|Slytherin's Harshest Defeat Reposted
Author: Draform PM
Watch and see as Ranma's gang invade the Harry Potter world to turn a quidditch match into a circus.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Ranma - Words: 2,721 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 11 - Published: 02-28-06 - Status: Complete - id: 2822463
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: neither Ranma ½ nor Harry Potter are mine, and I present my most heartfelt respects to the incredible women who created those two series. This is the humble token of my admiration for their stories.
May you enjoy this, if you have not read it yet.
It was a beautiful day at Hogwarts. The sun was there, but with a few clouds to temper the heat. A gentle wind swept by, bringing with it the smells of nature. A magnificent day for the awaited event.
"Today is a great day for quidditch. And the day's match is Gryffindor VS Slytherin. And now is time for quidditch!"
But that was earlier that day. Now is the evening, in the grand room of the castle, where the students are enjoying a feast celebrating the victorious team.
At the teacher's table, McGonnagal was seated next to Snape, as she was happily cleaning her glasses. "It was such a beautiful match. Isn't that right, SEVERUS? Yes, Gryffindor did rather well, didn't they, SEVERUS?"
Said teacher was looking paler than usual and was entirely unresponsive. "What was the score already? 740 to 0 it was, wasn't it, SEVERUS? Slytherin never had such a humiliating defeat since… since… well, I don't think Slytherin ever suffered such a defeat. Right, SEVERUS?"
Meanwhile, at the table of the los… err Slytherin, the local quidditch team was grumbling among themselves about the earlier event. Except for their seeker, Draco Malfoy. This particular player was just sitting there, an expression of shock mixed with fright apparently permanently etched on his face, a small tear hanging from one of his eye and his fists clenched under his chin, elbows together. But the others were commenting about the match.
"THAT was humiliating."
"Yeah. But, I mean, it's not like we could have guessed. After all, almost all of their team were new players."
"Right. And those were the foreign students. They didn't even KNOW what quidditch was before coming here…"
"And now, I present you the GRYFFINDOR TEAM!"
"The seeker and captain, as well as the only veteran player, HARRY POTTER!" Here, we can see the familiar boy with the lightning bolt-shaped scar and the round glasses. He now looks to be sixteen.
"Now, for the new players! First are the chasers: Saotome Ranma, Shampoo and Mousse!" Now are seen: a young man with black hair in a braided ponytail, a buxom young girl with lustrous purple hair, and another young man with long free-flowing dark hair wearing an ample white robe under the quidditch armor and VERY thick glasses.
"Then are the beaters: Tendo Akane and Hibiki Ryouga!" Now, flying in sight are a young girl with short dark hair, wielding a large wooden mallet instead of the usual bat, and a black-haired boy with a spotted yellow bandanna and a bamboo umbrella instead of a bat.
"Finally the keeper, Kuonji Ukyou!" Ukyou is a young girl, appearing to be sixteen, like the rest of the team. She has long unrestricted brown hair and has an enormous backer's peel strapped on her back.
END OF FLASHBACK
A Slytherin chaser nodded in remembrance, "Yeah, they didn't look like much. But their chasers are incredible! I don't think even professional players could do that kind of passes."
Shampoo was holding the quaffle, and was speeding toward the hoops, tailed by the opposing chasers, when suddenly…
"SHAMPOO MY LOVE!" Swooping from above, Mousse was coming at her full speed, arms stretched wide to hug her. In desperate move, Shampoo shoved the quaffle to Mousse, before diving away. Thankfully, Mousse started hugging the hapless ball, and then the Slytherin started to swarm him. Mousse reacted as he always react with someone trying to steal his love:
"How dare you try to steal my Shampoo! DIE!" he started sending chains, yo-yos and bolos at the Slytherin players, who barely had time to retreat. Then Ranma came close.
"Mousse, you blind idiot! Shampoo is over there!" Ranma said, pointing toward the purple-haired girl. Mousse quickly wiped his head in the indicated direction, adjusting his glasses. Ranma took advantage of his inattention by stealing the quaffle.
Mousse faced the fleeing chaser, his face an expression of fury, "SAOTOME! You coward come back here!" and he chased after the pigtailed boy, even though said boy had just scored 10 points.
END OF FLASHBACK
"Yeah, that was bad…"
"Worse." A beater said, "They did it more than once"
Ranma was speeding toward the Slytherin hoops, two chasers hot on his tail, when suddenly…
"AIREN!" A purple-headed missile was descending on the pigtailed martial artist and wizard at terminal velocity. Panicking, Ranma threw the quaffle at Amaguriken speed to Shampoo and dived suddenly to avoid the amazon's charge. The action was so fast that the Slytherin players continued to follow the chaser, not having seen the quaffle change hands.
