This is just a short one shot I did with a friend. Beware those of you who ship H/G...this is most definitely making fun of the ship. And Ginny lovers...well...Ginny isn't shown in the best light in this fic. For those of you who do read, I hope you enjoy it! And please, review.

It was Christmas morning. Harry had just woken up from his long winter nap due to an odd pain in his chest, but he didn't mind. It just meant he would be able to see his perfection (AKA Ginny) a day earlier. He went into the common room and waited, and not for long. Soon he heard footsteps and saw the shadow of who could only be described as an angel and friend he had known for the longest time... that is until that person came into the light and he realized it was just Hermione. Saying good morning to her, Harry went back to looking at the staircase, waiting for the one person who truly knew him. He continued doing so until he was rudely interrupted.

“Harry,” Hermione said, approaching him. “I am temporarily in character, and my main concern isn't making Ron jealous so I can't help but wonder…what do you see in Ginny?"

Harry simply replied, "She knows me better than I know myself."

Hermione threw her hands up into the air. "She doesn't know you! She can't even buy you Christmas presents!"

Harry stopped looking at the staircase and turned to her. "Ginny gets me a gift every year!"

Hermione's jaw dropped and she couldn't help but reply with sarcasm "She does? What about first and second year?"

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Harry admonished Hermione.

“Me? Ridiculous?” Hermione looked outraged. “That girl…that…that…thing…that robot…she’s never gotten you anything… She knows you so little she can’t even bother to buy you a gift!”

“Calm down, Hermione,” Harry told her in a soothing tone. “Just sit down in that red chair—”

“—that Ginny can’t sit in because it clashes with her hair,” Hermione muttered as she plopped herself despondently down on the armchair. Harry glared at her, and Hermione rolled her eyes. “Right, right. I forgot. Sorry. Ginny has no flaws.”

Harry smiled. “At least none that I’m allowed to see. Anyway, sit back and relax and I’ll tell you why Ginny has never gotten me a present and/or why she never needed to give me one anyway.”

“Oh, this should be interesting,” Hermione said in a doubtful and mocking voice.

“Now, let’s start with first year,” Harry continued, with a shine in his eyes. “I was only eleven years old, and she was only ten, yet I knew, as I left her behind me while I ventured into a better world, that she was the girl for me. The way her hair danced behind her as she waddled after the train. The way her freckles made her look as if she was due for cancer any second. The way she stomped her foot demandingly and whined because she wasn’t allowed to go to Hogwarts. These were all signs that she was meant for me.”

“You have got to be kidding me,” Hermione exclaimed, staring at Harry in disbelief.

“Shh,” Harry instructed her as he continued along with his story. “Now, Ginny couldn’t get me a gift because she was too in awe of me. She was so much in awe of how wonderful and incredible I was, or rather am, that she was in shock throughout Christmas and couldn’t find me a gift. But that was perfectly okay. Because seeing her in that train station… that made up for the present I never received.”

Hermione stared at Harry in disbelief. Finally she was able to utter, “Right. Care to explain year two?”

“Gladly,” Harry smiled. “By then, Ginny was over her initial shock. She had realized that, at the age of 11, I was her soul mate. And honestly, who could blame her? So she had spent the entire summer drooling over the thought of me. But unfortunately, right before she entered her first year, she was possessed by Satan.”

“Don’t you mean Riddle?” Hermione raised an eyebrow at Harry.

“Same thing,” Harry shrugged. “Anyway, she was possessed by Satan, and that’s why she couldn’t get me a gift.”

“Let me get this straight,” Hermione said, holding out a hand. “She couldn’t give you a gift because she was possessed by Satan?”

“Exactly,” Harry smiled.

“Satan is morally opposed to gifts?” Hermione asked, raising an eyebrow.

Harry stayed silent for a moment, figuring this one out. “Yes,” he finally said, resolutely.

“Uh huh,” Hermione replied, placing her chin in her palms, as if pondering this. “Harry, before we continue, I have a question.”

