Yo men and women of TIS I! BABYPENGUIN, RULER OF MARS! Okay, seeing as BOTH SEASON ONE AND SEASON TWO GOT DELETED I am here again! Grrr…Yes, so here I am again re-writing THE WHOLE OF SEASON ONE! (Dun dun DUUUN!) Yes – I gotta say, it’s not gonna anything like the previous Season One, sure, the same story lines, but totally different it style of writing and stuff! I’m a freak, yes. So, thanks again for reading my fanfic’s my awesome reviewers of both season one and two! You guys are so AWESOME!

Dedication: To all those who are still reading my fic, even though it’s been deleted! You rock! And To Landon, hottest, sweetest and awesomeness boyfriend EVER!

Disclaimer: Okay – 1) I don’t own CCS, obviously. 2) If I owned Friends, I wouldn’t have made the show end!

Fun Fact: David Schwimmer accused the handlers of his on-screen pal Marcel the monkey of being ‘too possessive’. He claims he was never allowed to bond with the creature!

Notes: I’m using the English names so: Sakura Avalon/ Sakura Kinomoto, Li Showron/Syaoran Li, Madison Taylor/ Tomoyo Daidoujii, Eli Moon/ Eriol Hiirigizawa, Meilin Rae/ Meiling Li, Tori Avalon/Touya Kinomoto. Remember, I’m BP, Language can get colourful, some crude jokes about drugs and sexual references, that is why this fic is rated: T. All my characters are totally OCC and this fic is VERY AU!

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OoO Friends Season One OoO

OoO Episode One: TOW Horror Cooking Shows OoO

Previously on CCSFRIENDS (As usual, Eli Voice over)

So yeah, you know CCS right? That’s why you’re reading this fic, you’re like BP, overly obsessed with CCS and also obsessed with FRIENDS as well and you’re disappointed at the lack of a certain genre in the show and read and write fic’s instead…you’re all freaks. But hey, here’s what’s been going one since, like what? The 2nd movie?

Yo, I’m Eli. You may know me as Eriol.

Y’know, the dude from England who showed up randomly in CCS who every time he comes up on screen, weird magical music comes on, oh and has awesome glasses? Yeah, that’s me. I’m 23 now, I’m a lawyer in this fic. I’m also incredibly retarded which is odd because I’m a lawyer, so please don’t mind my total OCC-ness. My hobby’s are learning French and pretending I can play piano. You may consider me as the ‘Joey’ of the CCSFRIENDS GANG.

You all know Madison, right?

That’s her name in this fic (Because BP is a retarded gay and prefers the English names for some weird reason) You probably know her as Tomoyo. That girl with all the cameras. She’s 22, turning 23 in this fic and she lives right across the hall from me and Li. She works as a designer and likes to make me model the feminine clothes. You will recognise her has the ‘Monica’ of the CCSFRIENDS gang.

And of course you know Li, duh. Well, Syaoran perhaps. Remember him? ‘Hot’ dude who I like to call ‘My Cute Little Descendant?’ (Yeah, what the fuck is up with that?) Well yeah, you all know him obviously, heck, you guys probably write countless fic’s about him being the Prince of ‘Li Kingdom’ or something totally over used like that.

But Li is not a Prince in this fic, he’s now 23, also a lawyer, he’s my room mate and we are supposedly best friends even though we compete in everything.

(Insert clip of Eli and Li racing to the bathroom, seeing who can eat their dinner fastest, seeing who can fart the loudest, and other weird stuff boys do.)

You’ll definitely identify Li being the ‘Chandler’ of the group.

And then there’s Meilin. She’s a journalist, and as is coming soon…hopefully. She’s 22, and we’ll meet her soon sometime in Season One. By the way, she is totally over Li and likes to karate chop people until they die. I guess she’s a lot like the ‘Rachael’ in our group.

And you all know Tori/Touya. His name is Tori in this fic. Lets just pretend he’s only two years older than Sakura in this fic, making him 24. But the changing of his age hasn’t changed anything on how over protective he is of his little sister. It’s kind of worrying. He is a doctor and very obsessive over things. He also thinks that he’s smart (hah), well, I guess you can all him the ‘Ross’ of our group.

And of course, the ‘S’ in CCS, Sakura. Who’s name is the same as her Japanese one, which is convenient. She’s now 22, turning 23 soon, and NOT dating Li. Big surprise, eh? Meh, who ever has read this fic before it got deleted probably knows BP gets them together in Episode Three.

