Author: peacock blue eyes PM
[AU]There's probably nothing Roxas can do to take the pain away from Kairi's heart. All he can do is keep his promise to Sora. [3 of 5] [Roxiri, some Sokairi]Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 10,115 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 04-03-06 - Published: 02-17-06 - id: 2805348
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Tears: Part 1
Cold. He was numb from the tips of his fingers down to his feet. Wet. His black suit was soaked and clung to his frame like a badly glued piece of paper to some inanimate object. But he was still breathing…warm tears still fell from his eyes that watched as two men he did not know carry a black coffin over to the burial ground.
He was deaf to the cries of his friends. All he could feel was his own pain. And yet, he pushed on, forcing himself every step of the way to the tombstone.
'He doesn't belong here,' was what he said when he first laid eyes on the cemetery. The place where dark clouds always seem to hover above and never go away. The place where mourning never cease.
Never did he think this day would ever happen. Ever.
He stared down at the epitaph inscribed on the gray stone:
August 17, 1986 – March 23, 2005
Beloved nephew, dear brother and important friend.
He wasn't aware that someone had ushered him gently aside so that other mourners could pay their respects. Perhaps it was a good thing he didn't pay any attention to them, or else he'd scream at them all to stop. That Sora wasn't gone. That he was still alive and on his way to the local convenience store to get a carton of milk.
But he knew it true. No matter how much he wanted to deny it.
He can't believe it. His older brother was gone.
'Why, Sora?' The question repeated itself over and over like a broken record machine. 'Why'd you have to leave before anything even started?' Before graduating college, before skiing in the Alps like he always wanted, before proposing to his girlfriend, before having kids, before growing old…
It all ended the moment he found out in the hospital…
"Is he going to be alright? What's going to happen to Sora?"
The old man shook his head. "I'm afraid…there isn't much time left for him. The longest he'll live-"
Roxas seized him by the collar of his shirt. His blue eyes flared with indescribable rage. "Hell! Don't you dare finish that sentence! This is Sora we're talking about!"
"P-please, Mr. Wyatt! Calm down!"
His grip didn't relinquish until somebody had to pry his arm off. His vision was semi-blurred but he refused to cry in front of them. Finally, he said the only thing he could. "Where's Sora?"
Without even asking for directions on how to get there or even what floor it was on, he shot off. He didn't know where he was going. He can only vaguely remember a few random room numbers he had run pass.
Roxas collapsed and leaned against the wall for support, slowly dropping to the floor…unable to breath. Felt like his lungs were clogged up. 'Where…am I?' Why was he even here? He instantly remembered. 596. He weakly raised his head to try and see the room number of the door opposite of him. 594.
So Sora was in the one a few feet away. Struggling to get back onto his feet, Roxas grabbed something to help steady himself. It was cold…but not as cold as his skin, which was clammy and pale. He staggered to the door that stood slightly ajar. His vision was returning to normal, and his breathing calmed back to its original pace. He raised his hand and knocked.
"Roxas? Hey, what took you so long? Well, don't just stand there. Come in," came the cheerful voice of the brunette. Yeah, nothing's wrong with Sora. If it was really that serious, Sora wouldn't be laughing. Right?
Roxas pushed the door open and his gaze fell on his twin, relaxing against a bunch of pillows and toying with something in his hand.
"You know what's stupid? They give you a remote control and there's no TV in the room." Sora chuckled, dropping the device onto his lap. He didn't look ill…in fact, he looked healthier than any other 18-year old Roxas had ever known.
The blonde walked over to his bedside and pulled out a chair before sitting down. "That's for your bed, Sora."
"Why would I need a remote control for my bed?" Sora grinned, bringing his arms back against his head.
Sora was diagnosed with AIDS. That's right. AIDS. He got it from their mother, who received it from their father. None of them was aware they carried such a disease in their body until after their mother died, leaving both the boys to fend for themselves and go find this "Uncle Cid" who would take them in.
Their father died a long time ago, probably when they were no older than three. They were poor and it took every ounce of sheer will their mother had to keep on going. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore and then passed on.
It was Sora who was the first to say "C'mon, let's go find Uncle Cid." It was Sora who took care of the both of them throughout the hell they called their early childhood. It was Sora who was always the optimistic one. Who always smiled against all odds. Who always knew there'd be a solution. Who was Roxas's soul support.
So why…why is Sora the one who has to suffer?
"Come to think, what time did you bring me here?" Sora glanced at the clock which read 6:45 A.M.
"Around two." Roxas had come home late, only to find his brother passed out on the kitchen floor of their house. Cid was in a city an hour away, fixing some idiot's broken-down car. Unknown to both of them, Sora had gotten a chill that morning but still went to school. He wasn't suppose to be exposed to the cold but he didn't seem to really care. Sora can be so air-headed sometimes, it drives Roxas nuts. "They told me to wait in the lobby but the doctor didn't show up for a few hours so I went looking for him. I nearly got into trouble for being too close to one of the emergency rooms."
Sora laughed full-heartedly. Roxas smiled. The one thing amazing about Sora is his recovery speed. Probably because of his positive outlook on life. He'd wake up within a few hours as if nothing seemed wrong. Maybe that's why he was able to live longer than the expected life-span of one who has the illness.
"…You have bags under your eyes. You know that?" The spiky, brown-haired teen pointed at his younger sibling's eyes. Roxas started to rub them and couldn't help but yawn. "Hey, why don't you go back home and get some rest? Don't worry about me. I'll call Uncle Cid later."
"No, I'm staying here," Roxas said firmly. If there was one person Sora would listen to, it was him. They joked that sometimes Roxas seemed like the older brother.
"I said I'm staying, Sora. Now you get some rest and I'll call Uncle Cid."
