Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or Gainax. I own a toothbrush and a can of tuna fish. That is the extent of my wealth.

Gwahaha! Finally updated! Enjoy! R&R!

…

"That senior Sasuke definitely has the best body; his legs are exquisite. Muscular yet lean." Said Rei to a crowd of greatly interested girls around him. "Though I guess Touji is alright for our grade, he still has some way to go. He has a nice butt… really nice butt… Mmm… Now for 'equipment' size…" and many of the girls started to get tissues ready for their imminent nose-bleeds.

"I… I can't believe this…" moaned Shinji, watching from a room above with Asuka, completely powerless to stop Rei from sharing her experiences in the boy's showers. They were in detention for a fierce argument in the girl's toilets, involving ten rolls of toilet paper, a cigarette lighter and a period. "I cannot believe this at all…" and he started to sob.

"Shh! I'm trying to listen!" hissed Asuka, eager to hear the information Rei was handing out. "Verdammit! That sly First Child! I wish I hadn't chickened out when I had your body! Man this sucks! All those boys I could have checked out at once, all together… in a steamy room… undressed… washing themselves…"

"Your nose is bleeding…" sighed Shinji, handing her the tissue box.

"Danke." And she stuffed her nostrils while leaning further out the window to scrape the whispering and giggles going on in the huddle. "What? 10? You've got to be kidding!"

"How could you even be listening to that?" asked Shinji, horrified. "It's completely lewd, degrading and disgusting!"

"And it's coming from your mouth too." Nodded Asuka. "That's what makes it most interesting."

"WH-WH-WHAT?"

"Well, it's pretty logical isn't it? Boys find it amusing watching girls together, and girls like to watch boys flirt with boys. We have fantasies too you know? Hell! Out of all the boys in the world YOU should be in the know better than anyone! Perverse it may be, but it's still really interesting!"

"B-b-but MY lips! MY mouth! She's using MY body to 'advertise' other boys!" whined Shinji, chewing Asuka's fingernails. "This is so, so wrong! Couldn't she have waited until she got back to her own body?"

"It makes perfect sense baka!" snapped Asuka, who really wanted to hear about the Elric brother's physique. "How would she able to explain where she got her first hand information from if she wasn't a boy? Not to mention all the hormonal benefits from all the attention from the ladies. She must be absolutely drunk with testosterone by now! Now stop chewing my fingernails and be QUIET!" and at that moment she leaned so far that she almost fell out the window. But luckily, Shinji caught her just in time, using the ill gotten heightened reflexes from his many nervous breakdowns.

"LEAN BACK! LEAN BACK!" yelled Shinji, just holding her thighs. "ARGH! MISATO! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MAKE REI SO HEAVY?"

"PULL ME IN! PULL ME IN!" screamed Asuka and she waved Rei's arms round like a windmill. With a mighty heave, Shinji used Asuka's muscles to pull Rei's body from the window and they fell flat on the floor…

Well at least Shinji fell on the floor while Asuka sat on him…

On her own body's face…

Before they could both scream when they realised what exactly happened, the door opened and Touji and Kenesuke burst in, intent on finding out why 'Shinji' was telling bathroom secrets.

The two pairs stare at each other for a few frightened seconds.

The two boys, convinced they must have lost their minds, closed the door and walked away.

"Dammit Baka! If you weren't wearing my face I would slap you SOOO hard right now!" yelled Asuka, hands over Rei's crotch.

"What was I supposed to do?" whined Shinji, none too pleased himself at the outcome. "Just let you fall out the window? Stop acting before thinking, I was saving your life not trying to be perverse!"

"Hey! This is a very stressful time for me!" growled Asuka. "Don't be so hard on me!"

"YOU'RE having a stressful time?" gawked Shinji. "What about me? I've been transported into two female bodies, been on Kaji's flirting list and now I almost have more willing-to-be boyfriends than Misato-san!"

"What do you mean 'almost'? And what's so bad about being kissed by Kaji-san? Being in your body is double the trauma anyway! A week! A whole hell-ridden week with a completely new organ is very distressing!"

