and were about to leave when Moosk hailed them.

"Oi, Bellatrix, Lucius, here, now," she ordered.

With an air of defeat, they walked over to the table.

"Guess what I heard," JD said in a staged whisper. They shrugged.

"The Dark Lord is a cross dresser!"