“Yes?”

“Why the Hell do you want to go out with someone who was possessed by Voldemort?”

“Because then we have something in common.”

Hermione looked confused. “Er, Harry…you were only possessed by Voldemort once…and that was for about ten seconds. Doesn’t exactly count.”

“But Voldemort wants to kill me,” Harry explained, as if this made all the sense in the world.

Hermione did everything in her will power not to lunge at him and kill him for stupidity. “So you’re going out with Ginny because she was possessed by the man who wants to murder you?”

“Exactly.”

Hermione flung her face into her palm and moaned, “Let’s just move on to your explanation for third year.”

Harry got a far away look in his eyes. "That year was a good year... She brought Sirius to me."

Hermione wanted to spit a drink, but realized she had none so she just shouted, "What? Explain! Now!"

Harry smiled. "She wished it for me. Ginny knew he was my godfather and also knew he was a good man, so she wished he would break out and come to me. She even made sure Peter stayed alive and was in the photo."

Hermione pinched herself through the explanation. "So let me get this straight... You not only believe that Ginny knew he was your godfather and not evil, but believe it is because of her he broke out?"

Harry sighed. "She did much more than that Hermione, so much more. You see I didn't learn she did that until I became her possession— I mean her boyfriend. Her gift to me that year was her embarrassed face when she smiled at me for saving her. That is what I used to beat the Dementors."

Hermione smacked her forehead "Harry, no it wasn't."

Harry's smile vanished and he paused. "Well...it should have been.”

Hermione didn't even bother trying to argue this one, and continued on. "What about forth year?"

“Fourth year…oh fourth year…” Harry sighed. “Well, first off, Ginny didn’t need to buy me a gift. Just seeing her at the Yule Ball…I remember how my jaw dropped as I watched her descend the stairs and how jealous I felt when she linked arms with Kru…I mean Neville. Neville. I watched her all night. Just watching her…it made my year.”

Hermione hacked on air. “Your jaw dropped when you saw me!” she exclaimed. “And you were too busy watching that skank…I mean Cho to notice Ginny!”

“There’s more!” Harry exclaimed, feeling a bit as if he was backed into a corner. He paused for a long while, coming up with a story. “She was the reason why I survived!” Harry cried out suddenly, obviously proud.

“Excuse me?” Hermione growled.

“Yes!” Harry exclaimed. “She was the reasons why I got past the dragon, and the merpeople, and why I knew all those jinxes that saved me in the maze, and she taught me accio, which let me escape Voldemort’s clutches.”

Hermione felt her hands clench into a fist. “Right. I did nothing then, did I?”

Harry stared at her, confused. “You were at Hogwarts that year?”

“You better move on to fifth year,” Hermione said through clenched teeth, “because I’m about to jinx you with one of those jinxes I ‘never taught you.’”

"Alas, fifth year…"

Hermione cut in: "Harry you aren't Dumbledore."

Harry frowned "I'm not?"

"No."

"Right. Anyways, when Ginny yelled at me like no one else would, knowing who I was and what I was feeling since I constantly talked to her about everything, and showed everyone how she was my closest friend was her gift to me. She was the voice in my head telling me what was right and wrong, giving me wonderful advice. She even helped me realize Cho and I wouldn't work."

Hermione cut in, clearly being sarcastic. "Let me guess, she wished that too?"

Harry grinned. "See Hermione, even you know it! I would say you are the smartest witch...but Ginny has that title in addition to her many others. Anyways, there was some bad. She almost gave me a heart attack later that year when she got hurt in the Department of Mysteries."

Hermione jumped up from the chair. "Harry, Neville told me what happened and not once did he say you looked worried about Ginny! In fact, you never even mentioned her. You were worried about me! Stop trying to replace my face with hers!"

Harry frowned and looked like he wasn't sure of what he wanted to say, but then replied, "I may have been thinking about it then, and maybe I didn't think about it the year after. But deep, deep down, it was above Sirius and surviving."

