Buffy Summers sat in the black emptiness that is her existence. Thoughts and memories plague her mind every second of everyday. And she knew that this was going to be her for the rest of time. Her memories of her friends and family flashed before her as if they were on some sort of big screen T.V. She wished she where there now, sitting on the cool grass, eating lunch with her friends. She would give anything if she could just take it back.

The worst part is seeing all of this, all of these happy times, and then the images will turn to ones of the present time. All of the pain and sadness that she left in her wake. Her friends are broken by it, they’re not the same, they’re not as happy, they all have this haunted look in their eyes, especially her family. Dawn is so depressed that she doesn’t talk, and her mom is a wreck, diving into her work and trying her best to deal with Dawn. But what did she expect, for them to be all happy because she killed herself?

She thought she would be happy. She honestly thought that if she took that knife to her arm and cut deep enough then the empty painful feeling would go away, and there would be nothing at all. But where she was taken to, this is a place of guilt and torment and this is where she’s going to spend the rest of forever. She feels the guilt of being the reason that her family and friends are now haunted, and they feel bad about it, like they think if they had only done more then she wouldn’t have taken the knife to her arm.

She doesn’t understand. Death is supposed to bring peace, to bring rest. She never rests here. She’s always up, alone in the black room with the images on display. Her arm never stops bleeding. It’s a constant river of blood and it’s starting to drive her crazy. Just when she thinks the torment is going to stop and she can finally lay down and get some sleep it starts up again. It’s a hair-pulling, maddening experience and she just wishes she could make it all stop. She wishes she could be with Faith, because she knows that wherever her love is it surely isn’t this bad.

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Faith woke up feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. She’s never slept that good before, well at least not since she’s been here. There was a time when she used to sleep so well that she would work through the day just so she could do it again. But that’s all over now. She got up from the silk sheets of the very comfortable feather stuffed bed, thinking that she should have invested in one of those while she was still alive.

She walked across the large room in her white silk pajamas that matched the color of the sheets on the bed. She wasn’t sure why she had gotten so lucky. Aren’t murderers supposed to go to hell? Maybe she did make up for it and this is the reward. Everyday she’s showered with praise and gifts by all of the servants that take up residence in the huge mansion that is her house now. Anything she wants she can have with a simple request.

She hasn’t dared to ask how the others are. She just doesn’t want to see what it’s like down on earth now that she’s gone. She’s afraid of everyone’s reaction. She’s actually afraid that they’ll miss her because then they’ll be in pain because of her. She’s mostly afraid to see how Buffy is doing. She knows that her death was not going to be an easy thing on the blonde. They were just so in love when the bad thing happened, and she’s worried of what Buffy’s life has become.

She pushed the negative thoughts out of her mind as she slid into the hot bath. Now this is heaven. She got a little sad again, when she thought that everything would be absolutely, one hundred percent perfect if she had her golden haired angel with her. She knows that it isn’t fair for her to want that, that Buffy still has her whole life ahead of her and to want her to die just to be with the brunette is pretty selfish. But that’s what she wants the most, she can’t help it.

All of the nice things here just make it easier to cope with the loss of the blonde, but she really does want her back. She’d give all of this up just to be in her arms again. She shook her head again, trying to will the thoughts away as she got out of the tub. She thought that maybe a nice walk in the gardens would help clear her head. She likes to go out there, and it’s where she spends most of her time. She walks along the pathways looking at all of the pretty flowers, the yellow ones always reminding of her Buffy.

She had to see what was going on, she just had to make sure that Buffy was ok, if she didn’t she would drive herself to near insanity playing the ‘what if’ game. She walked back to her house and into the large living room. Everything was just like she always imaged her dream home would be. Mostly black leather and dark colors, but there are a couple of rooms that show off the softer side of her, like the bedroom where everything was either white or gold. She flopped down on the couch and crossed her legs. She picked up the remote and the T.V. guide and started to flip through the pages.

“Let’s see,” she said and started to chew on her bottom lip in concentration. She finally found what she was looking for and felt a sense of accomplishment. “Looks like earth is channel 70.” She turned on the T.V. and changed it to that channel. A large menu screen came up and it took her a few minutes to find what she was looking for. She was surprised when she saw all of the names under the category Sunnydale, California. She always thought it was such a small town, but there’s more people then she had originally thought.

