Passive

The screaming never stopped, and when it did, so did the hearts of all those waiting. It seemed like it had been days, sitting there, waiting. He could swear the clock spoke lies when its report showed they had only been there two and a half hours.

The screaming was starting to get to him, even when it stopped for a few minutes like it did at times, he didn't know, because it was still ringing in his ears. He kept waiting to hear it, to hear that one sentence that would have assured him completely.

He stared at Yoh, just waiting to hear 'Don't worry,everything will be alright' He'd said it so many times before, why not now? Yoh didn't lie, if only he would just say it then Ren could believe him. Yoh was always right when he said that, he never lied. Why couldn't he just say it!

He gritted his teeth, trying to control himself. He felt so angry. He was angry with Yoh, with himself, with Horo, Chocolove, Faust, everything. He wanted to break that stupid clock for ticking so damn loud that, despite all the screaming, it still taunted him.

"I can't take this anymore." He muttered shakily, grasping his head with his hands. "It's going to be fine, right? Why haven't you said anything?" His golden eyes turned to Yoh, who simply looked back at him sadly. Ren's look grew cold, glaring at Yoh as if he had answered with some cruel remark. "Fine, I don't need you and your assurance. I know it'll be okay."

His eyes closed tightly when he felt Yoh's hand on his shoulder, they both knew enough that there wasn't any reason for Yoh to speak.

It wasn't until he heard the footsteps that he seemed to realize the screaming had stopped again. He looked up to see Faust standing in the doorway, there was blood on his gloves, and a little on his jacket, that usual soft hint of a smile on his face was gone. In its place was a different smile, one that gave the news before he even had to speak it.

"Dead as dead can be," My doctor tells me
But I just can't believe him
Ever the optimistic one

Yoh closed his eyes in quick acceptance and nods slowly. "Thank you, Faust."

Faust turned toward Ren, looking at the way the Chinese boy had showed absolutely no response. Perhaps he didn't really care? "How is your arm, Ren-kun?"

Ren gritted his teeth, clenching his fist to feel the edge of the cast that reached just above his right thumb. "Fine." He hissed under his breath, his eyes opening to glare at the entrance to the hallway that lead to the bedrooms.

He couldn't be dead. How could he die like that? How could he just give up?

I'm sure of your ability
To become my perfect enemy
Wake up and face me
Don't play dead 'cause maybe

"Would you like to see him?" Faust asked softly, stepping away from the hallway entrance as invitation. "I'm sure that . . . his spirit would be happy if you came . . . to say good-bye."

Ren's fists clenched so tightly that the fingernails of his left hand dug into his palm. He felt Yoh's hand slide from his shoulder to his back--a silent order for him to stand up.

"I'll see him later, Ren." Yoh muttered. "You go see him first, you can take as long as you like."

Ren stood up rigidly, his eyes glued to the floor as Faust gently took his elbow to lead him. He refused to believe what he had just been told, this wasn't how it was supposed to end. He always imagined that the last time he would see his friend would be after some stupid fight after the tournament that caused them to stop speaking to each other, or that they'd just eventually grow apart, not like this.

Not like this.

He was so strong . . . how could he die?

Someday, I will walk away and say
"You disappoint me"

Faust stopped outside of one of the bedrooms, looking at Ren sadly. "He's in here, Ren-kun."

"Thank you, Faust." Ren whispered in response, his fists still clenched angrily.

" . . . WIll you be alright?"

"Yes, thank you." Ren pushed the door open and entered the room, shutting the door carefully behind him and leaving Faust to go speak with Yoh.

He stared at the body lying on the bed and he still couldn't believe that now it was only an empty shell. He never got to say he was sorry for acting the way he always did, belittling him, never believing in his strength, constantly insulting him. Though, even if he somehow came back to life, Ren knew that before long he would have slipped back into old habits and treated him the same.

Maybe you're better off this way

"Horohoro . . . " He pulled a chair up beside the bed. " . . . I wish you could hear me."

He took a quick note of how different his friend looked now. He remembered when he and Chocolove had carried him inside, there was blood everywhere, Horo was screaming, clutching anything he could find and squeezing for dear life. Now that painful expression was gone, left with one of quiet and peace, and he thanked God that Faust had remembered to close his eyes before coming to tell them he'd died.

The blood had been cleaned up too, and that unsightly hole in the right side of the Ainu's ribcage had been wrapped with bandaging. Ren tried to pretend he couldn't see the way the bandaging dipped a little over the wound, proving that what had once been there was now completely gone.

"You're such an idiot," He said breathlessly, images of the battle flickering through his mind.

"Ren! Are you okay? Oh my God, your arm!"

"You couldn't . . . you were just too stupid to think of worrying about yourself instead of everyone else for once . . . you fucking idiot." He muttered, glaring at the cast on his arm. "If you hadn't been fussing over me you would have seen the bastard coming, you . . . you moron!"

He looked up at Horo, noting that his facial expression hadn't changed. He didn't look annoyed or hurt, he didn't have some stupid comeback, he didn't do anything. He just . . . laid there, stone cold and beautifully still.

