Disclaimer: Obviously, I don’t own Kingdom Hearts.

Author’s notes: How is it that I keep crossing lines I’ve drawn for myself? I said, “No pirate fics, it’s been done too many times.” Then I thought, “But has it been done by me?” And indeed, it has not. Until now. I had a hell of a lot of fun writing this, so I hope you like it.

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Sora was not a pirate. Sure, he had the ship, the crew, and the sword, but he lacked the inspiration. That, and a navigator. As it was, the Excalibur drifted languidly from port to port, docking just long enough for his shipmates to steal what they needed. Because while Sora wasn’t a pirate, his companions most certainly were, and he just happened to be nice enough to let them use his boat. Somehow, this made him captain, which was perfectly okay with Sora until he ended up face-down on a beach with sand down his pants.

In retrospect, not having a navigator had been a Very Bad Idea.

“Nghh,” Sora moaned when he awoke to white light scorching his eyelids and way too many sunburns in unfamiliar places. He sat up with a headache he assumed rivaled the hangovers Tidus suffered after a particularly successful night of raping and pillaging – minus the raping, of course, since Sora didn’t stand for that kind of behavior on his boat. (Not that Tidus was into that kind of thing, anyway.) Groaning, he carded his fingers through his unruly hair in an attempt to dislodge some of the sand buried there, but he only managed to make his headache worse. With a whimper and a rub at an especially painful sunburn, he settled back against the burning hot sand and stared mournfully at the ocean.

No ship, no crew, no food, and no fresh water. What was a not-pirate to do?

I’m screwed, he thought to himself, licking his dry lips, and closed his eyes to think of possible solutions. He was quite relieved when a soothing shadow fell across his face, and he relaxed, sagging against the sand, until he felt a stick poke him in the side.

“Stoppit,” he mumbled, swatting at the slight jab of pain, and remained calm for all of one second before he realized there was probably a person attached to that stick. Eyes popping open, he sat up fast enough to send sand spraying in every direction and, unfortunately, to make his head pound at least ten times harder than before. He clutched his forehead with a groan and squinted at the tall, silhouetted figure against the sunset.

Wait a minute. Sunset?

Well, crap. Talk about bad news – he last remembered being on the Excalibur at dusk the day before, which meant it was at least one day later. Vaguely, he recalled a red sky, which should have meant clear sailing. Then why was he here? Had he fallen overboard?

“So you’re alive,” the shadow said mildly and tossed away the stick, squatting to inspect Sora with a sharp eye.

“Apparently,” Sora croaked, then winced. His throat hurt, and he thought he was going to die if he didn’t get some water soon. The stranger – decidedly male if the voice was anything to go by – apparently saw this and handed over a canteen Sora hadn’t noticed before. Drinking greedily, Sora finally had the good sense to block the sunlight with his fingers, and he blinked at what he saw.

Bright eyes, strong features, and a hair color he’d only seen once before on a psychopathic chap named Sephiroth during a particularly unlucky heist in Midgar. Hopefully the insanity didn’t run with the coloring.

“Are you okay?” the man asked when Sora kept staring. The brunet gave him a look that clearly said ‘are you kidding?’ and the silver-haired boy held up his hands with a chuckle. “Stupid question, I know. Sorry. How’s your throat?”

“Better,” he rasped, sitting up straighter. “Where am I?”

“Destiny Island.” The stranger leaned forward, somehow balancing on the balls of his feet as he took the canteen back, and said, “I’m Riku, and I guess that means you’re lost.”

“More like shipwrecked, I think,” he said, just before his eyes widened impossibly further and he jumped to his feet, struck by the sudden thought of his crew. “Have you seen anyone else around here?”

“Nope,” Riku said, gazing up at him with unbelievably expressive green eyes. Sora wobbled unimpressively and Riku reached out a hand to steady him. “Are you sure you can walk?”

“I’m fine,” he claimed and tucked his arms behind his head, slanting his mouth in a grin. “I just need a ship and a place to sleep, and I’ll be – woah!” And he was definitely not okay, because he’d just tripped over his own giant yellow shoes, and he was tumbling backwards with an undignified squawk.

Luckily, Riku caught him, and Sora was thankful for about two seconds before he realized Riku was breathing into his ear, and that brought all sorts of situations to mind – none of which Sora needed to think about at the moment.

After a few moments of tense, stretched silence, Sora mumbled, “Well, this is awkward.”

Riku just smirked and set him back on his feet with a good thump on the back, unwittingly (or maybe not, the bastard) hitting a particularly sensitive sunburn. Wincing, Sora rubbed his shoulder and miraculously kept his mouth shut about the pain.

“A place to sleep, huh?” Riku asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he gave Sora a charming glance. “I’d offer, but I don’t even know your name.”

“Uh,” Sora said intelligently, all too aware of Riku’s gaze on his face. “I… Sora?” He cleared his throat and tried again. “I mean, my name’s Sora.”

“Sora,” Riku repeated, his expression growing thoughtful. “Nice name. Any relation to the Sora?”

He squinted. “What do you mean, the Sora?”

