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gin and sin
chapter six
i know,
you might roll your eyes at this,
but I'm so
glad that you exist
the reasons - the weakerthans
The red head groggily opened one eye, getting to his elbows as he stared blearily up at Demyx. The standing sixteen year old had large, dark circles under his eyes, but he still managed to flip a cocky grin. In all reality, Axel couldn’t even remember where in the seven hells that they were. He sat upright, yawning before some pants were tossed at his head. Axel scowled, watching Demyx as he moved across the room. Oh, right. They were at that guy’s house… what was that guy’s name? Axel couldn’t remember, and he didn’t think he wanted to.
Demyx goose-stepped over some broken bottles, coming back with Axel’s shirt as well. The red head quickly realized he was lying on a couch, in a pile of blankets—he had no idea how he’d gotten there, or where in hell the blankets had come from, but he was somewhat grateful. “What time is it?” muttered Axel, glancing around on the floor for his cigarettes. The entire room stank heavily of various drugs with an underlying scent of sex. It was obvious by the slight waver in Demyx’s walk that something had happened last night.
Well, really, when they were together something happened every night.
“It’s noon-ish,” said the older boy, bending over to find his own shirt. Clothes were scattered everywhere, and Axel was positive that those clothes weren’t there when he had first arrived the day prior. Shrugging into the t-shirt, Demyx glanced over to Axel. “You gonna put on clothes, or stare at me all day?”
The red head grunted, crawling over to where his pants were and slipping them onto his nude body. Demyx laughed when the younger about fell off of the couch in sheer fatigue. “Hung-over, huh?” he questioned, making his way over to the old sofa and flopping down. Axel just grunted again, landing his forehead on Demyx’s shoulder and closing green eyes. He was tired and he didn’t want to move—it was as simple as that.
“Ngh, I feel like shit,” muttered Axel, his voice muffled slightly. Demyx nodded, rearranging his body so that Axel was against his chest with the older boy’s legs on either side of him, cradling his body.
Demyx gave a light laugh. “That’s what happens, buddy.” He ran his fingers through Axel’s coarse hair, tugging slightly to manage his fingers through the various tangles in the red, flattened locks. The younger boy nuzzled his face into Demyx’s chest, most likely trying to scare off an oncoming headache. “Don’t worry; you’ll be fine in a bit.”
Axel was still angry with Demyx. He showed his discontent by smashing his fist into Demyx’s face on most occasions. But after all was said and done, Roxas often caught the red head nearly smiling; he didn’t hate Demyx.
More often than not, Axel would leave with the older man and not come back until the next day. Roxas, as disgusted as he was, had no problem guessing exactly what went on. It was easy to deduce by Axel’s obvious limp.
Kurt, being the friendly type of person that he was, really had no problem with Demyx. He obviously missed all of the subtext between Axel and the older boy, but really, he wasn’t looking for it. Roxas, however, always had one eye open to find all of the bizarre signs the two sent each other. The blonde boy was still amused that his adoptive father hadn’t figured out that both of them were gay. Tia had most likely assumed, because she caught onto that type of thing a lot faster. Besides, Kurt was more of a mathematician and didn’t deal with people a whole lot.
By the time that the month of November was almost ending, Axel had pretty much wormed his way into the family. He still visited Roxas nearly every morning, with a twitchy grin and coke-charged antics. All was not well with the red head, but Roxas didn’t question. Whenever he brought up the subject with Demyx (who’d now determined himself as a family friend), the blue eyed man would just scowl at him and say ‘Not now.’
Not now, not ever.
“So, Roxas, Axel, Selphie,” said Tia, bustling her way around the kitchen. Even though Christmas wasn’t for a little less than a month away, the room was already showing signs of festivity. Even Tia, herself, had a deep green sweater on. “What do you want for dinner tonight? I have chicken out, but I’m not sure how I want to make it.”
Selphie glanced upward, tearing her eyes away from her scribbled on colouring book. “Fried chicken!” she giggled, her voice a little bit overpowering. Roxas and Axel glanced at each other.
“Fried chicken?” inquired Tia, her voice sing-song. She ducked her head into the fridge, coming back with a few large packages of raw chicken. “Can’t you pick something better for you? How about baked chicken?”
Selphie scowled, lower lip jutting in a pout. “Baked chicken, boo!” she stated, raising a pink crayon in protest. “Fried chicken, yay!” Axel just idly used one of Selphie’s crayons to colour a cloud brown (straying out of the lines, horribly, due to shaking hands), and attempted to stay out of the conversation. Whenever Selphie and Tia got going about what to make for dinner, it was just best to let them duke it out.
