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“W-what are you doing here?”
Warrick doesn’t answer right away, trying his best to ignore the fact that Nick hasn’t moved. It’s hard to stand there, and the silence he’s creating is nothing but awkward. All he knows is that he’s supposed to be able to come up with something to say to help make things better.
Except that’s not really possible, and he isn’t really sure that things will ever get remotely close to being normal again. Things had been going so well, and he can’t hold in the barrage of curses that he wants nothing more than to scream out. Instead he holds them in, willing himself to calm down. Because no matter how badly he wants it; there’s no way to change what’s happened.
He already knows that he’ll be carrying around the guilt of that coin flip for as long as he lives.
“You’re my friend. I know that I was mad about you coming here, but… that doesn’t mean that I won’t be here for you.”
The moment he saw Nick’s shoulders begin to sag, and the tension start to fade ever so slightly, he made his move. It didn’t take much effort to lead Nick to his car, although it was clear the man wasn’t nearly as comfortable around the vehicle as he would have been.
Neither one spoke as Warrick hurried around to the other side, before climbing in. His eyes occasionally glanced over at Nick, trying to reassure himself that the man was doing okay. But the rigid stance, the way his eyes were closed and he rocked himself ever so slightly back and forth didn’t help. It was just another thing to pile onto the list of phobias Nick had acquired.
Which made Warrick wonder if Nick had any idea how tense the air around them was. He gently bit down on his lip, momentarily wishing that the hell they were leaving was closer to Vegas. Every few moments he would turn to check on his friend, even though he already knew exactly what the man was doing. He didn’t need to see the grimace on Nick’s face, the pain etched there as if it would never fade away. He didn’t need to turn to see that Nick’s hand was resting on the window, that he had the vents for the AC turned right towards his face. That he was placing himself back in the box.
Even as he pulled up to Nick’s home they didn’t speak. Nick didn’t waste any time fumbling for the door handle. The second he found it the door flew open and the man was already halfway across the lawn, heading for his home. Warrick didn’t waste much time before he followed. Not wanting Nick to feel any more embarrassed than he probably already felt, he figured that it was best to forget everything he’d just seen in the car.
Although, deep down he knew that he couldn’t bring it up, even if he wanted to. There just wasn’t any tactical way of bringing that monster up to the surface. No one really knew how to broach the subject, and even if someone did, the only two people that Nick felt somewhat comfortable with were himself and Catherine.
“My parents ought to be here soon.”
Warrick paused, unsure if he wanted to see them again. It had stung to see them standing in the hallway, holding onto each other. The sight of them already grieving for their son had been a major blow to his own hope that Nick was going to make it out alive. And, while he knew better than to judge, he couldn’t help but feel that they had already given up on him- on all of them. He had his doubts about it now, but at the time he’d been so certain that they hadn’t expected to ever see Nick alive again.
Which was exactly why he was so uncomfortable around them. He didn’t like the way they pushed Nick to do something he didn’t want to do. He didn’t like how they tried to help him get past his fears so that he could be back to normal.
Unable to stand the silence any longer Nick finally managed to push the words out, “I… I think I’m gonna go back there, for a while. It might be good to see everyone again, ya know? I mean, the kids are all on break for the summer, and… well, I think I’m gonna go.”
There was a look in his eyes that immediately surprised Warrick. He hadn’t seen it in so long, and it nearly made him shudder because he didn’t want Nick to think he needed his approval of the idea. At first he was almost tempted to tell him that he shouldn’t go. That he should stick it out in Vegas. That it’d be like running away. Except he knew that the problem wasn’t that it wouldn’t help Nick.
The problem was that it wouldn’t help the team.
They weren’t comfortable around each other anymore. They didn’t have actual conversations that consisted of much more than small talk. He felt like they were still losing him, and that there was nothing any of them could do about it.
And then he felt the inevitable wave of guilt come crashing back down, hitting with even more force each time. Because now he had the fact that he was still being so selfish to add to it.
“Yeah… maybe it’ll do you some good.” And he had to bite his lip to stop himself from taking back those words.
The look of relief in Nick’s eyes was enough to make it worthwhile, though. No matter how much it hurt, he knew he had given Nick what he’d wanted. Though the question of whether or not he was making the right decision still lingered.
Before he could say anything else, he heard the door behind them swing open, and the voices of Nick’s parents putting an abrupt end to the looming silence. They were all over Nick in an instant, asking him all sorts of questions about how he was feeling. Pestering him with all sorts of comments and quick pats so that they’d be able to touch their own son and constantly reaffirm the fact that he was actually there.
“I’ll see you later.” Was the last acknowledgment he received before Nick turned his attention back to his parents, and telling them that he was fine.
So Warrick did the only thing he could. He left, offering Nick the best smile he could muster before heading out the door, closing it firmly behind him. It wasn’t until he was back in his car that he felt the tears brimming in his eyes, trying their best to break free.
Just a few hours ago he had hoped that by going there, going to that prison to support Nick, he’d be able to fix him. He wanted to set things right, to settle everything, or at least some of the problems. Because he knew that they weren’t about to fix themselves.
They never did.
And as he pulled away, driving towards his own home, he let a few tears fall, wishing the whole time that he could have done something to make everything better.
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