BP: DAMMIT ELI! STOP GIVING AWAY STORY LINES! Damn you…

As you can see, our Author has not changed at all. (((Shakes fist at BP who is about to harpoon him)))

Well, this fic is mainly about 4 friends (Soon to be 6 when we get Touya/Tori and Meilin in the picture…) Who, like the Friends gang, experience many…weird encounters and happenings, living in apartments across the hall from each other in Hong Kong City.

So in this fic expect: 6 Friends, a duck and a goose, an Ugly Naked Guy, Madison trying to cook, random trips to England, a vase, a coffee house, me being totally OCC and quite feminine at times, the gang trying to play American Football, A wedding, a birth, a baby called Aaron, a donkey, a couch, insanely unnatural white teeth, BP actually trying to make you LAUGH (Good luck with that BabyPenguin) and of course, Li in his boxer shorts.

(Audience ‘Oooooh!’)

Hey! You get to see (well read about an imagine) me in my boxer shorts!

(Audience back away slowly)

OoO

“I need to pee,” Eli said to Li who was watching TV, walking into the girl’s apartment in a rush.

Li turned and looked at him, cocking an eyebrow. “And good morning to you too…” he turned back to the TV, disgusted. “Dude, never inform me on things like that ever again…”

“Just thought you’d like to know,” Eli shrugs and runs into the bathroom before he wets himself. After a few seconds, Eli squeals and runs out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

“Wow Eli!” Li said, surprised, “Do you only need, like, two seconds to pee?” His amber eyes went wide, “I haven’t even got the toilet seat up by then!”

Eli tilts his head, “Huh? You put the seat up?”

“Yeah,” Li replies sarcastically, “that is the humane thing to do.”

The 22 year old boy with blue hair crossed his legs and started walking around all jittery, “actually, I didn’t go,” he informed Li, “Why the HELL didn’t you tell me Sakura was taking a shower in there?”

Li put his hands up in defence, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don’t go pointing fingers! I didn’t know she was in there! Don’t blame me!”

He paused as thoughts came into his head… “So what did she look like?”

“Hey!” Eli said, “I have a girlfriend! Her name is Madison! I love her! I didn’t LOOK AT SAKURA!”

He also paused and contemplated the moment, sighing… “Yeah, most of the glass was steamed over…”

So no one told you life was goanna be this way
your jobs a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.

It's like you're always stuck in second gear
and it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year
but…

I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before

I’ll be there for you

Coz you’re there for me too…

OoO Girl’s Apartment OoO

Madison walked out of her room, yawning, “Morning!” She chirped, quickly giving Eli as kiss on the cheek before she went to burn some toast. “What are you guy’s doing here?”

“Mad, we spend more time in your apartment than we do ours,” Li laughed as if that were the most normal thing ever.

Yes, now, the CCS gang, or as BP likes to refer to them, the CCSFRIENDS gang are now 22 with jobs and responsibilities, their own apartments in Hong Kong. Eli and Li live in apartment 29, and right across the hall, live Sakura and Madison in apartment 30. (A/N: Mei and Tori are coming soon!) Sure, now they are (bunny ears quote) ‘mature’ adults, their lives are far from normal.

Li continued, “besides, I’m helping Sakura with her job interview today, y’know, helping her go though her possible interview questions, choosing clothes and bags and stuff she’s got to wear…”

“Oh,” Madison smirks, “so you’re now playing the role of ‘gay-best-friend?”

“Shut up,” Li blushed in that timeless way, throwing a cushion at Madison. “Look, I don’t, like, y’know, like, crush on -”

“Li!” Sakura smiled, running out of the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around her body and a towel turban.

Li sprang up to face, his hand immediately jumping to his hair, “Y-y-yes?”

“I need your opinion of these shoes…” She said, trailing off as she rushed into her bedroom, coming out with armfuls of shoes. “Okay, I was thinking these one’s with the little bow, or these one’s with the red straps.”

“Erm…” Li said, scavenging though the shoes, wandering why the hell girl’s needed so many shoes. (This was because Li lived in his Total-Nineties)

“Well, I dunno, what do you think?” Sakura said, thinking, her hands on her hips.

Madison laughed, “Yeah, Li is so totally gonna help you with that, with his great fashion sense and all!” She retorted sarcastically.

“Y’know,” Eli smirked, looking her up and down “No one’s gonna really care when you’ve got the towel dress on…”

The three looked at him blankly.

Eli’s face lost it’s smirk and he gasped, “did I say that out loud?”

OoO Later On…Coffee House OoO

“Hey,” Sakura droned, falling onto the coffee house couch where Eli, Madison and Li sat. She orders a D-café huffily and puts her legs up onto the coffee table lazily.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Madison asked.

