Secret Emeralds

by the Legendary Armor

A/N: I know it's taken me a long time to update, and I hope you forgive me. I'm never abandoning this story; my life has just been a mess in the last year. Finally, however, I've managed to sit down and write this entire chapter in just a single day. I've finally gotten my inspiration back! This chapter's a bit long; forgive me, and I hope you enjoy. As always, feel free to review; I especially love it when people tell me what their favorite bits were.

Chapter Nine: Lovely Winter Arias!

Traveling with Kieran in a large group was fascinating, as always; but on the way to a festival in his most cherished homeland, even more so. Gatrie's constant tittering about the women in Melior was nothing in comparison--and of course, all of Kieran's ridiculous, joyful ranting was directed squarely at his squinty companion.

"We'll have a dancing contest, Oscar! Surely I shall emerge the winner, for I know you must barely be able to see the road in front of you!"

The lance paladin shook his head wordlessly. As they continued on, he could swear he saw Ike pointing at him while talking with Soren, some kind of victorious smile on his face. It was all too obvious to him that this was part of some strange plan of the commander, but he really didn't think he should look so smug. It was a little strange.

They arrived in Melior within the week... and found the capitol readying for the festival with an almost unbelievable vigor. Even the front gate had fallen victim--streams of colored paper hung from the stone walls like mismatched, eye-burning flags; even while remaining in a certain color scheme of blues, greens, and purples, it somehow still didn't work.

"Dear me," Rhys muttered as he passed by a young soldier draped in flashy winter-themed fabrics, "he looks... ah... this all looks a bit ridiculous."

It was a struggle getting through the town; Boyd almost got run down by a group of people carrying crates of streamers or something of the like, and Gatrie couldn't walk two feet without fawning over one of the many ladies littering the stone streets. He found himself with a terrible headache when Kieran managed to somehow punch him in the back of the head instead of the air as the axe knight had intended, shouting, "Huzzah, Melior, your most loyal Kieran has returned! Now the festivities can truly begin!!"

Oscar shook his head, squinting up at the sky. "Somehow, I feel like this is going to involve something completely ridiculous."

High-ranking soldiers of the Royal Guard itself led the Greil Mercenaries and one extremely enthusiastic Second in Command Captain Kieran to the throne room of Crimea Castle, where Queen Elincia and Commander Geoffrey waited with smiles on their faces.

"It's so good to see all of you agai--"

Kieran cut the queen off by suddenly kneeling in front of her, his movements so forceful that his knee armor scraped with quite a loud grate against the marble floor. "Your Highness, I have missed you so! But fear not, your loyal Second in Command has not disgraced himself, nor Crimea, in the presence of the mercenaries! My squinty companion and I just the other day completed a daunting job!!"

Oscar scratched his nose when Geoffrey gave him a questioning look and shrugged. "I wouldn't call tending a garden daunting--"

"SILENCE! Listen not to his squinty lies, my fair queen! You know not of the untold horrors of the elderly passions we were privy to!!"

Elincia's face turned red, and Geoffrey's hand covered his face at the remark.

"Let me take you to the rooms you'll be staying in... the festival officially starts tomorrow morning. I'll brief you on the events that will take place tomorrow so you can participate accordingly." Geoffrey swept his arm out towards the large archway leading deeper into the castle, and the mercenaries began to follow, mumbling among themselves.

"I'm not following a damn schedule for a festival. Just tell me where the bar is. You're in, right, Gatrie?"

Looking over at the disgruntled sniper, the blue-clad general grinned. "Cute girls and booze? You know I'm there, Shinon!" Kieran glanced over, disapprovingly, and shook Oscar firmly by the shoulder.

"You will engage in no vile activities! I will not have you shame me!"

Oscar arched an eyebrow quizzically. "You speak as if we're married, Kieran."

"THAT IS NOT-- WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!" Geoffrey glared at the red-faced brunette, motioning for him to be quiet.

"Kieran, as vocal as you are, I'm sure the Queen would be amused if you sang during the winter concert tomorrow," he remarked dryly. "Your lungs quite outdo everyone in Tellius." He paused, then sighed. "I'm going to regret saying that--"

"You think I would do well to compete in the concert?! To sing a song worthy of beautiful Crimea in front of Melior's citizens... Commander Geoffrey, I'm honored! I'll make you proud, sir!!" He saluted sharply, then immediately spun on his heel to face Oscar, index finger pushing firmly against the lance paladin's nose. "You know what this means, my fiendish rival! You and I shall have a contest of epic proportions in front of all of fair Crimea's people to decide who is the better!!"

