...been a while, huh.

“Well, well, well… if it isn’t the dork patrol.”

Melissa O’Malley smiled at her barb as the ‘patrol’ changed from gym clothes to street clothes. It was so fun to belittle those so far below her, she thought to herself.

“Oi, go away,” Ophelia groaned as she straightened her shirt.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Madame President,” Melissa snarked with a mock bow. “Forgive me for doing such damage to your regal aura.”

“Bowing to me? Seriously? I like that. Keep doing it,” Ophelia smirked. Melissa immediately stood upright.

“That’s what you get for being a jerk,” Jody said simply as she laced her boots back up. The comment made the brunette snarl.

“What’s with you, Pigtails? It’s like you’ve suddenly grown a spine or something. Is it this junk you have going on?” Melissa asked, flicking at Jody’s orange pinstripe.

“Maybe, but I’d appreciate you keeping your hands to yourself,” Jody replied as she smacked the girl’s hand away. “It’s my hair, not yours.” Melissa huffed.

“Yeah, I got nuthin’ that hasn’t been said,” June smiled sweetly.

“So, maybe you should buzz off, huh?” Jody added as she stashed the last of her clothes. “Just a thought.”

“Well, I never!” Melissa sniffed. “I’ll go spend my time with more stimulating people thank you very much!” With that, she strolled out of the gym.

“It’s night out, don’t wander off a cliff,” Ophelia snarked as the door shut. “Seriously, though… Jody’s, like, getting sarcastic.”

“I guess fighting monsters day and night does that to you,” Jody smiled.

“I’unno, I kinda like the new you,” June smiled. “I bet Dennis does too.”

“He really should just, ya know… tell me,” Jody chuckled as she slung on her backpack. “I wonder how much he can deny it then confirm it without going nuts.”

“I’m so proud,” Ophelia smiled, patting Jody on the shoulder. This caused the small blond to hug her friend.

“Aw, thanks Ophelia!”

“I stand corrected… oi,” the Goth sighed as June giggled.

“Hey, June!”

“Oh, uh, Marcus!” the small Asian girl sputtered. “We were just, uh…”

“Packing up from gym,” Jody said.

“Yeah, packing up from gym. I don’t like these later practices.”

“I don’t blame you,” the boy nodded. “Cuts into our… jobs.”

“Seriously.”

“So, what’s on tap tonight? Another bout with cacodemons? Those things look like they’re from… Mars or something.”

“Yeah, I don’t blame you. Anyway, no, nothing yet. Tonight should be a nice, relaxing evening of—”

“Learning spells,” Jody groaned. “Remember? It’s Thursday.”

“Ah, man,” June sighed. “Well, better not keep Ah Mah waiting…”

“You coming, Marcus?” Ophelia asked.

“Sure. I don’t have anything else do, and I’m still kind of new to this whole ‘magical world’ thing.”

“Eh, you’ll get used to it,” Jody shrugged. “Let’s go.”

“After you guys,” Marcus smiled. The quartet left the gymnasium, not noticing the figure with large blue glasses darting out from under the bleachers after them.

“‘Buzz off, huh,’ ‘keep bowing to me,’ ‘I don’t have anything else to say…’” Melissa grumbled in a sarcastic impression of her foes. “No one talks to Melissa O’Malley like that. Just wait until the next time they give me lip, they’ll see!” Melissa crammed the last of her energy bar into her mouth, huffing. “I’ll show them. Now, where do I lose this,” she snorted. Looking around, she finally found a garbage can.

“Finally,” she sighed as she walked over to it. She was just pushing it through when she heard the pitter patter of something walking on plastic. Melissa looked up to see a raccoon sitting on its haunches on the trashcan lid, looking at her inquisitively. “What the heck do you want, fuzz ball?” The raccoon barred its teeth, snarling at the brunette. Melissa had started to back away with the animal flung itself at her, claws and teeth prepared for attack.

Two Days Later

“…and you still have no idea what this thing is?”

“Not a clue, Marcus,” Lila said with a head shake. “Magics are saying this thing just… comes out of nowhere. No one’s gotten a good look at it.”

“Which means we’re at square one,” June sighed, twirling her spaghetti with her fork. “We can’t kick something’s butt if we can’t see it.”

“I guess we’ll just have to keep on guard,” Jody replied before sipping some milk. “Maybe Dennis could cast a tracking spell.”

“Oh, yeah, that would be so awesome…” Ray Ray beamed, clenching his fists in anticipation. “Then we’d be all, neeeer, and the monster’d be all ‘eek, don’t hurt me!’ and then we’ll—”

“Someone’s certainly had his caffeine intake for the week,” Ophelia said with an arched eyebrow.