“No, no! Baked chicken, yay! Fried chicken, boo!” laughed the older woman, placing the packages down onto the counter. She paced over to a cupboard, reaching inside to come back with a cookie sheet. “I’m going to make baked chicken. With rice and… hmm, what kind of vegetables?” She glanced over to the three kids sitting at her table.
“I hate vegetables!” said Selphie, crossing her arms. She was still pouting, but Tia took it as more of an adorable, cute thing than the brat that Selphie was attempting to be. “They’re gross!” The little girl stuck out her tongue, scrunching up her face into an expression that imitated a bulldog. Roxas rolled his eyes. He didn’t like it when Selphie whined, as jokingly as it was.
“You’ve gotta eat your vegetables. Or else you won’t get as big and tall as Axel!” said the woman, looking over a variety of spices. Selphie’s eyes widened. She aspired to be exactly like Axel, for some reason; she’d even taken to dressing like him (by stealing some of his clothes, of course). Many of Axel’s mornings babysitting Selphie were spent chasing after the girl when she stole his clothes.
Selphie nodded reverently. “Okay, momma. We’ll eat veggies, then. Just not green ones, they’re ucky,” said the girl, scowling. Abruptly, the melodic sound of a doorbell resonated in the air. Selphie squealed, excited, but Roxas was the first to stand.
“I’ll get it,” he said, shoving hands into his pockets before slumping off towards the door. Tia scoffed at his hunchback-like posture, but smiled to herself. The boy had been a little bit more sociable ever since Axel had showed up. Not much, but at least a little bit.
Perhaps it was because Axel didn’t want to talk about things, and Roxas was the one interrogating; either way, the blonde had taken to asking more questions instead of just guessing, like he’d used to. Even as she bustled around the kitchen, Tia wondered if Axel was really learning anything from Roxas, either.
Well, they’d all find out eventually.
Roxas opened the door, giving Demyx a deadpan stare. The musician was shivering, and giving him a half-hearted smile. “Yo, Roxas. Can I come in? I’m frickin’ freezing,” said the dirty blonde. Before the younger could even sidestep, Demyx had barreled through and was already throwing off his coat and tearing off a light-blue scarf.
Roxas scowled, following the older man into the kitchen. As soon as he came into view, Tia gave Demyx a friendly ‘hello’, and Selphie about burst out crying. She didn’t really like Demyx all that much; despite the fact that the musician attempted to make nice with her, she just called him an ‘Axel stealer’ and turned him down. Axel rolled his eyes as soon as the older man slid down into the chair beside him, subtly ignoring the fact that Demyx’s hand was comfortably resting on his thigh.
“So, Demyx? Gotten any work in town so far?” inquired Tia, turning on burners as she spoke. She was a so-so cook, usually using directions or mixes; nevertheless, her food tasted fine. Kurt made better pancakes, however. Demyx half nodded, giving her a thoughtful look. Axel looked a little blank, and his face had paled slightly. Roxas noted this from where he stood, leaning on the wall behind the musician.
Demyx bit his lip. “Well, yes and no. I’ve had a few people who said they could but they’re not sure type-thing.” He mused for a second, and Selphie started jabbering in the silence. Over the little girl’s voice, he stated; “I’m sure it won’t be hard to find work. The local music store is looking for a banjo teacher, and I bet I could learn how to play!”
Tia laughed, shaking her head. Axel sat there, motionless, before finally taking Demyx by the hand and dragging him away with a soft ‘excuse us’. Roxas watched as the two disappeared upstairs, presumably to his own room. The blonde didn’t really mind if the two went off to talk, but if they started fucking in his bed, heads would roll.
The woman snickered, stirring something in a pot for a few moments before speaking. “Axel’s angry,” she said, rather mildly. Roxas looked over to her, cocking an eyebrow in suspicion.
“What?” questioned the blonde, confused.
Tia sighed, placing her spoon down onto the counter. “I don’t think that Axel wants Demyx around. He only gets that quiet when he’s angry,” she murmured. He also gets really loud and bizarre when he’s angry. You should’ve seen him yell at Demyx, I swear he was foaming at the mouth.
“I don’ want him around, either!” proclaimed Selphie. Tia glanced down to the girl who was innocently colouring away, giving a picture of an ant a bright pink exoskeleton. “He’s a meany head!”
Tia just shook her head. She’d nearly forgotten that the little girl was there. “Roxas, let’s talk about this later,” she said, dismissing the subject, for now.
Demyx rolled his eyes. “I’m looking for a job, Axel, not buying a ring.” The red head scoffed, snapping a hand outward to forcefully push Demyx backward.
