Not So Simple, But It Is
Author: Donna Lynn
Status: Complete
Word Count: 1,448
Category: Angst/Romance
Spoilers/Rumors: Serenity: The Movie
Season: Movie
Rating: PG-13
Content Warning: Language, mention of violence and some sexual content.
Summary: Mal and River have a certain bond, but is Mal willing to take the next step?
Author's Note: I'll be honest with all of you. I hated the series Firefly I just couldn't get into it, but the movie Serenity has me hooked! I can't explain it but I love the movie and now I want to go back and watch the series.
Pairing: Mal/River
Disclaimer: The characters of Firefly/Serenity do not belong to me. So DO NOT sue me!

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Mal sat comfortably in the pilot's seat of Serenity just gazing out at the stars, thinking. A year passed since the crew risked their lives to uncover the Alliance's lie about Miranda. A year since Wash and Shepherd died. And just five months ago they found a new pilot, Drake. Mal liked him well enough and he meshed with the crew alright, but Zoë didn't associate with him much. Understandably of course he would never be Wash. Zoë put up quit a fuss when Drake was brought on to meet the crew. She argued that River did just fine and no one else was needed. Mal argued in return that River was more useful on a heist for her mental abilities and combat skills. Mal would never admit aloud but he loved to watch River in action. She looked like she danced when she fought. Her mental state improved dramatically in the last year. She honed her abilities, reeled them in. Now it wasn't so hard to block the crew's thoughts out. Before Miranda she heard every thought and envisioned just about every memory. There's no telling what secrets she knows about the crew. But she would never tell any of their secrets.

"Hey little one," Mal said thoughtfully over his shoulder to River in the doorway. Behind him he heard her tiny feet against the floor as she made her way into the room to sit in the co-pilots seat.

She sat down and placed her feet in the seat and wrapped her arms around her legs loosely. "How did you know I was there?" she asked not prodding his mind. She liked to hear Mal talk and she would purposely find something to talk about just to hear his soothing voice.

"I'd know those tiny footsteps anywhere," he teased glancing at her then back to the stars.

She rested her cheek against her knee and just watched him. The things she knew about him…would probably shock the rest of the crew. She knew stuff about him that Zoë didn't even know. Then again she knew stuff about Mal and Zoë that Wash had not known. That was the case with the crew in general. She missed taking a dip into his mind it was so…enticing but sometimes downright frightening. But it was wrong to just swim around in anyone's mind no matter how harmless it may seem. People generally took what they thought and imagined for granted. It's the one place where they have complete privacy, to keep their own fantasies, secrets, and desires. In Mal's case she saw he was capable of such evil…just like her. She and Mal had more in common than people thought.

It would be so easy…

"What're you doin' little one?" his voice held a hidden meaning as he tilted his head to look at her. What he meant was…are you in my mind?

She nodded no against her knee.

He smiled lightly and settled further into the seat and stared back at her. For the longest time they just stared at one another. Something about her eyes were so comforting. They held such strength in them and he needed that all too often. "What's got you up and about?" he asked quietly.

"You," she stated softly.

"Me?" he replied, not really a question.

She nodded then propped her chin against her knee. "You found a way in," she smiled. "You always find a way in." She blushed lightly and turned her gaze to the console before her. What the crew dreamed would sometimes make its way into her mind. She could easily block them out…all but Mal. He was her very own guilty pleasure. She knew he knew about her habit, but he never said anything to her aloud. She never told his secrets and he never told hers. An unspoken agreement.

"What did you see?" he'd never asked her before and he didn't know why he did now. He knew she understood that he couldn't help what he dreamed of. Just because you dreamt something didn't mean you were willing to do it or had done it.

"Dreams are answers to questions we don't yet know how to ask," she quoted softly.

What were dreams? Why do we dream what we dream? Are dreams a way of letting our subconscious play? Or were dreams somehow linked to the spiritual world? Were they visions of a possible future? One could never tell. Maybe they're a way to express your darkest desires and not so excepted habits that everyone would disapprove of if you really fulfilled them?

"I felt it more than saw it," she admitted softly glancing at him. Her heart leaped at the piercing gaze he held on her. "I knew it was you…" she trailed off. "I don't understand though." She said shaking her head lightly.

He looked away and swallowed the lump in his throat. "Don't understand what?" he asked knowing they were headed into dangerous waters. Was he ready to have this inevitable conversation? Was he ready to explain to River with words what he felt, or what he wanted?

"You hesitate…" she swallowed nervously. "You think I'm broken."

Mal sighed heavily and ran a hand through his spiked hair. "River…"

"…everyone thinks I'm broken," she said sadly.

"You're not broken River," he reassured.

"But you think I am," she pressed.

"I don't think you're broken," he defended himself.

"Then why do you hesitate?" she insisted.

He looked at her sharply, "Because it's not as simple as you want it to be. The things people do in life don't just affect themselves but the people around them too. And for me and you…" he trailed off shaking his head. "…it just wouldn't be right." He whispered the last little bit.

A tear slipped down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away before he could see it. She wanted desperately to be seen as the young woman she was. Not the child she was when she and Simon boarded Serenity three years prior. She wasn't the unstable seventeen year old psycho anymore. Granted she still had her spells but that was an unfortunate side effect of her treatment by the Alliance. When she did take a spell it didn't last so long and they were very mild compared to her early days on board. She could fly the ship, go on heists and Mal had even let her make a deal or two with Zoë when he had to stay on board for some reason. So why wasn't she good enough to be with?

He's ashamed of you…her conscious whispered.

River gasped and jumped from the chair to her feet and looked frantically around the room. "No…" she whispered covering her ears.

Mal stood instantly and was across the room and in front of her in a matter of seconds. "River?" he took her face between his hands and made her look at him. "You okay? What's wrong?" he asked concerned. It'd been months since her last spell and he hoped and prayed that he hadn't caused her to fall now. She looked deep into his eyes and took a deep shaky breath. "Mal please, tell me the truth…I want to hear you say it…" she hoped he understood what she needed, what she craved.

Mal clenched his jaw and leaned his forehead against hers. "Truth is…there is nothing in this verse that I want more than to show you how I feel but I'm scared to death River. I'm scared I'll hurt you more and that's the last thing you deserve. I don't see you as a child and I don't think you're broken." He kissed her forehead and let his lips linger. "You are a gift…never let anyone tell you otherwise." Slowly he traced his lips down the bridge of her nose and rested his lips against hers in a full but soft kiss.

River was assaulted with a wave of emotion and sensation. No one had ever showed her this much affection and it made her stomach clench. The sensations from another persons dream and the actual physical sensation were very much different. He felt so soft but hard at the same time and she wanted to feel more. Did the weight of his body feel the same as it did in his dreams? Her dreams?

"Thank you," she breathed as they parted.

He shook his head slightly gazing down at her still cupping her face, "No…don't ever feel like that."

She understood now. It wasn't just her he was worried about but himself too. He wasn't sure if he was ready to go another step. But she would wait…she had too.

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THE END

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