“Maybe I should check in on Kin and Rugrat first,” she thought and pressed the ok button over the name Connie Brooks. She watched as the T.V. screen faded to white and then a picture started to come into focus. She sat back and waited for something to happen but it was taking a long time, like it had to load or something. But then it finally finished and she got comfortable on the couch knowing she would be here for a while.

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Connie walked into the Magic Box on that sunny afternoon. She was exhausted to say the least. Ever since Faith...went away she’s had to take up the responsibility of slaying because Buffy had been so out of it. And now she was gone too. The adjustment has been hard but she’s starting to get used to it. The problem is Katrina is growing by the day and has lots of energy so Connie doesn’t get much rest during the day, and then she has to go out at night to kill the baddies. She starting to become sleep deprived, and everyone can feel the affects from it. She’s moodier, and meaner, but they won’t say anything to her about it.

She gets a lot of help from the other scoobies, but what none of them can get rid of is the loneliness. She went from living in a house with her sister and her sister’s girlfriend, who was pretty much a member of the family, and her baby to living with just her baby. It gets lonely not having someone to live with who can talk back. Her watcher, Ace, suggested that he move in for a while but she turned him down, as much as she wants someone to live with her she doesn’t want to take down the unoccupied bedroom. Everything is still the same as the day Buffy left.

She just can’t force herself to pack all of the stuff up in boxes and sent it away like they were nothing, like those two woman meant nothing to her. She doesn’t know why but she just has this feeling deep within her gut that one day she will see her sister again and in this world and in her lifetime. She doesn’t really know how or what it really means but for the time being she’s ignoring it. She thinks that it’s just her subconscious trying to make her feel better by saying that there is a way to make it right, but she knows that there isn’t.

“Hey Anya,” she said as she sat down at the research table in the main part of the Magic Box. She was holding Katrina in her lap but the little girl wanted down. She wiggled her way out of her mom’s arms and started to slowly walk around. Last time they were in here she accidentally broke some type of crystal and released some type of demon, not too evil, but evil enough for Connie to have to slay it in front of her daughter. Ever since it’s been hard to get little Kat, as they call her, to go back into the shop.

“Hi Connie. You didn’t sleep well last night? You look terrible,” the ex-vengeance demon said as she counted the money and kept a close eye on the little girl that was slowly sneaking her way closer to the counter. Anya knows that the teenager is having a hard time adjusting. She knows that Connie doesn’t sleep well at night for fear of her house being attacked by demons, or broken into by robbers. The teenager didn’t respond in a verbal way. She just folded her arms across the table and rested her head on them.

“One would think that you’d be used to it by now. I mean, you took up patrolling and all that other stuff even when Buffy was still alive, and she’s been dead for a couple months now, shouldn’t your body be used to it?” she asked being completely tactless as usual. Connie just rolled her eyes. She wasn’t about to tell the blonde ex-demon why she was so tired all of the time, she wasn’t going to tell anybody.

“I think even with slayer stamina, patrolling almost all night and then chasing around an eighteen month old is just took much. I have a new found respect for working parents,” she said and sat up and looked over at the little joy of her life. Whenever she looked at Katrina she felt guilty for what she does at night after patrol, but she just can’t stop herself from doing it. It was her release from this all, and she knows that she won’t be able to stop until Faith is back.

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Faith was in shock. Buffy was dead? How was that possible? She just couldn’t wrap her brain around that. She sat there on the leather couch, her face going pale as the news started to sink in. She wasn’t too sure what to think. Her first instinct was to run, to panic and to not believe, but she knew she couldn’t do that. How had she died? Was it a vampire, a demon, some guy with a gun? How, how, how? She needed to know, she needed to find out. She tried to clear her mind, to think of something that would help her find out where Buffy was. The weird thing about this was, if Buffy died shouldn’t she be in heaven, and if she’s in heaven, then shouldn’t she be with Faith? The feeling that something about this was all wrong was starting to overwhelm Faith so she sought out help.

