The Hole in the 'verse

An alternative Firefly story

Rating: R, for adult situations not suitable for children

Summary: AU, post-BDM fic. Simon and Kaylee can't get off Osiris on their own, so the Big Damn Heroes will have to come in and save the day. But what does River have to say on the matter?

Disclaimer: I may own my Hands of Blue, but not much else.

Author's Notes: This is the beginning of the Book of River and I'm really sorry about not posting any installments last month, but I was doing NaNoWriMo. And now that I've won, I can post more. Cool huh?

The Book of RIVER

part 1

The eye is open and seeing nothing. The mind spins and spins and comes to smoke and rubber. She doesn't know how it happened. She should have seen it and yet…she had not. She had failed them.

Captain Daddy gives access to Serenity; gives it to the people who came in the box, packed up like little fishes swimming against the current of time and viscous space. They look happy, but masks obscure false eyes. Birds waiting to escape, fly. Forgotten what they are; most creatures do in Serenity's belly. Captain Daddy forgets the most, and Simon tries hard to do the same. Not his fault that the girl reminds him too much.

The fish are attentive, silently gaping when Captain Daddy tries to keep them safe and secure. They are quivering and trying to be brave like him. "The common area, the mess and the empty bunks are all for your use. Try not to trash nothin'…'n stay outta the engine room, the bay and the bridge. We're gonna try not ta stay on Osiris long, but we kinda ran into a problem. We're gonna land, get our crew back, continue on our merry. Y'all are okay with that?"

No sound escapes, the hole sucks it up. A hole in the 'verse eats stars and planets and souls like candy. Mouths flap, lives stolen. They can't express themselves. Even the girl can't speak, though she tries very hard to.

"They've come. Hands tainted and stained black. They breed and spread until it is a blanket covering everything and making it cold. Colder and blacker than space."

"Thank you, River, for destroyin' the calm." The captain is mad, mad, mad for speaking and blocking the hole with nothingness. He can't comprehend! The hole is backed up and gives them breathing room; room to live and speak again, but he doesn't understand. She wishes she could tell him but the words aren't right, and they never come out as they should. They are always different than when they are in her mind.

Fishes are clenching though the hole is releasing. They're shivering, scales flashing in the sun. They're trying to be sunny and optimistic, but they can't be for long; when they feel cold, they shake. They are growing red, redder, reddest until they are likely to explode. Dead fishes on the ground, drying in the sun.

"What is she talking about?" Little fish, little voice.

"Nothin', just…our crew can't come back on their own, we gotta fetch 'em up. When we land, we'll be leaving you with our ambassador, Inara. River will be staying here, and um…that's it. In, out: quicklike."

"Feds?"

"No, not at all." Captain Daddy smiles, but he is lying. He is grey, emotionally tired and needs a nap. His lies aren't believable, too long without sleep. He thinks he is lying, but he's not.

"Shining, can't escape the light. It's everywhere, it's watching and it will come to get us. It already has us and it wants more. It's drawing us in and will clamp us down when the opportune moment zips by…" she giggles, mimicking a flying noise Pilot Flyer taught her. She never forgets. She can't forget. The fishes are lost and won't forget because they've seen her and are afraid.

"L-light? Captain, what is wrong—?"

"Nothin's wrong. She our meimei 'n if ya got a problem with that, I suggest ya take it up with another boat ain't mine."

Their quivering will shake the 'verse with things unsaid, but the hole is opening up again, rendering them quiet. Quiet little fish tucked in a box. Opened inside another box named Serenity. They can't stand it and don't wish to go to Osiris, but they can't speak. Some wish to, but most are too sick and diseased to. They've been living in preservatives too long, their brains shriveled and slurped up in so much juice. The girl tries to smile for them, but she is greeted with discomfort, unhappy sideways glances going foreways, sideways, diagonalways, frontways, slantways. They're everywhere, the accusing eyes.

What's wrong with her?

Is she crazy?

Why's she here?