“Look, asshole,” said the younger, eyes narrow. “I don’t want you back here. I don’t want you anywhere near me. I thought I made that clear the last tim—“ He was cut off when Demyx shot forward, knocking him backwards and slamming him against the door. Axel tensed, afraid that someone downstairs might’ve heard them.
Demyx sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t wanna fight, Axel. Seriously, me getting a job has nothing to do with you,” he said, his voice stern. After a moment, he laughed sheepishly. “Okay, it kind of does having somethin’ to do with you. But really, I’ve grown up, Axel. I’m sick of living out of a van.”
Axel stared at Demyx, a little horrified. What had happened to the Demyx who just wanted to party and be a rock star? Then again, the two hadn’t really seen each other for a while. “People change,” said Demyx, with a one-shouldered shrug.
The older sighed, snagging his fingers through his gelled hair. “…I miss you, man,” he said, uncomfortable with unveiling his feelings. He hated sounding like such a little girly man, talking about how he felt. It was awkward, to say the least. “I guess… I just want to be more than fuck buddies this time around, you know?”
The red head’s eyes fell to the floor, while Demyx attempted to not feel like a total loser. Wearing a melancholic smile, the dirty blonde stepped forward, sliding his hands around the other boy’s body, bringing him against his chest. Axel felt like a damn skeleton, but the older didn’t want to say anything. It was a real hug, for once, not some faulty embrace inside the confines of lust. They were used to just fucking, and Demyx was through with it.
Unexpectedly, the red head snorted and pushed the dirty blonde away. “Look, man. I’m waiting for someone. I’ll fuck around with you, but I’m not looking for a ‘boyfriend’,” stated Axel, his words firm and voice raised. Demyx was momentarily upset, but he didn’t like to feel exposed, to feel weak.
Instead, he wore a cruel face to match the younger’s. His voice was nearly a yell; “Of course. You’re looking for a ped—“
“Hey, will you two shut the fuck up?” Roxas had slammed open the door, and was now implying murder with his eyes towards the two men in his room. Demyx backpedaled, giving a clumsy smile. Axel just stayed stationary, obviously too angered to move. Roxas scoffed, looking the both of them over once more, before disappearing out the door.
Demyx let his eyes wander back to the younger boy. “…I’m sorry.” He sighed, clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides. He was stressed out, and he really just wanted to tell Axel how he really felt. He couldn’t say—Axel would just laugh at him.
Axel shook his head, sinking back into the quieter, calmer mask he had made for himself. In reality, the boy was so damn guarded that Demyx wasn’t even really sure he knew who Axel was. “No, you’re not,” said the other, shaking crimson hair into his face.
Demyx stared at the ceiling, rocking back on his heels. He knew there was no way to get through to the younger boy, but he didn’t want to just stop talking to him altogether. He enjoyed Axel’s company, regardless if it was just a cheap fuck or not.
Axel turned to leave. “You were never sorry for anything, Demyx.”
Axel snarled, kicking Demyx in the shin with a bare foot. "I don't like Aaron. Shut up."
"Riiight."
The blonde shook his head, pushing Axel down onto the bed. The red head almost wanted to get up and kick Demyx's ass, but the musician was on him in a flash, pressing his back into the mattress. The blonde quickly scaled up the bed, straddling the lithe man’s waist. "You're heartless," mumbled Axel, before his lips were covered by an over-zealous Demyx.
Why the hell would Demyx think he liked Aaron Mitchell, of all people? Axel was stuck on the thought for a mere moment, but it was nearly impossible to think while a nimble musician was happily working his tongue against his own and using equally nimble fingers to pinch his nipples under his shirt. He had lost his pants on the way to the bed, though he couldn’t quite remember how this little tryst had started out.
Axel sucked in air through gritted teeth as Demyx grinned down at him, pinching and pulling at his sensitive nipples, which were reduced to hard nubs. "Ah! Fuckface! Go faster, dammit!" snarled Axel, sliding his leg against Demyx's clothed erection. The blonde made a slight noise of approval, still grinning down at the thinner, bitchier red head.
"Aww, wouldn't you rather take things slower?" retorted the musician, before Axel growled and reached upwards. With fumbling fingers, the red head easily undid the older boy’s pants, releasing his erection. Demyx never wore anything under, ever the arrogant rock star.
"I'd rather you just fuck me, moron," stated Axel, palming Demyx's cock with his long fingers. The blonde wanted to say something, but the only noises that seemed to come out of his mouth were airy sounds of pleasure. Axel grinned up at the blonde man. He had the upper hand. The musician leaned forward, his hands gripping the headboard, face hanging directly over Axel as he slouched there.
