|The Fifth Time
Author: Mynock Spit PM
In the skies above the backwater world of Earth, a triggerhappy KotOR player, in the pause before more games come out, starts a new game, and for the fifth time, he plays in a desperate attempt to ferret out boredom from his life on a dreary afternoon....Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,278 - Reviews: 9 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 04-09-06 - Published: 03-30-06 - Status: Complete - id: 2867959
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Star Wars Music.
More Star Wars Music.
Star Wars: The Fifth Time
In the skies above the backwater world of Earth, a trigger-happy KotOR player, in the pause before other games come out, starts a new game, and for the fifth time, he plays it in a desperate attempt to ferret out boredom from his life on a dreary afternoon...
Blasts rock the Endar Spire, shaking the man in his bunk awake. Looking around feebly, his eyes settle on the viewport. Cursing he runs to it flings it open and yells out,
"OY! Cut down on the noise out there! I'm trying to sleep!"
Immediately the shaking and blasts stop.
"Jeesh", he grumbles under his breath, "I wish they'd have a little more thoughtfulness."
He paused thinking.
"Oh well. I guess I'm awake now."
Starting to walk over to his foot locker, he is interrupted by Trask rushing in.
"Quick, the Endar Spire—" Trask starts to say
"—is NOT under attack. Do you hear anything? Do you feels blasts?"
Trask shakes his head.
"So how could the Endar Spire be under attack?"
Trask shrugs, "I don't know. All I know is that we are."
Sighing, the man shakes his head, "I'll tell you why we are under attack. Bastila is on this ship and the Sith want to capture her."
Trask shakes himself, "Oh right."
Suddenly Trask remembered his mission. "So hurry up and grab your gear. We need to suit up so we can get out of here."
The man looks up from the foot locker in contempt, "Look Trask, I've been through here at least five times. I know how to look after myself. You obviously don't, since you're going to die," he looks at his watch, "in about twelve minutes."
Trask backed down, "But don't you need the access codes?"
"No. I memorized them."
He had. The door opened with out a hitch.
With out a word, he walks down the pausing only to switch the control from "show help menus" to "never show them again!"
The door open to the sight of a republic officer dying.
"These sith must be the —"
"Trask, shut up."
The man walks up to the sith who are busily loading their weapons, "How's it going today guys?"
He walks past.
Trask followed him gawking, "You just let them live? They're Sith!"
"Yeah and you're Republic. What's the difference. You all deserve to die, however I don't have enough time to kill you all. Plus, with you some frag Sith will do it for me."
Trask frowned, "I didn't ask you your name. What is it?"
"Frickin' Evil Person of Doom, Who Doesn't Care About Frickin' Soldiers, Because They All Are Annoying."
"Don't kid me, I know that the name can't be that many characters."
"Fine. My name is Mynock Spit. Myn for short."
"What! You've gotta be joking!"
"No. The player has a sick sense of humor."
The had came around the bend, and to the door to the Jedi and Sith.
Mynock looked at Trask, "Okay, I open the door, you through a grenade at the wall, killing the sith soldiers."
Trask looked at him, "Gotcha."
Mynock opened the door, and called out, "Hey you fricking retards! Over here! Do you have the guts to take me on!"
The jedi and the sith looked at each other, and shrugged. Then they charged.
Trask's grenade blew up behind them shoving them forward, flat at Mynock's feet. He looked at Trask, "Nice."
Myn focused on the jedi and sith, "Look at that, a Jedi and Sith working together to kill someone. Hmm... what would have happened if you did this before?"
The two looked between Myn and each other, trapped in a lock in their beliefs. In computer terms, beliefs is programming.
Myn smiled, "How about this, you follow me around, we'll have fun, killing people, and then we go make an empire in the Unknown Regions?"
They looked at each other and the sith answered for them both, "Okay."
Myn smiled, "Lets go!"
They passing through the bridge was easy, they left it quickly. Just as quickly Trask died.
Myn didn't look back, as he stepped through the portal to the next map.
Myn, the sith and the jedi, stepped through the portal and walked around to the sith guard.
"Darth Marnik! What are you doing with these two," he sneered the last word, "Republics?"
The sith frowned, "Republic? What are you talking about? They don't serve the republic."
"Then who are they? I've never seen them before."
Myn cut in, "I am Mynock Spit. An enterprising, entrepreneur with a mission to build an Empire as vast as a piece of cheese. Subsequently, we are in the process of manufacturing a gigantic piece of cheese."
Marnik wished he could see the soldiers face.
The soldier nodded slowly, "Okay—"
"I am not done!" Mynock cut in again, "Once we have made this piece of cheese, we will build a refrigerator in which we will place this piece of cheese, and on that refrigerator we will build a massive battle station, a shipyard, and an apple pie factory, which will be known as 'The Apple Pie of My Eye'. So what do you say, do you want to join us?"
"Uh, well...I...um...hmm...sure. Whatever."
"Okay. Let's get going!"
They reached another group of sith troopers, which, at Myn's orders, they held prisoner.
Looking at the sith trooper, Myn said, "Kill them, or not kill them?"
The trooper hesitates, then, "Kill them."
They are executed.
Myn turns to his followers, "Okay, behind this door, is a sith squad. What do you think we should do? I see three options, Send in a droid, electrocute them with defense systems, or convert them. I am also open to other suggestions."
The jedi spoke up, "We could go around them, have the player warp us to the other side of them."
The rest of them thought about that.
