|Male Birds Don't Lay Eggs
Author: MikariStar PM
Due to a mix up in a medical test everyone thinks Falco is going to lay an egg. Falco is sure it's not true but everyone starts preparing just in case.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Drama - Falco L. & Fox M. - Words: 9,758 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 05-02-06 - Published: 03-21-06 - Status: Complete - id: 2855830
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Male Birds Don't Lay Eggs
Egg 01: Another Mission
In the Lylat system, the Star Fox team flew closer to the large space fortress straight ahead. There were hardly any defenses around it, which was to be expected since Andross was defeated not too long ago. This fortress was a left over from the battle. It might not be very dangerous now, but it could be if it fell into the wrong hands.
Entering the fortress was easy. Inside, they found a few enemy robots, but nothing big. As they came closer, they realized that the fortress wasn't as inactive as they thought. There were not many guards, as they had all left to aid Venom in the final battle, but there was a devise to hide any activities going on inside the space fortress from long range sensors. There was some sort of machine there still active.
"Enemy device analyzed," Slippy came closer to an area that connected to smaller tunnels, too small for their Arwings so he couldn't approach anymore. "It's a bomb! It must have been activated just before Andross' defeat. It's powerful enough to severely damage all the planets in its surrounding area. Katina is the closest, it could be destroyed!"
"I guess this is his farewell gift to us," Fox landed his Arwing in one of the platforms meant for ships.
"Fox, what are you doing?" Peppy was puzzled by this action.
"We can't blow this thing up. It's too close to Katina and obviously we can't fly in on the Arwings. We'll have to go on foot from here and deactivate the bomb," Fox reasoned. "Slippy, stay here and maintain communication, let me know if anything is happening."
"I understand Fox, but don't you want me to come along to help you with the bomb?" Slippy asked.
"Negative, but I will need you to guide me from here. Can you do that?" Fox didn't know what could be in there. For all he knew, it was an ambush waiting to happen.
"No problem Fox, I'll track the bomb's main control chamber and guide you to it. It must contain a tremendous amount of energy so it shouldn't be too hard to find," Slippy replied.
"I'll come with you," Peppy announced.
"No, you need to stay here too just in case. Slippy will be busy guiding me inside, so there has to be someone on the look out for possible attacks. There might be more robots left in here than we think," Fox climbed out of his Arwing. "Alright Slippy, where should I go?"
"The fastest way is to take the second tunnel to your right. I'll guide you from there," Slippy didn't sound too enthusiastic about this idea, but he knew Fox could take care of himself, "be careful."
"I will," Fox started running toward the tunnel. It looked quite dark, but he had a light so it didn't bother him too much.
"Fox, wait I just can't let you go in there alone." After that mission where Pigma betrayed their team and they were captured by Andross, Peppy made a promise. James McCloud had stayed behind and helped Peppy escape from Andross. James wouldn't have it any other way. Peppy tried to stay to help his friend escape, after all he had a son waiting for his return, but James refused. Peppy then promised to take care of Fox as if he was his son. Since then, Peppy had been like a second father to Fox.
"I'll go," while they argued they didn't notice that Falco had landed his ship on another platform. He jumped off the Arwing and followed Fox.
"Falco, you should stay too. Besides, I thought you didn't like missions on the ground," Fox reminded.
"I'll take the sky over the ground or water any day, but I'm not letting you have all the fun" Fox was going to say something, but Falco silenced him. "Don't argue with me. You know you won't get me to change my mind. I'll go anyway, with or without you."
Fox knew that sometimes Falco was too stubborn for his own good. "Fine you win this time, let's go."
Fox and Falco ventured deep into the long narrow corridors of he center of the space fortress. The metal walls were rusted and corrupted, as if either the metal was of worse quality with each step, or there was something there that damaged it. "Turn right," Slippy instructed on the communicator. He was tracking their location from his ship. It looked as if they were doing alright.
After a few more instructions from Slippy, Fox and Falco reached the main control chamber. The rusty walls looked worse in this area, which wasn't what they would expect given that this was possibly the most important part of the fortress. There was an odd noise like metal on metal. A robot jumped from the shadows but Fox easily took care of it with his laser gun. It only took one shot, it didn't look like the robot was in very good conditions. The armor was rusted and corrupted, ready to fall apart and the internal parts were damaged as well.
Soon more robots attacked. Fox and Falco shot lasers at them, hitting their targets easily every time. "Fox, Falco, are you alright?" Peppy heard the noise from their communication link.
"We're fine, we ran into some robots but we're alright," Fox replied.
"Look at this," Falco pointed out something behind the main control devise. The computer didn't look like it was operational.
"What is that?" Fox saw that behind the main computer there was a glass capsule and inside it there was a strange glowing jewel.
"It's the power source, what else?" Falco reasoned.
"I know, but what is it?" Fox clarified his question.
"We'll find out after we remove."
"Wait, we need to make sure removing it won't detonate the bomb," Fox tried communicating with Slippy for more information, but there was interference. He thought it must be that strange jewel and if he returned to the front of the control chamber, the computer's metal might block whatever that jewel might be doing and allow communication. It worked, and soon Slippy had an analysis on the way. Before the analysis was complete, Fox heard the noise of broken glass near by. "Falco!"
"Fox the bomb's timer is going faster now. It will detonate in one minute!" Slippy was alarmed.
"Hurry and get out of there!" Peppy urged.
Fox rushed to the area behind the large computer were Falco was trying to pull out the glowing jewel. By the looks of it, it was possible to touch it without getting burned, even if it looked hot. "Falco, why did you do that?" Fox joined in trying to pull the jewel out. Without a power source, the bomb would most likely not explode.