"So what? How do you think I feel with it MISSING? Argh! I can't believe Akagi needs an entire week to recalibrate the device!" he seethed. "I haven't had a penis for almost two weeks!"

Touji and Kenesuke, who had just returned at that last sentence, convinced they had heard all that was necessary, closed the door and walked away.

"YOU BASTARD! YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!" Cried Asuka, struggling not to strangle herself. "I'M RUINED! MY LIFE HAS ENDED… AGAIN!"

…

"You know Shinji, I always wanted a gay friend." Said Hikari, under one of Shinji's arms, his other arm occupied by another random girl.

"Well, I'm bisexual at the moment." Said Rei smugly. "But for you, I can change to anything you like." And she winked Shinji's eye. With a short bustle Hikari and the girl are left behind as Shinji's body is carried away by its true owner and Asuka storming off to for a private rant.

"Sohryu-san! Ikari-kun!" said Rei as they enter the Janitor's storeroom. "What can I do for yo-…oof!" and she is thrown in and the door is closed behind them.

"What the hell are you doing to me?" shouted Shinji, picking himself up by his shirt. "You're turning me into a male prostitute!"

"But Ikari-kun! You're body is REALLY enjoying this!" said Rei smiling insanely. "Shouldn't you feel happy? The attention, the fame! Think all the girls… all the boys!"

Shinji was so taken aback, frustrated and suicidal that he couldn't say anything and just went to a wall and leaned Asuka's head on it. With a sigh, Asuka stepped up and resumed throttling Rei.

"Now listen closely baka-Rei! You are going to stop acting like a slut and start acting like Shinji! You-are-going-to-lay-low." Said Asuka, one word at a time slowly. "You understand that Anayami?"

"No! YOU don't understand Asuka!" said Rei, brushing her arms off her. "I've never felt so appreciated before, so wanted and accepted! Being a boy is so much fun, it's the greatest thing that has ever happened to me! I'm stronger, I can sleep on my front, pee standing up and run without a bra!"

"And I suppose all the girls wanting to grope you isn't corrupting you at all?"

"Well of course I really enjoy that." Smirked Rei, making both Asuka and Shinji shiver. "Naturally, when we are cured, Shinji will inherit all of my good fortune. He should be thanking me that I have accumulated so much potential ass."

Asuka and Shinji didn't register for a while, the shock still sinking in. "Wh-what did you… just… say?"

"Ass." Said Rei, rolling her eyes at their slow uptake of the situation. "You know! Girls! Pussy, the thing you rub against vigorously."

Asuka, at the far end of the room and shaking, is speechless and horrified while Shinji is pinching herself to try and wake up from the horrible nightmare. "Rei! Your insane!"

"Maybe I am. Heh… you know…" smiled Rei, striding to her own body. "I know all the places on this body that will make your toes curl." And she leaned her body on a completely shattered and terrified Asuka. "Hmm… maybe when Misato's away and we have the apartment all to ourselves… maybe we three can help each other 'move the furniture'." She smiled seductively through Shinji's eyes. "If you know what I mean?"

…

Some time and events later…

…

"Okay, we're going to organize some emergency 'Eva training' for 'Shinji'." Said Misato, handing another ice pack to Rei, who sported two black eyes on Shinji's face. Then she turned to the other two "I can't believe you two bashed her up! Especially you Shinji! God! Look what you did to your poor face! It looks like a panda!"

"Actually I did both of the black eyes." Coughed Asuka. "Shinji aimed lower and used my foot."

"Oh boy…" shuddered Misato. "How are you feeling now Rei?"

"Pain…" said Rei weakly, shivering as the memories came back to haunt her. "Pain like I have never experienced in my entire life… So… much… pain…"

Misato looked over to Shinji who was sitting on the couch, half in a stubborn spiteful sulk, and half in inconsolable trauma. She sighed and fell on her seat with a thump. "This is so wrong!"

Ding-dong

"If that's Kaji I'll kill him for you Shinji." Said Misato, looking through the kitchen draw for a suitable knife.

