Title: Requited Love
Author: Nanaea
Summary: Ever wonder what happened with Lupin and Tonks in the time span between Dumbledore's death and his funeral? I have attempted to answer that burning question with this fluffy little one-shot. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Rating: M (this is an edited version, that means the really good NC-17 parts have been left out.)
Pairings: Remus Lupin & Nymphadora Tonks
Feedback: Love it! Please review! Constructive comments will be considered; flames will be laughed at.
Beta's: OllieOop and MamaWulf
Disclaimer: All characters belong to the goddess that is J.K.R. I'm just borrowing them for a quick shag because, frankly, Lupin really needs to get some. I do this purely for my own enjoyment. I make no money from it, claim no rights to it, and have a mortal fear of lawyers.

"Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it." (David Sedaris)

---

What was she thinking? Lupin wondered as he paced back and forth across the small bedroom he had claimed at number twelve Grimmauld Place. Admitting her feelings for me in front of everyone like that! He shook his head as if it could undo her declaration. We've been over and over this. He ran his fingers absentmindedly through his hair and let out an exasperated sigh. What was it Molly had said? He was 'taking a ridiculous line.' Ridiculous? Had she used that word on purpose? Maybe she was right, maybe he was just hiding behind his fear.

He caught movement out of the corner of his eye and his head instinctively snapped towards the motion. A small mirror in an unadorned pewter frame hung on the wall, reflecting his forlorn image. What does she see in me? His eyes narrowed as he scrutinized himself. His light brown hair, in desperate need of trim, hung limply in front of his eyes and down past his collar. Gray strands wove themselves throughout and seemed to be multiplying at an alarming rate. Glaring at himself he said out loud, rather defiantly, "You're too old for her."

"That's right you pathetic excuse of a man." A snarky voice replied.

He growled at the mirror and went back to pacing the room like a trapped animal looking for a way out. You're not old enough to be her father, true, but still, you're definitely too old to be her…. He shook his head again as a sudden jolt of desire surged through his body. No, he told himself firmly, best not to even start down that path. But it was too late because he was already thinking of exactly what it was that he was too old to be doing with her. In fact, he had been thinking about it for several months now. He was, after all, still a man, even if a beast did reside within him. A beast that would like nothing more than to devour her….

Lupin stopped abruptly, his keen senses alerting him to the approach of someone in the hall outside his room. He listened closely as the familiar gait came to a halt in front of his door. Closing his eyes he inhaled deeply, detecting the fresh, slightly earthy scent that was distinctively hers. He moved silently towards the door. His pulse pounding in his ears so loudly that he almost didn't hear the deep, calming breaths she was taking. Trying to get up the nerve to knock no doubt, he thought to himself. Several minutes passed in silence with only her scent and the soft sound of her breathing to let Lupin know that she was indeed still there. He knew full well that inviting her in to his room was the last thing he should be doing, but he had made up his mind. He would just have to be stronger than the creature inside of him that was fighting for dominance.

"Would you like to come inside, Nymphadora?" he asked softly, so as not to startle the young woman. "Or would you rather stay perched outside my door all night?" Lupin had to stifle a soft chuckle as she swore a rather explicit oath under her breath.

"For Merlin's sake, Remus, call me Tonks." The door swung open and Tonks stepped into the room, somehow managing to stumble over the threshold as she did so. He reached out a hand to steady her but she recovered, shooting him an irritated look.

"I happen to like your name, Nymphadora," he said it again just to annoy her, "it's unique, not unlike yourself."

"Remus…?" she hesitated. "We need to talk."

"I know."

"You've been ignoring me ever since we got back from Hogwarts."

"I'm sorry." Lupin wanted to reach out and cradle her face in his hand, stroke his thumb across her silken cheek, but he didn't dare give in to the temptation. Instead he motioned her over to the only chair in the room. "That was never my intention. I just…I needed some time to think."

Ignoring the seat he offered, she turned on him. "You've had enough time to think!" her dark eyes glared at him, full of hurt. "In fact, you've had too much bleeding time. Love isn't something you ponder, Remus. You're supposed to feel it."

"It's not that I don't have feelings for you, I do…it's just…well, it's complicated." It tore him apart to see her like this. He had never meant to cause her so much misery.