“The interview I had today,” Sakura replied, sipping her coffee, “yeah, it didn’t go too well…” She sighs, “I don’t really wanna talk about it…”

Eli presses her on, “So what happened?”

“Didn’t I just say I don’t wanna talk about it?” Sakura accused.

“I know, I just wanna hear what stupid things you did!” Eli laughs.

Sakura just stared at him, then finally gave in, “Okay – so y’know at them times when I’m all nervous, and I crack really crap jokes that no one gets-?”

The whole gang inhale at the same time, “Oh my! You didn’t!”

Sakura whimpers, “I did!” And starts hyperventilating in worry.

Madison gets out a paper bag for Sakura as she breathes into it heavily.

“Just breathe,” Madison sooths, “It’s all okay, think nice happy thoughts…”

Eli starts singing, “Rain drops on roses and bunnies and kittens, chocolate and coconuts-” People start staring at him, “- and cookies and dough, bluebells and sleigh bells and…something with rope…la, la, la, la, la, laaa, something with string, noodles and…la, la, la, these are a few of my favorit-”

Sakura looks up at him, “I’m all better now!”

Eli smiles up at all the people watching him oddly, “I helped!”

Li puts an arm around her, “Hey, look,” he says to her softly, “chin up.”

“Thanks…” Sakura said into his shirt. She broke away abruptly. “Uh…so! What are you guy’s doing here?”

“Y’know, like everybody else,” Li replied cheekily, “to drink coffee.”

“No,” Sakura replied, blushing, “Uh, I mean, with all these drawings and stuff, what are they for?”

Madison held up her sketches of dresses and designs up to her, grinning proudly, “it’s a set I’m finally proud of! What do you think?”

“Wow!” Sakura exclaimed, “They’re awesome, Maddy!”

“I was wandering, if you’d like, model some of them,” Madison hinted, very badly. “Pleeeaassssee?” She beseeched, her hands clasped in praying position.

“Uh…” Sakura shrugged, smiling, “I dunno...I don’t mind.”

“And Li?” Madison turned to the amber eyed boy, “Would you like to model the Men’s Lingerie? Pleeeaase?”

Li looked shocked, he was about to laugh, but then he saw Madison’s serious face oh him and his eyes went wide, “No!”

“Oh, come on Li,” Eli said. “It’ll be fun, prancing around in erotic boxer shorts and male thongs!”

“Yeah, feel how soft the martial is,” Madison threw a piece of fabric at Li. He

caught it affectively and gingerly rubbed it against his cheek. His eyes shut dreamily at the soft texture.

“Wow it is really, really, really, really…” he said, then his eyes widened, dropping the fabric onto his lap, “WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?”

“Dude,” Eli smirked, “Y’know, you were just rubbing underpants against your cheek…”

The whole coffee shop went silent, staring at Li.

“No I’m not!” Li said, then he unfolded the fabric and held up a pair of grey underpants, “Oh…”

OoO Later On… OoO

(A/N: I’m gonna be referring to some CCS Episodes and taking the piss, so sorry if you don’t get it because you haven’t seen that particular episode or anything!)

“Stop being such a QUEER!”

“I’m not being queer, I was just saying that those pants would look good on you!” Eli said to Li. “Jeez, compliment!”

"I'm worried because of the fact that a GUY is complimenting me..."

Li rolled his eyes and continued reading the paper.

“So what are you gonna do about the Sakura thing?” Eli said randomly.

Li lowered the newspaper slowly, “W-w-what Sakura thing?”

“Y’know, you in love with Sakura and all,” Eli said offhandedly. “Ever since, like, what? 6th grade?”

Li looked at him, his face in an expression of shock, “Huh? H-h-how-”

“Yeah, you should really stop leaving your diary out for me to read, I mean, who keeps their diary up on top of their wardrobe under 5 duvets just for me to find and read?” Eli laughed. “Plus, you keeping a diary? Hah! And you call ME the queer one.”

“Shut…up…”

“Dude, remember that time when I locked you guys in the elevator,” Eli chuckled, “Now that was fun! Y’know watching you guys all ‘here, have a cookie,’ and ‘come sit on this piece of cloth with me’ wow, you are so meant to be.”

“Eli, I’m gonna strangle you now.” Li said, grinding his back teeth.

Eli continued to laugh, “I remember that part when you were all: (Eli goes into slow motion) SAAAAAAKUUUUURRRAAAAAAA!”

“Dude, shut up!”

“And the whole, ‘Li, I used the float card, no need to be an idiot and scream out my name,’” Eli laughed.

Li’s blush reddened, “well, how about you? You’re the weird guy that every time you came up on screen, weird suggestive music would play. CLAMP made it totally obvious that you were some weird magical guy.”

