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gin and sin
chapter eight
everyone says i’m getting down too low
everyone says: "you just gotta let it go"
"you just gotta let it go"
i just gotta let it go
i need some sleep - eels
Curiosity was eating away at his insides. He wanted to know what was going on. Drugs, obviously, but he knew that wasn’t all there was to it. Roxas wasn’t stupid; he knew there was sex. He just needed to hear it from Axel. He needed to know if Axel was actually selling himself for drugs.
It all sounded so sick.
Sunday. He could barely open his eyes, let alone get out of his bed. Sitting up, he glanced to his side; yeah, Axel was there as usual. Sighing, Roxas slid his leg out from under the covers, before bringing his entire body out and getting off of the bed. He didn’t want to wake Axel up – the guy was damn grumpy if woken up any time before noon on weekends.
The blonde could hear people moving around downstairs. It was no doubt that Naminé and Sora were up already; the two were adamant early risers, after all. Selphie was probably raising hell, to boot. Scratching the back of his head, trying to find a pair of socks, Roxas wondered if he was actually ready to go downstairs. He didn’t really feel like facing the rest of his family.
Abandoning any thought of socks, he opened his bedroom door and made his way onto the main floor, hands running against the walls framing the stairs as he moved downward. He immediately found himself bumping against his mother on the last step, however. “Uh, mom?” he questioned, backing away slightly. Tia gave him a tiny smile.
“Can I talk to you for a bit? It won’t take long,” said the woman, quirking her head slightly. Roxas scowled, but nodded nevertheless. Tia led him over to the kitchen table, where a rather large stack of paper sat in the center. Roxas eyed the brochures somewhat wearily, wondering if his mother was about to con him into going into ballet again.
Sitting down in one of the chairs, Tia rested her hands on the table before addressing the blonde. “I’m going to come right out and say it,” stated Tia, before clearing her throat. “Axel has a problem.”
No shit. Roxas’s scowl only deepened, and the elder woman sighed. “What we need to do is make him admit that he has one. And then, we’ll take him to a rehab center.” She lifted one of the brochures and passed it to him. Roxas, still somewhat confused, let his eyes scan over the paper in his hands.
“Recovery Acres Society?” Roxas snorted, setting the paper down on the table. “Mom, he’s not gonna go for this. And he’s not on drugs.” He didn’t want his mother knowing about Axel’s bizarre lifestyle. She didn’t need to know.
It was Tia’s turn to roll her eyes. “You still think I’m stupid? Roxas, I’ve fostered a lot of kids. I know what drug abuse looks like. Not to mention he acts bipolar.” She tapped a finger on the table, eyes fixed on Roxas, trying to read him.
Turning his eyes away, Roxas mused for a moment. Axel definitely did show signs of bipolarity, but for the most part, he was probably just two-faced. Depression was another probable symptom, but Roxas couldn’t be sure. Axel would probably remain a mystery for a long time; Roxas doubted that the older boy would tell him anything.
“So, could you please at least talk to him about it?” asked Tia, half-smiling. She really did want to help him, after all. Seeing kids mess up their lives wasn’t the most satisfying thing ever. “Oh, and I want him to talk to an old friend of mine as well. Tomorrow, so tell him to keep his schedule free, okay?”
Somewhat blankly, Roxas nodded. He really wasn’t the one to ask about Axel’s apparent ‘schedule’, but he didn’t know what to say. He understood his mother was only trying to help, but Axel was a lost cause. He didn’t want to get better. He didn’t want to quit doing drugs.
With a nod of her head, Tia stood up and left the kitchen, giving Roxas a few minutes to think. Glancing over the brochures, he realized that even taking Axel to one of those rehab centers, to see people getting themselves out of drug abuse, might be somewhat beneficial. But he knew that he wouldn’t be able to convince the older boy alone. He’d need help.
Frowning, Roxas thought. Demyx was definitely out of the question. Although it seemed the dirty blonde had gotten himself out of the drug scene, he knew that Axel would freak out before Demyx even got a word in. But who else do I know that knows Axel…?
Zack.
Roxas immediately brightened. He knew that Zack and Axel didn’t exactly see eye-to-eye, but it would be worth a shot. Quirking a smile and feeling happy with himself, Roxas stood up and immediately turned towards the stairs. He had to go wake Axel up.
“Roxas, haha, I’m so horny,” laughed the red head, flicking dilated eyes around wildly, bemused by all of the lights and sounds. “If you suck me off, I’ll give you candy.” Snorting, the blonde raised a hand to give Axel a sharp slap on the head. “Ow, that hurt!”