"Of course it's complicated; you make it complicated! But it doesn't have to be, Remus, you just have to let go of your excuses."

"They are not excuses." He realised, even as he said it, that he must sound like a petulant child. "I am too old for you-"

"Age is only a number. It may sound trite but it's spot on. As long as two people love each other it shouldn't matter. It's not like I'm dragon bait; I'm not going to land you in Azkaban."

"I'm an outcast, what kind of life could I give you?"

"A contented one, filled with warmth and companionship." She moved closer to him and he became excruciatingly aware of her body heat.

"You deserve more than that," It was barely a whisper.

"I don't want more than that." She drew even closer, gazing longingly into his eyes. "All I want is you."

"This isn't about what we want, Nymphadora!" The animal inside him wanted nothing more than to tear her clothes off and thrust himself deep inside her willing body. He quickly backed away from her. "It's too dangerous. If I…if I ever hurt you…I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"You won't-"

"You don't know that."

"I trust you…and you should trust me. I know you think I can't possibly understand, but I do." She rolled her eyes at him. "I'm an Auror, remember? Give me a bit of credit will you? I know there'll be risks but we'll face them together."

"I can't let you endanger yourself for me."

"Why can't you respect me enough to let me make my own decisions?"

"I do respect you. Why do you think I'm doing this?" he was exasperated.

"Because you think I'm just a silly little girl who doesn't realize what she's getting herself into."

"Trust me, Nymphadora, I do not think of you as a 'silly little girl'. If I wasn't so painfully aware of the fact that you are a woman we wouldn't even be having this conversation!" His frustration was getting the better of him.

"Then treat me like one; let me make my own decisions!"

He sighed heavily, "Why me?"

"What?" She was looking at him as if he'd gone mental.

Maybe he had, but he needed to know. "What do you see in me?"

"What do I see in you?" She was incredulous, "I see a wonderfully kind, loyal, and intelligent man. A man who puts people at ease, who refuses to notice people's shortcomings, and who brings out the best in everyone around him. A man who would give up the very thing he desires the most to protect someone he loves…even if he is being thick."

"I'm not being thick, I'm being…sensible." But he didn't really believe it himself anymore.

"Sensible? It's not sensible; it doesn't make any sense at all!" She closed the distance between them again. "Why should you be condemned to a half-life when I love you?"

She didn't wait for his answer; instead she pressed herself against him, brushing his lips with her own. That simple gesture was his downfall. All his pent-up desire was released like a damn breaking. He claimed her lips hungrily, his tongue seeking entrance. His hands seized her pulling her even closer and she moaned against his mouth. He didn't waste the opportunity; his tongue darted in, exploring every delicious crevice and corner as his hands held her firmly against himself. She tasted of chamomile tea and honey and Lupin savoured it as she returned his kiss. He ached for her and, feeling the familiar stirring sensation in his groin, said to himself, take it easy, Remus, slow down. He released her mouth and rested his hands lightly on her shoulders.

"We should," he cleared his throat, "maybe we should slow down."

"I've wanted this for months, Remus, don't make me wait any longer."

"I just don't think we should rush into a physical relationship."

"We're not rushing into anything. We've had feelings for each other for a very long time whether you've wanted to admit to them or not."

"I don't deserve you, Nymphadora," Lupin sighed.

"Why? Because you're a werewolf? Get over it, Remus!"

"I wish I could."

"Why are you so afraid of getting close to me?"

"What makes you think-" he looked at her. Is it that obvious? He shook his head and sighed again. "I've been with a lot of women, but I never…never allowed myself to really care for any of them." He shrugged. "If I didn't get too close then they couldn't…they couldn't…."

"Hurt you?"

He nodded mutely, eyes downcast, ashamed of his weakness. "And then you came along. And you were beautiful, and intelligent, and interested…." He smiled at her. "Even though you knew what I was…what I am…." He took her hands in his. "You didn't look at me with fear, or worse - pity, in your eyes. You saw me…just…me…." He closed his eyes briefly; it was too painful. "For the first time in my life I thought, 'here is a woman I could love' and that thought terrified me."

Her voice was gentle, "Why?"