Sora folded his arms over his chest and pouted. "Oh, fine, Mom." Roxas couldn't help but break into a laugh, causing Sora to do the same. "Haha…man, thank god I have you. It would be so bbbooorrriiinnnggg spending one full month in this god-forsaken room."
His smile fell.
For some reason, Roxas was the only one whose results were negative. If he could, he would have given a sarcastic remark of how somebody up there must really like him and how much he was eternally grateful to him. 'What right did I have that Sora didn't?'
He couldn't help but feel guilty, even though it wasn't his fault. He felt like he had stolen something from Sora.
The quietsobs continued. Roxas turned his head slightly and recognized her. Kairi. Sora's would-have-been fiancée. She was on her knees, curled up into her body. Her once shining red hair was now dripping wet and clung to her scalp like his clothes were to his body. She was clad in all black and her hands were deadly white.
Roxas squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth. He remembered…the last promise they made…
Everyone thought he was able to overcome this. He was so confident, so alive.
Or so they had all hoped…
It was when Roxas received a phone call from Sora that panic made its way back to his senses. The blonde rushed to the hospital as fast as he could. When he arrived, Sora was surrounded by doctors. Tubes stuck out of his right arm and a breathing mask covered the bottom half of his face.
The doctors cleared away for him to go through. He grasped Sora's arm and started yelling for him to wake up.
"Sora! It's me! Roxas! Wake up, Sora!"
The teen's blue eyes fluttered open and turned its gaze to the one that matched its own. A smile weakly formed at his lips as he opened them, "Ro…Roxas…"
Roxas nodded, smiling. "Yeah, that's right. I'm right here. You're going to be fine, Sora. You're going to be fine, you hear me?" Warm, salty drops fell down his cheeks. His throat was dry and his knees were failing to support him.
Sora heaved a heavy sigh, one that had the effect to make Roxas's insides freeze. He lifted his free arm a little off the bed and pointed at something on a bed table that has been moved to the far corner of the room. It was a beautiful arrangement of flowers in a green vase made of glass. "Nami…Naminé…sent those…p-please give her my thanks…"
"Sora, don't be silly! She's coming tomorrow. You'll be able to thank her yourself. You know, we haven't seen her in so long…"
The silence was unbearable. Sora tried to turn his head so he could see better but couldn't.
"Roxas…do you remember, when I first met Kairi?"
The question had him taken aback, but he answered it, nonetheless. "Y-yeah, of course I do. Heh, how can I forget? You were such an idiot." Sora had accidentally walked into the wrong bathroom due to a daze, nearly causing the poor girl to scream. She promised she wouldn't tell anyone, and that was how their relationship started.
Sora kept his smile up. "…Yeah…I love her…so much that…my heart would break…" He tried to laugh but ended up in a severe coughing fit.
It took about a few seconds before he was able to continue, his voice turning raspy and his breath straining. "W-When I told her…about m-my disease…she j-just laughed and said sh-she didn't c-care…." He closed those cerulean orbs, the tears falling from the corners of his eyes. "P-Please…make her happy…I...I don't want to see her cry…promise me, Roxas-"
"Shut up with the nonsense, Sora!" He was angry now. Angry at Sora, thinking he's giving up. Angry at himself for whatever reason he could think of. Angry at the whole world because he had no one else to blame. "Shut up! You and Kairi are going to marry and have kids and you're going to spend the rest of your lives together!"
"Please, Roxas…please be happy with Kairi…promise me…"
Roxas shook his head, his eyes shut tight. "N-No…"
The door slammed open and someone pushed him. He couldn't hear what this person was saying. Only that she was crying out the name of his twin.
'You must promise me,' a phantom-like voice whispered as Sora's hand went limp in his.
Roxas bowed his head, glaring at the flowers and lighted candles that covered the tombstone. "I don't care."
She touched his hand and drew back almost instantly. "You're freezing…"
"I said I don't care," he responded with a dead-panned tone.
Cid had always said that twins were more stubborn than a whole herd of mules. And he was right. If Roxas had made up his mind then he was going to stay there, even at the risk of catching something worse than a cold.
Naminé sighed and brought out a handkerchief to wipe her tear-stained cheeks. "Do you…do you think the tears would stop?"
He didn't answer.
"…Even the sky is crying…Sora's crying…"
He remained silent.
"I won't say I probably feel the same way you do…but I can say we both hurt. I can say we all are."
"…It can't be helped. But…knowing him…"
"…he wouldn't want it to last…right?"
She slowly nodded, letting the umbrella fall out of her hand onto the ground. She walked forward, bent down and kissed the top of the gravestone. "Goodbye, old friend…" Sniffing, she stood up straight and backed away, picking up the umbrella like rewinding what she just did.
"…Are you ready to go on?"
"…That's fine. I'm not either."
Roxas closed his eyes, savoring the last moments before their connection with each other was about to be cut off. No, not cut off. But just…farther apart than it was before.
"We're twins, Roxas…so we must have some kind of freaky mind-to-mind power."
Sora gave him a goofy grin before walking away with his hands behind his head.
"And besides…even if we didn't, we're still brothers, right?"
Roxas smiled. The first in a long time. 'Yeah, I'll hold you to that.'
The teen sighed. "Maybe…"
Naminé looked up at him with a hopeful expression. "Go on."
"Maybe…I'm not ready to move on…just yet. But, I think…" He flexed his arms and shook his legs. They were aching all over. Nothing felt better. He turned to her, smiling sadly. "I'm ready to go home."
She returned the smile and nodded. "C'mon. Cid's waiting." With that, they gave one last farewell and began to make their way back to the others. Roxas glanced back.
'I'll keep that promise to you, Sora. You don't have to worry.'