Scowl deepening, Roxas decided to inform Axel the exact details of their little trip. “We’re going to a church. You know, that one you go to sometimes. I don’t know what it’s called though,” murmured the blonde. Axel’s head bobbed slightly, as if he was listening to some kind of music that Roxas couldn’t hear.
“Cool. Churches are fun. They have those cool windows that I like to look at and they’re shiny and colourful and sweet.” Roxas felt like beating him with a brick. Really, the psychedelic, tripping on most likely shrooms or something like that-Axel wasn’t any better than the neurotic, twitchy one Roxas encountered at night.
Dipping his head further into his jacket, the blonde’s demeanor only darkened. “Can’t you just stay sober, for like, twenty minutes? At least? This is kind of important,” he murmured, wishing he’d brought a scarf. His nose was cold.
“Nuh-uh. I’m gonna be high for hours, man,” said Axel, laughing as if everything in the world was funny. He was barely even aware of the fact that he’d stepped in a big slushy puddle, and his sneakers were basically soaked. Roxas wondered if he was cold. “This one time, I tripped for like, a few days. I can’t really remember much about it, but it was fun and I’d do it again. Oh, hey, let’s cut through here.”
Roxas watched Axel duck under a low tree-branch, before deciding that he should follow. Tailing the taller boy, he was sent through snow-crested shrubbery, dodging undergrowth as the red head let it slap back into his face. “Where are you going?” he asked, stumbling over a root. They were cutting through someone’s backyard, and it just didn’t seem right.
Finally out of the bushes, Roxas raised his head, finding himself standing in a large, snowy field. They were at a school, or the local Catholic school to be more precise. He didn’t know about that particular shortcut. Evidently, Axel knew his way around a lot better than he did.
He made his way over to where Axel stood, staring out at the white expanse. “I like the winter,” mumbled the older boy, as Roxas stood beside him. “I love the cold. I wish it was winter all year round.” Roxas, who liked the summer, didn’t know what to say. It was probably the most truthful thing he’d heard Axel say in a long time.
“But why? You could get pneumonia and die,” grumbled the younger. He hated the winter. It was way too cold, and he didn’t like getting wet from the snow. Axel just cast him an airy glance, before taking off running and laughing like some sort of maniac. Roxas, standing where he was, observed the older boy, noticing how much he resembled a chicken. In a way, it was a little bit funny, but at the same time, so damn sad it almost made Roxas want to shoot Axel and end his misery forever.
Finally, about three quarters of the way down the field, Axel slowed down and slumped over, obviously tired out. Smoker’s lungs definitely weren’t the best thing for someone who felt like running around like an idiot. Roxas slowly walked over to him, taking his time about it, because Axel sure as hell wasn’t going to be running anywhere.
Standing beside the red head, Roxas felt unusually at ease. Axel had showed literally no hostility towards him for the day, and the blonde was beginning to think that the older boy was finally beginning to lighten up.
Axel stood up straight again, still looking rather distorted. “I’d live here if I could,” he said airily, wavering on his feet. He looked like a strong wind could blow him over. Hell, one probably could.
“Why?” inquired Roxas, glancing up towards the older boy. Axel looked back at him with a crooked smile, before making his way over to the school playground.
“C’mon, I’ll show you,” he said, before breaking into a mad flood of words. He just wouldn’t stop talking. Dazed and high, Axel was basically a walking train wreck waiting to happen. Roxas didn’t want him to ever crash down, see him depressed and sobbing. He observed it often when Axel came down from his coke binges, and it was really a depressing image.
They walked a little further, an odd little space between the gym doors and a window that looked like it contained a kindergarten class. Upon setting foot on the snow-sprinkled asphalt, Axel immediately set to cleaning the snow away with the side of his foot. Yellow paint with a slick skin of ice was revealed under his ministrations, and Roxas wondered what in the world he was doing.
Soon enough, whatever Axel had been looking for was completely revealed. “Hopscotch? Is that what you came to show me?” questioned Roxas, cynicism tingeing his voice.
“Look at where you’re standing,” said Axel, pointing at Roxas’s feet. The blonde looked down, finding he was still standing in snow. Clearing the white away, he revealed the word ‘earth’. Glancing over to where Axel was standing at the end of the hopscotch game, he read one word.
Heaven.
Axel grinned, sliding his hands through his belt-loops and rocking back and forth on his heels. “I like this place. Lots. And the windows look really sweet right now, and colourful and oh, man, Roxas, you should see it.” The thing that Axel didn’t understand was Roxas was looking at the same windows with the same childish scribbles that were passed off as artwork taped to the glass. He just didn’t see the beauty in something so simple. “You need to see it.”