"Because, everyone I have ever cared for has died. First James and Lily; then Peter, or so I had thought; and my mum; Sirius; and now…" He couldn't bring himself to say it. He could hardly even believe it. Dumbledore…dead…. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, her cheek pressed against his chest, and he buried his face in her hair as the silent tears fell. Several minutes passed before he trusted his voice enough to speak again. "If I were to get that close to you and then lose you too…."

She looked up at him. "No one can know for sure what the future will hold, but you have to take that chance or risk living with the regret when it's too late."

"Regret and I are old acquaintances."

She let go of him and took a step back, her hands on her hips. "So you'd rather sit around feeling sorry for yourself instead of allowing yourself to be happy, even if it's only for a little while?" she glared at him and when he didn't answer she continued, "Well, forgive me if I'd rather not wallow in self-pity." She spun on her heals and headed for the door.

Lupin couldn't let her leave, not mad, not like this. He grabbed her arm and yanked her back, pulling her to him and knowing instantly that he was too far-gone to let her go again. His hands went up to cradle her head as his thumbs caressed her cheeks. He placed chaste kisses upon her forehead, her eyelids, the tip of her nose, her cheeks, and her chin before settling once again on her lips. He kissed her languidly, enjoying the simple act more than he had ever thought possible. When he released her mouth he noticed that there were tears rolling down her face; he tenderly wiped them away.

"I hope those were happy tears?"

She nodded at him, her eyes still glistening. With a crooked finger he lifted her chin.

"I am so sorry, Nymphadora, I've been a complete fool. Can you ever forgive me?"

She sniffled. "Yes, you have been." She smiled up at him and they both laughed. "Remus…."

"Yes?"

"Will you let me spend the night with you?"

"Yes."

He lowered his mouth to hers again and felt her soft form melt against his body. He had longed for this for months and here she was, a sweet mass of yearning warmth pressed against his body. He wanted her…badly. Lupin felt the beast stirring; felt the low growl building deep within his chest and swallowed it back down. He wasn't about to rush this.

"Would you like to go get your nightclothes?"

"I sleep in the nude, Remus."

Lupin was taken by the sudden image of her naked, in his bed, in his arms, underneath him…. He shook it off, licked his lips, and gave her a wolfish grin. "Really?" His hands went to the hem of her shirt and he paused. "May, I?"

She nodded her assent; he pulled the shirt up over her head and tossed it aside. Underneath she wore a tank top and, he noticed with an appreciative glance, no bra, judging by the stiff peaks that were evident through the thin fabric. Tear you eyes away from her chest you git. He looked her in the eyes and she smiled amusedly at him. Lupin smiled back as he reached for the fastenings on her jeans.

"Let me." Tonks stepped back and removed them, kicking them off to the side.

All he could do was stare. "Beautiful," he whispered as his eyes raked over her soft curves. She shivered, just slightly, but he noticed. "Well, I'm a bit overdressed now, aren't I?"

Another nod from her, and - was that hunger in her eyes? He quickly divested himself of his clothing until he was standing there in nothing but his pants. Lupin watched her studying him. When she reached out a tentative finger to trace a scar that ran across his chest and he shuddered. One after another she ran her fingers over the scars that crisscrossed his torso, shoulders, and arms, while he stood there transfixed by her touch.

"So many…."

"Occupational hazard." He tried to grin but it felt more like a grimace to him.

She leaned towards him and kissed one of the scars, then another, and another…. He reached up, took her face in his hands, and rubbed his lips softly over hers then whispered, "Why don't we lie down?"

Taking her by the hand, he led her to the bed, climbed in, and pulled her down next to him, wrapping her in his arms. She sighed, snuggling deeper into his embrace, and he kissed the top of her head. Her fingers soon began playing across his chest again, and then she sat up abruptly.

"Now I'm the one who's overdressed."

She pulled her tank top off, dropping it onto the floor. Merlin, help me; there went my resolve.

"It's been a while, Remus." She actually blushed and he found it made her all the more endearing.

"It has for me as well." He stroked her face with the backs of his fingers from temple to jaw. "Nymphadora…."

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I know."

---

Tonks curled up with her head resting on his chest and Lupin enfolded her in his arms once more.

They lay there in silence for a long while until finally, he spoke, "I hope I was worth the wait."

"You were."

"I'm glad to hear it."

"You did things that…." she trailed off, obviously uncomfortable.

"That no one else has ever done to you?"

"Yes."