"A robot jumped out of nowhere and I shot it. The laser went through the rusty robot like it was paper, broke the glass and hit the jewel. The damage was done so I tried to fix it by pulling it out. Who do you think I am, you?" The jewel was being held in place by two thin but strong bars made of a diamond-like material at the top and bottom of the jewel.
"What? I'm not the one who's always rushing in to situations he can't handle!" Fox knew very well this was not the time to argue, but as long as they kept pulling that jewel as hard as they could, the arguing or of, didn't make much of a difference.
"No, that would be Slippy but you too, always trying to knock down all the enemies yourself," Falco yelled over the buzzing electric sound that started as the jewel's diamond holders began to come loose from the pieces on the top and bottom of the capsule where it was attached though the bars themselves were still intact.
"Right, like I didn't have to rush in to save you a few times," Fox retorted.
"I never asked for your help!"
"No you didn't, because you're too stubborn!" Finally, they ripped the jewel off the machine, the two diamond bars still attached to it. "You know, one thing I noticed during training is that you're stronger when you're angry." Fox received a deadly glare from Falco, then called Slippy. "How's the bomb is it still active?"
"It stopped; it looks like it's losing all its energy. The accumulated energy will dissipate. You did it, Fox!" Slippy cheered.
"Hey, what about me?" Falco didn't like it when Fox got all the credit.
"I'm certain you did great too, Falco. Are you two absolutely sure everything is alright?" Peppy asked.
"Everything's fine here," Fox answered. "We'll bring the power source back to the Great Fox. It looks stable now that it's been removed from the machine. After all the energy from this place is gone, we can get rid of the fortress."
xoxox xox xoxox
Everything went as planned from that point on and another mission was accomplished by the Star Fox team and they returned to the Great Fox o give General Pepper the report. It was also time for a routine medial examination. Slippy wasn't looking forward to that, he always got nervous around doctors. Little did they know about the strange discoveries that would occur during that visit to the doctor and the consequences that it would bring.
xoxox xox xoxox
Egg 02: News from the Doctor
The Star Fox Team's latest mission had come with more conveniences than they had expected. Rob and Slippy were able to analyze that strange jewel and extract its powerful energy, without risking making it unstable. The only problem was that it had quite a negative effect on metal if too much energy was extracted. They resolved to place the jewel in a special facility to extract its energy to be used to restore the galaxy after the war.
To honor the Star Fox team once again there was a party at Katina. There was music and all of that and definitely a lot of food. In fact Falco was surprised to see that they had prepared some dishes original from his home planet. He hasn't had some of those for a long time. Even the on and only Falco Lombardi pigged out that night.
xoxox xox xoxox
The next day, the Star Fox team woke up tired from the late night party. It was not their usual style to stay for the celebration, but the war was over and they realized after endlessly searching for challenges all over the Lylat system, that maybe taking a break would be good after all.
They would stay in contact with the Lylat system and General Pepper after they went on to their next plan. Their plans were to travel all over the universe, to search for adventure anywhere it may be found and maybe save another galaxy or two if possible. To explore the universe beyond where any others would dare to go. That would be after their vacation. But first they had to get that routine medical examination out of the way. It was done once a year by requirement.
Fox and Peppy were the first two to get it over with. They were not worried at all, none of them should be. Falco was indifferent, since he would have to wait for everyone else to finish before they left anyway, there was no point in going first. Slippy didn't like visiting the doctor. It was a childish fear that he knew was illogical, but still kept. He was a bit nervous even if he knew he was healthy. He tried to stay calm by putting junk food in his system. He was on his third bag of chips when Falco got tired of Slippy's comments and complains about how this entire examination was unnecessary. To make Slippy keep quiet, Falco made him go next.
Once inside the doctor's office everything proceeded normally, except Slippy kept eating chips the entire time. He wasn't supposed to be eating during the examination, but he was part of the Star Fox team, so the doctor didn't complain. The last part of the examination was an x-ray. Slippy stepped into the machine, it looked like he was standing behind a black board and there was a picture of his skeleton and the shadows of his inner organs painted in white and gray on the board. Beside that, there was a machine that looked like a printer. Just as Slippy's test was ending, unknown to him or the doctor, he accidentally dropped a potato chip inside the printer.
Last but certainly not least, was Falco. Everything went normally with his examination also, until it was time to print out the x-ray. The doctor, who was in a hurry due to the many patients he had that day most of them from the military there for their routine exam, tried to hurry as much as he could. Since he would have the x-ray printed he didn't really pay attention to the picture displayed in the electronic screen in black and white.
Assuming everything was fine in this test, as it had been in the others. The doctor then informed Falco he could leave. But suddenly he called him back. "Mr. Lombardi, wait a moment!" The old dog doctor stared at the printed x-ray in surprise. It's not that he had never seen anything like it, but he had never seen anything like it in an x-ray belonging to a male.
"What is it?" Falco was pretty sure it couldn't be anything concerning his health. He felt perfectly fine so that just couldn't be it.
"Well, how should I say this? You're pregnant," The doctor revealed.
Falco gave him an odd look as if the doctor had grown a second head. "Excuse me?" Those two words were all Falco could say at the unexpected odd joke.
"I'm not kidding, see here?" The doctor pointed to the white circle in the x-ray in Falco's abdomen. "It's an egg." The printer had crushed the potato chip and thrown its ink on top of the pieces leaving a white circle on the paper, but the doctor didn't know that and neither did Falco.