I can. Sighing, Roxas let his eyes wander over to Axel’s frame. For once, the red head wasn’t shaking or really abnormal in any way. He was high, he was happy and that was good enough for Roxas. “We should get going,” said the blonde. He still wanted to get to the church, and he knew it wasn’t too far from here.
Axel was lost in his own little world, oblivious to his surroundings. He felt euphoric, and he didn’t want anyone bringing him down. Even so, he couldn’t just stand on heaven forever. “…Okay.”
Sighing, Roxas grabbed Axel’s upper arm, dragging him down the snowy asphalt. Axel stumbled along, eyes glassy, unaware of what was really going on. Roxas knew that Zack wasn’t going to like seeing his little cousin high, but Axel refused to follow Roxas in the first place, unless he was happy.
They continued walking, both of them taking visual cues as to the location of the church. Finally, they came across the same shabby-looking church that they had visited over a month ago. Christmas lights were displayed (although, some of them had been stolen), lighting up the area surrounding with merry colours.
“In here,” murmured Roxas, knowing that it was a Sunday, and they were probably invading some sort of service or something. But still, he needed to talk to Zack, and Aerith would most likely know where he was. Opening the door, he allowed Axel in first, before following inside.
Wiping wet feet off on the dirty carpet, Roxas took in the familiar surroundings. The wallpaper had been replaced, at least. Glancing over to where Axel was standing listlessly, Roxas sighed; the red head was still completely out of it.
Further into the church, Merlin (who Roxas remembered as an eccentric priest) was speaking from the bible. Roxas, not really a religious person, didn’t know what he was talking about, for the most part, but chose to drag Axel into one of the pews anyway. They’d wait until the sermon was finished before questioning Aerith. He could see the girl sitting near the front, looking very ecstatic about being there.
The sermon dragged on. Roxas was barely aware of what was going on, and had even begun to nod off. He had no idea how long the lectures were, but some of the hymns sung were actually kind of pretty. Axel remained lucid; eyes fixed anywhere there was colour. Finally, after everything was said and done (and Roxas had actually fallen asleep), a warm voice woke him up.
“Wake up, sleepyhead.”
Opening one eye, then the other, Roxas took in the sight of a smiling Aerith. She looked all but thrilled to see him, a slightly larger Figaro struggling in her arms to get away. “How long have you two been here?” inquired the woman, nodding to where Axel was sitting and staring out into space.
“Uh, I don’t know,” murmured Roxas, reaching one hand upward to rub at a bleary eye. Everything was a little fuzzy, and he wasn’t quite awake yet. “Since… well, for a while.”
Aerith nodded, finally letting Figaro go, placing the kitten in Axel’s lap. The red head didn’t even notice the calico, simply continuing to gaze airily up at the tapestries. Roxas, however, took hand of the cat, murmuring, “Missed you, stupid cat.”
“I suppose Axel’s here to look for… Zack? Hmm, he’s here somewhere. He was talking about bacon before, and I don’t really know what that has to do with anything… Oh dear, I’m rambling, aren’t I?” Aerith giggled behind a slim hand, before motioning for both of the boys to stand up. “He’s probably in the back. Let’s go find him, shall we?”
She led them into the familiar back room, where Aerith’s gaggle of flowers filled the room. Axel looked possibly more dazed, due to all of the colours and scents. Roxas could hear Zack’s familiar laughter in a nearby room, the one Roxas remembered as the kitchen.
The black haired man was there, of course, leaning against a counter and talking to an elderly woman. He wore a stupid grin on his face, the usual one, while he chatted with her. Roxas didn’t really take him as the overly religious type, and he was probably only there because Aerith forced him to go. I wonder if Cloud’s around here…
Upon spotting Aerith, Zack glanced at her, but continued to carry on his conversation with the older woman who had the ‘nice young man’ in her cheek-pinching grip. When the woman finally hobbled away, to presumably visit the rest of the people, and both Roxas and Aerith finally approached Zack.
Upon seeing Axel, however, Zack grew mildly distressed. “…Uh, Axel. Nice to see you,” he murmured, eyes fixed on the red head (who was still rather disoriented). “Roxas, you too.”
“Likewise,” murmured the blonde, crossing his arms in distaste. Axel continued to look like he wasn’t there, and Zack looked like he was getting more uncomfortable by the second.
Clearing his throat, the black haired man murmured, “How have you been, Axel?” It was a general question, as Zack didn’t exactly want to take things too deep with Aerith standing right there. Roxas could see the tension in his body – he looked ready to snap.
“I’ve been happy,” said Axel, giving an airy laugh. Aerith looked a little frightened of his bizarre actions, but she was too polite to say anything. “I’m so happy right now. I can’t feel my mouth.”
