Author: YamiPaladinofChaos PM
[Crack!fic. Sort of Inuyasha x Kagome] “Well, maybe Kagome’s not really a lesbian, she just has really high standards,” Ayumi said blandly.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Kagome H. & Inuyasha - Words: 1,335 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 7 - Published: 02-10-06 - Status: Complete - id: 2793324
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
"You think I'm WHAT!"
Kagome Higurashi gave a strangled mix of a groan and a flustered growl, her earthy brown eyes wide with shock, her wrists tensed and her body ramrod straight as she stood up, defying the feeling of lightning shock her mind was feeling.
"Settle down Kagome," Yuka said quickly, looking around the WacDonalds with an embarrassed, apologetic look on her face.
"Yeah, it's nothing to be angry about. We're your friends, we don't care." Eri added in, looking at the panicked time traveler with a soothing stare, patting Kagome's arm comfortingly.
"Yuka! Eri!" Kagome whined desperately, "I am not..." unable to finish her sentence, she turned toward the fourth member of their group pleadingly. "Ayumi... you know I'm not... that I..."
"I think it's nice to have the perfect boyfriend in your mind, Kagome." Ayumi proclaimed, a little wistful and a little sad. "But you have to face facts about this, and come to terms. Denial doesn't help anyone." Even the normally hopelessly romantic Ayumi had turned toward that ludicrous idea, it seemed.
Her face a definite blazing red, Kagome sat back down slowly, looking at her lap, fiddling with her skirt, and basically trying hard not to even think about what her friends had just accused her of.
"Aw, come on Kagome, don't be like that. I told you already, this doesn't change our friendship one bit." Yuka said insistently, staring at her intently over the food.
Kagome refused to dignify that with a response.
"Well, maybe Kagome's not really a lesbian, she just has really high standards." Ayumi said blandly, idly nibbling on a straw gold fry.
Wanting to sink into a deep, dark hole of utter darkness, and then dig that hole deeper, Kagome practically melted into her seat.
"Come on Kagome, it's no big deal. This isn't the Meiji era or something. We're modern, perfectly reasonable people." Eri said, taking an easy bite out of her burger. As she chewed it thoughtfully, a strange expression crossed her face- a mixture of surprised horror and embarrassed amusement.
"Unless... unless you're interested in one of us, that is." Eri said serenely, causing the others at the table to do a wonderfully unplanned synchronization, involving choking on either fries (Ayumi), a burger (Yuka), or simply choking (Kagome).
Dig that hole deeper, Higurashi! It's not enough! The reincarnated miko urged, adamantly finding the forest green of her school skirt amazingly interesting. How does this thing stay down all the time...
Ayumi gave Kagome a slow, appraising look, as if reevaluating her. Yuka simply stared at her blankly, and said in a weak, choked rasp, "Do you?"
Stupid modern era! Why aren't there random youkai, Naraku, Sesshomaru, or even Kikyo running around to interrupt moments like these! Kagome, for once, cursed the modern age and its relative safety and stability in comparison with the hectic Sengoku Jidai.
Ayumi finally deigned to speak, and was far more composed as she began, "Kagome, you're very pretty and all, and I'm sure none of us would mind an experiment or two, but-"
"What the Hell is wrong with you three!" Kagome shrieked indignantly, standing straight up from her seat once again, glaring at them peevishly. The restaurant patrons gave her a few startled glances.
"Mommy... what's wrong with that lady?" a little boy asked, tugging on his mother's sleeve urgently.
"She's just crazy, that's all." The mother stated blandly. "Eat your burger, not just the fries."
To Ayumi, Eri, and Yuka's credit, they stood up fairly well to a glare that cowed hanyou, houshi, and even a few of the aforementioned random youkai, even as Kagome continued her rant."How in the world could you possibly think that I'm interested in girls!"
Yuka, Eri, and Ayumi shared a Look (note: the Look is the all purpose term for an expression of "Why-Is-He/She-So-Dense", "I-Can't-Believe-This", and "Poor--Is-In-Denial").
Kagome noticed the Look, and scowled deeply, crushing the helpless burger wrapper in her palm with righteous fury.
"I'm serious! What the fuck could possibly make you three believe I'm gay!"
Now, Kagome was normally very polite and very clean in language, even when pissed off. However, this was as a good time a time as any to imitate a certain foul mouthed hanyou.
"Kagome..." Ayumi took up the charge with quite a good amount of courage- others (aforementioned hanyou) probably would have started cowering in fear before the enraged miko. "We know you're a very honest person and all..."
Except when I'm lying to you, which is what, every freakin' day! Kagome managed to hold her tongue, thankfully enough.
"But you can't honestly expect us to believe you actually have a boyfriend, since you refuse to talk about him and won't let us see him." Yuka cut in sharply, almost accusingly.
"Not to mention the fact that you're completely uninterested in Hojo, whose about as close to the perfect guy as you can get." Eri added, crossing her arms adamantly.
"I do have a boyfriend!" Kagome insisted. Except when he's chasing after a dead girl's skirt.
"Riighhtt..." Yuka drawled, shaking her head. Leaning forward conspiratorially, she stage whispered, "D-e-n-i-a-l."
"I am not in denial!" Kagome shrieked sharply, feeling the amazing urge to strangle her three friends until the density was out of their systems. It happened frequently with Inuyasha, and sometimes with Miroku, when he was being particularly perverted or insensitive toward Sango, but otherwise, the violent tendency was surprising her.
But from the disbelieving look on their faces, Kagome decided the feeling was not at all unwelcome.
Finally, she moaned hopelessly, slumping back into her chair. "I'm not gay."
Ayumi smiled pityingly and patted her arm. "Of course you're not."
Inuyasha sat at Kagome's window, ready to deliver his usual "Bitch, I've waited long enough for you" lecture, which was really code for "I'm lonely and miserable, please come back" upon her arrival. Of course, coming over to get Kagome was also an excellent chance to pick up more ramen, courtesy of Kagome's mother.
His ears caught the footsteps coming up the stairs and the smell drifting towards him was definitely Kagome's. As she came closer, he heard vague words that were obviously supposed to be under her breath.
"...show them... stupid Yuka..."
The door was flung was flung open with obvious fury, and for a moment, Inuyasha's resolve faltered. Still, he pushed on with his usual bluntness. "Oi, Kagome, get your stuff, we're-"
That was about all he had time for when Kagome, in a sudden fury, grabbed him bodily with a fistful of the fire rat cloth. A brief spasm of fear roiled in the hanyou's gut at the sheer anger in her eyes, and he wondered if he had driven her over the edge.
The fear was quickly replaced with a mixture of utter bewilderment and a great deal of happy pleasure as Kagome slammed his lips into hers with brutal intensity, forcibly demanding him to kiss her.
Unfortunately, having only been kissed in a less than utterly dominating fashion by Kikyo left Inuyasha unable to reciprocate or really even enjoy the kiss before Kagome broke it with a self-satisfied smirk.
No longer able to support himself due to shock, Inuyasha slumped bonelessly forward, his head barely visible to the outside as he laid there, against the wall, corpse-like in paralysis and palenessl.
"Told them I wasn't gay." Kagome muttered, oblivious to the mental distress she had just caused the hanyou in her room, crossing her arms with a superior, satisfied nod.
She paused, however, as if in deep contemplation, scratching her chin thoughtfully.
"Although... Sango does have a really nice butt."