MacBradley (a Fullmetal Alchemist style Parody of William Shakespeare's Macbeth)

Act 5, Scene 8

New characters featured in this chapter:

None. As this is the final scene, one would hope that few if any new characters would be introduced now. However, the identity of Macduff will be revealed here, so stay tuned.

Disclaimer: One more time for old time's sake: Fullmetal Alchemist was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. Macbeth is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

---

Bradley entered yet another random room, and was about to sit down and take a rest when Macduff entered behind him in all his shrouded glory. "Bradley, turn and face me!" the latter shouted, pointing a sword at the Fuhrer.

Bradley sighed. "Why do we have to do this? My soul is too much charged with blood of thine already."

Macduff scowled. At least, he probably did, for no one could yet see his face. "I have no words for you. Face my sword!"

They then fought. Macduff was good, but Bradley managed to quickly disarm him. The Fuhrer sighed. "Why don't you just give up, Macduff? After all, I bear a charmed life, which must not yield to one of woman born."

Macduff suddenly chuckled. "Well, you see, Fuhrer King Bradley, I just so happen to not be born of a woman. Here, I think that showing you who I am would explain everything." And just like that, he pulled off his cloak.

Bradley gasped in horror, dropping his sword. "No, it can't be you. There's no way – it's not possible!"

"Oh, Wrath, you remember my old catch phrase, don't you? There's no such thing as no such thing," Macduff smugly replied as he was revealed to be:

The first Greed.

(After all, who else could it have been? Lyra? Oh, come on.)

"So that explains everything," Bradley stated, still shaken.

"Yup," Greed stated, picking up a sword. "The whole man-not-born-of-woman thing, anyway. After all, Father created all of us, no ladies involved. The whole how-I'm-here issue, of course, still has some questions…"

"Either way," Bradley replied, "I'll not fight with thee."

"Then yield thee, coward, and live to be the show and gaze o' th' time," Greed taunted. "I know: we can put you in a zoo or something. Just like one of the endangered creatures that are kept, with a cute little sign…"

"All right, all right," Bradley stated, agitated and retrieving his sword. "I won't yield. Although the wood came here, and you are the one opposing me and aren't born of a woman, just as the witches predicted, I'll fight to the end. Lay on, Greed, and damned be him that first cries 'Hold! Enough!'"

They fought, their clashing swords sounding like thunder and creating sparks like lightning. (A few of the sparks accidentally set a nearby rug on fire, which the two warring homunculi cooperated to put out before going back to their epic battle. Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea for Bradley's sword to be lined with flint...) Eventually, however, Greed managed to stab Bradley in the chest, and the Fuhrer fell to the ground, defeated. Greed then exited the room, carrying Bradley's dead body while muttering under his breath how the guy definitely could serve to lose some weight.

Meanwhile, back over at the castle entrance, Mustang and Hawkeye met up once again. Mustang worriedly stated, "I hope everyone's all right."

"Who is missing as of yet, sir?" Hawkeye asked. "Only a few seem to be, which is good, since that means we lost few soldiers in exchange for Central back."

"Well, Macduff is missing," Mustang replied. "As is Armstrong."

Ross then entered with the rest of the army, stating, "My commanding officer, sir and ma'am, is dead. He was nobly killed while fighting Fuhrer King Bradley."

"In that case," Hawkeye replied, sighing as she looked over a note card with what she was supposed to say, "I would not wish him to a fairer death; and so his knell is knolled."

"Okay," Mustang stated, "Apart from this knelling and knolling stuff, it's too bad he's dead."

"But on to more cheerful news, sir," Hawkeye stated, gesturing in the direction where Greed was coming from, carrying what looked suspiciously like Bradley's head.

"Fuhrer Mustang sir!" Greed called, waving.

"Ah," Ross stated. "So it was you all this time. I daresay Ling is going to have a field day when he finds this out."

Ignoring that comment, Greed saluted Mustang and said, "I hold in my hand the usurper's head. I killed him, but enough of that. All hail Fuhrer Roy Mustang!"

Everyone around then echoed cheerfully, "All hail Fuhrer Roy Mustang!"

Roy then stepped up onto a conveniently placed tree stump and began a short speech. "We are going to take into account now everything for which we are indebted to you." Ignoring Hawkeye's sighing about the continued usage of the royal 'we' – after all, he reasoned, it's in the script – he continued, "In the original play, you would all be named earls. However, since they don't really exist in Amestris, we will promote all of you four ranks in the military, and those who are not currently in the military will receive the highest citizens' award we have to offer. Shortly, we will send letters out to the rest of the country to call back all those who have been chased away by the dreadful Bradley and his cruel Lady Mei Chang (who, as 'tis thought, by self and violent hands, took off her life)."

"That's what you think," Marcoh and Fletcher muttered to themselves from behind trees on separate sides of the army. No one else noticed.