Oscar laughed quietly. "Haha, I think I'll pass, Kieran. I'm not much of a singer--"

Ike sidled up and slapped the green-haired man on the back, grinning mischievously. "Oh, I don't know, Oscar. I think you'd do great. Do it for us, huh? Let everyone know who the mercenaries are."

He sighed, exasperated. "Ike, everyone knows who we are, we killed Ashnar--"

Rolf bounced up and down, squealing with delight. "You're going to sing, brother? In front of all Crimea? I'm so excited! I bet you'll do great!"

Oscar did not look as enthused; in fact, he looked rather nervous at Ike's next remark.

"How about I pick a song for you, too? Think it's a good idea, Geoffrey?"

"Of course, Sir Ike. I'm sure you'll pick something quite fitting to the mercenaries."

Kieran pumped his fist in the air, but Oscar only shook his head. Geoffrey had no idea what he'd just given Ike permission to do, but the green-clad man knew exactly what song the mercenary commander had in mind.

Thousands of people cheered wildly, all crowded in Melior's streets, as close as they could get to the enormous stage that had been constructed outside Crimea Castle for the concert. Bastian and a number of other sages moved about, enchanting the area to amplify the sound of all the musicians. Elincia, followed by Geoffrey, took to the stage and spoke to the people, her voice ringing clear throughout the streets due to the magic.

"Thank you, wonderful people, for gathering here today!" The crowd cheered wildly, and she smiled, continuing on and praising them for their efforts in rebuilding the nation. Oscar stood behind a curtain, Kieran prodding the air and taunting him from in front of the stage with Ike and his crew, but he just laughed at the sight of his brothers and fellow mercenaries, knowing smiles on their faces.

"First, a song from a member of the renowned Greil Mercenaries to start things off! Melior, please welcome Sir Oscar, former Crimean Knight, to the stage!" With that, Elincia bowed and walked behind the curtain, and the band began playing a tune as Oscar walked out onto the stage.

He shook his head, coughed quietly into his hand (though all these thousands of now silent people could still hear it) and began. His voice was actually quite strong and beautiful, and the lyrics seemed... interesting.

They had no idea just how interesting they were going to get.

"Winter, that magic time of the year...
The Queen is very glad everyone's here!
Geoffrey is busy trimming the tree...
And Lucia made a fruitcake, naturally!"

The acoustic instruments being strummed by the musicians behind Oscar moved at a slow, easy pace, and the song seemed lighthearted and sweet. He continued as a few cheers rang across the crowd, a smile on his face. The instruments, after the next three lines, slowed to a halt, leaving only Oscar's voice to finish the fourth and final line.

"But her fruitcake ain't the only one at the table,
And there's something that I just have to say...
Titania, pass the stuffing if you are able...
And by the way, oh Crimea... I'm gay!"

Gasps swept the crowd, coupled with Ike's raucous laughter and Kieran's mortified expression. Elincia and Geoffrey burst out laughing behind the stage as the mercenary continued the song. He pointed to one of the four dancers behind him as his voice picked up once more, who quickly shot him a dirty look.

"Yeah, I've got a dancer here, but they paid her to be here;
Hey Royal Knights, that's what they call a beard!
I try to make it work, but the girl ain't got the gear...
What can I say, I love it in the rear!!"

Thousands of people reacted, a mixture of gasps, cheers, and whistles. For the most part, everyone seemed to love it. Ike was having trouble breathing by now and Kieran's face quite matched his armor. Oscar continued, repeating the chorus and launching into a new segment; he was obviously really enjoying himself, a ridiculous smile on his face.

"Take back those swords and such, I never liked those toys!
I never did like stuff that was for boys;
Bring me a kitten, although you think it's wrong,
Or better yet, dear Kieran in a thong!!"

Kieran emitted a noise that was a cross between a screech and a whimper, his eyes wide and his cheeks burning brighter than the sun.

"Well now I don't expect for you to like what you've been told,
And if you hate me, well, that's how it goes...

Well, as for me, I'm off to go dance, so...

You can just kiss my gay ass as I go!!"

With a flourish of his hand and a bow, he jumped off the stage, landing right in the middle of the Greil Mercenaries, who were all having trouble regaining control of themselves. Even Shinon's face cracked a bit of a smile that, for once, was not tinged with bitterness and cynicism.

Kieran was furious.

How dare he?! How dare that squinty trickster worm his way into being the opening performance in the concert that all of Melior just heard, and sing a song like that?! And make a mockery of him! And outdo him! Well, he may have thought he'd won their little contest, but Kieran hadn't even started yet. He was damn well going to show that half-blind fiend how a real man sings!