“When has he ever not,” June shrugged.

“Girls. Ray Ray. Marcus.”

“Oh, hey Rog,” Lila asked. “Pull up a chair, unless…”

“I will allow it. Just this once,” Ophelia warned. Roger had already seated himself before the spiky haired girl could finish.

“So. How are you all today?”

“We’re fine…” June said, puzzled. “Something wrong, Rog?”

“No, nothing really… just wondering if you’ve been doing anything lately.”

“Anything…?”

“Yeah, Marcus. Anything. You know, movies, pizza… hanging out at odd hours of the night talking to yourself.”

“Oh. Well, uh… no, not really,” Jody said simply. “No, pretty boring.”

“Sc’yeah! Except for the part we fight th—” Ray Ray was silenced by his sister’s hand clamping over his face.

“Uh, we fight the CP in video games. Jody got a Wii. We play Brawl.”

“Ah. I see,” Roger said with an arched eyebrow. “I see.” He gave his friends a last suspicious look before biting into his hamburger. A haggard form suddenly came staggering past them. The gang blinked.

“Guys, is that…?”

“Yeah, that’s Melissa all right…” Ophelia frowned. “She, like, looks like she hasn’t slept much lately.” The brunette stopped in her tracks and whirled around.

“I can hear you, you know. I don’t need to be reminded that I… need to be reminded about last night. All I know is, I didn’t get much sleep last night. So shut up,” Melissa snarled, barring her teeth. She flicked her head and went to the ‘cool kids’ table.

“Oi, what’s her problem…” Ophelia snarked.

“Eh, she probably just had a rough night, it happens to all of us,” Jody shrugged as she bit into a twirl of spaghetti. “Let it go.”

“Yeah, we should just let it go…” Roger smiled. “Some of it, anyway,” he added to himself as he rubbed at the small blue stone. “Some of it.”

That Night

“Ah, girls! Please, come in,” Ah Mah smiled. “I’ve been expecting you all.”

“Hi Ah Mah,” June smiled as she hugged her beloved grandmother. “How are you today?”

“Oh, the usual… sudoku, some soaps, arranging the magical armory. And how about you, Juniper?”

“Oh, I don’t think any of us can complain too much… we all had a pretty uneventful day.”

“Yes, the small army you seem to be developing…” Ah Mah observed with a note of bemusement.

“Aw, cool, we can be an army now?! So, we gonna, like, get some cool weapons and st—”

“That’s enough for now, Ray Ray,” the old woman scolded. “In all seriousness, I’ve been working on some recipes for you and your allies.” She frowned. “I’m… afraid that attempt number ninety-six was a bust, girls.”

“We… we have faith in you, Mrs. Ah Mah,” Jody managed. “I still have hopes for Harvard…”

“On the other hand, I’ve been working on that vision potion I told you about,” Ah Mah continued. “If it works, Dennis and Marcus won’t need amulets anymore. Sure, they’re effective just standing there, but if you lose them in battle… you don’t want that.”

“No, I can safely say not,” the eldest Lee nodded. “Say, Ah Mah…”

“Yes, Dennis?”

“Did you hear about anything… strange going on lately?” Ah Mah gave him a snide look. “Than usual,” Dennis added.

“Such as?”

“Well, we’ve heard stories about a new creature terrorizing the city,” Lila said. “All we know is that it’s fast, it’s aggressive, and… that’s about it.”

“Hmmmm. Very peculiar,” Ah Mah nodded. “Anything regarding the human side of this… beast you speak of?”

“Well, that jerk at our school looked like heck this morning,” Jody replied. “She looked like she didn’t sleep at all last night.”

“Who, that O’Brien girl you go on and on about?” Ah Mah asked as she flipped through the magical world’s daily paper.

“No, ‘O’Malley,’ Ah Mah. Melissa O’Malley.”

“Oh. Well, it’s best to ignore her,” the woman said. “Ah hah. Here we go… it seems that whatever this thing is, it’s furry and tough. And… well, this is certainly odd.”

“What? What is it, Ah Mah?” Dennis asked.

“This creature is said to be wearing human clothing. Girls. Boys. Didn’t you say one of your classmates was tired and a mess today?”

“Yeah, Melissa O’Malley, she’s…” Marcus trailed off. “You don’t think…”

“It would figure, wouldn’t it,” Lila sighed. Ah Mah frowned.

“Kids, you have to track down your friend…”

“…enemy…”

“Fine, fine… enemy, and bring her to me so we can deal with this. You don’t want to be going around every time the sun goes down and turning into some kind of raving maniac. Trust me. I’ve been there.”

