Shattered Perfection

A/N- Ok guys, I’m so sorry, I’ve had some trouble with this story. As some of you may know from my authors note, I had planned on changing this story from first POV, to third POV. Up until a couple of days ago I was planning to re-do this story all together, but lately something in my gut has been telling me to leave it alone. I’m so sorry for making all of you wait so long, but I had finals, and school just let out so this is really the first little while that I’ve had to work on it. It WILL NOT take this long in the future I promise. I really want to thank all of you for sticking with me throughout the wait, and I also want to tell those of you that reviewed the last time around, its greatly appreciated, and you guys rock! So, um I really didn’t do much to the first chapter, I just fixed the grammar mistakes that a friend of mine pointed out. But, I should have the next chapter out VERY soon, hopefully by Monday. So. Without further ado lets get to the story……

DISCLAIMER::::::: I do NOT own ANYTHING But the plot line and the characters you do not recognize. Everything else belongs to the brilliant creators of Summerland. Mmkay? Mmkay.

Chapter 1 : Beautifully Broken

When you look at me what do you see? Can you look past the pink nail polish, perfectly laced green pumas, and my “bookworm” air into the depths of my soul, where battles constantly rage, and pain prevails? No? Then don’t even think about judging me. Did you know that five years ago my family stared death in the face, and we, once five members strong surfaced on the other side a threesome, siblings deprived of the very people that gave us life? I didn’t think so. Please for your sake, don’t get too close. I have an undertow, silent and strong. But you cant see that can you? The Eighteen year old Nikki Westerly viewed by the world is strong, smart, logical, grounded, and beautiful, but beware, fates got cards that it don’t want to show.

Here I sit, in the stuffy dorm room I share with my two best friends on the campus of the University of Southern California. Homework from Professor Wills sits piled so high on the table before me that my naturally curly auburn hair is barely visible over the top. My hazel eyes water, forcing my already strained vision to become even more blurry, my thoughts as usual dancing around in my brain, weaving intricate plot lines and beautiful story’s each in a tangled heap. My older brother, Bradin, says I spend too much time with my head in the clouds, that one day when reality does hit me, it’ll hit me harder that I’m ready for, But even Bradin doesn’t know the whole story of my past, its something I’m not proud of, something I hide, the part of me that will always put me a little further away from the rest of the world.

My downward spiral started about three months after the Westerly gang moved to California. It was the day Bradin and I yelled at each other for hours in anguish, at odds again about the California lifestyle and forgetting the two souls we lost back in Hogarth County. I never imagined things would go as far as they did that day in my brand new pink bathroom, but then again who ever anticipates becoming a cutter? I for one didn’t. I thought it would be a one time thing, a fad, an stress reliever only used in that extreme case, but it wasn’t. Imagine how I felt when that first kiss of the blade became an addiction that lasted the longest year I’ve ever lived through, when I lost so much blood I sunk to the tile floor in tears, afraid for my life. It kills me now to look down at my forearm and see the many thin scars that crowd there, to know they where forced upon me by my own unsteady hand.

I became destruction’s prisoner, unable to catch the slightest breath of air, to far away to see even the first rays of the morning sun. My world lost all childhood innocence at the age of thirteen, and though I fought with everything I had in me, I couldn’t break the surface of the muggy waters in which I was submerged. They say everybody has a guardian angel, but I had never believed it until I found her, my first miracle. She was a shy newcomer, both beautiful and strong. Her big heart was her best quality, and when it came to friends the girl was fearless. It didn’t take long for me to realize that she really did care about me, that I could trust her to be non judgmental. Four moths later, and I was finally ready to put the bonds of friendship to the ultimate test, I let the whole terrifying story come just far enough into the light for her to see. Never once did I expect her to react as she did. Her comforting words broke the ice around my heart and set me on the long road to recovery. Looking back now, I see that I’m lucky I didn’t die, so lucky I didn’t have to face god and my parents as I passed by the gates of heaven before my time, as a victim of “accidental” Suicide. I’m even more lucky to have Sara in my life now, loving me, and helping me even when I’m a bitch and I don’t deserve it.

The creak of the unoiled dorm door brought me crashing back to the present, back to the god forsaken pile of homework I had left to tackle. Sara, and Emily the two best friends doubling as my crazy room mates came running in dragging my boyfriend, Cameron, and brandishing a half a gallon of chocolate ice cream. Boy do they take ‘pick me up’s’ to the extreme. Cam is my second miracle, I love him with all of my heart, all of my still healing and slightly bruised soul. He’s absolutely amazing, and the fact that he’s so sexy helps him a lot. Before I had time to protest, he lifted me out of my chair and pulled me close. His lips collided with mine, dancing their sumptuous, tantalizing dance, that always left me weak as hell and breathless.

“ Hey baby, I love you.” His voice was soothing and melodic in my ear, and his shaggy hair tickled my sensitive skin.

“ I love you too Cam.” I meant it, with every breath, and each beat of my heart.

We joined Sara and Em on the couch, the four of us wreaking havoc on the poor defenseless Ice cream. In the presence of good food, and good friends, life seems to be working its way back to normal, but I don’t trust it. I learned quick during my depression that life is never what it seems, and the truth can only be seen in the dark of night. Never get too comfortable, because you don’t know what’s coming your way.

A/N- Thank you to all who reviewed last time. Please if you haven’t already review. It helps to know what you like about the story, and what you don’t like. Because an author is nothing without her fans.