AN: I know, it’s been a long, long, long time since we’ve posted anything. Ryn and I do apologize, but life has gotten crazy around here. Things are finally slowing down, though, and we do have a vague idea for another Artemis epic—but we shall see.

Anyway, this is a short little story without any real point, written because… well…um…I felt like it. Shrug I hope you enjoy, since it’s meant to be pure entertainment.

Adoration

Artemis Fowl II stared at his school desk in mute shock. One thought ran through his head in an endless loop of horror. What did I do to deserve this?

---

He had told his mother that morning that this day was no different from any other for him. “Even though this is the first co-ed school I’ve been to, I can assure you that nothing will change.”

She hadn’t believed him. “You never know, Artemis. I know that you don’t really associate much with others, but you might be surprised.”

He had shaken his head. “I sincerely doubt it, Mother.”

“Well, whatever happens, I want to hear all about it.”

Secretly, he had believed that she was mad to believe anyone would make an overture to him of all people, but he had agreed to her request. “I’ll tell you everything when I get home.”

---

The jumbled mass of pink, red, white and purple on his desk seemed to be laughing at him.

---

“Don’t break anyone’s heart, Artemis!” Juliet had called to him as he and Butler got into the Bentley. He had raised an eyebrow at her.

“Have no fears, Juliet,” he had responded dryly, “I believe my classmates will be safe from me.”

She had laughed. “I don’t doubt it, but I wasn’t kidding. It’s practically a guarantee that someone will try to claim the unreachable.”

He had known she was playing, so he hadn’t considered it an insult. Besides, she had a point. He was practically unreachable. His standards were high, after all.

---

Actually, no, the mass of cards wasn’t laughing. One of them was singing.

---

He had been slightly surprised by the number of girls loitering by the fence when he arrived. Butler had seen the crowd as well and chuckled slightly. “Perhaps Juliet knew what she was talking about.”

“Butler,” Artemis had said, “please consider the facts. None of the girls have ever so much as spoken to me.”

“After your first day,” Butler had observed wryly.

Artemis had smiled slightly at the memory. “To be perfectly frank, I am one of the most unsociable people to walk the earth. Do you really think I am ‘valentine’ material?”

Shrugging, Butler had pulled to a stop. “Perhaps not. But no one ever said teenage girls were logical.”

---

Gingerly, Artemis picked up the card that was singing. When he closed it, it stopped. He promptly dropped it back on his desk with the rest. Luckily, no one else was in the room—they were all outside, waiting until the last minute before class started to come in. He always came inside early, to avoid the other teenagers outside. Instead, today, these had been waiting for him.

Perhaps Butler did have a point about the hazards of being predictable.

With the delicate movements of someone who expected to be bitten at any moment, he began picking through the cards.

His one blessing was that none of the cards were lewd or suggestive in any manner—they were all flowers, hearts, smiles, “You’re so cute,” “Let’s be more than friends,” “Be my valentine,” “my number is -.”

On second that, maybe that wasn’t a blessing. He felt as though his hands were going to rot simply from holding all the sugary sweetness.

However, Artemis set to task, hoping to get all of these sorted and in their appropriate places (ie, the trash), before the bell rang.

Janice—a silly girl prone to hysterical fits.

Mary—a volleyball player, much too tall.

Vanessa—overly dramatic and flirty.

Stephanie—a cheerleader, which should be self-explanatory.

Alessa—irritating.

Kathryn—shrewish, just as her namesake.

Amelia—a bottle blond with much too makeup for any one person.

Whitney—he had heard too much about her in the boy’s locker room to even

consider it.

Holly Marie—the only thing she had going for her was the name.

Sarah—smart, but slightly obsessive and extraordinarily odd.

Sarah’s twin, Deborah—just as smart, but with a preoccupation with martial arts and swords. And daggers. And other sharp implements.

Derek—what?

He dropped the card so fast that an observer would have thought it had burned him, and it fell open. Against his will, he found his eyes drawn to the neat cursive inside.

“Artemis, I believe you are the only one in the grade mature enough to accept what I’m about to say. I admire you greatly and wish that I possessed the courage to tell you this face to face. I enjoy watching your spats with the unimaginative teachers we have, and I cannot help but grin when your dry wit twists their words in circles. I would like to get to know you better. Think about it.”

It was at this point that Artemis stood, retrieved the garbage can from its place next to the teacher’s desk, and swept all the valentines, including the ones he had not yet opened, into it. The move was not overly subtle, since the cards’ new home would be apparent to the girls as soon as they walked in, but then, Artemis was not feeling overly subtle at the moment. He could handle a few pouting girls without any remorse whatsoever.

The situation with Derek would require some thought to resolve without undue trauma—but not today.

As the bell rang, Artemis pulled an advanced textbook on political science out of his bag and proceeded to ignore everyone and everything for the rest of the day.

---

Artemis did not run to the Bentley as he left the school and the groups of hopeful girls behind him, but he did walk faster than usual. As he slid into his seat, Butler glanced back at him.

“Rough day?”

“As far as I knew, hell was supposed to be fire and brimstone, not hearts and flowers,” Artemis said flatly.

Butler didn’t say anything in reply, but a tiny grin could be seen on his lips as he drove back to Fowl Manor.

His mother met him at the door, which was almost enough to have Artemis turn around and go back to the car.

“How was your day, dear? Did you get any valentines? I knew you would.”

After briefly weighing the risks and benefits of telling the truth or lying, Artemis settled for somewhere in the middle. “One or two.”

Juliet, who was standing behind his mother, gave him a knowing look. He scowled.

Angeline laughed as she took his coat from Butler. “It’s because of the Fowl features, Arty. Tall, dark and handsome.”

He said nothing.

“If you don’t mind my asking,” she continued, “are you going to answer any of them?”

Artemis sighed deeply. “No.”

“Why not?”

“They’re all too young,” he said calmly.

Angeline frowned. “Artemis…some of your classmates are older than you are.”

“They’re too young,” he repeated as he headed toward his room.

He heard his mother sigh as he began to ascend the stairs.

“Has it ever crossed your mind that perhaps you’re too old?” she called after him.

Artemis paused on the stairs and looked back down at Angeline with an odd half-smile on his face

“Perhaps you have a point, Mother,” he admitted. "Perhaps."