“You rang,” a very perky brunette girl said as she walked into the room. She was about two inches taller then Faith, lighter hair, and blue eyes. She was annoyingly perky and that was the main reason why Faith never asked for her help. The woman’s name is Melissa and she’s Faith’s guide here in heaven until she gets used to being here and adjusts to all of the differences. She walked up to Faith and stood a few feet in front of her, a questioning look on her happy looking face. Faith wasn’t in the mood for happy, she was worried; a feeling she hasn’t had since she died.

“I need to find someone. She’s dead but I don’t know where she is. Buffy Summers, the other slayer. Help me find her,” Faith said and tossed the other brunette the remote to the T.V. Melissa caught it and then smiled at Faith, showing off perfect teeth. This woman wasn’t an angel, she barely got into heaven enough as it was, and now she’s doomed for all eternity to be nothing but a tour guide and a personal assistant. Oh well, might as well make the most of it.

“I’ll do my best, I’m not a miracle worker, ya know. And a please wouldn’t kill ya,” she said and then laughed at her own joke. She shook her head in amusement and then pointed the remote to the T.V. and started to flip through the channels. She stopped on a particular channel that was nothing but white, and then she pressed some other buttons and a list of names came up. She went to the B. Summers category and searched for about fifteen minutes before she gave up and started to flip through the channels again. Then she stopped at a channel that was an all black screen and did the same as before, looking up the name. When she found what she was looking for she hit the ‘enter’ button, and handed the remote back to Faith.

“There. The image should come up in a few minutes. She’s pretty far out there, and the reception isn’t that great where she is. Just give a holler if you need anything else.” And just like that she was gone. Faith sat back down on the couch and watched the screen very carefully. She didn’t want to miss anything if something did flash on the T.V. screen. It took all of ten earth minutes, about five minutes heaven time, for an image to show up. What she saw made her want to cry, scream in frustration, throw up, and crawl back into bed and forget that she ever saw it.

She saw Buffy sitting on the floor in some dark room. She’s pounding her head against the wall, screaming her lungs out, clawing at the large gash in her arm that’s bleeding nonstop, and there in front of her are all of her happy memories. She’ll watch for a few minutes and then she’ll start screaming again and scratching at the gash. What the fuck? What was wrong with her, why is she in there? Faith had to find out. She had to find out and then get Buffy out of there. She thought about the annoying assistant again and just like before she came walking through the doors. Only this time she wasn’t psychotically chipper, she was actually kind of gloomy.

“Where is she?” Faith yelled as she jumped up off of the couch. For the first time since she’s been here the little annoying woman wasn’t annoying or happy. Instead she was sad, sympathetic. Faith took that as a really bad sign and knew that if she didn’t speak up soon then she would kill her, if it were possible what with Melissa already being dead. She watched as the woman took a deep breath and let her hands rest at her sides. She didn’t make eye contact which also isn’t normal.

“She’s in her own personal hell. She killed herself Faith. Suicides don’t go to heaven or normal hell like everyone else does. They’re forced to relive all of their happy moments, never allowed to feel a pleasant feeling again. All they feel is guilt and self-hatred. They sit in a room all by themselves and most of them end up going crazy.” Faith sank back onto the couch. This wasn’t right. Buffy was the greatest person who had ever walked the earth, how could she end up in her own hell? This just was not right. She needed to do something about this.

“How can I get there?” she asked as she stood up. She was determined to get Buffy out of there. Even if she had to take her place, she was going to make sure that the blonde was treated better then that. She deserved so much better then that. She watched as Melissa got a shocked look on her face, her eyes bulged and her face paled.

“What?” she asked and took a step forward. She knew what Faith was thinking, literally, and she couldn’t let her do it. “You can’t. There’s no way you could possibly get there. She took her life before it was her time to go. She was meant for great things and because she deprived the world of those things she’s forced to suffer. I know you love her but you have to let this go.” Faith charged forward and slammed Melissa up against the wall, knocking some of the pictures off of it. The woman looked surprised but quickly recovered and surprise turned to fear.

“No! I am not going to just leave her there! She doesn’t deserve that! I. Have. To. Help. Her!” she yelled and stared deeply into the woman’s eyes. Her dark chocolate brown ones took on a look that they have portrayed in a long time. A look that was cold and told everyone to keep their distance. It was the look of a killer. It was this wild, animalistic expression that chilled the other woman to her bones. The woman snapped her fingers and in an instant she was out of Faith’s tight hold and sitting on the couch, looking very grim. Faith took a deep breath to calm herself down. If she was going to get out of here and find Buffy then she needed to think rationally.