Zack’s face contorted into something of a scowl, but he quickly flipped it up into one of his usual smiles. He wasn’t the kind of person to be negative, and he preferred to joke about anything and everything. “Well, uh, that’s… good.”
It was about that point that Axel burst out in pointless laughter, and he kept laughing until he was coughing up blood because his throat was raw. Zack just watched, eyes melancholy, but still wearing that forced little smile. Trying not to let the blood dribble from his lips, Axel swallowed thickly, turning glazed eyes up towards his cousin. “So fuckin’ happy, man, you have no idea how happy I am.”
“You don’t look happy,” said Zack, under his breath. Axel was laughing again, and jabbering about whatever he could think about. Aerith looked displeased, and Roxas looked like he wanted to kick the older boy.
Glancing around nervously, Zack decided he’d better get to the point. Planting a hand on his hip, he assumed his usual ‘big brother’ form, the same kind of guise he assumed for Cloud when they were a little younger. And hell, he knew Axel needed the guidance. “You can’t be high forever. Axel, you’re too thin, and you’re stoned. You need to go to rehab.”
It seemed that the lavender-eyed man and Tia were on the same psychological level. Roxas wanted to smack himself in the head as Axel’s expression of joy quickly deteriorated. “You’re killin’ my buzz, Zaff, or whatever the fuck your name is. I’m leavin’, I don’t need to hear this shit. C’mon, Roxas,” stated the red head, before marching out of the room before anyone else could get a word in.
Roxas gave a sympathetic look to Zack, but he found that the man wasn’t even there. He’d followed Axel – evidently, this man didn’t give up on people that easily. It was a trait to be admired, but his perseverance might prove to be his demise in this particular situation.
“Listen to me!” said Zack, rushing after the dazed red head. Axel really wasn’t moving very quickly, but Zack didn’t want to disrupt people by running through the flower room, where people were observing the Christmas flowers Aerith had taken care of. Figaro had to skitter out of the way to avoid the man’s heavy footsteps, and gave an irritated hiss when both Roxas and Aerith followed after him.
Axel kept moving, ducking through the pews, creating a zigzag and forcing the other three to trail after him. Zack’s anger grew, and Roxas still wanted to kick the older boy. “Just hear me out, okay?” pleaded Zack, following Axel as the red head bolted out of the doors, onto the street, and consequently slammed into Merlin (who’d only been bidding people goodbye).
“Aha, Santa!” laughed Axel, before taking off into an awkward run, speeding across the street and narrowly missing a car. Zack slowed, glaring at Axel’s rapidly retreating figure. He shoved his hands into his pockets and kicked at the ground – he didn’t take defeat easily. Merlin looked surprised, the comical frown on his face only made more humorous by his high eyebrows.
Roxas sighed. “There isn’t much we can do,” murmured the blonde, glancing up to Zack. The older man’s eyes were cold, and Aerith looked visibly upset.
“There’s always something you can do,” murmured the black haired man. “I’m going to call his mother.” With that, Zack turned back into the church and disappeared without even saying goodbye.
Roxas didn’t know what to say or do. He just stood there, feeling a little bit miserable, and not quite willing to go home and face Axel again, yet. He and Aerith held a meager conversation, before awkward silence took over, and she went back into the church. Merlin, still bidding people goodbye, finally turned to Roxas.
“He’s right, you know!” claimed the older man, clapping a friendly hand on Roxas’s shoulder. The blonde felt uneasy again – he didn’t trust most people.
“Who’s right?” said Roxas, scowling.
Merlin gave that smile, the one that made everyone think he had a secret that was so important they had to know. “Zack. ‘There’s always something you can do’.”
“Not always.” The young boy felt pessimistic, crossing those arms again and glaring moodily at the slushy sidewalk.
The priest continued smiling, gangly fingers linked behind his back as he attempted to spread his glee to the rest of the world by merely looking upon its people.
“Nimirum illic est. Because all things truly wicked start from an innocence.”
Monday came. Tia informed Roxas in the morning about visiting the therapist after school. Oh, how Roxas dreaded that word. He’d seen so many therapists when he was young, that he was entirely sick of the people. They made their profession of pretending to understand people, and making themselves feel worse about the world.
Roxas analyzed them as much as they analyzed him. They were always the same, staring down at him, pretending he was less of a person because he had some anger issues, some bipolarity disorders and he had to take pills to keep his rage in check. He wasn’t like that anymore, of course, but he still carried his intense dislike for therapists.
