Princess Puffypants was the cutest lizard. Hermione loved it to death. It was green and yellow and she only had it a day before Ron complained. Or rather, blustered angrily at her.

"It…that thing ate…ate…Scabbers!"

"Ron, why on earth are you ranting?"

"Your lizard. Digested. My rat!"

"Oh don't be silly, Ronald." Hermione left before he could say any more.

Two days later Harry approached her in much the same condition. Hermione realized he was accusing her adorable little lizard for eating Hedwig.

"Harry, that's impossible."

"That's what I thought before-"

"Princess Puffypants is a vegetarian."

…..

Thanks to my friend Alyssa for this very wacky idea.