The Friction in Your Jeans

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.

Warnings: It's the first chapter, so I'm not warning you of SHIT, man. xP

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1: Of Wings and Pestilence

"…and furthermore, no gang affiliation, improper representing of the opposite sex, or nudity/graphic violence being portrayed on any part of your clothing," the straight-edge teen sneered menacingly, "is allowed either!"

"So, what's your point?" The younger drawled accusingly from the rickety metal chair he dangled slightly off of.

The older teen huffed indignantly, as if it were his very right to be a stuck-up S.O.B. "Your shirt, Mr. Elric."

The aforementioned Elric quirked a golden eyebrow. "What, you have a problem with From First to Last? You saying Sonny Moore is too good for you?"

"No, Mr. Elric," he spat the name, "The words written on it. They condone a previous act of violence."

"…the fuck?"

"They indicate that a murder has occurred, and your shirt must be confiscated."

"The hell it will! I didn't have to take this bull at my last school!" He snarled intimidatingly—albeit being a full head shorter—at the older teen.

"Your last school was for pieces of trash such as yourselves."

"Fuck you." The younger teen snapped and stormed from the office.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Stupid straight-edge…has a stick up his…Sonny Moore is a fucking sex god!…bastards with no control…wait till they insult Mikey Way…" The teen, who shall be thus dubbed 'Edward', muttered grumpily as he glared at the tile, hoping it would spontaneously combust if one got in his shadow—like that one X-Files episode. How cool would that be?…Just walk up to your enemies and they would—

"Hey, watch it, asshole!" He yelped as he was roughly rammed into.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't see you there."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A DROP OF WATER SO SMALL YOU COULDN'T FEEL IT IF IT COLLIDED WITH YOUR EYE?.!" He drastically freaked out and screeched in the poor guy's face.

"C-Calm down…I said nothing of the sort…" The victim tried to smooth his now-rumpled green hair, ignoring the fuming blonde beside him. "Who are you, anyways?"

"H-Huh? Oh…Edward Elric. I'm kinda…new here."

"Maes Hughes, pleased to meet you!" Maes vigorously shook his hand, "Oh, you're new, then? Would you like to see some pictures of new lovely sister Gracia and my niece Elysia?.! They're just so cute, I could eat them up! See, this one's of Elysia when she was getting her first tooth! If you look past all the blood, you can see the gum expanding slightly and the tooth showing through…!" Edward grimaced at the disgusting display taken on the photo.

"Um…well, I'm sure they're lovely, but I need to find my first class…" Hoping Maes would take the hint, he ignored him as he scanned his schedule. "My first class is with…"

"Why, that's me! Great, then I can show you even more pictures of Elysia! See, this was Elysia was learning how to use the real toilet…!"

'This guy's a teacher…?.!' Edward cried to himself as the now-established-teacher dragged him off.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Class…" Maes—or, 'Mr. Hughes,' (Hughes-sensei to some, even) attempted to calmly silence the noisy teens.

"Class…!"

"Um, Mr. Hughes-"

"I don't care for formalities, Edward. Maes will be fine."

Edward blinked, "Um, Maes…I don't they're listening…could I help in some way?…"

"Well, seeing as you nearly busted my eardrum earlier, you may be of some help." He smiled cheerily in that freakish Maes-way of his.

"Thanks—I needed to let off some steam." Edward hopped down—seeing as he was incredibly short—and walked in front of the class. He breathed in deeply, and let out a piercing, "SHUT THE &$ UP ALL OF YOU!.!"

They quieted immediately.

"Ah…thank you, Edward. Now could you introduce yourself, please…?"

"'Course. But, um…what should I say?" he whispered to Maes.

"Your name, your interests, but not much, all right? You could include your sexual orientation if you like." Maes chuckled lightly at his own inside joke.

"Really? Alright."

"Wait, I didn't really mean-!"

"Hello ladies and gentlemen, I'm glad you've graced me with your presence! I'm Edward Elric, I'm from…well, I don't care to disclose that… my interests are Sonny Moore from From First to Last and Mikey Way from My Chemical Romance. I'm about as straight as an apple—which I love by the way—and I'm 16. Also, um…that's all about me. Oh, and I'm already taken." He grinned cheekily as he sauntered over to his desk.

"You're gay?" A messy-haired student asked him as if it weren't obvious.

"Well, I didn't technically say that, but go ahead and-"

"Hey Roy, the new kid's a fucking flaming fag!"

"So, you're a homo, eh?" 'Roy' as Ed guessed, glared down on him condescendingly.

"Actually, all human beings technically are…homosapiens…" (sp?)

"That's not what I meant, bitch." The other student spat at him.

"Greed. Cut it out."

"But he's-!"

"I said, knock it off!"

"Fine…"

Roy gave him a casual once-over and plopped down in the seat next to him.

"Hey, kid."

"I'm not a fucking kid."

"You're new, so you're a kid to me."

"Screw you."

"Sorry, I'd rather not."

Edward spluttered as the dark-haired older boy smirked cockily at him.

"What the hell do you want from me?"

"You know…you just made a lot of enemies." Roy leaned back on his seat casually.

"How so?"

"This school is known for being insanely homophobic. You just made about 90 of the class your enemy."

"Am I your enemy, too?"

"Would I be talking to you if I was?"

Edward pouted childishly.

"Besides—I'm gay too." Roy examined over his well-manicured nails.

"You are?.! With whom?"

"Him." Roy pointed to the chalkboard.

"…? You're gay with a chalkboard?"

"No, dipshit! Him!"

"…wait…Mr. Hughes?.!"

"He prefers Maes."

"Your partner is a teacher?.!"

Roy blinked lazily at him. "Yeah, what of it? Who the hell's yours?"

Edward blushed embarrassedly as he looked towards his feet—which were about a foot from the ground, I must add. "He…doesn't like me to talk about him…"

"Oh…sorry, kid."

"I'm not a kid!"

"Well, you're short enough to be one."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL EVEN A MICROSCOPE COULDN'T SEE?.!" He grabbed at Roy's collar, fuming out the ears, giving the most menacing death glare imaginable.

"Well, this will certainly be an amusing year, won't it, guys?" Maes laughed from his desk, sweatdropping slightly, while the class laughed nervously along—because they just knew not to get on this kid's bad side—gay or not.

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One: Edward's interests are my interests, duh. Sorry for the shortness, and lack of describing Edward's attire, but that usually distracts and dulls the story.

We: You think it's short, we think it's damn long for a whole fucking chapter. We didn't even get to the reasons of this chapter title!

One: We'll get to it by at least the 3rd or 4th chapter, We. Don't worry.