Shampoo was a little miffed at being left alone so fast. But she was not starved enough for company to bare what followed:
"Shampoo!" The blind idiot was back, "Come into my arms!"
"Stupid blind boy leave Shampoo alone!" To punctuate her words, the purple-haired amazon flung the quaffle at the visually impaired teenager, the ball bouncing violently on his head, going high into the air before being caught by Ranma, who scored in the middle hoop. The Slytherin had left him alone when they finally noticed he hadn't the quaffle anymore.
END OF FLASHBACK
The whole Slytherin quidditch team nodded in remembrance. Then a chaser started talking again about the match.
"The goal too was a problem: she caught everything we could throw."
Another chaser nodded, "And that's when we actually managed to GET the quaffle. Did you count how many times we got it? I'll tell you: three times. We held the quaffle three times in the whole match!"
A beater followed, "I think that the worse were their beaters. Did you see them?"
"Yeah. I really thought that they were trying to send the blodgers on their own chasers!"
"But it was only a ploy!" continued a third player, "They KNEW that there was one of us behind their chaser!"
Shampoo had finally managed to graft herself on Ranma and was snuggling against him quite closely. It didn't matter that she had the quaffle and that a Slytherin chaser was coming from behind. But that moment was not meant to last.
"RANMA! HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON AKANE!" This roar was coming from everyone's favorite directionally challenged idiot. Said idiot was currently batting a blodger with his umbrella toward the 'couple'.
At full strength.
Ranma and Shampoo barely dodged, one upward, the other downward, leaving the Slytherin player directly in the blodger's altered way. The unfortunate player just had time to whimper at that.
END OF FLASHBACK
"And if it wasn't enough! The other would do the same thing!"
Shampoo was once again chasing Ranma, with the quaffle in her hands once again, and a Slytherin on her tail as well. Better: this time Ranma was waiting for her! (actually, Ranma was waiting an occasion to steal the quaffle from Shampoo, but she doesn't need to know that, does she?)
But as she had almost latched onto the pigtailed chaser, a certain uncute tomboy made her existence known.
"SHAMPOO YOU BIMBO! AND RANMA! STOP FLIRTING WITH HER AND PLAY!" in her rage, Akane uncharacteristically batted, well more like malleted, a blodger in the direction of the amazon, who dodged out of the way, leaving an opening for the Slytherin player to catch the blodger. In the face.
The poor Slytherin just had the time to utter a "Mommy!" before seeing stars.
END OF FLASHBACK
"Yeah. That was very bad."
A Slytherin, not of the quidditch team, intervened, "I still think that Malfoy is the one who had it the worst."
"Yeah! Look at him! He hasn't reacted since the match!"
A Slytherin looked intently at the comatose-shocked Malfoy, before whirling suddenly, pointing at something just out of Draco's line of sight. "Malfoy! Over there! There's your father in a pink negligee!"
No response, no reaction whatsoever.
Another Slytherin whistle at that. "He didn't even blink."
Mrs. Pomfrey arrived at that moment. "Okay. Can one of you tell me how he came to be in this state?"
"Well Mrs. Pomfrey, it was like this…"
Malfoy was racing behind the snitch, muttering happily to himself. "Ha! Potter is too busy watching the other play. The score might be 60 to 0 for them, but when I get the snitch, it'll be 60 to 150!"
Draco was coming closer and closer to the golden snitch. Nothing was going to stop him!
"I got it! I got it! I got it!" When suddenly…
"Out of my way! Out of my way! Out of my way!"
Malfoy barely had time to swerve to the right to avoid the red clad pigtailed rocket coming at him for a frontal assault.
However, he didn't manage to escape what followed…
"SAOTOME! YOU COWARD! COME BACK HERE!" Mousse was behind Ranma at full speed, sending chains in every direction. One of the chains wrapped itself tightly around Malfoy and his broom, transforming him into something between a steel mummy and piece of meat wrapped in a net.
Poor Malfoy had his face locked into a shocked expression, a tear hanging from one of his eyelids, and his fists balled and placed under his chin. (The very same position he's currently in in the dinner room)
And the chain was still attached to Mousse's sleeve. Meaning that the Chinese hidden weapons master was dragging the poor seeker around with him.
END OF FLASHBACK
"I see…" Mrs. Pomfrey hummed, trying to think of a way to cure the poor boy…
Meanwhile, back at the teacher's table, McGonnagal was finishing her one sided conversation with professor Snape. Her face was fairly radiating smug happiness on a solar scale.
"Well, let us hope that your team will be able to compensate for such a handicap. Right, SEVERUS? With such a defeat, they will need all possible luck. Ah! Such a beautiful match, wasn't it, SEVERUS?" McGonnagal then left the table, her mind still above the clouds of bliss.