“Dude…”

“And how about the whole piano thing?” Li said, “You weren’t even playing the paino!”

Eli stands up, “I can!”

“Oh you cannot!”

“I sure can!” Eli says, walking over to a random piano that happens to be there, “See look!”

Eli starts playing the monotonous, one-fingered drone of the jingle of ‘Where in the world? P.C World!’

Li claps mockingly, “Wow. Way-to-go, Beethoven.”

OoO Sakura and Madison’s Apartment OoO

“Look, there’s nothing to say,” Sakura rolled her eyes as Madison tried to question out her ‘date’ she had tonight, “Mad, it’s just a guy I met at work.” She took out her key and unlocked her apartment door.

They walk into the living room/dining room, dumping their bags onto the table. Eli is sitting at the couch, gripping a cushion to his chest, alarming the girls with his suppressed girlish screams.

“Hey Eli,” Madison said, coming up behind him.

“Dammit WOMAN!” Eli shouts as he falls of his chair in fear. “Don’t ever scare me like that ever again!”

Madison recoils, shocked, “Jeez, sorry Eli.”

Sakura takes off her jacket, “Why are you scared?”

“This movie,” Eli said, panting like he’s about to have some sort of heart attack, “Is really, really, really scary. You will not believe how scary it is. There’s this one part where the guy is salting the salmon and-”

“The cookery channel?” Madison said, sarcastically. “You are scared of the cookery channel?”

Yes, Eli is that retarded not to know the difference between a ‘Do-it-your-self-cook-your-own-roast-dinner’ show and a horror. Which is worrying.

Sakura and Madison shake their heads with disbelief and start cooking dinner, “So anyways, yeah, that guy you met.”

Sakura sighed, “Look, there’s nothing much to say!”

“Come on Saku!” Madison said, “YOU’RE going out with the guy! There must be something wrong with him!”

“Maddy!”

“Come on, does he have a hair piece? A hunch back? Does he eat paper?”

“What the fuck?”

Meanwhile, Eli, afraid (because the dude on the screen is cutting up lettuce) over hears the conversation. A new guy? That’s so gonna kill Li…or Li will kill the guy, whatever’s funniest.

“Eli?” Sakura’s voice snaps him out of his trance.

“Uh?”

“Oh sorry,” Sakura said, “You went all silent and you didn’t seem to be breathing...”

Eli gulped, racking his brains for an excuse, “Uh…well, y’know…” he looks at the screen and immediately gets freaked out by the lobster, “This…movie! Such suspense!”

His girlfriend looks at him oddly, “Again, I ask, THE COOKERY CHANNEL?”

“Yeah, so scary,” Eli replies, “You should watch it, it’s scary when the custard goes all lumpy…”

Madison claws her fingernails in frustration and whacks Eli round the head.

"What the hell was that for!"

"Eli," Madison said, her voice slow so he can understand easier, "I did that because I love you...And I don't want that to change."

OoO The Boy’s Apartment OoO

(A/N: Excuse crap Spanish here! I’ve just been on Spanish exchange and trying out my Spanish! LOL!)

Madison, Eli and Li were sitting down in the boy’s apartment, the boy’s on their awesome Chandler and Joey comfy chairs and eating Chinese take-away, watching a Spanish Soap show trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

“Ah Regorio, mi esperanza, mi amor, mi vida!” (Oh Regorio, my hope, my love, my life!)

“Hmm…” Li said, “He’s probably saying something about that nice rack she has…”

Eli puts on a feminine voice, “Oh Regorio, I feel so lonely in my underpants!”

“Amanda, usted sabe que soy casado a su hermana…?” (Amanda, don’t you know I am married to your sister?)

“Amanda,” Madison says, putting on a deep voice, “Your underpants are lovely, kiss me now!”

“Pero… el amor usted, tanto, me tiene hasta alba!” (But…I love you, so much, hold me until dawn!)

“Por supuesto, te quiero, yo más bien le tendría que su hermana.” (Of course I love you, I’d rather have you than my sister)

Li pretends to be the woman, “Hmm…she could be saying…Would you like an Egg and Salad sandwich or Tuna, decide now!”

“I can’t decide!” Eli says, acting as ‘Regorio,’ “They are both so tasty and mouth watering!”

“Oh, Regorio…” (Oh Regorio. Duh)

“Regorio, your hands are on my ass,” Madison impersonates.

“Béseme, Amanda…” (Kiss me, Amanda)

Eli nods, “He said, ‘Fuck me, Amanda’.”

“You sure?” Madison says, looking at Eli oddly, “Do you know any Spanish?”