“The sun’s already going down, Ah Mah…” June said.

“Well, you kids heard me… get on with it! I’ll stay here with Monroe to whip up an antidote. And remember… don’t go too rough on her, she’s still your classmate under all that fur!”

“Uh, yeah. We’ll keep that in mind,” Ophelia smiled. “Trust me.”

Melissa huffed as she plodded along the path, the sun setting behind her. She was being forced to waste her time on the most menial of tasks: school projects.

“Why is it that I have to go out in the disgusting forest and find these filthy insects?” the brunette yawned. “I can do something more befitting of my time and money… but, no. I have to find these stupid bugs.” She snorted once more. “I should have made some collect them for me. Perhaps I should ransom Little Ms. Class President and her two dorks to do it… I’m sure the teachers would love to see how they cut classes and talk to themselves.” Melissa stopped in her tracks, puzzled. “Now that I think of it… how is it they can jump fences and move like that?”

“It’s a family secret,” a voice snarked behind her. The girl turned to see her archenemies looking at her.

“Well, if it isn’t the ‘Droll Patrol,’” Melissa smirked.

“Someone like, totally, told you that one,” Ophelia scoffed. “You don’t have the brain capacity for puns.”

“At least I dress like a human being,” the popular girl shot back. “Anyway, buzz off… I claimed this spot first for that dumb project.”

“Actually, Melissa, we were kinda wondering…”

“Wondering what, Irwin… how much it’d take to make you curl up in a corner and cry again?” Jody gritted her teeth and clenched her fists, stopped only by Lila’s grasp of her arm.

“What Jody means, Melissa, is we were wondering if you wanted to come over to my grandmother’s place for studying or something…”

“…excuse me, June?”

“She’s great, Melissa,” Marcus insisted. “She makes really good hot cocoa…”

“Why would I ever want to do that? Why would I want to waste my time with you losers when I have perfectly good…” Melissa trailed off as she began to sway. She slumped against a tree. “…why’s it getting so hot…”

“I knew we’d have to do this the hard way,” Dennis sighed as the sun slipped away behind the horizon.

“‘The hard way’? What are you…?” Melissa groaned and clutched her chest, keeling over on her side. “Argh… it’s that meatloaf, isn’t… I’m gonna have my dad sue the school…”

“Say, uh, Marcus… have you ever seen a human turn into an inhuman monstrosity?” June asked her crush.

“Sure he has, it’s whenever Melissa changes into gym clothes,” Jody grumbled.

“Only in movies, June… why?” the boy asked. He turned as he heard a series of snaps and yelps in front of him.

“It… gets nasty,” June simply said. Melissa flailed, twitching on the ground. “Stay back.”

“What… what are you idiots just standing there for?” the girl wheezed with a slight tone of sincere pleading. “Get me some—” Melissa stiffened for a moment before screaming as her body began to twist. Black and grey fur sprouted from her exposed skin, her clothes tearing as her legs snapped into a more animalistic shape. The girl’s groans became strangled as her face melted into a muzzle, teeth tapering as her eyes turned a glowing, iris-less white. A tail, long and bushy, burst free of her tattered clothes as her shoes exploded, revealing long black claws. Melissa’s hands also shuddered before exploding forth in similar talons.

“…yikes,” Marcus managed finally.

“Toldja,” June said simply.

“Uh, right,” the boy nodded. His eyes widened. “Wait, if she’s a were-creature, then…”

“Yup. Stay the heck away from those teeth. All of you,” the Asian girl warned. “The scratching stuff is an urban legend; lycanthropy is only transmitted through fluidic contact.”

“Okay, like, no need to tell me twice, sister. Bad enough being anywhere near that mouth when it’s human,” Ophelia smirked.

“We need to be gentle,” June urged. “Now, Melissa… if you can understand me… we don’t want to hurt you… just come with—” The transformed girl roared and burst forward, knocking the assembled fighters over as she bounded into the trees beyond.

“…well, that worked,” Dennis grumbled as he rubbed his head.

“All right. We tried. Butt kicking time,” June said simply.

“See anything?” June whispered.

“That’s a big no there, easy rider…”

“Quiet, before I punt you,” Ophelia snarled at Ray-Ray.

“Both of you quit it!” June hissed. “I thought I heard something just now…”

“Yeah, that would be Ophelia and Ray-Ray fighting. Again,” Jody mumbled. “Maybe we should separate those two or some—” Jody was cut off as a form suddenly tackled her, growling. It pinned the blond fast to the ground.

“Uh… we found her,” Marcus managed.