“S-so,” stuttered Demyx, eyes screwed shut, “y-you like Aaron?” Axel snarled again, digging his nails into the other man’s erection. The blonde released something of a whimper, his eyes flying open to glower down at the red head.
“I don’t like Aaron.”
“Ow, tha-that hurt.”
“Suck it up, princess.”
Demyx arched an eyebrow at the red head, and as Axel gave a particularly satisfying stroke, the musician bucked into his hand. “So, about this ‘fucking’ business…?” he quipped, half a smile on his face. Even through lust-glazed eyes, that same sort of childish amusement hid there. Axel wanted to punch that stupid smirk off of his face.
“Take off your clothes, and I’ll consider it,” the shorter boy replied, his voice practically dripping with cynicism. Demyx rolled his eyes, before dipping his hands into the collar of his own shirt, and pulling the thin article of clothing off of his body. Revealed to Axel was a taut, wiry body with angular hips and angles that his own frame had, though to more of an extreme. The only real difference was Demyx was far more filled-out, and lacked the sunken, pale look that Axel possessed.
“Like what you see? Better than Aaron, right?” Demyx laughed, thrusting his hips forward once more. Axel rolled his eyes, trying to appear nonchalant, though his body was quickly reacting, anxiously. The evidence of that was pressed against Demyx’s backside. He tightened his grip ever-so-slightly around the blonde’s cock and dug his nails in, again, carefully observing the man’s reaction. Apparently, Demyx could take a little bit of pain, as his back arched and a groan was released from his lips.
“Did you bring lube?”
After dinner was finished and everything was cleaned up, the group of people sat in the living room and talked, with the television as background noise. With a few added people, Demyx talked again, though he was a little bit more subtle about it. When Selphie went to bed, Demyx was about ready to go. Sora, being madly in love with Demyx’s musical sense, protested. “You can stay for a while longer!” said the small brunette, hovering around the older blonde as the man attempted to put on his coat. “We haven’t even gotten to talk about Tool yet!”
“Hey, hey. Don’t worry about it, little man,” said the musician, scanning what he could see beyond Sora for the red head. Axel peeked his eyes around the kitchen door and sent Demyx a glare that could kill angels. “I’ll come over again soon. Axel, do you want to come over to… er, my mom’s house?” It was a known fact, now, that Demyx was back living with his mother (who was, thankfully, vacationing for the next month in the Bahamas), until he could get a place of his own. Daisy and Jack, however, had refused to live with him, and Daisy had found herself a comfortable motel, while Jack switched houses every other night; he did know how to work the ladies, that was for sure.
“I got stuff to do tonight,” said Axel, glaring. Demyx’s eyes narrowed and he glanced down to the red head’s hands. He looked a little shaky, moreso than usual. Demyx knew what was wrong, but he wasn’t about to say anything. Sighing, the musician agreed, and bid goodnight to everyone in the household before marching back to his mother’s ‘soccer mom’ minivan. He loathed the thing itself, but Daisy refused to give him the van.
Axel sighed, following a rather disheartened Sora back to the living room. The red head obviously had plans to go out that night, but Roxas (who was seated on the couch alongside Naminé) wasn’t going to ask. In all truth, he was still curious as to where exactly the older boy went.
As soon as the red head had settled back on the couch, his arm was grasped by Roxas. Giving the blonde a curious look, Axel rose when Roxas headed off towards his room. Ever since that incident with Tia (when she had so aptly declared she had seen the two sharing a bed), there were no questions about where Axel slept. Roxas had really stopped caring at that point—there was no way Axel was going to willingly go back and sleep on the couch.
Axel closed the door behind him, giving what he could see of Roxas a questioning look. The blonde sighed. “Okay, I’ll get right to the point,” said the younger, turning around. Emerald eyes blinked, and Axel crossed his arms and waited for Roxas to continue. “Explain to me exactly why you don’t like Demyx.”
Wide eyed, Axel wondered if Roxas was serious. After a moment, he broke out into a full-blown grin. “Is it really that hard to realize? Damn, Roxas, you’re stupider than I thought,” said the red head, placing his hands on his hips. Roxas scowled, flopping down onto his bed.
“Seriously. Despite the fact that he’s a fag, like you, he doesn’t seem like too bad of a guy. He’s trying to get a job, at least, you free loader,” said the blonde, words harsh. Axel rolled his eyes. “And besides that; he’s clean now. Doesn’t that like, inspire you to quit, or anything?”
“When the fuck did our conversation about how big of an asshole Demyx is switch to me using coke?” snorted the older boy, pacing about the room. “As for Demyx, he’s just an asshole. I want nothing to do with him whatsoever. Whatever we had before is over.”