"No wait!" exclaimed Asuka, fixing Rei's hair. "I haven't yet tried to seduce Kaji in Rei's form! Maybe he'll warm up to her better because she's so vulnerable, meek and mild… Well… or at least she was..."

"I can't believe you Asuka." Snorted Shinji. "You go on how Rei was so disgusting, but at the first chance, you decide to try and attack Kaji in Rei's body! How do you think Rei feels?"

"Actually I'm okay with it." Said Rei. "It gives me an excuse to get laid in your body."

Before Shinji could leap over and do something violent, Misato opened the door for Kaji so at least they would behave themselves. "Hello Kaji. Back from the dentist?"

"Yes." Nodded Kaji, walking past her in angry dismissal. "Back from getting my new teeth."

"I said I was sorry." Said Misato, giving him the finger while his back was turned.

"Now I heard Shinji got into a little brawl today?" and he looked around, but the kids had wisely retreated. "Where are they all?"

"Kaji, don't you think you should limit your visits from now on?"

"You're avoiding the question."

"No I'm not, I'm saying you're not very welcome here at the moment." Said Misato, tapping her foot. "You've been tasared, you've been beaten very badly and you've been accused of molestation in less than a fortnight for coming over here. Why do you keep coming?"

"Because I KNOW something is wrong Misato," said Kaji stubbornly. "And sorry for caring but I want to find out what it is and help you guys sort it out, whether you like it or not!"

Misato, though taken back from his concern, knew she couldn't let him do that at the risk of SEELE finding out. "Well I don't like it and you won't be helping anyone by staying here." Said Misato, grabbing his arm and pushing out the door. "You cause nothing but mayhem after each visit, why on earth should I let you stay? This place is now off limits to you. Don't make me call section 2 on you!" and she closed the door and locked it.

"We're in deep shit aren't we?" said Asuka as they crept from hiding

"We're we ever out?" groaned Shinji.

Misato wore a concerned look upon her face, enough even to make Rei worry. "That was too easy." She said quietly. "Kaji hardly ever goes off without a fight, he's up to something. You guys better be on your guard."

"Kaji-sama might be my idol, but I can't have him finding out about this mess! I won't slip up an inch!" said Asuka with determination. "I'll be the best Rei ever! I'll be quiet, secluded, unresponsive and annoyingly docile. Kaji won't suspect a thing!"

…

"I'm staying with Kaji-sama! With Kaji-sama! Squeee!" squealed Asuka in Rei's body, skipping to Kaji's car with Rei's belongings. From behind a hedge, Shinji, Misato and Rei watched the situation covertly with great foreboding.

"This is bad… This is very, very bad!" said Misato, shaking her head in apprehension. "I can't believe he was able to convince the higher-ups to change her residency!" she groaned as she watched Asuka again start to chat up Kaji.

"I feel so sorry for you Rei-san." Said Shinji, patting his own shoulder "I wish I could do something to help."

"Well… Now that you mention it…" giggled Rei, stroking Asuka's soft hand

"Except that…" deadpanned Shinji, turning his pat into a hawk's talon grip

"Oh…" sighed Rei in disappointment.

"This is SO bad!" grumbled Misato "Are you worried at ALL Ritsuko?"

"I was at first." Said Ritsuko, popping up beside them. "But some recent news has given me some hope."

"News? Care to share?"

"Confidential. But give it a week and think Kaji will give up."

"A week huh? I suppose that gives us a time frame to hope for. Is there anything else you know that could help ease our nerves of NERV?"

"Hmm… How much faith do you have in Asuka?"

"…" (Crickets chirping)

"Okay, then just wait the seven days."

"Seven days…" Nodded Shimji. "Can we go now? Rei's starting to feel a bit too happy between the three of us."

"Hey! There's no rush ladies!" said Rei, giving the fakest yawn you could ever hope to hear and placing his arms around all three. "It's a perfectly fine day to just laze around together."