She's scarin' me.

This is all sorts a unnerving.

An anchor clutches at her back, brings her around to focus on something. A tether dragging her out of the sea of eyes and setting her on solid ground and she is more grateful than Captain Daddy will ever know. His rough fingers prodding her spine and guiding her out of the ocean and back onto Serenity. The door slams closed on the mob and she is better.

"The eyes accuse and drown."

"I know, lil albatross. Don't make much a them. Them's folk don't know better 'n we gotta be the bigger men. 'N women."

"Captain Daddy looks for his family. Shepherd tending his flock." When the girl realizes what she's said, there is panic. She almost wishes she could take it back, but there is no way. It had been sucked out of her. He is taken with curiosity, knows not why she's said what she said.

"Ain't no Shepherd. No God on my boat. There's just us." And that is how Captain Daddy would have it.

"She knows, she cannot elaborate!" Rages and fumes and the emotion cannot—does not leave! Captain Daddy does not fear the girl's violence; he grips her in a hold that is meant to still her and there is nothing there but feelings swirling red and orange and yellow spiraling about her and pressure on her stomach. Cooling pressure, blues and greens. He does not fear her.

"Weren't askin' ya to 'laborate. Weren't askin' ya to freak out neither, but I'm guessin' I got lucky with this deal. Ain't gonna go about killin' nobody, right?"

The girl squirms in his arms; she is flush against him still, but sideways now, able to face him. "He is blue."

"Not my favorite colour to date."

"But he is not yellow!"

"Weren't yellow fer a long time, lil albatross. I'm gonna let you go now. Try not ta make me regret it, dong ma?"

She smiles shaking her head. The girl does not mean for him to be angry or sad, and she wishes to do her best for him. "Mei ren zai jiang shang hai ta."

"Don't really believe ya, meimei, but I always do seem ta trust ya. So long's I've got a say in it, ya speak truth." Twin snakes uncoiling around her stomach, freeing her and giving her the space to dance. He seems happy, but he is blue as well. He thinks too much and too fast. He needs love, but he cannot find it.

"They are gone. Left for regrouping and planning. Peaceable but not. Falsely sweet. She continues to watch for her brother and sister."

Lips stretching, stretching until they are no longer unfeeling. "You do that lil albatross. Ya may wanna consider keepin' to yer bunk though, lest these folk take me at my offer. You'll be wantin' sleep anyway, 's a long day."

"She is not tired, but she understands the sentiment." Because he is tired. He needs the sleep, but he is not allowed to until everyone is safe. His eyes crinkle again, he is full of humour, and he leaves to do captain duties. The girl contemplates wandering, but decides that it would be better to get lost among thoughts and space than Serenity's intestines. She slips into her room and delights in the feel of warm fuzz and synthetic cotton beneath cold and weary limbs that fought an ocean today.

She does not remember falling asleep, nor does the girl know whether she is sleeping. Captain Daddy is stopped outside the blue sick place; Companion Mommy is inside looking out. They want to talk, but it is impossible. No meaningful words exchanged between people observed by the Fuzz. Captain Daddy invades the blue sick room to try anyway.

"He livin'?"

"So he'd have us believe."

The Fuzz is blustering and howling. Fake anger. Companion Mommy is mirthful.

"Wha's wrong with my livin'?"

"Nothin'! Nothin's wrong. Kinda wish you'd stop tryin' stupid stuff though"

"You ain't 'sactly boostin' my confidence none. Hm…my leg kinda itches. I wish I could scratch it…"

"I wasn't aware that I was supposed to boost his confidence. I'm sorry, Mal. I hope you have a plan"

"No harm done, 's just Jayne. He'd better be fit to take on the blue folk."

"Oh, well then. I did the best I could"

"Uh, I c'n HEAR you."

"Yeah, Jayne's gonna bounce right back cause he's annoyin'ly resilient like that. We hope so, anyway."

"Hey!"

"He really is. It'll all be okay, Mal."

"I know."