You say you always finish everything; you’re a liar.
Roxas shook his head. “Well, I guess it’s your choice. But… why are you still, er…” The blonde trailed off, a little too embarrassed to say what he was thinking.
“Fucking?”
“Yeah. Why are you guys still, er, you know, if you hate him?” said the blonde, blushing slightly. He still wasn’t comfortable with the knowledge that the two guys were sleeping together. Axel grumbled, staring at the floor.
“I don’t know,” said the red head, still pacing about the room. He sighed, crossing his arms and locking his green eyes with Roxas’s blue. “I…” He trailed off, gritting his teeth.
Sometimes, you just need to learn to let go.
“I don’t hate him.”
Axel was like a walking, talking storm as he barreled his way through the basement, swiping up clothes off of the floor as he moved. Demyx just sighed, rolling his eyes as he proceeded to re-play ‘Too Many Puppies’ on his guitar for the fourteenth time that day. Cross legged on the couch, Demyx idly strummed, laughing to himself as he messed up. They were both high on meth; the drug tended to make Demyx a lot happier, while it just angered Axel more than usual, and sent him into a cleaning binge.
“God, I hate you so much!” shrieked the red head, nearly knocking over a fish tank as he stormed by, picking up a few cans of half-finished beer from the previous night. They’d hidden down in his mother’s basement for quite a while; his mother, step-father and younger sister were all gone to a wedding for the weekend. Axel, at his mother’s request, hadn’t attended.
Demyx laughed, eyesight blurred. He pushed his guitar out of his lap before getting to his feet and stumbling his way over to the younger boy. He didn’t fully comprehend that Axel wasn’t in a specific mood to be bothered. Regardless, Demyx cornered the red head between his arms, pushing the boy against a wall. “You don’t hate me!” he said, mostly trying to convince himself.
Axel glared at the older boy, upper lip twitching madly. His right arm had the beginnings of a wound in it, Demyx saw; Axel was one of those people who tweaked. That particular side-affect of meth didn’t affect the musician, but he usually caught Axel scraping whatever he could get across his flesh, sometimes, when he was on the drug. “I do, I do hate you and you’re a bad guy,” muttered Axel, head bobbing as he spoke.
“You’re just silly,” said Demyx, pressing a sloppy kiss to the younger boy’s temple. “I love you and you give me inspiration and you’re perfect and I love you and you love me.” Axel didn’t answer, instead flailing his arms, pushing the older boy away. In all truth, it was the meth that motivated Demyx, but in his intoxicated mind, all he saw was Axel.
While Demyx was laughing, half singing something with his mediocre voice, Axel had gone back to storming around the room. “I hate you!” He was screaming, by now, voice reverberating in the large, unfinished basement. The cement floor was cold underneath his feet, but he didn’t realize it. “I fucking hate you and you deserve to die because I hate you.”
Demyx just sang and stumbled back onto the couch, laughing like it was some big joke. “Que pasa contigo?” he crooned, out of tune. “Yeah, what’s the matter with me?”
The blonde squirmed, slowly opening his eyes. He was used to Axel’s morning wakening, now. He was a little bit more tired than he used to be, but other than that, he wasn’t afraid anymore. Axel gave him a wild-eyed look, crawling backwards, now straddling the blonde’s legs instead of his stomach.
Sitting up, Roxas stretched, yawning loudly. He looked at the red head. “Hi,” he said, giving him a tired look. Axel just jerked away, as if something had touched him.
“H-he’s watching me and he’s te-telling me I shouldn’t b-be doing this, because it’s b-bad and we u-used to do it together,” mumbled the neurotic older boy, twitching uncontrollably. Roxas’s eyes narrowed, and he quickly clicked on his light. The red head was scratching his arms frantically, head jerking around in all directions as if he was seeing something. “He’s wa-watching me Roxas, he is, I know he is.”
“Fuck, what are you talking about?” murmured the younger, taking in that Axel’s eyes were extremely bloodshot. Really, there was no doubt about the fact that the boy was high. Or, he was coming down. Really, Roxas didn’t know a whole lot about the effects of cocaine, so most of the time, he was left guessing.
“D-Demyx is watching me,” he said. Roxas rolled his eyes. He was getting sick of the boy’s paranoia already. He had no idea how to deal with Axel, and he knew it. But still, he wasn’t willing to tell anyone that Axel had a problem, for fear that the older boy would be angry with him.
Not that I really mind him being angry with me, Roxas added, mentally. He was reluctant to admit that he might’ve cared about Axel. The kid was gay—he didn’t want to be associated with a faggot. If news like that got around, people would say that Roxas was gay as well.
