|The LOTR cont Uncensored Version
Author: The Cashew Nuts PM
This story picks up from where the books left off. Its main purpose is to give insight into how your favorite characters really act in social situations outside of war. True feelings revealed and inner demons released. Our first ever story! Please be kindRated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,929 - Reviews: 8 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 03-07-06 - Published: 02-15-06 - id: 2802039
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
"Well." Aragorn began what was bound to be another breathtaking, awe inspiring, patriotic, men ("And women!" quoted by Eowyn of Rohan, leader of the Rewrite History! Rise of Herstory! Club) rallying, entrancing and most likely an intentionally brain washing speech designed to raise taxes or encourage men ("And women!") to die for their King ("And Queen!").
continued, "Our mission is clear, however, our plan is yet to be
determined." He paused here to cause suspense and to survey his
audience consisting of Eomer and Faramir.
Observing from a safe distance to avoid the rain of spittle bound to be flying out of Aragorn's mouth as soon as he got to a bit about killing something, were Eowyn and Arwen.
He noted the latter pair's rapt attention with smug satisfaction noting that it must be his stunning good looks keeping them captivated. It was of course impossible to think that women could possibly begin to come close to comprehending or being interested in such matters as wars and fighting (unless it had something to do with tapestries or embroidery).
Aragorn continued to ponder such matters unaware that only the privacy of his mental speech was keeping him alive in the presence of two dangerous feminists who certainly were not opposed to cleansing the world of chauvinistic, doctrine, biased pigs like himself. He then turned his attention to the men whose own attention was not concentrated on him as he had hoped, but instead focused in high doses of glaring at each other.
fact the daunting structure that was Kings Hall, that usually
provided a silence so intense it could drive a lone steward insane,
was echoing with a number of comments. These comments that were
originally quietly murmured and barely audible were now being spat in
either direction, occasionally reaching volumes that broadcasted each
opinion to half of Gondor.
"Arrogant!" Eomer struggled to think of another insult that could work to permanently cripple his opponent's ego. The 'arrogant' comment had been an effective move on Faramir's part but he was determined to think of something better to prove his intellectual prowess.
"…" Faramir grinned triumphantly at the lack of response he had one there was no way Eomer could find an insulting comeback to counter his breaking move.
eyes widened in shock. He was unable to understand how the brother of
an angel could be so mean! It was then he realized that Eomer was
indeed a worthy opponent, and to win he would need to take a gamble
on his life and bring out the…err… big swords.
"Illiterate fool." He got the reaction he wanted knowing he had hit the truth or close to it.
"WHAT NO! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT! I HAVE A NOBLES EDUCATION!"
"EH? WHY? I MEAN, NO! WHAT THAT'S NOT! I… of course I can…it's a simple one I…"
"It begins with 'f'"
"Oh yes of course… I was about to say that I knew of course... 'f' of course 'f'" Everyone in the room stared at Eomer. Aragon made the wise decision to intervene before the new alliance of Rohan and Gondor collapsed entirely.
"Well men-"He noted Arwen and Eowyn and made another wise decision. "erm…audience, that's enough for today. I have an important appointment to attend too." He winked at Eowyn who nodded back. "So discussions on the topic of the recapture of Minas Morgul are adjourned to be continued at a later date. Thank you for your attention." He then took the time to glare at Eomer and Faramir for their earlier lack of attention to the latter topic.
angered by their current lack of attention he moved towards Eowyn who
was waving goodbye to Arwen. "Well Eowyn?"
"Yes fine. Where this time."
"Don't worry it can be in my private quarters."
"Good, but I'm sure anything's an improvement on the broom closet." Aragon blushed.
"I was desperate!"
"Fine. Let's go."
Eowyn rinsed Aragon's hair twice, before searching through her bottles of shampoo. Aragon closed his eyes contentedly imagining the smooth silky locks that would soon be his.
Eowyn I don't know what the men would say if they knew I liked my
"Yes well whoever said 'sweaty locks are in for the new masculine effect' had no sense of taste. I mean, look at how you brushed up for your coronation!"
"Yes well, I got over the 'greasy locks look' when I, erm, sorry, we defeated Sauron! I mean, unkempt when fighting is heroic. Bad styling in everyday life is just plain slack."
"Exactly! Now would you like 'Lilly of the Valley' or 'Aloe Vera'?"
An: hey there guys! (Imagine affected high voice.) Sorry we took so long to update, nut 2 only just sent this to me. I, of course had it edited as soon as it was sent! Hehe (grins guiltily, while nut 2 glares at her disgustedly.) well maybe I left it a little while before I edited… anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter, and did not get to many bad connotations from Aragorn's and Eowyn's exchange. (Exchanges smirk with nut 2.) Anyway, please leave a review if you liked it. Or even if you didn't like it.