MERRY CHRISTMAS ANISSA!!

Merry Christmas

Happy Holidays!

Chapter Title: Blurry

Chapter Rating:M

Word Count of Story Text: 3172

Note: Chapter Title courtesy of: Blurry by Puddle of Mudd i love that song and them..

Note 2: Revamping MEO for those waiting for an update and not bothering to check my page or even the summary of MEO.

Note 3: Wrote a majority of this chapter Christmas Eve, and very early Christmas morning – I admit, I'm not the brightest girl when I'm exhausted.

Note 4: Short chapter, I know. Bear with the many mistakes in it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Anissa or Tengaki– they are the property of my sister, and most likely my most faithful reader (she started it all, my friends), Anissa. Praise her for creating the person who probably pushed out this chapter. I also don't own .Hack/Legend or make any profit either.

Sometimes, I hate how impulsive I am. How I do things without taking everything in and thinking all the way through. I always seem to miss the important stuff – like just yesterday, when I got more than just a little riled up about the fact that no one had found it in them to tell me the simple little fact that my sister was awake.

Not even my own father told me and me not seeing him – that's no excuse. He could have called me or something – I don't care if he wanted to say it to me in person. I just wanted to know, as soon as possible. That was my only wish. And what happens to that little wish? It's not even granted. After two fucking months, that wish wasn't even granted.

Sure, I got my biggest hope come true – the one where I desperately wanted her to wake up, but it makes it all the less great when you find out six days later. I'm her immediate family, I'm the one that was affected the most by her comatose state. So what if she was mom and dad's daughter? I'm her sister and I'm the one that looked up to her in life.

Mom hated her, and for all I knew, dad never saw her. Dad probably cared more then everyone else except I did, though. He even visited the hospital at least once every week, and my dad hated and had a fear of hospitals, just like me and Alyssa did.

None of us liked hospitals, but me and my dad – we didn't care because we loved her too much to let that stop us seven out of seven days.

And what do I get for being devoted to my sister? For worrying and missing her so much?

Nothing. Not even a fucking 'Hey, I'm awake'.

How fucking great is that?

It's been so long that I've seen my sister's face – smiling and looking around and taking everything in faster than most. I've waited for two months, aching and burning from guilt on the inside, to see her standing and walking around with better poise than most.

But no. Kara, some girl I've known for maybe only 3 months, now, knew before I did. Kara No, the fucking bitch who looks like my sister, finds out about my sister waking up before I do. How fucked up is that – how the fuck can people tell me to calm down, and not freak out about that? I'm her goddamn sister, and some fucking bitch that I hardly know – that anyone hardly knows – finds out about my fucking sister before me!

I'm entitled to fucking screaming and destroying things rights.

Whoever disagrees will get a fucking flag pole shoved up their ass and out their mother fucking nose by me.

What makes the situation right now even worse that it already is, though, is the fact that no one knows where she is. That scares me. My own sister, who just woke up from a fucking coma and didn't care to tell me, is fucking missing. She could of driven somewhere and started walking around and then been easily snatched up by some guy on the streets.

All this.. it's making me want to cry. It's really fucking with my head, and really screwing up my heart. I mean, I thought Alyssa trusted me, that she cared and knew me well enough to call me.

But, right now, sitting on my bed as lightning and thunder roll loudly outside...

I'm not so sure, anymore. And I used to be sure about everything when it came to Alyssa knowing and remembering and caring... about me. About how I felt, what I needed, where I was, if I was safe...

Everything has changed.

The thunder rolled once more, followed by a violent crash of lightning. I hated thunderstorms – this was the first one since before Alyssa went comatose. It had been going for an hour already, and I haven't moved since. I hated thunderstorms – they scare me so bad. Its as if the world is ending, right before our eyes and ears – shaking the earth with its strong sounds and waves of power.

Why weren't as many people scared of it like I was? My sister, who was afraid of small places to the point of mental paralysis, wasn't scared of loud thunder and the shaking earth and the fast lightning. Alyssa comforted me when there were thunderstorms.

There was one final boom of thunder then everything was silent for about five minutes. I knew better than to expect the storm to be over – it was never over until the clouds went away, not just the rain. My covers were wrapped tight around me and I'd turned everything except my flashlight off. If I didn't know whether the power went out or not, the better I would be.

My cell phone rang beside me with a ring tone of 'Every Heart'. It took me a split second to realize it and jump before I reached to answer it. I knew who it was already – I only assigned the ring tone 'every heart' to one person.

Shugo.

I was still pissed at him. After however long it had been, I was still pissed at him, but I forgot why. But I decided to humor him – I wonder what he had to say.

“What?”

My voice was sour, like I wanted it to be, but it cracked. I didn't want him to know I was scared. Shugo knew about my fear of thunderstorms – how sometimes they drove me to the point of crying and shaking.

“Look outside.”