Mustang continued, "We will take care of everything else necessary soon. But for now, thanks to all at once and to each one, whom we invite to see us crowned at Scone."

Everyone cheered for a few seconds, but then the forest became deathly silent. Mustang looked around nervously and asked, "Um, this is over now, right?"

Hawkeye looked over her notes. "Actually, sir, the play is over now, but we have a cast party to go to."

"In that case," Mustang replied, "what are we standing around here for? Let's all head out to the cast party!"

---

At the cast party that evening…

"I don't understand why you dragged me here," Ed pouted as Al sat him down at a table. "We were finally free, and you have to drag us all to the cast party."

"But Nii-san," Al pleaded, "Timmy wanted to come. Besides, this'll be fun. We get to eat food and talk to the other cast members and all that stuff."

"And another thing, why is Scar here?" Ed motioned toward the man with the X-Shaped scar on his forehead who was sitting in the corner with his brother, the two of them drinking tea. "He wasn't even in this!"

"Actually, Fullmetal," Mustang replied as he and Hawkeye sat down at the table the Elric brothers had chosen, "he was briefly mentioned in Act 1 Scene 2, if you read the script. And his brother is here because he was helping with lighting backstage."

"Go away, bastard Colonel," Ed stated plainly as he attempted to not let his temper get the better of him. "Go bother someone else, like Envy or Russell."

Lust stated from the next table over where she was sitting with Gluttony, "Actually, Envy will not be attending. He's still recovering from a certain accident he had. Although I'm still not sure exactly how all six strings on his guitar snapped all at the same time."

"Mystery, mystery," Gluttony noted as he practically inhaled the large chicken on his plate.

"Besides, Fullmetal," Mustang replied with a smirk. "I want to be able to look at who I'm talking to while I'm resting my delicate neck muscles."

Al tried to restrain his brother as Edward screamed, "WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHRIMP SO SMALL THAT HE CAN FIT IN A LITTLE BOWL UNDERNEATH YOUR CHIN?"

"Nii-san, he didn't say that!" Al pleaded, trying to get his older brother to calm down.

Timmy mewed quietly from atop Al's shoulder in sympathy for his new master before quietly hopping down to steal some more of Ed's milk. The blond did not complain; in fact, a spy who shall remain nameless caught him in the bathroom about half an hour later muttering to himself, "Perhaps that cat is good for something after all…"

Meanwhile, Havoc and the rest of Mustang's subordinates were sitting at a table all to themselves. Falman was sitting quietly drinking a small alcoholic beverage, Feury was glaring angrily at the table where Bradley and Miss Douglas were sitting, Breda was chowing down on some bread, and Haruko was muttering profanities to himself about how badly his part in the production had gone. Havoc sighed. "I'm afraid to say it, but I'm actually sad that this is over. Being able to move my legs for once felt really good." He motioned to the wheel-chair that he was once again sitting in.

Major Avalon sat next to him, her metallic armlet allowing her to eat a strawberry. "I still envy you, Havoc," she muttered after swallowing a small piece. "You can move your arms at least."

Just then, Mei Chang (back to her twelve-ish-year-old self) ran up to Avalon, pouting. "Miss Avalon, I think there's been a mistake," she stated, pointing to the tiny demon-like wings now protruding from her back.

Avalon turned to the princess and stated, "No, everything is in order. The authoress decided to give everyone who played a character who ended up dying a pair of wings. Your character, Lady Macbeth, died, so you get wings."

"I know that," Mei whined, "but mine are so tiny and ugly! I can't fly with these!"

Avalon replied quickly, "Well, you see, your character died later in the story, so you get smaller wings."

Just then, Armstrong flew by, his large, feathery wings flapping furiously as he cried, "This method of flight has been passed down the Armstrong line for GENERATIONS!"

"Oh be quiet," Hughes called after him, hovering in one spot with his marvelous plush wings outstretched. Quieter, he added, "The authoress should make up her mind already. Does she want to write me as a homunculus or as an angel?" He didn't have much time to dwell on this, however, as Elysia leapt from an upper landing and fell gleefully onto her father's back. Gracia smiled, content to merely watch her family frolic from the table below.

Mei stared after Armstrong and then turned to Avalon, whose expression had just gone blank. The princess stated, "His character died after mine."

"Well, uh, you see, uh…" Avalon muttered, trying to find just the right words to explain that the authoress naturally gave smaller, demonic wings to characters she didn't like.

Mei didn't allow Avalon to come up with an explanation, however, as she screeched, "I'M A PRINCESS! I EXPECT TO BE TREATED LIKE ONE! NOW GIVE ME LARGER WINGS OR I'LL SIC XIAO-MEI ON YOU!" She cuddled the small panda in her arms as she said this, obviously happy to have her friend back, and the panda bared its teeth at the Major.