"That's ridiculous there has to be a mistake." Falco eyed the paper.
"That's what this x-ray indicates. Besides, if we compare your weight from the last examination and your weight from this one, you have gained a few pounds." The doctor explained.
Falco decided he wasn't going to take this any longer so before he was tempted to shoot a laser at the doctor, he simply turned around and walked away. In the waiting room, he found his team. Since they were all done with the check up, they left the doctor's office.
xoxox xox xoxox
The day continued uneventfully until a communication was sent to the Great Fox. Rob answered it and notified Peppy just as General Pepper had requested. Apparently the doctor had called the general about his discovery and Pepper had given it a lot of thought.
"General Pepper, you wanted to speak to me?" Peppy was surprised, not only because the general called, but because he requested to speak with Peppy only.
"Yes, you see, there's quite the situation on our hands," Pepper spoke.
Peppy's mind was filled with the possibilities. Could the Lylat system be in danger again? "Is it a new enemy?"
"No, but there is someone new, or there will be," The General took a deep breath, hoping that Peppy would understand he was telling the truth. If not because the doctor was a dear old friend, Pepper wouldn't believe this for a second, he wouldn't play a joke like this, it had to be true. "Falco is going to lay an egg."
Peppy started at the screen, wondering if he had heard correctly. "I thought Falco was male, how could he possibly lay an egg?"
"That's what I was hoping you would help me figure out. I'll send you a copy of the x-ray where the egg appears."
After receiving a copy of the x-ray, Peppy tried to figure out how all of this was possible. Then one thing came into his mind. "The jewel! What if it was radioactive?"
"It was safe to use in the proper facilities according to the scientific tests, but Falco and Fox were exposed to it when it was active and unshielded, that must have made the difference," General Pepper agreed with the theory.
"The radiations from the jewel must have turned Falco into a mutant and that is why he is able to have a child," Peppy concluded. In reality, the jewel did have some radiation, but it was completely harmless to people, the only material affected by it was metal. Yet Peppy and Pepper had already jumped to conclusions. Now the question was how to tell Falco? Peppy, being like a father figure to the younger members of the Star Fox team, felt responsible not only for Fox, but for Slippy and Falco as well. He assured the general that he would deal with this situation and be as tactful as possible.
"Good luck," Pepper sincerely whished that everything would work out well.
xoxox xox xoxox
After his conversation with Pepper, Peppy headed to the entertainment area of the Great Fox, where Fox and Falco were playing a videogame based on their recent victory, each of them playing as the virtual version of himself. Peppy tried to make his presence by known by clearing his throat, which didn't work. He then decided to be casual. "What are you two doing?"
"Doing in a video game what I should be doing in real life. What's it look like?" Falco was happy with their recent victory, but he still craved for action.
'Must be a mood swing,' Peppy took a moment to observe Falco. Maybe he didn't look it at first glance, but he did put on a pound or two and he probably didn't even notice. What would he do when he started to realize that there's an egg growing inside him? There will come a point in time when he needed to lay that egg and care for it, keeping it safe and warm. Then a child would be born from that egg. Hopefully it would be a normal child, not some kind of mutant baby. This would be harder than Peppy thought. "Fox, may I speak to Falco in private for a moment," the request was unusual and direct.
"Um, sure," Fox didn't know what could possibly be going on, Andross was defeated, the galaxy was at peace, they had saved the Lylat system, so it couldn't be bad news. Besides, if there was a problem, the entire team would be there to hear it. Maybe Peppy just wanted to give Falco a fatherly speech like he sometimes did with Fox. Fox paused the game and stood up from the large comfy couch. He was about to walk away when he felt someone pulling him back into his seat by the tail. "Ouch!"
"You're not going anywhere until we finish this game. It's a draw so far and it can't end like that," Falco threw Fox's control back into his hands.
Peppy was becoming frustrated. The longer they waited the more the courage he build up after talking to Pepper would slip away. The geneal had given him this task and he couldn't' let him down. More importantly, this was something he had to do for Falco. As the official father figure of the Great Fox, Peppy had certain obligations and responsibilities. "This is important!" Peppy raised his voice, something he rarely did.
xoxox xox xoxox
Egg 03: Making Preparations
Fox paused the video game again, much to Falco's annoyance, and took a moment to study Peppy's expression. He looked worried and at the same time had a look in his eyes as if he wanted to get something over with, but knew it wouldn't be that easy. "Something's wrong isn't it?"
"Yes, it's about Falco so I thought I should tell him first," Peppy admitted. This could be the only way to get the attention this matter deserved. Besides, Fox, Slippy, and Rob would eventually notice anyway, but it would be best if Falco told them when he was ready to tell them.
"What about me?" Falco did not sound too concerned despite Peppy's worried tone.
Peppy looked at Fox for a moment. "Fox, could you please?" He didn't finish the question but knew Fox understood.
However, Fox did not leave. "We're all Falco's friends. If there's something happening to him we should all know. Maybe we could help. In fact, I should go find Slippy and Rob too."
"Fox please, this is a delicate matter," Peppy insisted. But Fox didn't move and the tension filled suspense started building up.
"What is it? Just say it already; I don't care if Fox hears it." Falco didn't really think it could be anything too personal. Besides, there were hardly any secrets between the members of the Star Fox team anyway. Everything was known one way or another but it stayed within the team and no one else found out so it was okay.
Peppy took a deep breath and prepared to deliver the shocking news. He wanted to be tactful, but he had to be truthful. In the end, it came out a little more direct than he wanted and at the same time with a few possible interpretations. "Falco is going to be a father."