What the fuck? Was he trying to pull some shit on me, and scare me to death? I wasn't a fuckin idiot.

“Do you think I'm fucking stupid or something? I'm not going to look outside – I know there is a goddamned mother fucking thunderstorm outside!”

I heard him make a sound that was a cross between a sigh and a groan, then his voice came through again. “Look, just... trust me. Look outside, all right? I promise, if I'm playing some stupid prank on you, you can beat the shit out of me and do whatever the hell you want with me. Ok? Just... look outside.”

Half of me wanted to just ignore him because I was so angry at him for some reason. The other half wanted to listen and trust him because I love him so much. It's sappy, but I'd trust his word over almost anything or anyone else's word.

Pulling the phone away from my ear, I looked at the glow of the screen. His name was highlighted and bold. Pressing end, I decided to listen to him. It took me a minute to actually start trying to escape the bundle of covers and by the time I had gotten to the window, it had started raining again.

My hands were shaking as I lifted the window, and I could swear that my body was having a spasm. Why? Why did he have to do this to me?

I thought he loved me?

Why was he so bummed out, when my sister went comatose? Why?

I looked out the window and saw only rain and lightning in the distance. What the hell was he doing?

“Anissa!”

If I hadn't been trying to ignore the thunder, I wouldn't have heard his voice through it all.

“You want to know why -” he started. His voice sounded breathless and strained, as if he'd ran the whole way from his house to mine, and was yelling at the top of his lungs. “-I reacted so badly to what happened to your sister?”

So he did know why I was angry at him – why I felt different towards him, all of a sudden.

“That could – no, that would have been you in the coma, or maybe even dead. If your sister hadn't placed herself in the way of the ax, I would have lost you. I owe her my life.”

He looked up at me, and I couldn't tell if there were tears coming down his face, or if it was just the rain. Shugo wasn't just... sweet talking me, was he? No.. He couldn't be. Shugo's not like that... he's not like that at all.

“I love you. Not your sister.”

All the rain and all the thunder and all the lightning were lost in my mind, as I looked at Shugo and fell in love with him...

All over again.

Kayane

“You're awake.”

“I have questions and I want you to answer them.” She didn't want to waste time – didn't want to beat around the bush with casual conversation. If she didn't have her questions, her thoughts, answered soon, Kayane didn't know how much longer she'd be able to stand being conscious. She didn't know how much longer she could take her thoughts wandering without warning.

“What's going on?”

She couldn't concentrate – her eyes wouldn't stay steady and she could hear her heartbeat in her ears and feel it in the back of her head. Why was she feeling like this, all of a sudden? Where had all these suddenly come from? What was causing her mind to whirl and feel as if she was about to pass out..?

“Why can't my mind focus on anything or stay still?”

Focusing her eyes on him as best as she could, she noticed his brow furrow then his eyes rake over the length of her body. Part of her lost respect for him as he did so, but then the words she said replayed in her mind. There was something different about him, but she'd be damned if she knew what it is. Fuck, she couldn't even focus her eyes very well, let alone be perceptive enough for the subtle changes.

His hands reached out – one grasping her hip and the other grasping the side of her arm – she could have sworn that for the split second her eyes focused on his, there was something dark in his eyes.

“I think we should log off, and go meet in person... I think you're having an attack from being on the game again, after what happened..”

She should have thought of that.. at least, remembered it after thinking the same thing just before she logged back on. “It would be best..” Where would they meet? When?

“Meet me at the Kaligana Mall, then we'll head to a restaurant I know.”

Removing her headset, she logged off without responding to him, and pushed the chair back as far as she could. For the first time in awhile that she could remember, she was shaking and there was a tear sliding down her cheek. The last time she cried was..

“Eight years ago..”

It took me nearly half an hour to gather the strength to merely look away from the black creation, and my face reflecting off of it, and just stand. It was an hour before the directions to the mall came back to my mind, and I began to wonder if Balmung was waiting for me already, or still on his way.

Part of me didn't really care. But then the part of me that was nearly driving my mind crazy with questions just needed to ask him them, regardless of what it took.

And then.. there was the part of me that just wanted to see him – his face. The part of me that was curious as to what he looked and sounded like in person – not over webcam or The World – curious as to what his skin felt like, to how being in his presence felt..

I admit, part of me came to trust Balmung – came to trust him in a way that was different than my trust with Anissa, and Rena, was. It was almost like my trust with Taryn – who I haven't seen for longer than anyone else, but who I knew even longer than Anissa – who made me feel like there were no questions asked, regardless of the situation.

Resting my hand on the doorknob to the front door of the house, I let my hand linger on the cool brass and looked at it. My fingers were long and thin – mostly just skin and bone and nothing else – and quite ashy at the knuckles. Gripping tightly, I spared the room a final look – to give me a reason to return home – and opened the door in a swift motion.