"Now, now," Ling called from another table where he was enjoying dinner with Ran Fan and his… other half. "Younger half sister who is shorter than Edward, I'd suggest you be nice to the Authoress' envoy, or I'll sic Greed and Ran Fan on you, and I don't believe you'd like that." Greed grinned evilly and Ran Fan pulled out a shuriken with her automail arm, which got Mei Chang to shut up. Although the four winged chimeras standing around the table might have had something to do with it too.

Ling took a sip of his smoothie and sighed. "So where was I again? Oh yeah. The way this whole thing was explained to me in the letter I received was that in the world that this particular Authoress resides in, she extracts half of the Philosopher's Stone currently residing inside of myself and creates a new version of you. Thus, I have more control here than I do back in regular Amestris, and you can co-exist with me even though I'm technically you."

"That makes sense, I suppose," Greed replied as he sipped his glass of wine (only the finest wines imported straight from this country called France for him).

"I like it here," Ran Fan stated. "I get to be with Young Master."

"Hey Ran Fan," Ling asked suddenly. "After this, um, do you want to go down to the beach that's conveniently placed near here… with me? I hear sunsets down there are very nice."

"That sounds wonderful, Young Master," Ran Fan replied.

Meanwhile…

"Nii-san!" Fletcher called as he ran, panting furiously as he tried to catch up with his flying brother. "Wait up! I can't fly, you know!"

Russell called back as he flew through the air, "But what's the point of racing if I slow down and let you catch up?"

Doctor Marcoh sighed contently at his nearby table, not paying much attention to what was going on. Once more he looked over the letter he had received from the small village he had been serving, which read the following:

Dear Doctor Mauro,

Thank you for helping our village so much. We understand that you haven't been around much lately because you have to protect us from evil people. But you don't have to do that anymore; just yesterday, a field of light came around our village and is surrounding it even now, preventing any harmful creatures from getting in while leaving us unharmed. Please come back soon; we miss you, and you have to see this marvel.

The letter went on and on like that, but Marcoh smiled. Perhaps this hadn't been such a bad thing after all.

The Slicer brothers sat at a different table, simply enjoying their surroundings since they, being souls inhabiting armor, couldn't eat. Haruko and Archer tried not to look in the direction of the samurai-like armor much, instead focusing on how much they had hated their appropriate roles. (Haruko especially was much pleased to find that he was once again a Major General and could boss Mustang around again.) Black Hayate and Den, however, managed to make things interesting by falling asleep at the two military personnel's heels.

On the other side of the room, Winry and Anime Wrath were prodding Denny. "Go on, Mr. Brosh sir," Winry said, poking the Sergeant in the ribs.

"Yeah, Mr. Brosh," Wrath echoed. "If you want to ask her out so much, go on ahead."

Denny hesitated a few moments more, but then he suddenly found courage. Standing up, he quietly walked over to the lonely table where Maria Ross was sitting and asked, "Um, Second Lieutenant Ross…"

"Yes?" Ross replied, looking up from the hot chocolate she happened to be enjoying.

"Um, well, I…" Brosh hesitated a moment, but then he finally got up the courage to ask, "After this, do you want to go out to the movies with me?"

Maria sat there dumbstruck for a moment, but then she smiled. "Of course, Denny. You know, I was getting slightly impatient waiting for you to finally ask me out."

Denny's face lit up, and Winry and Wrath smiled happily for him from their table.

This happiness was short lived, however, because just then none other than Julio Comanche stepped into the room. (A/N: If you don't know who Julio Comanche is, here's a summary: the Silver Alchemist, lost his leg in Ishbal, his alchemy focuses on creating things, and he looks like an insane evil penguin. No, really, he looks like a penguin.) He took one look around and said in a regal manner, "Why was I not invited to this gathering?"

"Because you didn't take part in the production of Macbeth," Mustang replied plainly.

"Well, why was I not invited to participate?"

"Because to my knowledge there are no characters in Macbeth that look like penguins," Avalon replied honestly.

Comanche didn't seem to hear her. "You allowed Ishballan scum to participate in this production, the very same Ishballan scum that cost me my leg, and yet you refused me entry?"

"Hey, take it up with the authoress," Scar called from his table in an annoyed tone, obviously annoyed at having been called scum.

"I can't believe you insulted my friend!" Mei Chang stood up from her table, Xiao Mei following behind. "You will pay for that."

"Actually," Kimbley stated as he got up from where he had been sitting, "Allow me." He ran up to Comanche, and the last phrase the Silver Alchemist heard was Kimbley stating, "It's been a while since I've been able to explode someone. How I've missed it."

The explosion that followed will not be described in detail here, but the aftermath left a thick layer of dead tissue strewn across the banquet hall.

---

Work Cited:

Shakespeare, William. Macbeth. New York: Folger Shakespeare Library, 1992.

Character lines said in italics are direct quotes. I have not included page numbers in order to make the story flow easier; however, all quotes come directly from the scenes that they are stated in.

The End