Falco looked like he wanted to throw the video game's controller at Peppy at the bad and unusual joke. "Is that all you have to say?" Falco directed a deadly glare at Peppy. Just when he was getting into a good mood playing that video game, trying to figure out if his or Fox's character was better represented, there comes Peppy with his nonsense. Fox looked quite surprised to say the least. "Fox, snap out of it!"
Fox appeared to come back from is mental trip when Falco started shaking his shoulder rather hard. "Falco, is that true?"
"Keep your eyes on the screen!" Falco chased Fox's virtual Arwing with his but before he could knock it down Fox's Arwing crashed. "I was about to win. You did that on purpose so I wouldn't count it." There was a big difference to Falco between winning and winning by default.
"But Falco, Peppy said you were going to be a father! Who is the mother? Why haven't you told me anything about her?" Fox insisted.
"It's a lie!" Falco was getting angry.
"The child Falco is having, he's having it himself; he's going to lay an egg." Peppy rambled. "Falco, listen to me, this is important. You were exposed to radioactivity that mutated you. It came from that jewel you and Fox recovered. General Pepper said the doctor assured him you are going to lay an egg."
"That's a stupid joke. I'm not going to fall for it." Falco refused to believe it.
Peppy sighed, "It's true, there's proof. It's alright Falco, I know it's a big responsibility, but we're all right behind out."
Without another word Falco stormed off to his room.
"He looked really annoyed," Fox observed.
"He needs to understand. Maybe you can talk some sense into him," Peppy suggested.
As confused as he was, Fox nodded. "I'll go talk to him." Peppy looked too serious to be kidding.
xoxox xox xoxox
Once at Falco's door, Fox knocked but there was no answer. "C'mon Falco, I know you're in there."
"Go away, Fox!" Falco yelled from inside the room.
"Falco, let me in. I just want to talk to you," Fox insisted.
The door was opened by Falco. "If it's more nonsense, I'll shoot you." Fox guessed that Falco would be moody, sensitive and have a big appetite if he really was laying an egg.
"No nonsense, I just want to talk." Fox didn't mention what the topic of conversation would be until Falco moved aside and let him in.
"Well what is it?" Falco sat down on his bed.
Fox closed the door and stood there, facing Falco with his back against the door, there was no escape. "It's about what Peppy said. Have you considered it being truth?"
"Have you?" Falco inquired with genuine curiosity.
"Well yes," Fox answered truthfully.
Falco shook his head. "Sit down Fox," He didn't sound like he was planning an escape, Falco wouldn't run away from his own room. Fox sat down next to his friend, maybe Falco wanted to talk about this new responsibility that was to come. What followed was an explanation of the facts of life, which Falco hoped would push some logic into Fox's brain. "Do you have any questions?" Falco certainly hoped not, the situation was awkward enough as it was.
"Just one," Fox admitted. "How does all of that apply to the egg you're going to lay?"
Falco looked like he could kill Fox there and then. All that talking, all those explanations about biology and anatomy, all those birds and bees, had been for nothing. "Male birds don't lay eggs!" Falco literally kicked Fox out of his room and slammed the door closed.
xoxox xox xoxox
Fox went in search of Peppy. He found him with Slippy and Rob in the main communications room of the Great Fox. General Pepper appeared on the screen. After a long talk, they decided to give Falco some time to think. This was big news; perhaps he needed time to let it sink in. Meanwhile, they would help by making sure everything was ready for the baby's arrival.
"I have a very important mission for you Fox," General Pepper spoke seriously.
Fox saluted with confidence. "Whatever it is, I will accomplish it successfully."
"That's the spirit!" The general looked reassured. "I don't know a lot about babies, but from what I've heard they require a tremendous amount of diapers. You must go to the supermarket and buy enough diapers."
"No problem, general. I'll be back soon with a sufficient supply of diapers." Fox accepted his mission without question.
xoxox xox xoxox
Fox jumped on his Arwing and headed towards the closest super market. The Great Fox had moved and they were near Corneria. Fox parked his ship in a car parking lot in front of a Cornerian super market, taking up various spaces. He confidently entered the supermarket ready for his mission, he did realize that people were staring, but assumed it was because they recognized him as Fox McCloud from the Star Fox team, never mind his unusual method of transportation to arrive in a supermarket.
Fox searched for the diapers after grabbing a shopping cart to carry them. He found the correct aisle and stared at all the different brands of diapers. General Pepper did not mention a specific brand, nor did he mention how many would be enough. "Oh well, it's best to have a little extra than not enough." With that conclusion in mind, Fox proceeded to fill up his shopping cart with all kinds of diapers. Soon the cart was full, but there were still diapers left on the shelves, so he got a few more carts and returned to the isle.
Luckily, his cart was still there, no one would want to steal it if they had to empty that many diapers anyway, it was easier to go all the way to the front of the store and get another cart for themselves. With a total of five shopping carts and one basket, Fox was able to carry all the dippers that were on display in five tall mountains on the carts plus a few more in the basket.
At snacks section of the supermarket, Katt was looking at the cookies, wondering which ones tasted better. She finally settled for some delicious looking chocolate cookies and happily skipped off to pay for them. As she approached the end of the isle she saw several tall mountains of diapers heading towards the line. Pushing the shopping carts containing the diaper mountains was none other than Fox McCloud.
Fox was pushing one cart with each hand and one with his body as he walked. No, he wasn't walking. He was hopping on one foot. He was pulling a forth shopping cart full of dippers with one foot and the fifth one with his tail. He carried the basket in his mouth. People were staring and pointing, but Fox was too busy concentrating on the task at hand, and foot and tail and mouth, to notice.