I swore to myself as the door closed behind me; no matter what, I had to return to this place... had to return to my home, as if my life depended on it.

Twisting the key in my hand, I started the car and sat. It smelled old, and the air was stale. On the dashboard, there was an unopened candy bar Anissa had left the last time we were both in the car – and in the passenger's seat was a library book that was positively far overdue.

There was dust on the steering wheel and just above the radio dial was a post-it note reminder from over 3 months before.

But what seemed to bring surprise and bring up feelings in my chest most of all, was the still unopened box that I had received in the mail, so long a time ago. I'd had the box for maybe a month, before I went comatose, and it was still left unopened. For some odd reason, I had never found the motivation to open the delivery, and whenever I did find the inspiration to, my gut told me that it wasn't the right moment.

But now, I don't feel like having another question on my mind – weighting my thoughts among the countless others already there. Reaching my hand out, noticing how thin my arms look only for a brief moment, I picked up the package and set in on my lap.

There was a slight bit of kidlike excitement in me that I hadn't felt in a long time as I pulled the tape off. Unlike I did for most of the other presents I'd gotten in the last five or so years of my life, I had not one clue what this one was.

Opening the flaps, I laid eyes on a rose, wrapped tightly in plastic. My mind went blank, and I had absolutely no idea as to what it could mean. A rose...?

Scanning the rest of the box insides, there was nothing else – not even a note of explanation. To say the least, I was confused. Setting the rose back inside the box and then placing the box back onto the passenger seat, I wrapped my fingers around the steering wheel and pulled out onto the street.

Life was so strange, now.

The answers probably were worth less than the questions asked, and I honestly hated that to no end. I absolutely hated not knowing – I dare say it was even one of my fears, along with being strapped and restricted slight movement and needles, as well.

Needles had always been my biggest fear of all, though.. Always had, and always would be.

Forcing my mind to banish the thought, I turned into the mall parking lot then looked at the time. When she'd logged off The World, it had been about noon, and it was almost four in the evening.

Most likely, Balmung was waiting for me already, and strangely, my heart sped up the slightest bit at the thought. I was getting more and more confused – when had I started reacting to things – to thoughts – like this? My heart never changed its pace for anyone, so why was it doing so when I thought of Balmung? I have liked other people more than I liked Balmung right then, even loved a couple of them, but my heart beat never raced or skipped a beat over them.

Why was Balmung any different..?

I felt like I was forgetting something – something that explained why my emotions were changing on me constantly. Something – some memory that I was supposed to remember, but I couldn't because my mind was so blurry. So unfocused and unsure. In my head, I could hear whispers, but the words were lost to me. Deep inside of me, I knew what they were just like I had the memories of long ago – they were just faint, buried underneath pain, and joy, and tears, and laughter.

It was going to take awhile for them dig their way to the surface, and knowing that made my heart feel heavy; disappointed. Waiting was something I was not patient enough to do any longer – haven't I waited long enough?

Yet, despite my thoughts towards waiting, I sat in my seat after parking and let the motor run smoothly. I listened to the hum and the otherwise silence for nearly ten minutes. It was soothing – to hear a sound that was calm, and steady – unlike how I was currently feeling. It was also calming down – thought very slightly.

But I'd waited enough. I'd dilly dallied for nearly two hours and I wasn't going to wait anymore.

I killed the engine and wrapped my fingers around the door handle. Pulling, I opened the door and then shut, before walking towards the mall with the wind blowing fiercely. From the smell of it, there was a storm coming within the next few days.

“Dearest, are you done so soon?”

I still don't remember. Its not coming back to me. The memories are still lost – his voice is still unknown..

“You look like shit.”

While racking my brain for some memory, some clue, to help understand why my mind is twisting dangerously on me, I'd walk through the doors and nearly half the mall. Blinking, more to clear my eyes than out of surprise, I turned my gaze on him. His eyes were running up and down my body, just like he had in the game. Only this time, I thought nothing of it, and I found my eyes doing the same.

When had I become like this – looking at people's bodies and judging them?

“I know that.”

My hair was brushed, I had the little make up on that I preferred, and I was wearing a fresh change of clothes. My clothes – they were loose on me where they were tight, or fit, in the past. I was getting upset with how much my body had changed in the two months. The hospital was supposed to be taking care of me while I was their patient – not let me whither away and get weaker and weaker by the day.

His hand came out and his finger tips brushed the back of my wrist lightly. It was as if he was asking permission to take his hand in mine and wisp away with me. Against my skin, his fingers felt cold, and I knew what that meant.

I had to get away.

Right now (in this chapter) , Kayane's POV is 3 days behind Anissa's and everyone else's, but the next chapter her POV is in, she'll be up to date.

There were a lot of things that I had left out of Sakura Blossoms – both intentionally and unintentionally. The present that someone anonymously sent Alyssa was one of those intentional things, and you'll see why later on.