Ren felt his eyes watering, he never got to say he was sorry, or that he appreciated him . . . or that he loved him . . .

He never got to kiss him.

Leaning over you here
Cold and catatomic
I catch a brief reflection of what
You could and might have been

He looked at the bandaging again, the blood was starting to seep through a little, red dots appearing in the material. He swallowed hard and stretched his hand forth, touching the Ainu's face. He gasped in surprise and withdrew it quickly.

He was so cold.

His eyebrows knitted together, if Horo were alive right now he'd hit him. He'd hit him and tell him how stupid he was, how he should have fought harder to live, how he shouldn't have given up like that.

He always knew it would be like this, in one way or another, he'd come to hate and love the older boy. He hated him for being so caring despite how Ren treated him, he hated him for being too stupid to see an attack coming, he hated him for dying. But it also seemed so typical . . .

Horo had always gotten a kick out of annoying Ren.

It's your right and your ability
To become . . . my perfect enemy

He clenched his fists again. "Is that was this is?" He hissed under his breath, despite knowing that Horo couldn't hear him. "Is this all another stupid joke?"

He stared at the emotionless face, anger bubbling up inside of him. Of course it was a joke. This was just like something Horo would do; death--the perfect prank.

"Horo, you can't be dead." He said quietly, looking away from him and focusing his eyes on the floor. "I won't believe it. This is all a lie . . . "

Wake up and face me
Don't play dead 'cause maybe

He looked up hesitantly, staring at the wound and willing it to disappear. He was just waiting for Horo's eyes to flash open and hear him laugh.

"Got you!" He could practically hear his mocking voice. "Ren, you should have seen your face!"

Even if he did it now, he'd be too happy to hit the stupid bastard. He stared at Horo's face expectantly, waiting for any sign of life--a twitch, or an amused smile that he couldn't suppress. He was waiting for him to jump up and laugh about what a great joke he'd pulled.

It was just the sort of thing he'd expect from Horo, and one of the things he both loved and hated him for.

Someday I will walk away and say
"You disappoint me"

"Kisama . . . " Ren growled under his breath, his body starting to tremble from suppressed emotion.

Horo wasn't leaping to his feet or bursting with laughter and Ren could feel his jaws clenching tightly. He was waiting for it, the sign that he was alive, and then he was going to kill the stupid bastard for doing something as terrible as to scare him like this.

Maybe you're better off this way

"Horo, please . . . " He whimpered slightly, hurriedly wiping his eyes before they had a chance to spill tears. "This isn't funny anymore, I have something really important to tell you . . . "

He stared at Horo's face again, feeling his heart beating faster in anxiety. He knew Horo could never love him, not in the way that he wanted him to, Ren was too cruel to him. For a minute he wondered if he even did want Horo to love him, he wanted Horo to be happy, and he couldn't make him happy.

Ren couldn't make anyone happy.

Maybe you're better off this way
Maybe you're better off this way
Maybe you're better off this way

"You hate me, don't you?" He whispered shakily, his teeth grinding together. "Is that why you're doing this?"

He hated the way he couldn't see anything in Horo's face. Where was that childish grin? Where was that twinkling laughter? For once he just wished he would feel that irritating poke to the shoulder he always got when Horo was trying to get on his nerves.

"Is being around me so bad that you'd pull a stunt like this?" He hurriedly wiped his eyes again to clear his eyesight from the tears that were blurring it. If Horo couldn't stand just being around Ren, how could he ever expect him to be with him?

"I don't deserve you . . . "

You're better off this . . .
You're better off this . . .
Maybe you're better off!

"I don't care!" Ren suddenly cried out, grabbing Horo's hand and forcing himself to ignore how cold it was. "Y-you can't do this! Even if you won't be with me I need you to be alive!"

He stood from his chair quickly. He felt panic rising inside him and he knew all this confusion would end if he just had some little sign that he was alive. He squeezed his hand tightly, but he got no squeeze in return, he wanted to see something that he knew defined Horo. He just wanted to see him smile again.

He leaned over him and hesitantly placed his fingers over the Ainu's eyes, he paused for a minute, not entirely sure if he wanted to do it after all. But Horo was alive, and he knew he was, no matter how much of a good actor Horo was he wouldn't be able to hide the mischievous glint in his eye--that innocent light that shown from them.

He slid the still eyelids opened and looked. Again he gasped in surprise, the shock making him stumble back to sit in his chair, yet frightening him enough to miss the chair and fall to the floor.

The light . . . the life in Horo's dark eyes was completely gone.

"H-horo, this isn't funny! You're scaring me . . . " He breathed out, his chest starting to jerk in shakey breaths as the panic rose. "Horo, wake up!"

Wake up and face me
Don't play dead 'cause maybe
Someday I will walk away and say

"I love you, Horo! You can't-you can't die! You can't leave me alone!" Ren pulled himself to his feet, gripping Horo's hand again and staring into the terrifyingly empty eyes. "You're stronger than this! You want to be Shaman King, you can't let one fight beat you!"

His eyes searched frantically for that sign that he was quickly losing faith in. How could he? How could he leave him like this without so much as a good-bye? How could he give up?