Katt stared in disbelief as Fox advanced at a slow pace. He was so focused he didn't even see her. Then it sunk in that this was more than just some strange dream and she nearly laughed her head off. Still trying to control her laughter, Katt fallowed Fox and stood in line behind him. "Hey Fox, did the Great Fox turn into some kind of day care center?"
"Hi Katt, I didn't see you. No, the Great Fox is still the same. General Pepper sent me here to buy these diapers," Fox explained.
"What for?" Katt couldn't imagine what the military could possibly need diapers for.
"They're for Falco," Fox revealed, causing Katt to give him an even stranger look. "Not for Falco, I mean they're for Falco's child."
"Falco is a father?" Katt yelled loud enough for the entire supermarket to hear.
"Not yet, but he will be," Fox assured.
Before Katt could say anything, a woman who had just arrived and was standing in line behind her screamed. "Hey you! Who do you think you are taking all the diapers?" The penguin woman looked quite angry.
Maybe diapers were more necessary than Fox thought, or maybe there was a diaper shortage. "I need these for a friend of mine," Fox tried to explain.
"It's not fair! I want to talk to the manager." The penguin woman was making quite the scene, until Katt managed to make her shut up.
"Hey lady, back off! Don't you know who this is? He's Fox McCloud of the Star Fox team, the ones who saved everyone and defeated Andross. These diapers are to be used in a secret military project to protect the Lylat system!" Katt yelled.
The penguin woman looked like she was going to say something, but the other costumers in the super market started glaring at her. How dare she deny the diapers to the one who had saved them all? It was their angry glares that truly kept her quiet.
xoxox xox xoxox
Egg 04: Shops and Check Ups
After paying for the diapers, which was murder on the Star Fox's credit card, Fox and Katt, who offered to help, and a few of the super market's employees, carried the bags to the Arwing. At least it was pretty easy to find it in the parking lot. It was certainly a lot easier to find the Arwing in a regular ca parking lot than in a space ship parking lot.
Fox remembered a time when Slippy forgot where he parked his Arwing and they wondered around for hours looking for it. Needless to say, it was a very big parking lot. Then when they did find Slippy's Arwing, Falco couldn't remember the way to return to his, so it was a few more hours until they all found their respective Arwings and left. Too bad they didn't find parking spaces near each other.
When Fox, Katt and the employees got to the Arwing, there was a police officer writing a ticket. "Excuse me officer, is there a problem?" Fox inquired innocently.
"Only one parking space per vehicle is allowed." The office didn't looking up from his ticket book.
"But officer, this is an Arwing, it needs more space!" Fox argued.
"That's not my problem." The police office handed him the ticket. "The rules clearly state that there is only one parking space per vehicle allowed. They don't specify what kind of vehicle, so I can only assume it applies to all of them."
"There goes my perfect record! I hope Falco appreciates this." Fox grumbled. After all the bags were in the Arwing, Fox and the employees received their tips and Fox hoped in.
"Do you mind if I come along Fox?" That overly sweet look on Katt's face worried Fox, but he didn't know why. Katt was not pleased with the news of Falco having children with another woman, since Fox had not clarified that he was having the child alone. Katt intended to give Falco a piece of her mind.
"Sure Katt, hop in," Fox agreed, pushing all worries away, they could probably use all the help they could get with the preparations. As the Arwing took off, Katt's car stayed behind, forgotten in the super markets parking lot, but she didn't care.
xoxox xox xoxox
While Fox was at the supermarket, Peppy and Slippy were also sent on missions. Peppy had the task of finding clothing that would fit Falco when his stomach got bigger from the egg he carried. Slippy had the task of buying baby clothes. With the current technology, it was possible to know a baby's gender early on pregnancy, but Falco refused to go to the doctor, or take a test, so Slippy decided to buy both boy and girl clothes, just in case.
Slippy found a store with lots of baby clothes and wondered which ones Falco would like for his child. He considered calling, but with those mood swings Falco was having, it was probably not a good idea. Instead, Slippy decided to buy clothes in lots of different colors, that way there had to be something Falco liked.
xoxox xox xoxox
In the same mall at a store not too far away, Peppy was looking at maternity clothes. The only problem was that all the clothes looked too girly and Falco probably wouldn't want to wear them. "How may I help you?" A squirrel woman employed at the store approached.
"I'm looking for some maternity clothes but-" before Peppy could finish she interrupted.
"Oh! So you're shopping for your wife? How nice! Come look at this!" She dragged Peppy towards a section of the store with a lot of pink. "Look at this!" The squirrel was holding a pink maternity dress with plenty of white and red bows.
"I don't-" was all that Peppy managed to say before the squirrel interrupted again.
"Trust me, she'll love it!" He was practically forced into buying it, but at least he managed to leave the store. Falco would not like that dress. Peppy shook his head, Falco he wouldn't like any of the maternity clothes in that store. Maybe it was best to buy some fabric and have the clothes custom made.
Peppy headed to another store. There he bough some blue fabric that looked like the color of Falco's feathers and some dark red and black fabric. After buying other supplies such as needles and thread, Peppy went to see how Slippy was doing.
Searching among the crowds of people that were at the mall, Peppy finally spotted Slippy carrying many bags. They left the mall and went to find a tailor. They explained what they needed and since the tailor would most likely think they're insane to want men's maternity clothes, they simply said the clothes were for a very tomboyish woman who liked to wear men's clothes.
xoxox xox xoxox
Later, Fox and Katt had arrived at the Great Fox and started unloading the dippers with Rob's help. Once that was done, Katt went in search of Falco, who happened to be in the kitchen at the time, making a sandwich. Everyone except Rob was gone and he didn't provide much of a conversation. Out of boredom, Falco started to experiment with his sandwich, adding a little of every ingredient that he could find, that's when Katt arrived, "hi Falco."