He thought about therapists on his walk to school. He thought about therapists while ignoring all of his teachers, his friends. He thought about therapists at lunch, while he forced himself to eat something, and he didn’t pay attention to Pence or Hayner or Olette. He thought about therapists through his entire math class. The only time he didn’t think about therapists was when he was thinking about Axel. The only other time he wasn’t thinking about therapists was when the teacher, Luxord (most people avoided his last name), stopped him to talk for a moment, after the last class of the day.
“Your grades have been slipping, as of late,” stated the blonde man, fingers linked where they balanced on his desk. His voice was heavily accented, and his enunciation was precise. He pronounced his T’s, and Roxas could always see his tongue hit the back of his teeth whenever he did. “Do I need to bring you back here for more instruction after school?”
Roxas hiked his backpack up higher on his shoulder, blinking dumbly at the teacher. He hadn’t really been paying attention to anything Luxord had said. He’d been staring at his earrings – the guy had a lot of earrings. “Uh…” mumbled Roxas, flicking his eyes around. Luxord had the most intense, scrutinizing stare, and he was so critical that it almost hurt to look him in the face.
Eyebrow raised, Luxord got to his feet, kicking his chair back as he did so. He was known as one of the ‘cooler’ teachers, so it made him a lot easier to talk to. Pretty much everyone got along with him, whether they wanted to or not.
Pacing to the front of the desk, the teacher analyzed his student. Roxas felt like a bug under study, an imaginary pin forced through his chest, making him stay put for observance. Luxord pursed his lips for a moment, before speaking. “Is everything quite alright at home, Roxas?”
The blonde’s eyes went wide. He fumbled on words — he was never very good at lying. “G’uh, everything’s fine,” he stammered, back going perfectly straight. He was nervous, and it showed everywhere. Luxord easily picked up on the tension in the boy’s body, but if he didn’t want to talk it was fine. He’d just call the councilors later, to check up on his student.
“If you say so,” murmured Luxord. Concern was easily heard in his voice, but Roxas really didn’t want to talk. He didn’t even talk to his friends, let alone a teacher.
“Er, anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow,” murmured the younger blonde, wanting more than anything to leave. Luxord sighed, giving a slight nod of his head.
“Just catch up on those grades. Don’t fall behind.” With that, Roxas left the classroom, bent on getting home quickly. He wanted to talk to Axel about the therapist they were going to be seeing later, before the older boy got stoned or something.
He hadn’t made it more than a couple of steps down the emptying hallway, before running into Hayner. The boy looked beyond angry, arms crossed and staring him down like he’d robbed a bank. Roxas, taken aback, glared at him with equal fervor. He could practically see the sparks.
“You bailed again, Roxas.”
It was an accusation. Roxas didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything at all. Hayner, brown eyes feeling like needles sticking into Roxas’s face, glared, lip curling slightly. “You said you’d come see us on Sunday. But you didn’t. Roxas, how many times has it been now, huh?”
Roxas couldn’t even count. He hadn’t actually showed up to one of their excursions since, well, since Axel showed up. Two months… Jeez, I really am kind of an asshole. Feeling a little bit guilty, now, Roxas bit his lip. “Look, I’m… I’m sorry, I’ve just been—”
“Let me guess, really busy? Or is Naminé still ‘sick’?” said Hayner, voice incredibly sarcastic. He rolled his eyes, and Roxas felt entirely frustrated.
He didn’t know what to do. Telling Hayner about Axel would save him a lot of grief, but at the same time, it would possibly create more conflict. Giving a dry swallow, Roxas clenched his fists. It was time to come clean.
“The reason I… haven’t been around lately… is, er, there’s someone new at my house,” he murmured, glancing to the floor. He couldn’t look Hayner in the eyes.
Both of Hayner’s eyebrows raised precariously. His interest was piqued. “…Someone new, huh? You shoulda just told us, Roxas. I mean, it’s not like it matters that much,” said the other boy. Roxas took a shaky breath, preparing himself for one hell of an explanation.
“Can we walk?” suggested the blonde, earning a half-nod from his friend. Neither moved. It was too awkward for someone to make the first move. So, Hayner did, walking forward, and leaving Roxas to follow.
“So talk.”
Roxas looked at Hayner with a detached sort of fascination. He didn’t know where to start, or where to end, or even, what to say. “Well, the… person living at my house. Er, it’s been distracting me a lot.”
Hayner snorted. “No shit,” he grumbled, and Roxas allowed himself a tiny smile. He kind of missed hanging out with Hayner, and forcing himself to put up with the boy’s negativity. “Go on.”
“Er, this person… well, it’s… I’m living with a cocaine addicted prostitute.” He figured it would be easier to just spit it all out. After all, Hayner would understand.
