Presenting:

The Millionth Story in which Mary Sue the Mary-Sue
joins the Smash Brothers in the Smash Mansion
and has relationships with people and ends up
dating Marth, Link, and Peach, as well as Saving
the Universe.

By tikitikirevenge.

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Author’s note:

Like, wow, like, thanks for all the, like, reviews, everyone! I’ll, like, try my hardest to keep all my fans!! happy with my next chapter, like, ‘k?

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6: Mary Sue Eats

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Feeling peckish, Mary Sue decided that she would go find the kitchen, and get herself a snack.

“What could be more exciting than snacking?” she said to herself.

Mary Sue stood from the bed, opened the bedroom door, and went out into the hallway, where she ran smack-bang into Zelda.

“Oh, hi,” giggled Zelda, shying away.

“Hi…?” said Mary Sue. “Wow, are you Zelda? That’s really cool! I’ve heard all about you!”

“Hehe… yeah…” said Zelda, blushing slightly. “Gee, thanks…”

“I wanted to go down and get a snack,” said Mary Sue, “but I don’t know the way. Could you show me?”

“Me… and you… together?” said Zelda, with a tiny gasp. “Well… well, okay?”

“Oh, thanks,” said Mary Sue. “That’s really kind of you. When I came today to deliver that pizza, I never imagined I’d get to meet all my favourite characters!”

“Characters?” said Zelda.

“Sorry, I meant, Smashers,” said Mary Sue.

(“You see,” said Ness, teleporting in just to interrupt, “sometimes, when writing a story, the author chooses to model characters in the story after him or herself. In this instance, the author is imagining himself as actually being in Mary Sue’s position, and as such accidentally breaks the fourth wall by acknowledging that this is fiction.” He vanished with a puff of smoke.)

“Well,” said Zelda, “I love… um, I’d love to show you the way… do you mind if we hold hands while I lead you to the kitchen along the longest route possible?”

“Um, okay?” said Mary Sue, uncertain as to why Zelda would make such a weird request.

They held hands.

Zelda felt all tingly inside.

“When’s lunch?” said Mary Sue.

“Yes,” said Zelda fondly.

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When they reached the kitchen, Mary Sue and her companion… escort… something… found, to some surprise, Marth lying on the table, covered with blood.

“Oh, no! What happened?” cried Mary Sue.

“I fell… from a ledge… while peeking… through your window…” Marth croaked.

“Oh,” said Mary Sue, feeling a bit uneasy.

“Isn’t… that… romantic?” Marth continued, reaching out for her.

“I don’t know…?” said Mary Sue, confused.

Zelda slapped Marth’s hand away. “Bad Marth!” she chastised. “Nobody but me gets to hold her hand!”

“And why’s that?” said Marth angrily. He reached out and grabbed Mary Sue by the hair.

Zelda cut Marth’s arm off with a knife.

“ARGH! My arm!” cried Marth, blood spurting everywhere.

“That was… needlessly violent,” said Fox, who had watched the whole thing. “How could you do that to him, Zelda? That’s not funny; that’s evil and-”

“Hi, Fox,” said Zelda brightly.

“Hi, Zelda,” said Fox brightly.

Nobody said anything for a couple of seconds.

“What was I saying?” said Fox, thinking hard.

“Anyway,” said Zelda, “I’ll always be here to protect you, Mary Sue, okay?”

“Sure, thanks,” said Mary Sue, “I think…”

A/N: Mary Sue is so perfect, BTW, that she doesn’t really need to eat at all, because with her amazing goodness she can just get all her energy from the sun, or alkaline batteries. In fact, the only reason she eats is as a token of politeness, which is unsurprising as Mary Sue has some of the best manners in the world. She’s just that good.

“Um… hi…” said Link nervously, walking inside. “Nice to meet you, Mary Sue.”

“Hi,” said Mary Sue, whose mouth was full of cottage cheese. (Mary Sue has impeccable taste in food.)

“Will you marry me?” said Link bluntly.

“What? No!” said Mary Sue, slightly shocked, spitting out her cheese onto Fox’s face. (Fox licked it off like an animal, because he is an animal, and that’s what happened when I did that to my pet fox, who by the way is the size of a building and has laser-beam eyes.)

“Aw…” said Link. “Why not?”

“I don’t even know you!” explained Mary Sue.

“My name’s Link,” said Link. “I’m a hero who has saved the world.”

“Well, that part I knew,” Mary Sue admitted. “I was talking more about personality.”

“Ah,” said Link. “Well, I’m a nice person… now-will-you-marry-me? Please- please-please-please-please-please-please-please-please-please-please?”

Mary Sue whimpered slightly.

“It’s okay,” said Zelda. “There, there.”

She pulled out a whip and whipped Link.

“Ow!” cried Link. “How did you learn to use a whip? The only person who uses whips is Sheik, and…”

Zelda quickly whipped Link into unconsciousness.

“Aren’t I handy to have around?” said Zelda, hugging Mary Sue.

“Uh… I guess…” said Mary Sue uncertainly.

“Oh no! Zelda, you just knocked out Link!” said Fox, who had watched the whole thing. “How could you do that to him, Zelda? He’s one of the nicest Smashers here, and you’re acting so violently, it’s disturbing! I’m going to go tell Master Hand how psychotic you’re being in Mary Sue’s presence, and he-”

“Hi, Fox,” said Zelda brightly.

“Hi, Zelda,” said Fox brightly.

Nobody said anything for a couple of seconds.

“What was I saying?” said Fox.

Zelda stabbed him in the chest with a spoon.

“Ow, my ears,” said Fox. And to this day, nobody knows why.

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A/N: I am so going to kill her off next chapter… one more story I never need to worry about again. That's just to make the story really angsty, though, because it lacks angst right now, which obviously makes it bad.

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