“No, really?” Jody asked, twisting to miss the transformed beast’s snapping jaws.

“Quick, get it off of her!” Dennis cried, “Because, you know, it’d be a shame if it anyone was h—”

“Oh, cut it out!” Jody spat. “I get it! You have a crush on me! Enough with the evasion!” Dennis’ jaw dropped. The eldest Lee blinked, then blushed and scuffed the dirt.

“Aw, man, she, like, totally got you…” Ray-Ray giggled.

“Shut up,” Dennis mumbled.

“WILL SOMEONE GET HER OFF OF ME ALREADY?!” Jody screamed, kicking her legs in frustration. “Not keen on being a werebeast here!” The blond strained against Melissa’s furry shoulders, but even a te Xuan ze’s strength can tire. Jody’s arms were just about to fail when something connected with the monster’s chest. She rolled off of the girl and slumped against a tree.

“Thank you, Marcus,” Jody said dryly. “Though, I don’t know if Ah Mah would like how you just used that thing.”

“I’d like to think ‘it was an emergency’ would qualify for a panic situation,” Marcus shrugged as he rested the glowing red bo to his side. “Besides, after all the training I’ve had to do, I don’t mind being interpretive.” He frowned as Melissa staggered to her feet. “Uh oh. She was down, not out.”

“I got this one,” Lila sighed. She dove at Melissa, her own teeth gritting. The two creatures engaged in a tug of war, trying to push the other on their back. The Sasquatch smiled as she began to bend her foe backwards.

“Not so tough, huh?” Lila smiled. “Now, why don’t you just calm down an—” Melissa suddenly rolled onto her back and delivered a devastating double-kick to Lila’s torso, sending the girl careening into a tree and knocking her out cold.

“Um… what now, sis,” Dennis asked.

“Use that spell you were working on earlier, put her to sleep,” June said. “I’ll think of something while you got that.”

“You got it,” the boy replied, pulling out his book. He was just opening his mouth for the chant when Melissa dove at him. Dennis avoided the deadly jaws, but his arm was in the path of her claws. The boy cried out, clutching his bloodied limb. “I’m… I’m all right, really,” he hissed. “I just need to find my book…”

“You mean the one Poindexter just tore apart with her jaws, right?” Ophelia sighed as slobbery confetti hit her in the face.

“We’re dropping like flies, June…” Jody urged. “Why are you so hesitant?”

“She might be the epitome of evil, but… Melissa didn’t ask for this, guys. We need to bring her to Ah Mah to lift the curse, not as a coonskin rug,” June said. “I mean, it’s like how I felt when you guys got captured by the ghosts...”

“June, help!”

“Marcus!” the Asian girl cried, leaping over her fellow guardians. She landed in time to see the beast that was her classmate land a blow across the boy’s chest, not only knocking the bo out of his hands but drawing blood. He crumbled against the tree. “Oh, no… Marcus, I’m sorry, I was—”

“It’s all right, June…” Marcus said, managing a weak smile. “Really,” he added as he pressed his shirt against his wound.

June hung her head. This was turning into an absolute disaster. Lila was knocked out, Dennis and Marcus were bloodied… that left her little brother and the girls. And the way Melissa was merrily picking them off, that would change soon enough.

“June, look out!” Marcus cried. The girl was shaken out of her numbness just in time to see the silhouette of Melissa racing towards her from behind. A smaller form tackled the beast around the neck, saving the te Xuan ze. Her eyes widened.

“Ray-Ray, get off of that thing!” the girl shouted, reaching for him. Too late; Melissa whipped her head around, flinging the boy into the woods. June moved to race after him, but her classmate crashed against her, sending her sprawling into Jody and Ophelia. The three crashed against a tree, causing a heavy branch to pin them down. The small girls struggled, but they couldn’t budge it.

“Oh, we are so dead,” Jody sighed as Melissa padded over to them. The girls could have sworn they saw the slightest glint of a sneer on the girl’s face.

June was too lost in thought to notice. “We were reckless. We thought we could just overpower her, just bring her in, but…” June felt herself stop struggling, accepting her fate. After everything that had tried to smash her, slash her, eat her and who knows what else she was going to be taken out by that obnoxious snob from her class. What a way to—

“FORE!”

A sickening crack brought June out of her mental self-pity. She shook herself out of it in time to see Melissa keel over, stone cold.

“The heck?” Jody blinked.

“Seriously. Really lost here,” Ophelia nodded. “What just happened?”

“I’d, uh, look up if I were you,” Dennis said. The girls turned their heads up for a big surprise.

“Oh, like, no way…”

“Interesting job you guys have,” Roger smirked as he tossed the nearly broken stick over his shoulder. “Off night, I assume?”