Hermione frowned. "I'm almost afraid to ask, but what about last year?"

Harry gave a content sigh. “Sixth year was…wonderful.”

“Wonderful?” Hermione repeated, raising an eyebrow. “What about our constant fighting?”

“We fought?”

“And Dumbledore dying?” Hermione continued, ignoring his ignorance.

Harry seemed confused. “When did Dumbledore die?”

“Oh, just get on with it,” Hermione moaned. “Before I kill you.”

“It was the monster,” Harry sighed.

“Monster?” Hermione looked at him suspiciously.

“Sorry! Not monster! THERE WAS NO MONSTER!” Harry exclaimed frantically. “Love. I meant love!”

“Love?” Hermione repeated dubiously.

“Yes, love,” Harry repeated. “The love she inserted into my chest…I mean, that she gave me. That’s all I needed. That’s all I ever needed. Her love is why I’ve kept going all these years. Because I was born to love her.”

“What about Voldemort?” Hermione interrogated.

“Who?”

“The man who’s the reason why you have something in common with Ginny,” Hermione replied acidly.

“Oh, right…him. What about him?”

Hermione took in a deep breath to calm herself. “Isn’t one of your purposes in life to kill Voldemort?”

“Not if it gets in the way of spending time with Princess Ginny-kins.”

“Princess Ginny-kins?” Hermione repeated, sickened.

“That’s what she told me to call her…” Harry answered. “I think it fits her perfectly. ‘Cause she’s my little princess.” He was silent for a moment, and then turned his attention back to Hermione, confusion written on his face. “Seriously. Where’s Dumbledore?”

Hermione frowned and chose to ignore him for now. She knew if she didn't she would kill him, and even if it would get rid of her headache someone had to defeat Voldemort. "Did she buy or make you anything this year?" she asked Harry finally.

Harry grinned. "She got me something really good this year!"

Hermione's eyes opened in shock. "She actually got you something... GOT?"

Harry sighed. "Yes Hermione, are you deaf?"

There was silence for a minute before Hermione spoke. "Well?"

"Well what?"

Hermione shouted, "What did she get you?"

Harry grinned. "She got me-" Harry then pointed to his neck and she noticed a collar, Hermione's eyes grew bigger.

"Oh dear... that isn't what I think it is, is it?"

Harry smiled "She even wrote a special note on the back."

Hermione stood up behind him and looked on the inside of the collar. 'This bitch is property of Ginevra Weasley.'

Hermione closed her eyes. “Anger is bad,” she whispered to herself. “Killing people is not a good idea. Happy thoughts. Ginny dying. Happy thoughts.” She took a deep breath and plastered on a smile. “You didn’t happen to get my gift, did you?” she asked Harry.

“What, this junk?” Harry asked her, holding up a set of the complete history of Quidditch and another set of books detailing every Quidditch move a captain should know. “I’m planning on giving it to Ginny so that she can put it on her throne so that she can sit high above everyone else, where my little princess deserves to be.”

“I spent half of my savings on those,” Hermione said tensely. “And it took me six years to track all of those down.”

“Interesting,” Harry replied, not paying attention, for down the staircase had arrived his one…his only…Ginny.

Harry may not of been paying attention but Hermione wasn't done.

"I know you! You can't just give them to her! I've gotten you a gift every year. EVERY YEAR! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

Harry simply cried, "Ginny!" as she continued her super slow and dramatic entrance down the steps. A few hours later she made it down to the last step and Harry quickly rushed forward to roll out the red carpet and then used his wand to change the color of the chair Hermione was previously sitting in so it didn't clash with Ginny’s hair. Ginny was silent the entire time and Hermione looked like she was ready to stab something...or rather someone.

Finally, after another ten minutes, Ginny reached the chair and patted Harry's head before saying, "Peasant, come forward with your gift."

