The Day Link Became Out of Character and made Canon Angry

Author's Notes: Hello! Welcome to part II of my new parody series "The Day Link Became…"! To get an idea for what kind of humor entails, I recommend you read "The Day Link Became Evil and made Ganondorf Angry".

To think the series started with a conversation I was having with my friend Liandra one day. Look at what has spawned because of it. If you want someone to beat up please go to Liandra. Thank you.

Warnings: Thesaurus abuse at random points, slight OOCness, Tears of Blood Puddles from Canon all over (watch your step!), random thoughts about things are in weird places.

Also, if making fun of fangirls offends you, please don't read. Thank you.

Enjoy!

Also: Link is a "horn ball" in this fic. Yeah. Bless me Father for I have sinned (no I'm not Catholic).

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It was a Sunday this time, instead of a Saturday. I mean, really, people waking up on Saturday mornings are so cliché! Why not ever have them wake up on Mondays or Thursdays or something? Honestly, how overused. Those poor other weekdays have to suffer because Saturday is always picked over them!

…What that has to do with Zelda, you ask? Absolutely nothing. Why don't we go see what's going on?

Ah yes, here we are, in Hyrule castle. Or what was Hyrule castle. After Ganondorf took over it became…well, his castle, one would assume. It wouldn't be Zelda's or anything. Nope, not at all.

Anyway, Link was on a random bed in Ganondorf's big-assed bedroom. Why Ganondorf has so many beds is beyond me. Maybe they're spare ones incase he breaks one during sex? Who the hell knows? Certainly not I.

…OK, maybe I do. Why should I tell you if I know anyway?

Anyway, Link was stark naked and chained to the bed, blah, blah, blah, you've heard all that crap before, I'm sure. But if you want me to, gentle reader, then I shall describe it in glorious detail.

Link was in a bed with soft, white, creamy, silky sheets, the covers were placed over his white, pasty skin. His azure eyes were closed. He looked like an incandescent angel, sleeping ever-so peacefully in the dim lighting of the room. His sallow-colored wrists were wrought with hoary clamps that were fastened to the mahogany bedpost behind him. His fair-haired head was lying atop a fluffy, pallid, head supporter.

…If you wouldn't mind, I think I'll throw up now.

So, Ganondorf was watching his precious little "incandescent angel" sleep. How creepy, huh, gentle reader? Oh, but this is pod!Ganondorf, meaning he's not that ugly, hook nosed, olive skinned Gerudo that you would know. He is SO HAWT and SEXI and looks nineteen instead of his thirty plus age that he REALLY is. Oh no, 'cause if it were that's NOT SEXY AND HAWT.

So Link woke up to see Ganondorf staring. Link realized that he was naked and blushed a crimson red…or if that's too descriptive, he was as red as a tomato.

Now, I'm sure Link is so innocent and what not, and that he's losing circulation to his arms from them being above his head so long, and that he's really disturbed by Ganondorf's creepy, pedophilic stares.

But all that can be thrown out the window. Because you know, Link is just SO HAWT.

Link was clearly horny or whatever adjective you want to use to describe an erection. Honestly, people, use your imagination.

Ganondorf ripped the sheets off the bed and his eyes feasted upon Link's pale skin… and a little below the belt if you know what I mean.

…How can eyes feast on something? I have no clue. Hey, why don't you just ask the people who were responsible for inventing the English language? They might be able to tell you. As you could tell, I had no involvement with creating it; I merely speak it.

Link, with his newfound inhuman strength, broke the chains (that must suck) and pounced on fanon!Ganondorf and, despite being a virgin and having no lubricant, fucked Ganondorf with no trouble at all. In fact, they kinda looked like rabbits…

Aww, Jesus, that's a nasty mental image.

Once Ganondorf died because he couldn't come and it backed up into his brain, Link put some clothes on, ran around Hyrule, and started up a porn star business with the Poe Collector (named Bob) as his manager.

…And that's what happens when fangirls get a hold of Link and make him out of character so much that it's hardly believable. Link is not a whore, he's an eight year old stuck inside a fifteen year old's body. HE'S NOT HORNY ALL THE FREAKING TIME EITHER.

…But I must remain calm.

Over yonder, the real Link slaughtered his Badfic self and chuckled.

"Wow, these people suck so much that it's unbelievable."

And that, my friends, is why you shouldn't kill canon by making Link a hornball and/or a man-whore.

END