ACT III.

Scene II. Capulet's Orchard.

Enter JULIET.

JUL. I can't wait to have sex! Yaaay, sex. La di la di daaa, sex!

Enter NURSE, with cords.

JUL. Wassup, Nurse with no name? Have you got the cords?

NURSE. …Yes…

JUL. …That didn't sound good. Getting hysterical Things cannot be going wrong; I'm supposed to have SEX tonight!

NURSE. He's dead!

JUL. God can't really be that jealous, can he?

NURSE. Romeo can. Oh dear, oh dear, what a pickle!

JUL. Tell me what happened or I swear to all that has been blessed with the presence of Leonardo DiCaprio's face I will hurt you. Badly.

NURSE. I saw the wound with my own eyes! I don't know how he got a gun in this day and age, but he did! Oh, how strange it was!

JUL. NOOOOOOOO!

NURSE. Tybalt, my best friend! Becomes half as hysterical as Juliet, which is REALLY hysterical

JUL. What? You got me panicked over nothing? …Unless, of course, my dear husband whom I love so much after a day is dead as well.

NURSE. No, Tybalt is dead and Romeo is banished.

JUL. Starts to cry Inconsolably Now I'll never get to have sex…

Exeunt.