Of course, he looked taken aback, staring at his shoes as he walked. He took his time in answering. “…Tia actually let her into the house? I know she… she likes to help people, but that seems a bit much.” Roxas nearly winced upon hearing ‘her’. He supposed most people would have assumed that, since male prostitution was less brought up than that of females.
“Yeah, well, I guess it was kind of my doing,” murmured the blonde, choosing his words carefully. Hayner looked a little suspicious, so Roxas took a deep breath and continued. “I mean, I was the one who kind of… offered to let the person stay.”
Hayner snorted. “You just wanted her to give you favors so she could stay, right?” Roxas immediately darkened. While Axel had brought that up initially, he couldn’t imagine it like that, ever.
“It’s not like that. Don’t talk about it that way,” he ostracized, entirely serious. Hayner caught on quickly, and closed his mouth. Musing for a moment, Roxas kept talking. “Anyway, that’s why I’ve been ditching lately. ‘Cause I gotta help. I mean, I don’t want him to die.”
Blinking dark brown eyes, Hayner cautiously glanced up to Roxas. “…Him?” Roxas stiffened, arms going rigid at his sides. He realized he’d let a bit of information he’d wanted to keep secret slip.
Well, there was no use covering now. “Yeah… It’s a guy.” Hayner stopped walking, looking almost amused and a little bit horrified.
“So, let me get this straight,” said the boy, placing one hand on his hip, the other pointing at Roxas as if accusing him. “There’s a coke snorting male prostitute living at your house, and he’s the reason why we haven’t seen each other in almost two months?”
The blonde nodded, flicking blue eyes away. He was actually ashamed to admit it. “Yeah… I’ve been trying to help him. It’s taken up a lot of my time,” he murmured, embarrassed.
Hayner grinned, and Roxas was a little confused. “You shoulda told us, Roxas! If it’s something like that, it’s cool. Hey, you could’ve even asked us to help,” said the taller boy, wrapping an arm around Roxas’s shoulders and giving him a semi-hug.
Hayner. Pence. Olette. I really have ignored them. I should’ve just told them. Roxas sighed, edging out of Hayner’s hold. He’d had enough boys touching him as of late. Axel was getting a little bit more eager to cuddle up to him whenever he had the chance.
“I need to go home,” said the blonde, stopping at his locker. “Mom’s taking Axel to a therapist today, and I need to give him a heads up.” Hayner’s eyes immediately opened.
“Axel? Ugh, that guy used to pick on us when we were in elementary school,” groaned Hayner, before he realized who he was talking about. “Hold the phone. So you’re saying that bastard is the drug-addicted hooker?” The idea didn’t make sense in his head. He tried to recall an image of Axel, and could only ever remember the kid bothering him.
Roxas gave a shaky sigh, nodding his head. “Yeah. He’s… different, now.” Hayner snorted, leaning against the lockers beside Roxas’s as the blonde went through his own. It took some real effort to pull out his stuffed backpack, but Roxas didn’t make another sound.
“I guess,” said Hayner, with a one-shouldered shrug. They were silent for a moment, as Roxas stuffed a few binders into his backpack, and put on his coat. “Hey, if you ever need any help with him, call me.”
Hayner was a real friend. Roxas knew that. Even after two months of ditching him, he was still there, offering to help. The blonde felt a little relieved – Hayner really couldn’t hold a grudge.
Without so much as another word, Roxas headed towards the entrance. He still had a bus to catch. As an afterthought, Hayner called; “Oh, I forgot. Olette needs to talk to you, so make time for her tomorrow.”
Roxas merely waved over his shoulder. He knew Olette would forgive him, too, if she heard the situation. I’ll just have to tell her tomorrow.
This was Auron Harper, and he was Axel’s therapist.
Tia smiled at Auron, shaking his hand as he offered it. The words the man was saying went right through Roxas’s ears, but he still stood there in a daze, wondering what in the world he was going to do. Axel had closed up into himself again, looking a little bit depressed. It was probably because he was in need of a fix, and Roxas hadn’t allowed it.
When Auron finally turned to Axel, assessing the boy, he was interrupted by a sudden blur of bleach blonde. “Hi! You must be crazy. I’m pretty crazy too, at least that’s what Shuyin tells me, but he’s whacko,” said the boy, waving a finger around his ear in a ‘crazy’ motion.
Both Axel and Roxas subconsciously took a step back. Auron, who looked utterly tired, placed a hand on the strange teenager’s shoulder, pulling him backward. “Tidus, that’s enough.” Tia even looked a little bit shaken up. Tidus just continued grinning, before his face almost snapped into a frown. He pushed Auron away, stumbling backward with a harsh look in his eyes.