His eyes locked with Oscar's squint, and he grinned devilishly. "Just you wait, Oscar! See how a real knight performs--and if you want to play dirty, then by Crimea's flag, I'll play dirty as well!"

"Oh dear god," Geoffrey muttered, his hand over his mouth. "He's going to make a total ass of himself."

Elincia wrung her hands together, totally delighted. Lucia grinned. "I don't know, brother, I think this is easily the best winter concert yet. And Kieran is sure to take it up a notch."

"Just how many notches? This is Kieran we're talking about."

Lucia wrinkled her nose. "Hmm. Maybe there is cause for concern..."

Smiling his traditional, ridiculous smile, Kieran jumped onto the stage; even with all his armor, he managed it in one swift movement. He raised his hands, turning in a half-circle as he addressed the roaring crowd. "People of Melior!! My archrival may have wormed his way into your hearts with his antics, but I assure you, I can outdo the man any day!" He muttered something at the conductor of the band, who looked stunned. The brunette nodded again, and the older man shook his head and laughed a little. Mouthing the song to the rest of the performers, they all giggled, and Kieran took center stage as a soft, beautiful classic tune began to play.

"Whenever life gets you down,
Keeps you wearing a frown,
And the gravy train has left you behind..."

His voice was strong, yet sang the song delicately. It was... well, it sounded kind of gay, and the majority of Crimea seemed to think so as giggles ran rampant throughout the crowd.

"And when you're all out of hope,
Down at the end of your rope,
And nobody's there to throw you a line..."

Bastian chuckled. "It seems a voice befitting of angels blesses our knight in red, as well as a maiden's kiss of common sense! See, he sings a lovely song."

"If you ever get so low that you don't know which way to go,
Come on and take a walk in my shoes...
Never worry bout a thing, got the world on a string,
Cause I've got the cure for all of my blues..."

Lucia placed a calming hand on Geoffrey's shoulder. "I told you, you've got nothing to worry about. Kieran's a bright guy." As she said that, Kieran paused, and then his voice became twice as loud as before.

"I take a look at my ENORMOUS PENIS!
And my troubles started melting away...!
I take a look at my enormous penis,
And the happy times are coming to stay...!"

Geoffrey's face met his palm as he shut his eyes and groaned.

"I gotta sing and I dance when
I glance in my pants,
and I'm feeling like a sunshiny daaay,
I take a look at my enourmous PEEEEEENIS,
And everything is going my way!"

Oscar was doubled over laughing, and even Soren's lips twitched involuntarily. Kieran's next bit was done with an even bigger smile as he walked down the stage, making obvious eye contact with Oscar that all Melior could clearly see.

"Yeah, I got great big mounts in the place where it counts,
And I'm feeling like a sunshiny daaay,

I take a look at my enormous peeeeeenis!
And everything is going my way!"

Gatrie shouted, deciding to add his own bit. "My trouser monster!"

Kieran gave him a thumbs-up, and continued, "Everything is going my way...!"

Shinon's slightly drunken yell added another line. "My meat is MURDER!"

The brunette's smile grew wider. "Everything is going my way...!"

Gatrie and Shinon looked at Boyd expectantly, as they knew Rhys wasn't about to have anything to do with this and Soren was glaring at Ike as if to dare him to make a fool of himself. The axe warrior's face turned beet red. "SIZE DOESN'T MATTER!"

Slowly falling to one knee, Kieran raised his arms to the sky. "Everything is going... my waaaaaaaay... YUM!!"

The band stopped playing, and Crimea went wild. Geoffrey looked like he was about to die.

Oscar climbed back onto the stage, and bowed to Kieran. His amplified voice rang out through the streets as he spoke to the axe paladin.

"We both caught everyone off-guard, but you certainly get points for improvising. You were even more inappropriate than I was. So I'd say, you win."

Kieran whooped, pointing at his rival. "Aha! The day is mine, Oscar! MINE! Your squint not only hinders your fighting, it hinders your voice as well!"

The lance paladin scratched his head. "Uh... right. Anyway. I figure I want to make sure you remember the day clearly."

Grinning, the brunette replied, "Oh, I will, you squinty marauder! How could I--"

Stepping suddenly very close to him, within a split second, Oscar had his arms firmly around Kieran; one on the brunette's head, and one on his hip, their lips firmly locked together. The kiss was long, and deep, and Kieran did not move to pull away; shock had dulled his reflexes once again. And as they kissed, thousands of stunned faces watched, completely mesmerized... their silence broken only by the laughter of a ragtag group of heroes in front of the stage.

To be continued in Chapter Ten