"Katt? What ware you doing here?" Falco was clearly surprised to see her. She didn't look happy and if looks could kill, Falco would have died there and then.
"Some greeting, I found Fox in the supermarket and he told me everything. Who is she?" Katt demanded to know.
Falco was confused. "She who?"
"Your girlfriend, well at least I think she's your girlfriend. Is she your wife? Did you get married and didn't invite me to the wedding? You didn't even tell me you were dating!" Katt sounded very upset.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Falco spoke truthfully. Everyone was behaving strangely lately.
Fox arrived at the kitchen and looked at Falco's sandwich. "You got the weird appetite too? Wow, those symptoms keep increasing. Does that mean you'll lay the egg soon?"
Katt blinked and Falco glared. "Did I miss something or did you just say Falco's going to lay an egg?" Katt was certain she must have heard wrong, but she had to ask.
"I told you at the supermarket," Fox reminded.
"I thought a woman was having Falco's baby," Katt reasoned.
"There was no woman involved. This is an exception, Falco mutated with a radioactive jewel on our last mission and now he's going to lay an egg!" Fox had become exited about it after it all sunk in. He thought it could be interesting having a kid around.
"You're kidding!" Katt's mood turned into amused disbelief.
"Honestly, just ask General Pepper, Peppy, Slippy, or the doctor. He sent us a copy of the x-ray where he saw the egg. Do you want to see it?" Fox offered.
"I must see it!" Katt was curious to say the least.
"Enough!" Falco lost his temper. "This stupid joke has gone too far. I'm not mutated, I'm still the same and male birds don't lay eggs!"
"This is an exception because you are mutated. It's okay, I know you're still the same Falco on the inside." Fox placed a hand on his shoulder, which Falco slapped away. Falco picked up his strange sandwich and left, stomping his feet every step of the way.
"Mood swing?" Katt assured.
"Yeah," Fox agreed. "Do you want to go see the x-ray now?"
"Sure!" Katt couldn't wait. Fox and Katt went to see the copy x-ray that had been sent to the Great Fox and Katt learned that when it came to the Star Fox team, anything could happen.
xoxox xox xoxox
The next few days were chaotic in the Great Fox. Things came to a point where even Katt was convinced that Falco was going to lay an egg after seeing the so called proof. Everyone was making such a big deal about it even Falco himself was starting to give it some thought. Of course he quickly tried to get some sense into himself and decided that the situation was as impossible as it had been the first time he heard it.
Then an interesting question came, if Falco had mutated then why not Fox who was also exposed to the jewel? Fox assured everyone that he felt fine and didn't notice any changes, but just to be sure, they decided to run some simple tests. Taking the opportunity of Fox's appointment as an excuse to try to get Falco to go to the doctor, he was tricked into thinking that it was another routine exam which everyone was taking. The test consisted of a DNA scan to see if the DNA structure had changed.
Fate would have it that in that very day, a salesman selling all kind of junk arrived in the morning in his little cluttered spaceship, to do business on the Great Fox. They were just about to leave for the doctor's when he 'attacked' Fox. Regardless of Peppy's efforts to stop Fox from buying something useless, Fox bough a tail fur brush that was supposed to make his tail extra fluffy and soft. He couldn't wait to try it out and needless to say he got plenty of odd looks while they were on their way to the doctor's.
xoxox xox xoxox
When they arrived at the doctor's office, to keep Falco from suspecting anything, Peppy went first. Then after Peppy, it was Slippy's turn. They did little more than play cards with the doctor for a while, since they weren't really there for an examination. Next up was Katt, who was actually there to talk to the doctor about Falco's child while pretending to get a check up. Then came Fox's turn, he was there for a DNA scan.
To the doctor's surprise, Fox's DNA was normal. It was a little unexpected because after giving it some thought, the doctor anticipated Fox to have been involved in the mutation one way or another. Leaving the doctor to doubt his theory, Fox left to inform Falco it was his turn. However, pieces of fur from Fox's tail that has fallen off because of that cheap brush, stayed in the DNA scan machine.
When Falco entered the examination room, the doctor indicated that he should enter the scan machine. It was a large glass capsule, big enough for one person to stand inside it. There was a relatively small control panel attached to it for various types of scans. It could be used to identify illnesses, as well as changes in the cells or DNA of the patient. "Aha, I knew it!" The doctor exclaimed. "Just as I suspected, Fox was involved in the process after all."
"What are you talking about?" Falco had a feeling he wouldn't like where the conversation was going.
"Fox is the child's father!" That was the last thing the doctor said before everything went black. Hours later, a nurse found him unconscious with a painful looking mark on his face that evidenced he was punched.
xoxox xox xoxox
Egg 05: Parents and Parties
Falco had told everyone that he was healthy and hastily made them leave the doctor's office before they found out he knocked out the doctor. They later found out anyway because the doctor called Peppy as soon as he woke up. Peppy was then left with the difficult task of informing Fox of this new discovery.
Falco and Fox were playing the Star Fox game again. This time they had agreed to play until there was a winner. Katt was also sitting with them on the couch glaring daggers at the TV because she wasn't one of the main characters of the game. "Fox, may I speak to you for a moment?" Peppy's stress grew as the situation kept getting more complicated.
