A/N: Well, here I am clocking in with another chapter. For the basic plotline of this chapter I have my friend Quin to thank. We did a shitload of brainstorming and came up with a bunch of random shit to happily string together. I'm going to have fun with this, so enjoy it.

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Disclaimer: I don't own shit! And I repeat, all mean Canadian and or other offensive jokes are not heart-felt. If anyones offended, I apologize in advance, but it's not my fault if you take a Mario fanfiction seriously.

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The Canadian mountain-side was stained with smoke. Bits of rubble rolled down into the valleys. Suddenly, a round shape popped from beneath a pile of rocks.

Wario: "Oy! Who knew how good sediment would taste!" The tub of lard brushes himself off and searches for any corpses to snack upon.

Toad: "God? This is Toad. Your a fucking prick!"The mushroom man howls, crawling from beneath a pile of rocks. "How could you! After all I've been through! You can kiss my tiny fungus ass! I hate you!" Toad chugs back the last of his flask which is miraculously unbroken and staggers over to Wario, who is chewing on a dead beaver.

Wario: "I'm sorry, where are my manners. Would you like some?" Mushroom Kingdoms "Mr. Planetoid" asks, shoving over.

Toad: "No. I'm just absorbing the fact that I'm left alone with you. Let me tell you, if I'm forced to resort to cannabalism, its going to take one sharp fucking knife to kill you."

Wario: "You can be forced into cannabalism? Wow, your depraved." Wario snickers, shaking his head. His words are punctuated by more shuffling of rocks. Miraculously, all of the companions appeared to be present and accounted for. Bowser eyes Wario and Toad and the beaver's corpse.

Bowser: "I don't know what's wierder, a mountain exploding or Wario offering to share something." Mario then reappears flickering.

Mario: "That's funny. I coulda sworn I missed all the rocks after I snapped my back. How did I die?"

Bowser: "That's because I killed you. With an axe." The Koopa king points out.

Luigi: "Well now that everyones... Wait? Where is Waluigi?" Luigi howls. Wario and Mario give each other a single, knowing glance, that nobody else notices, save for Toad, who pales and pretends he didn't.

Mario: "Well, we're doing little good sitting around-"

Bowser: "Your standing." He yawns, and walks towards the edge of the clearing. "I can't believe we blew up a fucking mountain. This has got to be the stupidest thing thats ever happened to me!" Bowser's eyes happen upon the unconcious ape. "Ah yes, there's that thing."

Toad: "This is so stupid! We blow up a mountain, and none of the annoying people even die?" The mushroom screeches, going red.

Morton: "Define annoying!" He demands, crossing his arms and glaring. Mario points at Luigi, who kicks him in the nuts.

Mario: "Augh! My spaghetti and meatballs! Mama-mia!" Mario collapses whimpering.

Bowser: "Funny. You think he'd be getting used to that." He turns to see Toad rocking back and forth, his little eyes wide. "Okay. What the hell?"

Toad: "My brain... I think someone installed a blender in my brain..." The mushroom's head darts around. "Whup, whup whup..." He mutters, and scuttles about. Bowser backs away, looking quite fearful.

Mario: "No-a! It's a helicopter! We're saved-a! Saved!" Mario waves a hand in the air, the other proctectively over his 'special place'.

This is true, the troop is greeted by two choppers lighting beside them. A bunch of police come out and usher them to get in.

Cop #60: "What the hell happened!" The cop asks, shocked.

Luigi: "Oh, the mountain blew up." The Italian shrugs.

DK sits up and begins to shriek incoherently.

Cop #48: "Holy shit! What's wrong with him?"

Mario: "We don't know, eh?" Mario states casually. Bowser looks at him odd, and decides to ignore.

Cop #60: "Well, we can bring him to a hospital, theres one nearby. My name is Bob, and this is my life partner, Alphy." He introduces himself, indicating his co-police officer. "We can take you there, but the ape has to go to in the front copter, which will lead us to the city, and also is equipped with first aid equipment."

Toad: "Wait, life-partner? What the fuck does that mean?" Toad screeches, a confused look upon his face.

Bob: "Me and Alphy are married." Bob smiles.

Mario: "Oooh! Alphy is a woman! Sorry, Ma'am! I thought you were a man!" Mario laughs, removing his hat and bowing.

Alphy: "No... I'm a man."

Toad's eyes widen and Bowser starts laughing, while Mario kind of half smiles, still confused.

Bob: "See, Canada is a wonderful country, where out supportive government allows gay marriage!"

Meanwhile, in the parliament buildings. Stephen Harper sits up and looks around with bloodshot eyes.

Stephen Harper: "I just got a shiver up my spine... Must be that gay marriage law mentioned..." He turns to a picture of the former PM Paul Martin (Hey, I just noticed Paul Martin and Prime Minister have the same initials. Groovy!) and shakes his fist. "Damn you, Liberal! Damn yoooooooou!"

Luigi: "Uh-huh. Can we just get the hell out of here now?" He sighs dramatically.

Bob: "Sounds like a plan." The whole gang is crammed into the tiny helicopter and they watch as DK is strapped into the one in front of them.

Mario: "Poor hairy bastard, I hope he's-a gonna be okay." Mario whimpers.

Bowser: "Everything will be fine as long as he doesn't get gas." Bowser states without emotion and stares out the window.

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His eyes slide open and he observes the area about him. The furry being tries to sit and notices he is strapped in. He hisses in rage and remains still,searching for a way out. He is aware he is in a helicopter, so he may as well wait it out. Then the smell invades his nostrils, and the sound of giggling.

He looks up to see two men laughing and spraying each other with some sort of banana smelling liquid, while the pilot screeches in agony about allergies.