"Hopefully, it won't be the last time." Lupin could almost feel the heat of her blush against his chest. "But for now we should get some sleep."

"I am a bit knackered."

He kissed her forehead. "Goodnight my little nymph."

"Does that make you a satyr?"

He laughed, "I guess it would." Better than being a werewolf.

"Goodnight, Remus."

Lupin listened as her breathing became soft and even and soon he drifted off as well.

---

He awoke sometime during the night startled out of sleep by a hand brushing across his thigh. It took a minute before he remembered where he was and why there was a warm, soft, naked body pressed against his side. Neither one spoke as they came together, and then he was inside her again. Lupin turned his head and froze. There, framed by the window, was the glowing disk of a full moon. Panic seized his heart and his scream turned into a howl even as it escaped from his throat. In the instant before he transformed he saw the terror in her eyes and then the beast ripped out her throat and the coppery tang of blood flooded his mouth.

"No!"

Lupin woke up screaming, oblivious of the woman next to him trying to calm him. She held him like a child, one hand clutching him to her breast and the other stroking his hair as she whispered soothingly.

"Shhh, it's alright, Remus, it was only a dream…shhh."

It took him several minutes before his mind had cleared away enough of the horror for him to speak.

"I killed you." He realised as he said it that he was trembling uncontrollably.

"No, Remus, you didn't. I'm right here. I'm fine."

"I was making love to you and then I saw the full moon, and…." He shuddered as the image of her fear filled eyes came back to him. "And I tore your throat out."

She continued to hold him without speaking until he had stopped shaking and his breathing had calmed. He sat up when he was feeling a bit more composed and looked at her.

His thoughts were in turmoil and the words just tumbled out, "This was a mistake. I was being selfish; I never should have invited you in."

"Oh, no you don't, Remus John Lupin! You are not going to brush me off, not now, not after I've had a taste of you."

"Nymphadora, please don't make this any harder than it has to be."

"You've gone mental if you think I'm going to make it easy for you!"

Lupin sighed, "Nymphadora, please, I can't risk hurting you - it would kill me."

"And turning me away now isn't hurting me?"

"It is, I know, and I'm truly sorry for that, but at least you'd be safe," from me he added silently.

"You're scared, Remus, I understand that, but please, don't do this…I can't…." she broke off, sobbing.

The sight of her sitting there, face hidden in her hands, her naked shoulders heaving as she cried, filled him with remorse. He reached out to her but she pulled away from him.

"I'm sorry. Oh gods, I'm so sorry, Nymphadora." You'd deserve it if she hated you for the rest of eternity.

He pulled her into his arms and held her firmly as she struggled to get free. After several moments he felt the tension begin to drain from her body and she slumped against him. Lupin relaxed his grip and she pulled away, pummeling his chest with her fists.

"Don't you ever do that to me again, Remus!"

"I won't; I swear it on my life," worthless though it is.

"Good, because if you do it again I'll kill you." She smiled through her tears at him.

Lupin relaxed back onto the bed and held open his arms to her. "Come here."

---

It was early morning when Lupin woke up again. He opened his eyes hesitantly, afraid she wouldn't be there - afraid it had all been a dream, even though he could feel her warmth and hear her soft breathing. His eyes adjusted to the dim light and he let out a laugh that woke up the sleeping woman.

"Wotcher, Remus?" she asked sleepily.

"Your hair is pink again my little nymph."

Tonks ran a hand through her cotton-candy locks. "Really? Don't remember changing it…."

Lupin threw back the covers and she protested loudly.

"Just checking," He said with a grin. "Does that always happen when you change your hair color?"

"Yes." She yanked the covers back up. "Lecherous old man."

"You wouldn't want me any other way," he teased, giving her a wink. "Now, shall we go downstairs and get some breakfast? I don't know about you, but I'm right famished."

"I'm feeling a bit peckish myself."

They got up and dressed silently. Lupin kept sneaking glances at her as she pulled her clothes back on. How did I get so lucky? he wondered. When she had finished he moved to the door and opened it for her.

"After you, love."

Tonks graced him with a smile and slipped her hand into his as they walked down the hall together. He knew bloody well that he had no right to be this happy, but there it was - a bright spark of hope kindling inside him, and, as far as he was concerned, the rest of the world could sod off.