"Sure Peppy, go ahead I'm listening," Fox didn't look away from the video game.
"Not here," Peppy insisted.
Falco had a feeling that what Peppy wanted to say was somehow related to him. "Is this about me? Because if it is, you should tell me, not Fox."
"I didn't think you would want to tell him yourself so I was going to tell him," Peppy was feeling uncomfortable.
"Tell him what?" Falco was suspicious, but so far, not once had either Falco or Fox looked away from the video game.
Peppy took a deep breath. He glanced at Katt as if silently asking her to assist him in keeping Fox and Falco calm if the need should arise. 'Okay, here I go, just say it quickly,' Peppy thought. "Fox is the baby's father."
Falco paused the video game while Fox blankly stared at the TV, the controller nearly slipping out of his hands. "What baby would that be Peppy?" Falco's voice dripped poison.
"Yours," Peppy answered in a nearly inaudible whisper.
Katt kept looking back and forth from Falco to Fox to Peppy. "Seriously?"
Peppy nodded in response. Falco looked like he was ready to kill Peppy, or least give him such a bad beating he would be in pain for the rest of his life. "I've had enough of this!"
"Falco stop!" Katt stepped in.
"Get out of my way Katt!" Falco yelled.
"Run Peppy, run!" Katt wisely advised. With the deadly look in Falco's eyes, Peppy didn't waste any time in running for dear life. "Falco, calm down!"
"This has gone too far, too long!" Falco had no intentions of claming down.
"Wait," Fox finally spoke and both Falco and Katt turned to look at him. "What if they're right? What if you do lay an egg. It's a reality you'll have to face sooner or later and..." Fox turned pale, "and so will I."
Falco looked at Fox as if he grew a second head. Once again, Katt found herself looking back and forth, this time between Fox and Falco. Breathing deeply with a hint of red on her face, she spoke. "If you two don't mind, I volunteer be the baby's mother, er father, um, other parent."
"Yeah, that could work out," Fox nodded in agreement. "I could always be uncle Fox."
"You're both insane!" Falco had never before felt so frustrated.
xoxox xox xoxox
For days to come, no one would let poor Falco have a moment of peace and it was getting on his nerves. One evening he was watching TV when Katt sat beside him. She held a tray full of healthy but unappetizing looking snacks. "Want some?"
Falco studied her for a minute or two, waiting for her to say something annoying like 'you need to eat for two now' or 'this will be good for the baby'. When she didn't say anything, he decided he might as well try some of the snacks, which tasted terrible. "What is this?"
"Vegetables," Katt has prepared various vegetables, cutting them in various shapes like little oddly stars and miniature carrot wheels with lettuce in the middle pretending they were cookie sandwiches.
"No sugar? Who in their right mind would eat something without sugar," Falco shook his head hopelessly.
"Someone who wants to have a healthy ba-body," Katt had come close to saying 'baby' but stopped herself. Unfortunately, Falco noticed and sent a deadly glare her way. Katt, in an effort to stop another temperamental mood swing from taking place, changed the subject. "So Falco, is this movie you're watching any good?"
"It's okay," Falco grumbled. If Katt said one more thing about the nonexistent baby, things would get ugly. For now he waited, trying to keep his cool, but it wasn't easy.
There was a moment of silence when only the TV could be heard. "I know you're stressed Falco and you have every right to be. Even so, you need to think of the future. The child will eventually grow up and ask about-" Katt stopped; the laser gun Falco was pointing at her did not look friendly.
"I think I hear Rob calling you," Falco hinted.
Katt smiled nervously, "I guess I better go see what he wants." She escaped and Falco turned his attention back to the movie, but he was unable to concentrate.
xoxox xox xoxox
During the next few days, Slippy tried to show Falco the baby clothes to see if he liked them, but Falco tried to shoot him. Slippy ran away and decided it was not a good time to talk about baby clothes.
Because he was so annoyed by everyone, Falco was in a bad mood all the time. That made them think he was having really bad mood swings. No matter what Falco did, everyone tried to do what they thought was best for the child. Fox and Katt even organized a baby shower and invited everyone they knew from the army and outside of it.
That day, Falco hasn't heard anything about the baby yet and he was beginning to think the torture was finally over. He tried not to declare victory too soon, but things were finally looking up. Then he noticed that the lights in the large main room of the Great Fox were off. Against his better judgment, Falco ventured into the darkness.
Suddenly, the lights came on with a chorus of "surprise!" Falco wished with all his heart that they had simply forgotten his birthday and thought it was today. Or maybe it was an apology party because they finally realized how ridiculous and foolish they were to believe he was laying an egg. "Happy baby shower!"
"No!" Falco's scream could be heard all over the Lylat system. He wasn't sure if he wanted to shoot them all or himself.
"Come Falco, you can sit right here," Fox dragged Falco to a chair. Fox was certainly having an easier time dealing with the situation. Perhaps it was because he was already looking at the bright side of having a child and knowing the baby came partially from his DNA didn't change his views, even if it was a surprise.
"Here's your party hat!" Katt put a bright red cardboard pointy hat on Falco's head. With Fox and Katt sitting left and right of Falco to stop him from escaping, it was time for him to accept the gifts the guests had brought.
"Congratulation Falco," General Pepper gave Falco his gift. Falco looked like he was mentally taking note of everyone there so he could take revenge on each of them later.
"Open it! Open it!" The guests started to chant. Falco was too busy trying to get loose while Fox and Katt held him in place, so Slippy had to open the gifts for him.