DK: "Arooo!" He rips out of his restraints and leaps upon the first man, gnashing his blunt monkey teeth and removing his throat. He begins to rip limbs off in rapid succession.

Bob: "Alphy! NOOOO!" DK then leaps upon him and beats the defenseless gay man to death with his partners arm. The pilot looks back to see whats happening.

Pilot: "What's going on back there! I swear to God, if you're naked..." He sees the back of DK hunched over a corpse. "Hey!" DK straightens, and the ape turns his head all the way around to face the pilot. The pilot shrieks as DK swoops at him...

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Wario: "Who 'da hell taught those Canucks ahead of us to drive a helicopter?" The mound of lard mumbles as the chopper ahead of them convulses violently. Bowser shrugs and goes back to spitting out the window at cars below.

DK was manning the copter, desperately flying it towards where he could see a city. In cities were stores. In stores were bananas. The sadistic urge drove him, and this overrode the fact that he didn't know how to fly a helicopter. DK was a sort of idiot savante. He was secretly a genius, but he had grown so accustomed to being a retard that he only utilized his intelligence when he was concentrated on a single thing.

Pilot #2: "Well, they're heading for the city, it looms like. Probably to the hospital. I wouldn't worry about the rocking. Remember, there are two gay men aboard."

Luigi wordlessly vomits into his lap and does so again as Wario begins to slurp up the goo.

Meanwhile, DK had spotted the answer to his meaningless simian existence. A golden bunch of bananas winked at him from the ground, shimmering like the gates of heaven. With a crazed ook he veered directly towards this icon of bliss and gunned the throttle. The copter sped forward.

Mario: "It looks like they're heading for a the No Frills, eh hoser?" Mario says to the Canadian pilot, who turns around in his seat.

Pilot #2: "Listen pal, you've been using these subtle Canadian jokes ever since you met us, and frankly I'm getting sick of it! I mean honestly, have you ever actually heard a Canadian talk like that? Hell! I've heard Americans say eh more than we do!"

Bowser: "Way to go Mario, you've got him all impassioned." Bowser groans and bonks his head against the window.

Wario: "Yes, and not watching where he's going." The mass of flesh points out as the helicopter smashes into the side of a skyscraper with a sign that reads, 'Helicopter Flight School.'

Pilot #2: "NOOOOOOOO! THE DREAM CAME TRUE! Not like this! Never like this!" He howls and dies.

Toad: "Well, in all honesty that was just crap."

Bowser: "Yes, it really was." He ponders as they are spilled into the office section of the flight school.

Mario: "Mama mia! That was-a pretty lucky."

Bowser: "How? We just collided with a fucking building!"

Mario: "Well I found a penny!" Mario squeals and holds up the copper coin, and Luigi leaps upon him and begins trying to insert it in his right nostril.

Waluigi: "Well, we did about as good as the other chopper." The toothpick points at the ruins of the first chopper, which is imbedded in the side of a No Frills below.

Roy: "Where the fuck were you?"

Waluigi: He glances at Mario with terror. Mario fixes his brother with an icy stare. "I-Uh, fell." Mario nods his approval.

Toad: "Well, whatever, we'd better make sure DK is alright."

Mario: "Oh, he's-a clearly fine. He looks like he's enjoying himself." Mario point out the window to the brown figure dangling off the No Frills sign by his teeth. Everyone simply stares in awe and fear at the disturbed ape.

Bowser: "Well, he may be fine now, but we'd better go down and get him before he get's tasered." Bowser walks over to the elevator and pushes the button. It slides open and Celine Dion comes out. She opens her mouth, perhaps to inquire what Bowser was doing in Canada, when Bowser punches her in the face. Needless to say, she is quite unconcious.

Iggy: "Dad, what the fuck? That was Celine Dion! Why did you hit her?"

Bowser: "She may have been about to sing, I couldn't take that chance." He cracks his knuckles while everyone nods in agreement. They all pile into the elevator that can magically fit the group. They wait in silence save for the elevator music which is buzzing away the tune to that annoying Soulja Boy song everyone loves for some reason.

Toad: "Well this must be bad artist day or something." This enduces another wave of nodding heads, but nobody actually comments. They reach the bottom, and step out onto the street. DK is nowhere in sight, but a bunch of people are crowded around a dead guy in a banana suit.

Bowser: "Damn, we're too late. He's on a rampage!" He reaches back and pulls a few assault rifles from his shell. "We're going in." He pauses and tosses a few more mushrooms to Mario. "That should hold you..." Mario grins happily and inhales the shrooms.

As they step inside, they see a kid facing a stack of cereal boxes with an odd expression.

Kid: "Sir, what are you doing?"

?: "You want a banana, kid? Dontcha want it?"

Kid: "Okay!" He reaches in and a hairy hand reaches out and pulls off the kids arm.

DK: "We all float down here!" The ape shrieks and explodes from the shelf and lopes down the aisle with the arm in his mouth, giggling and ooking. They all watch with wide eyes as the bloodsoaked ape rounds a corner.

Bowser: "Guys, if you repeat what I'm about to say I will hunt your families down and disembowel them, then whip them furiously with their own intestines. I will then tie them up with the aforementioned organs and force them to watch Inuyasha until their eyes explode and their brains melt. But I'm frightened."

Waluigi: "I think we all are Bowser. I think we all are..."

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Heh, so maybe it wasn't quite as uproarius as the other chapters, but it had it's moments. I repeat, none of these jokes are meant to be taken seriously, except for the Inuyasha one. Lmfao. I'm kidding. I hate the show, but that doesn't mean I want to offend anyone. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Peace.

-Stewey