Live, Live a Dream

By Clorinda

Rated: PG

Category: Angst

Summary: It was a fairytale gone wrong. Narcissa Malfoy tells you a bedtime story. (SiriusxNarcissa) One-shot.

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"Hello. I'm Narcissa."

"Narcissa. My name's Sirius Black."

"Would you like to dance with me?"

"Can you?"

"Excuse me?"

A laugh. "Just kidding, Cissa.

Long forgotten voices echo in my head. Abandoned memories of happy times. I want them back now. Oh, why did I ever throw them away?

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"It's hard being under the same roof as you, y'know."

"Oh don't tell me, now you're jealous of Lucius? What is this world coming to!"

"Don't you go throwing your hands in the air, and acting like you're the only sane person left. I'm sick of your airs. It was funny when you were a kid, but not any more. I'm leaving, Cissa, I'm leaving this house for good. And it's because you make me sick."

"It's mutual, darling. And aren't you going to bless me a happy future with Lucius? Aw, don't you wish you had blonde hair and the name of Malfoy?"

"Frankly I do."

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I can't believe I ever let a stupid outsider unconsciously wedge his way into our relationship. Lucius Malfoy and his mop of blonde hair.

It shouldn't have ended this way. It was a fairytale, one that should have concluded on a happy note where the prince and princess get married and live happily ever after, while the evil villain leads his days with misery.

Why didn't it happen that way?

Thinking over it, I realise it did end that way. But it seemed reality exchanged the prince and the villain. And both us have to live with it, no matter how insane or unfair it all seems. You, me, and Lucius as well.

Poor fellow, being punished for a crime he never knew he committed. But the way my heart has been hardened, I can spare no sympathy anymore. But the sight of him makes my chest ache, wondering at what I've become. Was I always this cruel, unfeeling person I am today?

And the truth is, I'm scared. I'm scared of who we've become. It's true, we've changed so much. We're not Padfoot and Cissa Black anymore. We're Sirius Black and Narcissa Malfoy. We can never go back to being the people we were.

The wounds have left their scars. The life has been taken. The heart has been burned.

I see you every now and then, on the street, through photographs, in my own mind. I want to make conversation, try to find out where everything went wrong. But I always turn away so you won't see me when the traffic light turns green over my head. I'm scared you won't accept the new me, and I won't be able to look at you in the eye and know who you really are.

I want the old days back again. When we were young, careless, and in love. But when I think about Lucius, I want nothing more but to sneer at my cliché, childish fantasies.

But then, I must ask. What is the true bane of my existence? My hopes? Myself? My past? The wrong decisions? The crossroads? ...

You?

Every day and every night flies by in the same manner. I wonder if the heavens intended for me to live my days in utter misery. They must have, for all I live for now is to hope there will come a day when I won't have to avoid you, a day when I can accept myself.

And when I finally realise the direction of my thoughts, I am so caught up in my wants that I am willing to live a dream.

But I hear those same lines, etched into me, a lasting part of who I am.

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"Aw, don't you wish you had blonde hair and the name of Malfoy?"

"Frankly I do."

—- End -—