“Listen, Faith, I know that you love her. You two had such a strong, and passionate love that was supposed to have been discovered when you first showed up in Sunnydale. Angel wasn’t meant to come back, but he did, and you two have suffered because of that one little thing. You were destined to die on that day. She was meant to go on and do great things, but she decided that it was all too much. She couldn’t handle it so she took the easy way out. She has to pay for what she did Faith. Where she is, there is no forgiveness. It’s just an empty void, and all she’s ever going to feel is guilt, and remorse, and self-pity. The only way she can get out of there is if she forgives herself for what she’s done, but that’s never happened before.” Faith was pacing, like a wild animal trapped in a cage that was too small. She was pissed, she couldn’t help that, and she just wanted to make everything right again.

“And how many people have tried to helped someone in one of those places?” she asked and she wasn’t answered. She looked over at Melissa who was looking down at her lap, a little uneasy with the situation. “I have to help her. I love her too much to just leave her there! Help me save her, let me take her place!” Faith yelled and that got Melissa’s attention. She looked up at Faith, her blue eyes hiding something from the other girl. They were quiet for a few minutes and then Melissa stood up and disappeared just like she had earlier.

Faith screamed out in frustration. She grabbed the coffee table that was in front of the couch and threw it across the room. It shattered through the large French windows that overlooked the garden. She started grabbing onto anything she could and throwing it with all of her might. She rushed to the nearest wall and started to punch away, but she just couldn’t satisfy that feeling, that need to hurt something else to ease her own pain. Because this place isn’t supposed to be a place of pain, or suffering. It’s a place of peace, and rest, and Faith has disrupted that, she’s soiled its good name. She was fighting back the tears that wanted just so desperately to fall, when she heard the front doors open and she spun around to see Melissa standing in the foyer of the large mansion, looking around at the mess.

“I guess staying calm was never really your forte, you were always the act first think later type. Anyways, I just spoke with the bosses. They’re taking what you said very seriously. They’re willing to help you save her. But, and I mean but, there is a slight catch. You have to prove that you’re worthy of the task. No one but the suffering has ever been there before, and they want to make sure that you’re up to the task. Things work very differently there. Time is different, the gravity is different, and the most difficult task you’ll have is reaching her. Not physically but emotionally and psychologically. They’re leaving it up to you to get through to her, to help her forgive herself.

“The tests ahead will not be easy by any means, and it will take great strength, and will power and intelligence to pass them. You have to sign a contract stating that you were informed of the risks. If you succeed in helping her, if you actually accomplish your goal, then you two will be sent back down to earth, your bodies restored, and you’ll live out the rest of your lives like you should have in the first place. If you fail then you’ll be sent to a dimension similar to hers, only instead of seeing all of your happy times and feeling sorry for yourself, you’ll see how you failed to save her, and you’ll feel guilty for not being able to help. But that’s only if you pass the tests. If you fail one of those then you’re just sent back here for the rest of forever. So, do we have a deal?” Faith thought about it. She thought about it for a good fifteen minutes. If she failed it either meant spending eternity in a happy place where she will never be happy because she won’t have Buffy. Or she could spend the rest of her existence in a bad place filled with sorrow and she’s forced to watch herself fail over and over again. Or she could succeed, and get Buffy back and go back to earth and be truly happy again.

“Deal,” she said and then watched as Melissa snapped her fingers and a piece of paper appeared on the little side table, the only piece of furniture that Faith didn’t destroy, along with a pen. Faith signed the top page and then the last page of the huge stack of papers. She initialed a couple of places and even had to prick her finger and place a drop of blood in a small square. She wasn’t too sure why she had to do all of this, but if it would get Buffy back then she was willing to go through with it.

She cast another glance over at the T.V. and the last thing that she saw before she felt herself fading away from the dimension that had been her home for the last six months, was the image of Buffy sitting in a corner of the room, banging the back of her head against the wall, and dully clawing at the large gash in her arm. The tears started to pour out of Faith’s eyes as her body started to fade, starting at her feet slowly working its way up, until there was nothing but air and she was whisked away to another dimension to start the painstaking tests that she’s willing to endure in order to get her love back.