“Not ANOTHER ONE, Juniper…”

“Look, Ah Mah… this one was an accident, really…” the girl pleaded as the old woman rubbed her face with a sigh. “See, apparently…”

“How am I supposed to explain this one to the Elders? Their patience only goes so far in matters like these…”

“He did save our necks,” Jody replied.

“He did, Ah Mah,” Dennis nodded. “If it wasn’t for him, we’d be dead meat.”

“Very well,” the woman sighed. “I’ll explain it to them… again… that the secret has been given out under… extenuating circumstances.”

“Awesome,” June smiled. “So, how’s…?”

“They’re all fine, June,” Ah Mah said. “Nothing a brief healing spell couldn’t fix. But you must be more careful!”

“Understood,” June nodded. “And Melissa…?”

“She should be fine,” Ah Mah sniffed at her unconscious form. “Doosie of a headache though. There is one wee problem…”

“What’s that?”

“Well, it seems that while I’ve cured the psychological aspects of the infection… I haven’t got ridden of the physical.”

“So, like, you mean…”

“I’m afraid so, kiddo,” Ah Mah nodded to Ophelia. “Your little buddy’s gonna get hairy on full moons from now on.”

“Uh… how do we deal with that?” Marcus frowned. “She’s not going to take this lightly, Ah Mah.”

“Oh, I could only imagine,” Ah Mah said with a slight smile. “You kids will have fun trying to keep her on an even keel.”

“She’s gonna blow our secret!” Ray Ray whined. “She’s a blabbermouth!”

“Oh, I think you kids know how to best deal with it…” Ah Mah replied as her smile stayed. “I think it’s going to be very enjoyable for you.” She was followed by screaming.

“Oh, uh, hiya Melissa…” June smiled with a slight wave.

“What did you do to me?” Melissa hissed. “I’m a freak!”

“Long story short… you got bitten by a raccoon, and kinda turn into one under the full moon now…” Melissa flinched.

“No, that was just some dumb dream…”

“’Fraid not, kiddo,” Ophelia replied. Melissa blinked and then scowled again.

“What about the junk about you casting magic and stuff? Did I imagine that too?”

“Well… no,” June shrugged.

“You’re all in on it, aren’t you?” Melissa roared, jabbing at the air. “You, your dork friends, your idiot brothers… all of you!”

“If you want to put it that way… yeah,” Lila said.

“Oh, I am so having you all arrested for this… I am going right out there and—”

“Yeah, uh, Melissa?”

“What do you want, Pigtails?” Melissa snorted at Jody.

“You ever heard of ‘mutually assured destruction?’ You paid attention in history class, right?”

“Yeah… something about doing something to one guy means the same thing happens to you. Why.”

“Well, if you tell our little secret… what do you think happens to you? You think were-raccoons are off the hook?” Melissa sat there, dumbfounded. “Well?”

“…what do you want, Irwin,” the brunette finally growled.

“I’ll field that,” June said. “You keep our secret, we’ll keep yours. We’ll also see if we can’t find some way for you to hide your little secret. In return, maybe we could ask you for help if we need i—”

“Bite me.”

“…I tried…” the small Asian girl replied, rolling her eyes, Melissa sighed.

“Fine, fine! You help me keep my well deserved image, I’ll… track something down for you. Provided it doesn’t interfere with my social life.”

“Sure, why not,” Ophelia croaked.

“So, everything’s all worked itself out? Not bad for someone who saved the day, eh?” Roger beamed.

“You need to understand something, kiddo,” Ah Mah said sternly. “This isn’t one of those games Dennis plays with his friends. This is real life. So, unless you want me to help you forget what happened…”

“Yeah, right. Are you kidding me?” Roger snorted.

“…we’re going to be having a little chat about the world you blundered into,” the old woman finished. “At this point, I should have a script or bulleted list.”

“Well, look at it this way, Ah Mah,” June said. “All our friends know now… so, no more surprises!”

“I should hope so, Juniper. Although I don’t approve of how big your little army’s getting… you lead them well. You will indeed be a great te Xuan ze.” A flicker of a smile crossed Ah Mah’s face, causing the younger Lee to blush.

“Thanks, Ah Mah,” June replied as she hugged her grandmother.

“No prob, kiddo,” Ah Mah said.

“Gag me,” Melissa groaned behind me.

“You know, Ah Mah, we could always…” June whispered.

“No banishing stones.”

“…aw, shucks.”

Anyone have any ideas for an episode, or how one on the actual show might have played out in this reality? Mention it in reviews/notes, and I'll see what happens!