“I don’t need to listen to you!” he snarled, before sending a glare to Axel. “He’ll fuck you over, too, buddy. You’d better get out of here while you can. He’s trying to kill me.”
I knew it, thought Roxas. Auron didn’t look like any therapist he’d seen. Instead of having an office, Auron worked out of his home, most likely because the patients he did have were wary of being seen as crazy to the general public. The people who came to him were the ones who were quietly depressed – they didn’t want anyone to know. Tia had heard of him through a co-worker, and thought it would be a good idea to check him out.
“Shuyin. Let Tidus back out,” said Auron, voice calm, deep and almost dangerous. He glared at the teenager who returned the look with equal vehemence. Finally, their staring contest ended, and the bizarre blonde brightened up once again.
Tidus shot forward, grabbing hold of Axel’s hands. He dragged the hesitant red head into the other room. “C’mon, man, I’ll show you around! Chances are, you’re gonna be spending a lot of time here, like I do,” he laughed, and Auron, Roxas and Tia watched the two disappear into another room.
They looked at Auron for an explanation. Crossing his arms, the older man flicked that one harsh eye over to Roxas. “Multiple personality disorder,” he murmured, offhandedly. “He got too much for his mother to handle, so he lives with me.”
Tia nodded, clasping her hands together in front of her. “Oh dear. That poor boy,” she said, feeling a little broken-hearted. She couldn’t imagine a mother giving up her son because he had two personalities. There was just more of him to love that way.
“Like, so, he’s got two people inside of his head?” questioned Roxas, curious. He had always wondered if there were actually people like that. He’d only ever heard about things like that in movies. The man nodded, but didn’t say much more.
Sighing, Auron beckoned the two of them into the kitchen. He offered both Tia and Roxas something to drink, but they both declined, Tia more politely than her son. The three of them could hear Tidus talking loudly in one of the other rooms, as he showed Axel around the house.
Awkward silence hung in the air. Auron wasn’t much of a talker, especially for a therapist. Roxas coughed, hands in his pockets as he tried to figure out what to say. “…Axel’s depressed. And he’s addicted to drugs, but he won’t go to rehab,” he murmured, figuring he should say something about the red head.
“I know,” said Auron. He’d judged by simply looking at the boy. Far too thin, withdrawn, dry mouth, bloodshot eyes – he was the very definition of junkie. He wanted to say that he’d be useless in a situation like this. The boy needed to get clean physically before emotionally. It was hard to force someone to go into therapy, and this was exactly what Tia was trying to do. Her cause was noble, but really, it wouldn’t go anywhere unless Axel wanted to be saved.
They were getting nowhere. Tia cleared her throat, speaking delicately. “I figured he needs someone to talk to. Someone who knows what they’re doing, and I was told about you.”
Auron fixed his stare at the clock, as if counting the seconds to when he could finally have some peace. “Yes. But, I don’t know how much I’ll be able to help.” Tia nodded. She understood that she couldn’t force anyone to change, but at least she could try.
Roxas, bored of the conversation already, wandered into the other room to try to find Axel. Upon walking for a bit, he found the red head in an office room with Tidus jabbering about something. With a slight wave, Roxas forced a smile. “Hey you guys.”
Axel didn’t so much as look at him. Sitting in one of the chairs with his knees pulled up to his chest, the red head looked entirely defeated. He didn’t feel like talking to anyone, let alone some crazy kid who acted like he’d had too much sugar.
“Hey, hey! Didja talk to Auron? He’s kind of an ass, but he’s nice to me,” said Tidus, lying back on the floor. He had a thing for sitting on the floor – he wasn’t too fond of chairs. “I think Auron’ll like him because he’s quiet and not like me. He gets sick of me really quick, y’know.”
Gee, I wonder why. Roxas felt out of place, a little bit scared and generally brain-dead. He didn’t know what he was going to do with this particular situation. The idea of Axel going to therapy was almost funny.
The red head probably found it equally amusing. Or depressing. Axel didn’t look like he was feeling much, right then. He was comfortably numb. That was the way that he wanted to stay.
Roxas wanted to leave.
Tidus kept on talking. He wouldn’t shut up, so Roxas tuned him out and stared at Axel. The red head just kept sighing, eyes downcast. He couldn’t even force himself to look out the window.
While Tidus continued to jabber, Roxas edged his way over to Axel. Standing beside the red head, he leaned in. He wanted to hear Axel’s opinion. “So, do you actually want to come here and get therapy, or whatever?” murmured the blonde.