"Mal, now that ain't fair!"

"Plenty fair. Think ya can still shoot straight?"

"Wha—? Uh…yeah, think so, Mal…What the ruttin' hell is he on?"

"Shiny. Even though it's bad that we need cripples to fight our battles with us."

"Uh…when's this? I need drugs."

"Soon. We gotta land first. Don't get hurt or wasted between now and then."

"Okay…Can I get some drugs now?"

The girl chooses to follow Captain Daddy. He is wandering in interspace, but he has left the blue sick room. The girl does not like that room. Companion Mommy is pulled along on the invisible ropes that Captain Daddy gives off. Fuzz is left behind grasping for oblivion to get lost in; Captain Daddy and Companion Mommy want the same, though it slips through their fingers. It has always been since Companion Mommy left.

"Mal…Mal, what are you thinking?" Her voice is heavy, trying to force its ways to his ears and be understood despite or because of the gravity. Gravity is a state of mind and everyone would fly if they knew how to let go. Captain Daddy and Companion Mommy are too stubborn; the girl just wishes they would accept the inevitable.

"Thinkin' about my crew. Blue Sun ain't gonna give 'em up so easy, even if it ain't River."

"And you have ideas."

"Not so much. None that I wouldn't feel guilty for tomorrow."

"Were you just going to march up to them and demand they release your doctor? Mal, please tell me you're smarter than this."

"I wish it were that easy. No. I'll think of something."

"Something that's going to get you killed, no doubt."

The 'verse stops. Everything creaks to a crackling static. But that is an untruth, some things speed up faster than before, hamsters in gigantic wheels.

"I shouldn't have said that."

"She ain't changed, not a bit."

"I'm sorry, Mal."

"Why the hell does she insist on baitin' me?"

Smoke pours out their ears and noses as their eyes fumble to meet the other's, but they always miss. They can't coordinate so they slip by in feet, yards and miles. Slippery eyes, mouths full of smoke. Captain Daddy blinks first, gags on cotton, clears his throat.

"No doubt. But we'll try anyway. Try till we can't do no more."

"Because it's the right thing to do."

"What's that?Because I want my mechanic 'n my doc back."

"Selfish pig. Of course."

"She hates me."

They are far apart now, no chance for togetherness anymore. Companion Mommy ascends to the creature called God who creates impossible stories of incalculable arcs and bloodthirsty vegetarian whales. Captain Daddy descends to the special hell the Shepherd gave him. Nobody talks in the theatre anymore except his thoughts, which are loud enough to drown the whole thing out. His thoughts begin to do more than drown; they become the stage and the dialogue and the characters. It's not so special because everyone has one, their own little pocket hell with a stage and vaudevillians to act for them. The girl has one, but she doesn't admit it. Saying it aloud makes it real and Simon doesn't like it to be real because it hurts her and he doesn't want to see her hurt. He loves and misses his meimei and would do anything to get her to come back, but River cannot come back because she is flying away, too swept up in the lack of gravity and she cannot help but spin and twirl and soar and she will not be home in time for supper, but she is very sorry for that. Do not wait up for River; she will be along eventually, but she is busy now, keeping watch and transcending time and human existence. Creatures, life, used to be a point on a page of words and numbers and meaningless characters, and now it has become the collocations of phrases and tries to mean more than it is. Life still wastes and hates and cruelness divides it. It is easy to read, and it makes her unhappy to do so.

But the girl knows she has to look for Simon now. Captain Daddy would like that.

Chinese:

Mei ren zai jiang shang hai ta- Nothing will hurt her anymore.

Honour Roll: bonesfirefly: Not a problem! Lynx Ryder: Sorry, it wasn't much of a hurry, but…hey, it's River! And, well, angst, but that's a given, right? garden-crafter: Them's evil folk, they are. They'll get theirs in the end, but it's gonna be a bit of an uphill battle. gnattheinsect: Truth be told, Simon's a bit of a wreck himself. Thanks for the compliment though!