Finally, the blonde sighed. “Nobody’s watching you, Axel. I’m the only one here,” he said, his voice firm. He wanted Axel to listen to him. Still, the red head just giggled uncomfortably, fingers still scraping across his arms. It was a repetitive action that quickly annoyed the younger boy. “Stop that.” He reached outward, taking hold of Axel’s wrists and pulling them away from his arms.
“Let g-go of me,” stammered the red head, squirming a little bit.
Roxas’s jaw was set as he stared at the older. “I’m not going to let you keep hurting yourself. With the rate you’re going at, you’re going to get your blood all over my bed and I don’t want to get AIDS or something from you, fag,” snarled the blonde. He made a point to keep his voice down, however.
The red head’s face fell, and he went still, save for the occasional arm spasm. Roxas exhaled noisily, pushing the other boy off of him to press Axel into the mattress with one hand. “Just go to sleep, okay?” he asked, giving a weak smile. He didn’t feel like smiling. “Demyx’ll go away if you just sleep.”
Axel frantically shook his head in response. “He’ll never go away. H-he never lea-leaves me alone,” he stuttered, voice barely intelligible. Roxas gritted his teeth, trying to think of a way to calm the nervous boy down. He had no idea how to deal with him, whatsoever.
“There’s no one else here. Just you, and just me,” reassured Roxas, trying his damn best to convince the older boy. He felt like he was soothing a small child. Really, when Axel was in this type of state, exposed and unsure, he was, mentally, just a small child. Parents and teachers had always told him that drugs were ‘horrible’, but it was so much worse to see the effects first-hand.
“H-he’s always there with that st-stupid heavy metal and th-that stupid tea and peppermint,” mumbled the red head, even after Roxas had lain down and turned off the bedside lamp. The blonde sighed, pulling his pillow over his head to try to drown out the other boy’s noises.
Axel kept mumbling.
Roxas glanced at his analogue clock again. The boy still hadn’t come down, and it had been one hour since he’d gotten there. Roxas sat up, rubbing sleepy eyes to flick the lamp back on and stare at Axel’s blank expression. He was worried. Axel’s breathing had slowed a little, and while his heart was still beating rapidly, he didn’t seem quite… there.
“Axel?” asked the blonde, shaking the older boy by his shoulders. When the red head didn’t immediately respond, Roxas was a little bit worried. Pulling himself out from under the covers, Roxas knelt to the side of Axel, half-shaking him and getting far more frantic by the second.
After a moment of increased fear for Roxas, the red head did finally rouse, opening green eyes and giving him a tired look. “What?” he mumbled, not really realizing that Roxas was almost on top of him. The blonde sighed, bringing a shaky hand up to run fingers through his hair.
“You were… unconscious. I though you’d gone and died on me,” said the blonde, voice relieved. Axel gave a barely-there grin.
“Naw, I live to annoy you,” he said. Apparently, he was back to his usual attitude. Does that mean the drug’s wearing down? Does that mean he’s crazy? What the hell is going on? The red head groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes to block out the light. “What the hell is u-up? Fuck, just turn off the li-light and let me sleep, I feel like sh-shit.”
Roxas raised an eyebrow to the other boy’s bizarre speech patterns. It was evident that Axel wasn’t completely sobered up, but at the same time, it was getting better, so Roxas figured it was all right to go back to sleep. Slowly, he crawled away from the other boy to go back to his side of the bed. He slid his body under the blankets, before reaching over to click off the lamp.
Laying his head down on the pillow, he sighed. He could hear Axel’s irregular breathing, and it disturbed him a little bit. “…You gonna wake up in the morning?” he asked, mildly, trying to mask his voice and contain any type of worry.
“Why the hell w-wouldn’t I?” muttered the older. Roxas couldn’t see him in the dark, but he knew that Axel was probably just starting to drift off to sleep. The blonde exhaled noisily, rolling over onto his side.
“I’m just checking. No need to get all defensive,” he mumbled, curling up into a slightly fetal position and shutting his eyes. Eyelids snapped open, however, when he felt uncomfortable warmth pressing against his back. “…Axel, get off of me.”
“Shut up,” muttered the red head. So what if he was selfish, he was also very cold. Still in a sweatshirt and jeans, he made his way under the blankets as well, before getting as humanely close to Roxas as he could. The two were in practically mirror positions, with Axel basically surrounding the blonde. Roxas’s only escape route was off the edge of the bed.
Roxas stared at the wall, until little purple flecks of colour started to cross his vision. He wasn’t gauche, really. The warmth that Axel permitted was somewhat… comfortable. Roxas blinked. He hadn’t lain next to someone for a little while. I haven’t been spending a whole lot of time with Olette lately, have I? Suddenly, he felt guilty for almost replacing her.