The process was the same with Bill's gift. Falco was congratulated, Fox and Katt made sure he didn't kill anyone and Slippy opened the gift, while Peppy kept the activity flowing in an organized fashion. Slippy held up the various baby items as they were unwrapped so everyone could see them and go 'aw'. Needless to say, Falco was about to combust with anger.
Then came Star Wolf's turn, "Congratulations," every word was dripping with sarcasm.
"I'm going to kill you!" Falco threaded.
Star Wolf burst out laughing. He didn't stop until Falco tackled him and started banging his head against the floor. Fox and Katt tried to hold Falco back, but so much rage gave him unbelievable strength. Star Wolf barely survived with a broken skull and a permanent headache.
xoxox xox xoxox
Egg 06: Birth
The days kept on passing after the baby shower disaster. Falco was getting a lot of attention from everyone, especially from Katt and Fox.
Katt kept trying to prepare healthy meals for Falco and his baby so that the child would have all the necessary nutrients, but he didn't like the food. Falco's only choice then was to make his own meals, but he was not very experienced in the kitchen so they turned out quite strange and hardly edible. Nevertheless, Falco would rather eat his strange experiments than give in to Katt and swallow the equally unappetizing food she claimed was good for the baby. This backfired as everyone thought Falco was having an appetite for strange food combinations as another symptom of the coming child.
The day finally came when Falco got indigestion from all the odd foods he tried to make for himself. He was resting in his room, curled up miserably on the bed holding his stomach. It hurt so much he felt like he ate a time bomb and it exploded inside his stomach, though he did that only metaphorically.
Fox when to check on Falco and noticed his pained with genuine concern. "Falco?"
"Don't bother me now Fox, my stomach is killing me," Falco didn't have the energy to argue.
"It's okay Falco, everything is going to be alright." Fox had concluded that the egg was coming early. It was a special case so he didn't question the fact that Falco didn't look like he had gained enough weight to be carrying an egg. The realization sunk like a rock and Fox was suddenly thrown into a panic. "Help! Katt! Peppy! Slippy! Rob! Everyone! Help!" Everyone rushed over and Fox was quick to tell them what he thought was going on. "Falco's going to lay the egg!"
"Quick, let's take him to the hospital!" Peppy instructed.
"No, I'm not laying an egg, I just have a stomachache!" Falco protested weakly.
"Falco you have to breathe!" Katt took deep breaths to show Falco how he should breath.
"Yeah Falco, breathe! Breathe!" Slippy joined in demonstrating the proper way to breathe.
"My sensors detect that Falco is already inhaling a sufficient amount of oxygen," Rob commented.
"You don't understand, he's not doing it right!" Katt insisted.
"Falco can breathe when we get to the hospital. Let's go before he lays the egg here, we don't have the proper medical equipment to handle a birth or this magnitude!" Peppy urged.
"Right," Fox and Katt half dragged and half carried Falco to an Arwing. Everyone, except Rob who had to stay with the Great Fox, followed and jumped in the same Arwing so they could all be there to support Falco.
xoxox xox xoxox
Once at the hospital, the group insisted that they needed to get Falco into a maternity room to lay the egg and no one believed it. Katt stepped forward to protest. "This is a hospital; you're supposed to handle emergencies like this!"
"What if it was a pregnant woman, would you let her give birth here?" Fox asked.
"Yes, of course."
"This is discrimination!" Fox took the raccoon doctor by the shoulders and pushed him against a wall.
"Mess with Katt and you'll get scratched," Katt held her claws against the doctor's throat.
Suddenly, General Pepper arrived. He had requested being kept up to date on the situation and heard about it from Rob. The general was out of breath from running in. "Did I miss it? Has the egg been laid?"
"They won't let us in!" Peppy complained. Falco was trying to say something, but Slippy kept telling him to save his strength and wouldn't let him speak.
"I am general Pepper of the Corneria army! How dare you deny your service to Falco Lombardi? Don't you know he helped save the entire Lylat system? I demand that you get your best doctors to assist him in laying his egg!"
"Yes, whatever you say!" The doctor frightfully agreed for the sake of survival and Falco was dragged to a maternity room, followed by the rest of the group.
xoxox xox xoxox
In the maternity room, they were greeted by a cheerful rabbit nurse. "Welcome future mom, I mean, dad, um... parent! Which one of you is the child's other parent?"
"I am," Fox and Katt replied at the same time.
"I demand some real medical tests to show that there is no egg!" Falco finally managed to yell.
In the middle of the chaos, Peppy received a call from Rob. "What is it Rob? Falco's about to lay the egg!"
"I thought you might want to know that the doctor who originally examined Falco called to say that there was mistake. The medical equipment was receiving maintenance when it was discovered that what was thought to be an egg, was the cause of a potato chip falling into the printer. Also, there was fur from Fox in the DNA scan machine when Falco took the test and that interfered," Rob informed over the communicator.
"Thank for letting me know," Peppy didn't know if he should be relived or disappointed. "I'm sorry Falco, there's been a mistake. Everyone listen up, Falco might not be laying an egg after all."
xoxox xox xoxox
A few simple medical tests were done, this time with no interference, and they proved that Falco was in fact a normal male, incapable of laying an egg. Everyone looked disappointed except Falco who was relieved. For a brief moment among the chaos, Falco had believed he really was going to lay an egg somehow. "When I get better from this stomachache, you are all going to wish you were never born and everyone who went to the baby shower too!"
"You know we did all of that because we care," Katt tried to lighten the mood.
"One day you're going to look back at this and laugh," Fox added.
"That day will be tomorrow while I'm shooting missiles at all of you!" Falco looked forward to it.
xoxox xox xoxox
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