Myn said, "What do you think? Should we do that? There are allot of them, and a even lieutenant, I think."
Two negatives. They stood thinking for a moment, then the trooper spoke up, "I've got it! We send two people around to the other side, and on a signal we open both doors and surround them. Then we give them a chance to join us, and if they don't take it, we kill them."
That plan was to all of their likings, and they acted upon it. Myn and the Dark Jedi were warped over to the escape pods, and with a 'quiet' signal to Carth, the signal was sent and the doors opened.
"Stand down you're surrounded!" Mynock yell out, "I've a proposition for you. I am going to go create an empire. I would like you to come."
One of the enemies snarled, "Some proposition. If we don't come we die right?"
"Wrong, if you give us safe passage. So what do you say?"
Most of the troopers said they were with the lieutenant, except one who was with them right away.
Myn looked at the lieutenant, "So, the decision of a firefight is up to you."
"What position will I get if I join you, and if I do join you, can my squad stay together?"
"Your position is your choice, and yes, your squad can stay together."
"OK. On one condition. You duke it out with one of my soldiers and win."
"Let's do it!"
The two men circled each other, once, twice, three time, four, five, six—
Myn stopped, "I hate circles."
The sith stabbed at Myn, but Myn dogged his blow, grabbing his hand and pulling it past him into his incoming sword.
A second of stunned silence fell over the viewers.
Finally the lieutenant spoke, "I didn't expect it to be so quick..."
Myn smiled teasingly, "What, you expected someone with a vision to not be able to fight? Changing subjects, is that good enough for you?"
"Yes. To both."
Grinning, Myn stepped into the escape, then thought better of it, and said, "Anyone willing to risk their life to save this ship?"
The lieutenant nodded.
"Good, the rest of you, get into that escape pod. And I'm appointing Carth to be the leader until we get back."
Turning to the lieutenant, "Lets go."
The bridge was empty except for one figure.
"Darth Bandon," Mynock stated.
"Mynock Spit," The figure replied.
"We aren't supposed to meet until later."
"You aren't supposed to be here."
"True...do you want to get this over with now, or later?"
"There's no time like the present," and with that Bandon lunged.
Myn flipped backward over a databank, and Bandon's saber rammed into metal sending up sparks into his eyes, blinding him. Permanently.
Myn looked at the lieutenant and said, "Call the sith and tell them to stop the bombardment, we have high level prisoner here. Don't name names, but do hint at an admiral."
Myn navigated the screaming Bandon towards the spacesuits and put him in. Then he launched him into space.
Returning to the bridge, Myn found the lieutenant relaxing in a chair, eating ice cream.
The lieutenant looked up between bites, "The sith are swallow sending a shuttle and swallow three fighters as an escort swallow for the prisoner."
"Good. Let's go ambush them."
Main Docking Bay
The plan was simple: shoot the sith that get off the plane, then walk around and look confused for the cameras. That's exactly what happened. The first sith to get out were the honor guard. Then more honor guards. Then the elite soldiers. Then the grunts. They just kept coming.
Myn turned to the lieutenant, "Okay, new plan. You get into that shuttle, and activate its shields. Kill anyone left in the shuttle with as little damage to the shuttle as possible. I'll take care of these."
The lieutenant nodded. Myn turned back around, "By the way, is their something I can call you instead of lieutenant? I think the writer's getting pretty tired of typing 'lieutenant'."
"Call me 'Karl Nocvit'."
Then he entered the turbolift. Mynock never saw him enter the crowd, but he saw the shields go up. Then he acted. The four thermal detonators where in the air before he was, which makes sense. After all he was never in the air. He activated the sentry turrets which he had fixed and they started firing. He ran to the terminal, where he activated all the security systems he could find. The whole thing was over as soon as it the firing died down. That was approximately two minutes after the firing started. Nobody was fired. Myn was about to call Karl, when he noticed that he could level up. He could, and did, twice.
"Karl? What's your status?"
"The sith have this ingenious piece of equipment. They land this shuttle in the enemies bay, and the have people spawn on it. I've seen it used in Battlefront and Battlefront II."
"Can you disable it?"
"Can a mynock kill almost fifty sith troopers in one blow?"
"If you don't remember, my name is Mynock. So yes, it can."
"There's your answer."
After the spawn shuttle was taken care of, they returned to the bridge and accessed the damage report. Heavy damage was everywhere, so they sent multiple droids, with the extra parts from the shuttle, to fix as much of the damage as possible. Which was a lot. Myn and Karl went about cleaning up fixing what they could on the inside, carbon burns, electrical consoles, locked doors. They found some republic soldiers locked behind several doors, along with an almost equal number of sith. Some of which the recruited to their cause, others they flushed out air locks, or had to clean up more carbon scoring.
The person they had standing over the scanner, called Mynock with urgent news.
"This is Myn"
"Captain, a sith capital vessel has popped out of hyperspace."
Mynock cursed, "I'll be right there."
He raced through the corridors telling people to get to the bridge. When they got their, the vessel was approaching.
"The Leviathan." Myn ran through a long line of curses.
Turning to Karl, he said, "You're in control."
Then he raced off the bridge, as the ship started to run for Taris. Again racing through the corridors, he reached the top turret. Switching to the tractor beam, he tractored the planet, pulling them in faster. The sith turrets where not expecting that so the shots fell short. Another salvo flew at them, and most of the shots missed except one, which smashed into Myn. He lost conscious. At least he thought he did. Anyways, he couldn't find it.