Axel was completely different from Olette. He was thin, tall and to Roxas, it almost felt like sleeping with a bag of pointy sticks. Olette wasn’t the curviest girl around, but her skin was soft and her hair wasn’t scratchy and above all, she wasn’t a man.
Holy shit, I’m fucking cuddling with a guy.
Roxas squirmed a little bit, wanting more than anything to get away. Axel, being the cruel type of person that he was, simply curled an arm around the boy’s waist and pulled the blonde full against his body. Roxas squeaked.
It was going to be a long night.
Roxas seethed for a quiet moment, before going off to do his usual morning routine. Once finished and basically ready for school, he tromped his way down the stairs, only to find Sora idly plucking the raisins out of raisin toast as he sat at the kitchen table. “Mornin’, Roxas,” said the brunet, gleefully. Roxas just grumbled in response, walking over to the cupboards to search for pop tarts. “Mom and Naminé are already gone. They had to leave earlier this morning. And, hey, man stop slamming’ the cupboards! Are you grumpy or something?”
“Nngh.” The blonde was obviously not in the mood to talk. He stalked his way around the kitchen, avoiding Sora at all costs. Sometimes, the kid was just too damn cheery for his own good. The blue eyed boy sighed, idly going back to picking the raisins out of his toast.
“Man, you’re such a downer,” he muttered, finally taking a tentative bite of the toast. It was around that time that Selphie, still in her footsie pajamas, tore into the room dragging one of Sora’s old teddy bears along with her.
The young girl jumped around, excited, eyes wide open. “Is Axel up yet? I had a dream an’ I wanna tell him about it!” She bounced about, getting a little bit upset when a very agitated Roxas didn’t answer her. “Roxas, can I wake him up?”
The blonde shook his head almost immediately. “He didn’t sleep well, last night,” said Roxas, voice blatantly annoyed. Sora rolled his eyes.
“What, did you guys have hot, kinky gay sex?” inquired the younger brunette. Roxas tensed up, breaking his pop tart in his hand. Selphie squealed as crumbs fell onto the countertop and the boy’s hand was covered in strawberry filling.
Roxas whirled around, glaring daggers at Sora. Said boy laughed uncomfortably. “Hey, man, chill out. It’s just a joke, Roxas,” he laughed, finishing his toast and standing up. “Hurry up, we gotta go to school.” The blonde sighed, sticking his hand under the sink to wash off the gooey mess of pop tart.
Roxas rolled his eyes. “I guess I’ll have to go wake up Axel,” he muttered, before picking a very angry little Selphie up and carrying her back up the stairs. “We don’t want to leave Selphie alone. She could set fire to the house.” Though the words were all in fun, the blonde didn’t doubt that Selphie would accidentally set the house on fire.
The boy lightly knocked on his bedroom door before carefully poking his nose in. He only saw the black lump in his bed that was Axel, so he cautiously entered the room. Selphie squirmed out of his arms and bolted over to the end of the bed, scrambling her way up onto the mattress and crawling over to the red head.
“Mnng, go back to sleep, Roxas.”
The blonde couldn’t help but smile, slightly, as Axel awoke and rolled over to pull the little girl into a hug. While Axel may have been a total asshole to him sometimes, he did have a bizarre way with children. Both Naminé and Selphie got along with him quite well.
“Wait a sec, you’re not Roxas. Who are you?” Selphie giggled loudly at Axel’s words as the red head pretended to not know who she was. “Hm. Could you be a cat? You kind of look like a cat?”
“I’m not a cat!” protested the little girl, worming her way under the covers. When Axel’s eyes peered out from over the covers, Roxas quickly rolled his eyes and gave a slight wave before leaving the room.
Heading down the steps, Roxas called back; “I’ll be home later, you guys. Have… a nice day or something.” Seeing Axel and Selphie bond like that had somehow brightened his mood a little, even if he wouldn’t admit it. So when Sora pointed and laughed at him, he smacked the kid on the back of the head and hid a secret smile.
“I thought you didn’t like girls,” said the red head, blinking lazily.
“I don’t. But she was different,” whispered the older boy, idly chewing on the end of a joint. The thing itself was rolled so sloppily that pot stuck out everywhere and it looked like it was about to fall apart. They were so high they couldn’t really think straight, and Demyx just kept laughing about nothing.
“How so?” asked Axel, staring up at the ceiling. Demyx had a nice basement, and that was for sure. The old sitar he’d abandoned for a more ‘practical’ guitar lay between the two of them.
