Keeping Nightmares at Bay

For years she knew that his life was dangerous, death for him was never far away. She knows that this is his job but she desperately wishes that it wasn't. She wishes that soon all her late nights of worrying when he's gone will stop, yet over time she has become used to him coming in the early hours of the morning in pain with either bones broken or blood loss. But it still shocks her. He comes in tonight blood stained, pale and shaking. She rushes forwards and helps him onto the sofa. She then runs and gets some soap and water to clean his wounds. He is barley conscience and does not make a sound as she peels off his bloodied clothes, washes him and helps heal the cuts with her wand. Only when she tries to move him does he speak, murmuring her name. His voice is so full of pain that the sound brings tears to her eyes to see him suffer.

"Min… Minerva…" he stutters his eyes barley open. He lifts one hand and she takes into her own firm grip.

"Yes my love?" she whispers squeezing his hand to reassure him that she was here.

"I can't go on…" he shakes and for the first time she sees tears of pain and hopelessness.

"Oh my love! You can! You must Severus, we need you…I need you!" she says her voice cracking under strain of emotions she was trying to keep in check.

"The pain Minerva, the torturing…I can't do it any more!" Finally after all these years Severus lets into the pain and suffering he has been through. As he silently cries, Minerva holds him in her arms like she was treating a small child, but Severus is not a child and very soon he has composed him self and they spend some minuets in silence.

"You need to rest Severus," she says quietly and he nods. Slowly she helps him to his feet and takes him to her bedroom. She sits him on her bed then goes and takes his remaining trousers, shoes and socks off before she allows him to lay back. As his head hits the pillow his eyes shut. At the foot of the bed she watches him until she hears the familiar sound of a certain breathing that he does during his sleep. Then she slowly removes her own clothes and goes to his side, where she lays wake holding him until the early hours of the morning. She watches him sleep, a strand of black hair falls over his face and sways in his breath. His pale skin looks even paler and his body is thinner. She looks at his healed wound, which is near his shoulder, above his heart. It has now become another white scar that joins the others to decorate his body. On his back she has seen the huge scar from his childhood days when his drunken father beat him and through an iron poker at him which was aimed for his head but luckily Severus had moved a little faster so it caught his back. The story brings tears to her eyes because this was during his school years and she had often taught him. She wonders how she could of missed his pain? But she reminds herself that Severus could hide many things and no one would be able to find them once he had. He stirs and she looks up into his face, which is now creased with pain. He moans something that she dose not catch, then he starts to sweat. She leans up on her elbow and puts her hands on his shoulders to shake him. He does not wake and starts to moan louder, this time she catches the words "stop it" and "please don't" the anguish in his voice and the begging frightens her. She cannot help but think of what must have been so horrific that it causes him such pain. Then she hears one word and she freezes. He says it only once the then stops struggling and sweating. "Mama."

He is awake and she looks at him. His eyes are dark and troubled, they way they were when he first arrived at Hogwarts, the dark haired, mysterious boy who knew more curses, potions and charms than any boy or girl in the first year she ever taught. Even those who were brought up with magic didn't know as much as he did. From then she knew he had a troubled and dangerous path before him.

"I saw her," he whispers suddenly, causing her to look at him again. "I saw her, she smiled at me. Then he came. He was beating her, blaming her for my mistake. She always covered for me, I tried to stop her, knowing that he could have killed her but she wanted to protect me. He hit her with the candlestick holder and broke her arm. I tried to stop him, I punched him but he whacked me round the head and I passed out for some minuets. When I woke up my mother was trying to heal herself. I begged her to leave him but she wouldn't. He came back apologising, he brought her flowers and said he was the worst man in the world," Severus takes a breath and briefly closes his eyes remembering. When he opens them he carries on.

"She forgave him of course, she always did. I just stood there and all I could feel was this intense hate rising. I wanted to scream and hurt him. When I went to Hogwarts it was worse, I couldn't see my mother or protect her. I always waited for an owl to bring a letter saying she was dead. It never did come. I was in my sixth year and it was Christmas Holidays and I went home. As I saw my mother all I could see was this thin, scared woman who was half dead. I put my arms around her and she made a small cry, later I saw that her ribs were bruised and that they had been broken. Christmas was dull and my father got very drunk and stared his favourite game. This time he toyed with her first, jeering and mocking her. That's when I learnt that she had been pregnant and had lost the baby because he made miscarry. He hit he once then I just blew it, I hit him back and because I was older there was more strength. I hit him again and again, my mother was screaming at me to stop and then I did. I ran up the stairs then and magically packed our suitcases and brought them down stairs. He was out cold but with no serious injury. She then agreed to go way with me. I took her to this small inn in Hogsmead; we stayed there for some time and all the time I would fear that he would find us. I didn't think of money and I needed some, Lucius Malfoy helped me out. I didn't want to leave her but I had to go back to Hogwarts and Lucius said that he would have someone to look after her. He was true to his word and I started to trust him, I didn't know that at the time Lucius was a Death Eater." He looks at her for sometime and she looks him in the eye, for Severus to tell her all this must mean he trusts her. He talks some more about his friendship with Lucius and says how Lucius took a particular interest in the curses and spells he knew, far more than Lucius himself knew.

"I was near the end of my years at Hogwarts and I graduated top of all my classes. It was a day after my graduation when I received a letter from St Mungo's hospital to say my mother was dead. I knew then he had found her and obliviously beaten her to death." He goes quiet and she knows what happened next, he killed his father and joined the Death Eaters. She puts her hand over his and squeezes it, letting him know that she cares. He sits up and looks at the new scar, he traces it with his fingertips. Slowly she moves and drapes herself over his shoulders, laying her head on his. He turns towards her and kisses her softly. She stokes his hair as he kisses her more and they make love slowly. To comfort each other. After their release she holds him close, and whispers, "I will always be here Severus, and together we will try to keep our nightmares at bay."

The End