“Of course I do!” Eli replies as if him not knowing Spanish was ridiculous. “I am in fact, very fluent in many languages, Spanish included.”

“Sure Eli,” Li rolls his eyes, his voice sarcastic. He looks back at the screen, “Hey look, another woman is walking in.”

“¡Regorio¡Amanda¿Qué pasa aquí¿Por qué besaba usted?” (Regorio! Amanda! What is going on here? Why were you kissing?)

“¡Hermana más joven¡Esto no es lo que se parece a!” (Younger sister! This isn’t what it looks like!)

Madison pretends to be the sister, “Hey Regorio! Amanda! Can I join in?”

Eli nods, “And she said: ‘Of course you can, this show needs a little bit of x-rated action!”

Everyone groans.

“Y’know what?” Eli sighs, “I much prefer the Cookery Channel.”

OoO Next Day, Sakura and Madison’s Apartment OoO

“Morning,” Li chirps as he enters the girl’s apartment only wearing his boxer shorts. “Can I have a coffee?”

Sakura looks him up and down, impressed. “Yeah sure…” she says, blushing and also shocked. “Did you cross the hall wearing just that?”

Li shrugged, “Nah, I put my shorts on when I was about to open the door.”

“Right…” Sakura said, turning back to the coffee she was stirring. She looked back at Li and smiled. The helpless young man could feel his legs jelly and give in…literally.

It was either that, or he tripped over the table leg.

“Li?” Sakura said, looking down on him as he falls onto the floor, “whoa, are you okay?”

Oh…crap… “Yeah…I’m fine.”

“What are you doing on the floor then?”

Li racked his brains for an excuse, “Um…well…y’see…” He stuttered, “Oh…you have such nice carpet.”

Sakura looked bemused, “Uh…Li, we don’t have carpet…this is a wood floor.”

Li scratched the back of his head nervously and got up, "Yeh...well...well..." Madison came out of the toilet and saved Li from embarrassment.

“I'm goanna check the messages on the phone,” Madison said.

“You thought of that in the toilet?” Li joked.

“Yeah, Nature calls, she wants to see who else did,” Sakura smirked.

Madison rolled her eyes and turned on the answer machine.

Hey Sakura, it’s Rodney, I was wandering after that great date we had a few days ago, you’d like to go out again some time…er…yeah call me back…this is Rodney by the way…did I already say that? Oh well…uh yeah, so call me back. I’m Rodney. That guy you went out with? Yeah. That’s me. Rodney.

Eli sighed, “Yes, we know your name is Rodney!” He screamed at the answer machine.

Li looked confusedly at Sakura, “W-w-who’s Rodney?”

“Oh, y’know,” Sakura said offhandedly, “this guy from work.”

“Oh.”

Sakura coughed in the awkward silence, “So…er…you want coffee?”

“Yes, coffee would be perfection,” Li replied.

Eli smirked, “perfection?”

“Well,” Li hissed to him, “I tend to over use that word when I’m nervous and uncomfortable in a situation.”

“Right, so would you like an omelette too? Would that also be perfection?”

“Shut up, Eli.” Li sighed. “So what’s this new guy all about…Rodney…”

Eli shrugged, “I dunno, haven’t met him,” he looked at Li, “Why? You jealous?”

“N-n-no!” Li replied, looking away, trying to hide his reddening blush. Sighing with irritation he commented to himself, “well, this perfection.”

OoO The Little Bit At The End When The Credits Role by OoO

The gang sit in the boys living room sitting down to watch Eli’s favourite film: “How to make Salmon and Asparagus.” Obviously another one of his cookery channel horrors.

Now you need to slowly drizzle flavouring onto the fish…

The gang tense up, Sakura grabbing a cushion to hug.

And now clean the asparagus…

“Shit Eli, this is freaky…”

Dice the carrots…

“Oh crap, oh crap…what’s the evil man doing to the carrots!”

Now place the salmon on the frying pan…

“Jeez Eli, I never knew these shows could be so…terrifying!”

“You think this is scary? Wait until they start drizzling olive oil onto the frying pan…”

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A/N: Well that was unbelievably crap! Sorry, I kinda wanted to set the scene…I have lost my ‘funniness.’ Man, I miss Season Two…So yes, sorry if this first episode was short and a disappointment, I will try harder in the next episode! YOU ROCK FOR READING THIS FIC! BP xoxo

Next Time Of CCSFRIENDS: “Oh, right,” Eli says sarcastically, “Well, if you must know, Li likes to try on girl’s underwear!” “Eli wets the bed!” “Li likes reading romance novels!” “Eli can’t really play the piano!” “Li is scared of his own mom!” “HEY! Dude! Keep my mother out of this!”