Dumbledore then approached the potion teacher with an apologetic expression. "You will have to forgive Minerva, Severus. She is just so happy that Gryffindor managed such a feat… Severus? Severus?" The headmaster of Hogwarts waved a hand in front of his potion teacher's face. His eyes widened at the lack of response. "He's in shock! Someone call Mrs. Pomfrey!"
"I'm over here Albus! I'm already on a patient!"
Meanwhile, Minerva McGonnagal was slowly heading toward the Gryffindor table, talking to herself in her happiness-induced haze.
"All of these years, being humiliated by the Slytherin at every turn, losing face… But I didn't give up, and now my courage and persistence have been awarded…" At that point, she's at the Gryffindor table, and she stops behind a short, but well developed redheaded girl with her hair done in a familiar pigtail. "Continue like this my dears…" she said while fondly ruffling the redhead's hair. She then left, still muttering happily.
Ranma-chan leaned to her right, toward Harry, to softly ask: "Should we tell her that we didn't do it on purpose?"
Harry responded: "No, it would break the poor old lady's heart…"
"Still. The way we won was rather ridiculous."
"I thought it was quite entertaining myself."
FLASHBACK (I promise it's the last one u)
The score was 70-0 for Gryffindor, but everything was going to change.
The wizard weatherman had said that the day would be sunny all day long. But like every time Ranma and the "Nerima Wrecking Team"™ are involved, things didn't go as expected.
Thus it was perfectly normal for a sudden shower of rain to come out of nowhere, drenching everyone in two minutes. And activating every active Jusenkyo curse. Thus, the Gryffindor team was now made of three girls, a cat, a pig, a duck, and a boy (Harry).
Problem: the redheaded girl who suddenly appeared apparently had a pathological fear of cats, as was shown as she was flying away from the cat, which was somehow on a broom, with the quaffle in her hands. And she was flying, and fleeing, inside the Slytherin hoops in a desperate attempt to lose the mewling cat.
"Ten points for Griffindor… Ten points for Griffindor… Ten points for Griffindor… Ten points… Ten points… Ten points… Ten, ten, ten, ten…" The point counter for Gryffindor was definitely skyrocketing.
Oh, and the cat was chased by the duck, which had a chain attached to its leg, at the end of said chain being a half-mummified Draco Malfoy with still that shocked/disbelieving expression and posture.
Akane was holding P-chan, pestering against that perverted baka and wondering where Ryouga had left.
Half the Slytherin team was either on the ground unconscious, (blodgers from Akane and Ryouga) or wrapped in chains and attached to the towers. (Mousse)
Above the field, Harry was contentedly watching the show, listening to the score going way up. Until he heard Ron and Hermione yell at him:
"Come on Harry! Catch that snitch!"
"Yeah! Malfoy is out of service! Only you can catch it!"
Harry looked around and saw that, indeed, Malfoy was in the impossibility to catch the snitch to stop the match. Grumbling against people not letting him get any rest, he casually caught the golden snitch, which had been flying lazily around him.
Final Score: 740 to 0 in favor of Gryffindor.
END OF FLASHBACK
"Okay, maybe it was a wee bit ridiculous…" Harry conceded.
"Glad you see it my way," The pigtailed girl said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna fetch hot water. I don't see why you gave time for the others to change back, and not me."
Harry nodded as Ranma-chan left the table.
The Hufflepuff quidditch team was looking at the board for their incoming match.
"Look at that! We're against Gryffindor!"
"Okay! Let's give up right now!"
"Give up? But then we'd lose 150 to 0!"
"Exactly. ONLY 150 to 0…"
"Oh… Right… if Slytherin lost 740 to 0, and last time Slytherin crushed us…"
"Now you understand…"
The rest of the team nodded at their captain's wisdom.
Thus the Gryffindor quidditch team from Nerima played its only match ever in Hogwarts…
Epilogue, 2nd edition
In the Hogwarts' nurse office, there were two patients, side by side, both suffering from the same terrifying and mysterious illness. Nothing had been able to cure them…
In his bed, Malfoy still held the same posture; shock was still etched deeply on his features.
On the next bed, professor Severus Snape was staring into space, muttering regularly in a small voice "740 to 0… … … 740 to 0… …"
And they stayed that way long into the school year. Dumbledore even had to hire a replacement to the potion teacher.
Now, for those people who are not reading but re-reading the story, you might have noticed that it's not under the same author's name anymore. This comes from the fact that I wrote this story in the first place.
Originally, I wrote it for my sister. I had no intention to have it posted. But Aylam went and did so while I was away on an internship. I'll admit that the reviews we received were flattering. So I went and wrote some more short stories and this time posted them under a writer's name of my own.
Now, I'd like you to turn to "Wrecking Through Hogwarts", which is a companion story of sorts to this one.
Final notes: deleted that story a little while ago and I re-uploaded it, since despite their saying it was present several times, I did a search and didn't find it at all. Stupid administrators!