“Captain of the Excalibur,” was all Riku said, like that explained it all.

Which, unfortunately, it did. “Oh,” he mumbled weakly. “Yeah, that’s me.” He was torn between pride and embarrassment, kicking the sand with the tip of a yellow shoe. His crew often claimed his footwear was hardly conducive to a career in plundering, but Sora was adamantly not a pirate, so he never paid their lectures much attention. “I guess that means you don’t want to put me up for the night?”

“Quite the contrary,” Riku murmured, and the kind, friendly smile on his face morphed into something darker that made Sora’s head spin. Keeping his eyes firmly trained on Sora’s, Riku bumped their shoulders lightly and began to presumably lead him towards his house, one hand on the small of his back to gently guide the way.

“Er, thanks,” Sora stuttered and carefully stared at the small, straw-and-wood homes beyond the modest crest of the hill, the stretch of beach dotted by logs and firewood along the way.

“The pleasure is all mine,” Riku all but purred, and Sora turned to look at him quizzically.

What happened next was so improbable, so bizzare, that his brain took a few extra seconds to process it. One minute, the nice village boy was helping him back to his hut and very probably almost hitting on him, and the next thing he knew he was being pushed up against a rickety stack of firewood with a gun against his back – definitely a gun, much to his disappointment and utter terror, because it was cold and dug into his flesh with a sick, sinking feeling like he imagined most firearms did. And suddenly the nice village boy was a bounty hunter, unrolling a piece of parchment to shove into his sunburned face, where Sora saw his own likeness staring back at him.

“Nice to meet you, Captain Sora,” said Riku from behind. “I’ve been looking for you.”

“Shit,” was the first thing Sora said, followed immediately by a rushed, frantic explanation. “You’ve got it all wrong! I’m not a pirate, I’m just an investor. My crew, now they’re pirates.”

“You’re not winning any points, you realize,” Riku said dryly, never moving the gun from where it was pressing rather uncomfortably against Sora’s kidney. “Hosting pirates is still illegal.”

He twitched. “Yes, but it’s better than being one, isn’t it?”

“Not if I don’t believe you.”

Fuck, Sora wanted to say, but he knew that pirate-esque language would definitely not help in this situation. “You want proof? I’ve got proof – no tattoos!”

“Real pirates aren’t stupid enough to brand themselves,” Riku snorted. “I should know. I hunt them for a living, and you’ve got a fair price on your head.”

“Oh man, I’m totally screwed,” Sora muttered to himself and squirmed frantically. “Honestly, you’re making a big mistake!”

“Shut up,” Riku muttered, and Sora heard him pulling something long and coarse from a bag attached to his belt. Rope? “You’re worth less dead than alive, but try not to annoy me.”

“Oh god.” With a thunk, Sora let his head fall against the firewood, and he stared longingly towards the sea. He was so, so screwed. Not to mention hallucinating, because that certainly looked like the Excalibur drifting towards port. “Holy shit,” he breathed a second later, because that was the Excalibur, and he was saved. Except they totally didn’t know he was currently on the beach being assaulted by a crazed maniac. Or bounty hunter, whatever.

Now all he had to do was escape from this psychopath – because apparently the mental condition did run with the hair color – and explain to his shipmates exactly how he’d managed to fall overboard in the middle of the night. Or whatever had happened. Escaping was his first priority, of course. However…

Gun in his kidney, gun in his kidney. Fuck, this sucked.

“So,” Sora said conversationally as Riku began to drape rope – definitely rope, he’d been right – around his wrists. “Any chance of letting me run free into the sunset?”

“Like you have anywhere to go,” Riku grunted, tying a particularly tight knot that chafed Sora’s skin. “You were just shipwrecked, remember?”

“Yeah.” Bright blue eyes trailed the Excalibur as it sailed away to dock. Too far – he needed to get their attention somehow. Yelling was no good. He needed something loud, like a gunshot.

He blinked as Riku poked his back with something that could give him just that.

Clucking his tongue, Sora closed his eyes and thought hard. He was worth more alive than dead, so Riku probably wouldn’t kill him. Shoot him in the foot, maybe. And hell, Kairi had fixed more than that in the past, hadn’t she?

Yeah, this could work.

“Sorry about this,” Sora said, just before he tumbled backwards into Riku’s chest, sending them both toppling over into the sand while he heard a crack and pain, fucking ohmygodpain exploded in his left thigh. And yeah, he had definitely just been shot in the leg, but that didn’t matter because he was tangling both himself and the rope with Riku’s limbs, and neither one could move. The gun was no longer a threat, buried somewhere in the sand, and Sora could see tiny shadowy figures running across the Excalibur’s deck as the ship swung around the shore to pick him up. He felt like laughing, or maybe crying in relief, but he passed out before he could do either one.

- to be continued

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Ending notes: Aha, what can I say? I have no regrets. Pirateverse KH was just too good to pass up. Of course, I’m still kind of nervous about what other people think, so reviews would be most appreciated. Um, okay, I think that’s all. Yeah. Thanks!