Three fists clench and swing…

…

Dear Diary,

It has been one week since I entered Asuka's body and the first day of, hopefully, the last week. With Asuka gone, I've been able to explore the house more freely to clean and tidy up. We discovered where Rei had hid all the dirty magazines she got from Touji, and have successfully blocked the hole she used to spy on me while I changed. We are considering sending her to therapy.

The one thing I miss most about my body is the ability to control it, which I will never take for granted again! Though the one thing I miss about Misato's body is the ability to reach the top shelf without a stool.

…

Dear Diary,

It's the second day without Asuka with no word from her or Kaji. We sent Rei to NERV to do synch tests as we were tired of her hormonal fits of flirt. Also, she needed time for her bruises to heal properly. Surprisingly, Misato has not teased me at all while I've been in Asuka's body. I guess knowing the complete anatomy of a person helps now and again.

…

Dear Diary,

Third day now since Asuka left, and I'm beginning to worry. I've come to a time where I'll need her hair cut, and Misato has begun pestering me to visit the hairdresser… and I don't think I can resist doing something new. Rei seems to be behaving herself at NERV at least, and things seem very peaceful.

…

Dear Diary,

Fourth day, and three days remaining until we know if Kaji learned anything from Asuka. To be honest, and to my surprise, I have become quite used to the female body (apart from the long hair) and have now come to enjoy the blessings of such things as chocolate and icecream on a whole new level. Misato brought a tub of cookies and cream which I do not intend on letting her have to herself. Rei sent her regards, she seems to be quite sane.

Dear Diary

Only two days left after this, but I am uneasy. I need a haircut VERY soon! The warm weather is making this mop of hair very uncomfortable and I haven't seen my original body for some time. Though I know Akagi-san is watching over Rei's recovery, I can't help but feel something is terribly wrong. Thank God for custard donuts!

…

Dear diary

Have gone and had the hair cut and asked the wrong one… I am going to die when she gets back… Rei has not called.

…

Dear Diary

Have put on 2 stone and don't expect to live by the end of tomorrow, so am going all out on the cake. If anyone reads this, please note my will is enclosed. Goodbye.

…

"Just say you lost control and apolagize." Said Misato, patting Shinji on Asuka's back. "It worked for me."

"No it didn't…" replied Shinji, in a slightly stocky Asuka with Shinji-style hair.

"What have you got to loose?" shrugged Misato, and they stepped off the elevator at NERV where they were to meet with Rei and Asuka for another try and re-arranging. Just then, Rei popped up.

"Ikari-kun! Katsuragi-san! How are you!" she smiled as if hiding something.

"Why are you smiling as if hiding something?" asked Shinji, appropriately.

"Ikari-kun, I uh… um… I've… lost something of yours…" Rei said nervously, shuffling his feet.

"Lost something?" said Shinji, then his face went pale. "You don't mean my mother's picture?"

"No… not that."

"My music collection?"

"No…"

"Umm… my wallet?"

"More precious…"

"My Cello?"

"No."

"Oh ! You didn't have THAT operation did you?"

"No!"

"Phew...! Uh... umm... Was it expensive?"

"No, but it was precious..." and at this point Misato clicked.

"Well… err, can you find it again or get it back?"

"Not very likely… Umm, Ikari-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever heard the joke? You know? About being able to un-screw a light-bulb?"

"Umm, Shinji…" coughed Misato, who was looking sick as well. "I think what Rei is trying to say… I believe… is that she lost something that you can't get back… ever…"

Shinji thought about it for a while "My wisdom teeth?"

"N-no, but you're on the right track." Smiled Misato, still very pale and thinking what a messed up and sick situation this was. By now I think you readers should know what Rei's talking about, but for the more naïve Shinji, who was still trusting of Rei, it would be harder to come upon.

Shinji pondered, and then a faint spark flickered in his eye… that slowly grew into a small flame… "You mean… my virginity… don't you?"

"Uh…" nodded Rei, scratching the back of his head. She bumped into the railing as she backed away from the irrate, advancing owner of the body "Yeah… Uhh... s-s-sorry?"