Harry approached her with a broad smile on his face. He reached from behind him and held out his arms to her. “My present to you,” he said with emotion, “is love. I love you.”

Ginny stared at him, her face lacking any emotion. Then she let out a short laugh.

“Seriously. What did you get me?”

Harry looked confused. “I love you. That’s my gift to you.”

“I’m sorry,” Ginny replied angrily, poking him in the shoulder. “I don’t believe that’s redeemable at Hogsmeade. I want something materialistic. I’m all about materialistic.”

“But…but I love you!” Harry’s bottom lip trembled as if he was four-years-old.

Ginny rolled her eyes. “Anything less than diamonds simply isn’t enough. If you really loved me you’d spend half of the money in your account to buy me something.”

“But I’m saving it for a family,” Harry replied.

“Family?” Ginny scoffed. “Why the Hell would I have kids? Not only would it ruin my great figure, but then you’d have to pay attention to someone else.”

Hermione watched this scene, her anger mounting. Smoke was almost pouring out her ears…wait one second…okay…now smoke was actually pouring out of her ears. How dare Ginny Weasley be so…so…so like herself! Hermione felt her hand unconsciously clamping itself on her wand, and she drew it out of her pocket.

Ginny didn't notice this and so continued. "How about you give me half of your bank account, that should work." The next thing she knew the side of the chair caught on fire. Jumping up, Ginny looked around the room and saw Hermione pointing her wand at her. Ginny laughed. "Hermione? I thought you were with Ron? You can't defeat me so I suggest you go snog him while you have the chance."

Hermione grinned. "You'll be eating those words."

Ginny seemed unfazed. "You leave me no choice... I will have to use THAT hex!" Dramatically waving her wand and then doing the Macarena she shouted, "SUPREME HEX, BAD BOGGY SPELL!"

Hermione raised her eyebrow as nothing happened. Ginny dropped to her knees. "I don't understand... how can this be? She must be immune to it...impossible…"

“Maybe it’s because you’ve never actually USED it before,” Hermione smirked.

“But the author’s said I’ve used it loads of times!” sobbed Ginny.

“Right,” replied Hermione. “When have we ever seen you using it? When have we ever seen you using ANY magic?” Ginny stayed silent. “My point exactly. Harry…” Hermione turned to Harry and pointed at Ginny. “She is a squib!”

“I am not!” Ginny cried out. “I’m Princess Ginny-kins, ruler of all magic! BOW TO ME!” Ginny stomped her foot. Hermione raised an eyebrow at her.

“Yeah, right.”

“BOW TO ME!” Ginny commanded, and she raised her wand and brought it down, as if bending Hermione’s back. Except Hermione’s posture remained in tact.

“My point exactly,” Hermione smiled at Harry. “So, how does it feel to know that she’s lied to you this whole time?”

Harry turned, hiding his face from both of them. When he turned back around his reaction shocked Hermione even more. "Ginny you shouldn’t have! This is the best Christmas present EVER!" He then ran to her and began to devour her face in a passionate and romantic way, not like a monster at all. Hermione stood there, frozen, unable to believe what she was hearing, and screamed.

Hermione woke up and immediately sat up. Looking around the room she sighed. "It was just a dream..." Putting on her robe, she went downstairs to the common room and was surprised to see Harry standing there staring at the staircase. Hermione's eyes went wide. He looked just like he did in the dream. Walking down the rest of the way, Hermione was happy to see he was smiling at her.

"Happy Christmas, Hermione!" He then pulled out from behind his back a present. Smiling back Hermione took the gift, and unable to control herself, hugged him.

"Harry, please tell me you realize Ginny has never bought you a gift and you don't think Ginny's presence is a gift in itself!"

Harry took her shoulders and pushed her back so he was able to look her in the eye. "Ginny hasn't bought me anything, but why would she? She is just Ronald's younger sister. It isn't like we are dating or something." And for some reason, Hermione had never felt happier in her entire life.

Fin