"You fucking disappoint me!"
Maybe you're better off this way

His eye sight started going blurry again and he quickly wiped his eyes. "I don't believe you!" He shouted, closing Horo's eyes again so that he wouldn't have to look at them anymore. "You're a liar, Horo! I don't believe you!"

Go ahead and play dead
I know that you can hear me

"You think this is so funny, don't you? Fucking around with my emotions like this!" Ren fumed, he was waiting to hear some sort of denial or apology, something Horo would do. "You and your stupid games, I won't fall for it!"

Go ahead and play dead
Why can't you turn and face me?

He breathed heavily, trying to catch his breath as he waited for a reaction. "Why are you doing this to me?" He screamed at him, not seeming to notice when the first tear escaped him and slid down his face. "Horo, stop it!"

Wake up!
Why can't you turn and face me?

Yoh knocked on the door quietly. "Ren, what's going on?" His voice drifted through the door but Ren didn't hear him.

"Stop it, Horo! Stop lying to me!" The panic finally took over and he couldn't stop the tears that were streaming down his face, nor did he care anymore. "Open your eyes, damn it!" He grabbed the Ainu's shoulders, shaking them a little to try to wake him. "Look at me!"

"Ren?" Yoh pushed the door open and his eyes widened at the sight before him. "Ren!"

Wake up!
Why can't you turn and face me?

"I don't believe you! Wake up!"

"Ren, stop it!" Yoh rushed forward and grabbed Ren's arm, trying to pull him away from the body. But Ren just jerked his arm free and shoved Yoh away, forsaking the Japanese language in his outburst and crying out his protests in Chinese.

"Ren-kun!" Faust appeared in the doorway and came to Yoh's side. "Ren-kun, calm down!"

It was shocking to see, Ren had totally lost it, crying, screaming in a foreign language, and trying to shake a dead person awake. Yoh tried to pull him away again but Ren pulled free of him and pushed him hard enough to knock him to the floor.

"Ren-kun, stop it!" Faust grabbed Ren's arm and, as he expected, the small boy quicky freed himself. He sighed unhappily and wrapped his arms around Ren's waist, lifting him into the air and pulling him away.

"No!" Ren kicked his feet wildly and struggled to escape Faust's grip, screaming at the top of his lungs. "No! Horo!"

Wake up!
Why can't you turn and face me?

"Ren, please stop!" Yoh begged, grabbing Ren's ankles and tryng to keep him from kicking, though despite his size, Ren was a hell load of a lot stronger than he looked. "Ren!"

Ren continued to struggle, he wasn't aware that he was speaking his mother language, he wasn't aware of Yoh talking to him, he wasn't even aware that anyone else was in the room, all he knew was that something was pulling him away from the one he loved. "Horo, hold on! You can't fucking die on me! Hold on, you stupid bastard! I know you're strong enough, God, damn it!"

You fucking disappoint me!

Faust hurried Ren out of the room, Yoh still trying to help restrain him and getting kicked several times in the process. They didn't understand it; he was absolutely hysterical! Chocolove came out of the room he was resting in to see what the commotion was, holding an icepack against his bandaged head.

"What's going on?" He asked, his eyes widening at the sight of Ren frantically crying and struggling to escape Faust.

Faust carried him into one of the other rooms and dropped him on the bed, holding his shoulders down to prevent him from getting up again. "Help me hold him down!"

Chocolove ran in, gripping Ren's wrists and pinning them above his head as Yoh held his feet down. Faust hurried out of the room and came back with his bag of medical supplies. He pulled out a little bottle of clear liquid and a needle that he quickly stabbed into the bottle, sucking out the fluids. He turned it upward and flicked the side, squirting a tiny bit of the contents out before stepping forward.

"Hold him still." He said sternly, grabbing Ren's chin and turning his face away before jabbing the needle into his neck, injecting the anesthetic.

Ren let out a startled yell at the feeling of something sharp jabbing his neck and he struggled harder to escape, then suddenly his strength seemed to drain away and he couldn't move anymore. He tried to struggle again but his limbs were completely heavy and he simply couldn't make a single muscle twitch.

He felt his breathing and heartbeat quickly slow back down to normal and his eyelids grew heavy. He wondered if maybe he was going to die too.

"H-horo . . . " He whimpered softly, using up the last of his strength.

"It's okay, Ren." Yoh whispered, releasing the Tao now that he was still and lifting his numb arms back to his sides for him. "Everything's going to be alright, just take it easy and go to sleep, okay?"

His eyes closed against his will and he felt his conciousness slipping away, barely even aware of the cold sensation of Faust swabbing disinfectant over the needle's point of entry or of the feeling of Chocolove laying a blanket over him. He was just about to drift off to sleep when a little smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. He could swear he heard it, he was absolutely certain he had really heard it . . . Horo's voice.

"You're crazy, you know that, Ren?"

Passive-agressive bullshit

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There it is folks, I've been planning this for a while but I only just wrote it out. I need a serious break from all the bloody fluff! XD Anyway, angsty, yes, but . . . you guys know by now that angst is my specialty lol The song was Passive by A Perfect Circle, in case you hadn't noticed--I love them X3

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