Demyx sighed, giving a one shouldered shrug before handing the joint to Axel. “She just was.”
Teeth grit, he slammed his locker shut. He heard a girl squeak behind him, but he really paid no mind to the noise. Slinging his backpack onto his shoulder, he turned around to come face-to-face with a rather meek looking Olette. “Hi…” she said, giving him a half-hearted smile.
Roxas blinked. “Um… hey Olette,” he said, awkwardly. He hadn’t really talked to her, much, over the last month. Sure, at school, but he thoroughly neglected her after school and on the weekends. “How are you?”
“I’m fine,” she said, smile increasing slightly. She looped her hands behind her back, looking a little bit silly doing it while she was standing there in a parka and ready to go outside. “Say, Roxas. I know you’re probably busy at home and stuff, but would you wanna do something this weekend?”
Roxas cocked his head, thinking about it for a moment. “…I guess I could,” he mumbled, rather slowly. Olette’s happy demeanor faded slightly, but she kept smiling nevertheless.
“Well, if you’re too busy—“
“No, he will.”
Roxas turned his head towards the voice, taking in the sight of both Hayner and Pence. The former looked a little less than infuriated, but Pence just looked depressed. Hayner placed his hand on his hip, strutting forward in his usual manner. “Look, man, if somethin’s going on at home you have to tell us,” he said. Hayner was the type of person who never abandoned his friends and trusted a few select people. He’d gotten a little bit worried with Roxas’s sudden disappearance from their usual group. “I mean, we haven’t seen you for the last month, Roxas.”
The blonde boy, suddenly feeling like a cornered animal, just shrugged. “I’ve been busy. Stuff happened, you know,” he muttered, not wanting to give away that there was a gay drug addict sleeping in his bedroom and stealing midnight cuddle sessions from him.
“Yeah, but none of us have seen you outside of school for almost a month!” said Pence, his voice borderline melancholic. The tension was wearing away at Roxas, and he just wanted to leave.
Coming up with a thousand different excuses, Roxas merely stood there. Hayner had his jaw locked, and Pence was giving him a distraught expression. Finally, it was Olette who spoke, repeating the same words she had before. “We miss you.”
Roxas heaved a sigh. “Look, I’m busy on the weekdays. We can do something this weekend, okay?” he said, blowing them off easily. Hayner swore loudly, stalking after the blonde as he turned to leave.
“You can’t forget about us completely!” snarled the boy, knuckles nearly white as he clenched fists by his sides. Olette shook her head, heading off in the opposite direction. She had to take a different route out of the school, anyway. Pence just followed her, falling into step easily. While Hayner tended to get angry, the other two just went quiet. Scoffing and waving a hand at Roxas, the leader of their little group followed after Pence and Olette. “We don’t fuckin’ need him, anyway.”
Roxas, however, just felt guilty. He didn’t want to blow his friends off, but he had no other choice. As he stalked to the bus stop in the snow, collar pulled up over his nose and hands buried in his pockets, he thought about why he was doing this. He didn’t hate his friends. Hell, he liked his friends. He loved Olette.
But there was something more important on the line.
Roxas wasn’t willing to give up on people. He may have been seen as a lazy type of kid with no real ambitions, but people were an entirely different matter. He hated death. In fact, he despised it. Death took away his parents. Death took away everything important to him.
‘There is no greater enemy than death.’
He’d heard Kurt say it many times. Kurt was terrified of death. Tia always told him that death was a mystery, and meant to be explored. Naminé thought death was scary but inevitable. Selphie thought death was a colour.
Roxas, however, had a different view.
The end is only the beginning. In our death comes our life.
He didn’t like death, but he knew it was there. It was something that was going to happen to everyone eventually. He didn’t want Axel to die so easily, so early, when there was so much else out there for him to embrace. He used to say he didn’t care, but really, he didn’t want anyone to die.
Nobody wants anyone to die.
Roxas had made up his mind.
He was going to follow Axel.
“It’s because I’ve never seen it,” he snorted, stalking his way back to the CD store. He didn’t want to stand around in West Edmonton Mall forever, after all. Demyx sighed, taking one last glance at Nala and her new boyfriend, before hurrying after his younger friend.
“So you think she’s ugly?” asked the blonde, scowling. People around them were giving him strange looks, due to the fact that his hair was lime-green at the time.
Axel frowned, biting a large chunk off of the blueberry popsicle. “I never said that,” he muttered, wanting more than anything to kick the older boy in the head. He didn’t care about some girl that Demyx had a crush on. All he was occupied with was Demyx liking him.
“Then what did you think?” said the musician, grinning. Axel scoffed.
“She just was.”
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