Axel shrugged. Around that point, Tidus’s personalities had began to fight, and he kept switching between himself and ‘Shuyin’. Evidently, Shuyin was far more hostile, and was almost making Tidus cry. It was a bizarre thing to watch, really.
Apparently, Auron had the ears of a dog, because as soon as the boy started arguing with his other self, the man showed up, with Tia right behind him. He pulled Tidus to his feet, giving the boy a harsh look that made him wince. Auron meant business, and he was going to help Tidus if he could.
“I think it’s best we be going, now,” said Tia, a little disturbed. Tidus was certainly a handful, and more and more she was learning why a mother would give someone like him up. He was completely unstable, and there were so many opportunities for something to go wrong.
Auron nodded, glancing at a wall clock. “When should we make our appointments? When’s best for you, Axel?” The red head in question merely shrugged, not even bothering to look up.
“I don’t care. It’s whatever works for Tia,” he mumbled. It wasn’t like he had too much to do at home other than take care of Selphie and get high, anyway. Tia’s face broke into a smile, and she and Auron discussed possible times for which to meet.
They ended up settling on Thursdays from 3 to 4 o’clock, and with usual pleasantries, Roxas, Tia and Axel left Auron’s house a little worse for wear. Tia kept reasonably quiet on the drive home, musing on the situation, while Roxas and Axel tried to find conversation in the back seat of the car.
“Hey,” murmured Axel, keeping his voice low. He didn’t want Tia to hear him over the radio (which was playing some awful disco throwback, or something). Roxas glanced to his red haired companion. “There’s a pretty sweet party this Friday. My friends Blank and his girlfriend Gabby are having it. You should, y’know, come.”
Roxas was slightly shocked. He’d never imagined Axel actually trying to be nice, and invite him somewhere. Then again, it was probably a ploy to get him drunk enough to have sex. The blonde frowned. “No.”
Rolling his eyes, the older boy muttered; “Pansy.” Roxas aptly ignored the comment, crossing his arms and leaning back in his seat. The car was cold.
He crossed his legs. “It’s really that bad?” inquired Hayner, raising a hand to scratch the back of his head. “I mean, what does he do?”
“Well, one minute he’s an asshole, and the next he’s trying to get me to come to a party. He’s unclean, he’s stupid, he’s a druggie, he’s conceited, he’s spoiled and he cuddles with me. He’s that bad, trust me!”
Hayner was laughing at him, and Roxas felt like kicking the other boy in the head. He just didn’t get it, really. He was still stuck on the idea that Roxas had a gay guy sleeping in his bed. “Oh, man, I totally want to meet this guy!” laughed Hayner.
“No, trust me, you don’t,” stated the blonde, hunching over. It was embarrassing enough. After a few minutes, the conversation changed, and Roxas and Hayner found themselves discussing who the hottest girl in the school was, although, Roxas’s mind was still fixated on Axel. I’m never going to introduce him to my friends. Ever.
Sitting around before school was one of Roxas’s ‘things’. Lately, it was the only time he really got to talk to his friends, usually Hayner. Pence was usually doing other things in the morning, and Olette would hang out with her female friends before school.
Evidently, Olette chose a different plan today.
She stood behind Roxas for a moment, before finally tapping him lightly on the back. Roxas jumped, whirling around to face her. His face relaxed when he realized who it was. “Oh, hey.”
“Hi…” mumbled the girl, eyes shining. Roxas immediately knew that something wasn’t quite right with his girlfriend. He pulled her into a hug, but she wasn’t all there. Hayner, noticing something was wrong, told Roxas to go talk to her alone.
The blonde led his girlfriend into one of the more secluded areas of the school. Only a few students walked by now and then, but it wasn’t anything really distracting. Holding onto both of her hands, Roxas faced Olette, and finally asked; “What’s wrong?”
Olette didn’t look him in the eyes. She stared at her inward pointing feet, sniffling quietly. She was already crying. Olette didn’t cry often, at least, in front of people (including Roxas), so something was definitely wrong.
“Olette?” questioned Roxas, voice straining. He didn’t know what to do. Hell, he hadn’t really talked to her for two months – he had no idea what was going on in her life. He knew about her drunk father, and that was probably the issue. “…Is it about your dad?”
She stumbled over a laugh. Now, genuinely puzzled, Roxas said her name again. Olette raised her head, green eyes boring into ocean blue. “Roxas, at first I was worried about you. I didn’t know if you were cheating, or doing harder drugs, or just ignoring me.”
Roxas could feel his world start to fall apart.
“…Olette,” he mumbled again, hands clenching tighter around hers. She just forced a smile, a few extra tears trickling down her face.
“I think we should break up.”
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