English is not my native language and I'm still looking for a beta reader, so if there are spelling or grammar mistakes… I'm sorry! But you can still apply for the job as my beta reader!

Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own the characters of "Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman"… One Beth Sullivan does… But I do own the characters Jonas "John" Kerrigan and Elena!

Rating: I don't know anything about these ratings, but let's say T or PG-13. Just to be safe...

Warnings: I know that in the official Dr. Quinn timeline Hank's Nana is introduced in Season 4, so after Dr. Mike's and Sully's wedding. However, in my story they aren't married yet, but they already do know Ilse. So, in my timeline the events concerning Hank and his Nana in the episode "Woman of the Year" have already happened. So this story is slightly AU… I hope it doesn't bother you…

This story is the sequel to "Past Fears" and "Child of Mine". If you haven't read those stories I suggest you do that first. Otherwise this story won't make a lot of sense… I think…

Summary: Hank is trying to pick up his life again, with a little help from Elena. However, there still is a man out there who doesn't want to see Hank happy…

Chapter 12

A couple of days had passed since that fatal day in the woods. John's body had been picked up by some men from Denver. They said they worked for the government, but nobody had really cared. Everyone had been glad that John Kerrigan was finally out of their lives.

Elena looked outside the window of her room. The sun was shining and it looked like it was going to be a hot day. Usually she would have been overjoyed. She loved days like that, but at this moment she didn't really care about it. She was still a bit shaken up about what had happened to her. She thought about it almost every minute of the day. At night in her sleep, the images came back to hunt her. Would she ever be able to forget this? Probably not… Would she ever be the same person as she was before? Would she ever be able to work in the saloon again? She sighed. Will I ever be able to be with a man again? Since they had gotten home, Elena had tried to avoid Hank's touch as much as she could. She couldn't help it, but she just hated to be touched. Especially by a man… even by the man who loved her. Just give me some time, Hank…

Suddenly the door opened. It startled Elena, even though she knew that it couldn't be John. It was Hank. "Hey," he said softly. "Hey," she whispered back. She wasn't really in the mood for a conversation, but she knew she couldn't avoid Hank for the rest of her life. "Are ya okay?" he asked her. She sighed. "I… I don't know," she said and gave him a sad look. "I keep thinking about what happened… about what could have happened… and when I try not to think about it, I end up thinking about it anyway… And I'm having nightmares…" Hank nodded. 'I know," he said softly, "I hear you scream sometimes…" Elena looked away in embarrassment. "Elena," he said," Ya have nothin' to be ashamed about… It's… I understand." She looked at him and he saw a tear falling down her cheek. Hank raised his hand slowly and wiped the tear away with his thumb. It took all of Elena's strength not to pull away. "I love ya, you know," he suddenly said and smiled at her. "Wha... What?" Elena was dumbfounded. Did Hank just say that he loved her? "I love ya," he said to her again. Elena didn't know whether to laugh or to cry, so she did both. She laughed at him through her tears and let him take her into his embrace. "I love you too," she whispered in his ear.

They stood like that for a few minutes. To her own surprise Elena felt very comfortable in Hank's embrace. She wished she could stay like this forever. However, she pulled back. "Hank," she said, "I have to ask you something…" Hank looked at her questioningly. "Yer not going to ask me to marry ya, are ya," he asked, "cause I'm still not sure if I'm ready for that…" Elena had to laugh at that. "No, I'm not," she said with a smile, "I'm not sure I'm ready for that either… It's something else…" Hank nodded. "Okay… shoot!" he said. "It's about the other day… in the cabin," she started, "You were about to kill John… I saw it in your eyes… you WERE… but somehow you didn't… And don't tell me it was because of what I said to you… or Sully… because I know it wasn't… What stopped you?"

She saw Hank's facial expression change. His face was dead serious now, and he turned away from her. He was quiet for a while, though he didn't walk away from her. She could see that he was thinking of a way to tell her. "Yer right," he said suddenly. "I was going to kill him… I really wanted to… I wanted him to pay for what he did to Zack and to you… I wanted to tear him apart with my bear hands. Million different ways of how to kill a man flashed through my mind… I wanted to stab him, scalp him, cut him into a billion different pieces, drown him, blow his head off…" Elena listened to him carefully. She had seen the rage in his eyes; the anger, the madness. She had been certain Hank would rip John into pieces. A part of her even wanted him to do it. "But you didn't…" she said, "Why?" Hank turned around to face her again. "I would have done it if it wasn't for a promise I made…" "What promise?" Elena asked. She was curious now. "A promise I made Zack the day before he died," Hank spoke softly. He looked down at the floor for a moment before continuing his tale. "He woke me in the middle of the night… he had a nightmare…"

"Pa?" Zack stood beside the couch his father was sleeping on. He gently touched his father's shoulder, hoping he would wake up. "Pa!" he said, a bit louder now. He looked over at Sully, who was sleeping on the floor, hoping he hadn't woke him. "Zack?" Hank whispered as he rubbed his eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked his son. "N…Nightmare…" he said softly. Hank nodded. "Wanna talk 'bout it?" Zack nodded in response. "I…It was a…about that man y…you made me d…draw," he told his father. "I…is he really s…such a b…bad man?" Hank sighed. He wondered what he should tell his son about John Kerrigan. Should he lie? No, enough lies. He's old enough to handle the truth, Hank decided. "Yeah, he's a very bad man, Zack," he answered, "He's a murderer." Zach nodded as the words sank in. "D…does he w…want to kill y…you?" Hank pulled himself up into a sitting position and pulled Zack beside him on the couch. "I don't know…" Hank answered, "Maybe eventually… but right now he first wants to hurt the people that I love…" Zack looked at his father and saw that he was worried. "Y…you think h…he'd k...kill me?" Hank sighed again and nodded. "He'd better not," Hank said, more to himself than to his son. "He wouldn't live to tell…" "No!" Zack exclaimed and grabbed his father's arm. Hank looked a bit startled at his son's reaction. "What?" Hank said, not understanding what his son meant. "P…promise me y…you won't…" Zack started, "Promise me y…you w…won't kill h…him… No m…matter what h…he does…" Hank looked at his son in amazement. "Ya actually believe that if he hurts you that I will let him get away with it?" Zack shook his head. "Y…you kill him and y…you'll be j…just l…like him! P…promise me y…you won't t…turn into the k…killer that he is! O…otherwise he'll w…win… P…People like that a…aren't worth t…the t…trouble," Hank shook his head as he listened to his son's words. "I don't think I can promise that, boy," he said in a gruff voice. "I…I don't w…want to be the s…son of a m…murderer…" Zack whispered and looked at his father pleadingly. Hank sighed. This obviously meant a lot to his son. And Zack's last few words actually hurt Hank. 'I don't want to be the son of a murderer…' And I don't want you to see me as a murderer, Hank thought. "Alright, I promise…" he said eventually and shook his son's hand. Zack smiled and hugged his father. He leaned against Hank's chest and soon fell asleep. Hank followed a few minutes later…

Hank sat in front of his saloon with a cup of coffee when he saw his Nana walking towards him. "Nana!" he called. "What are ya doin' here? Aren't ya supposed to be in bed?" Ilse smiled at him. "No," she answered, "Dr. Mike said that it was alright for me to leave the clinic! But I do have to take my meds more regularly…" Hank nodded at her. "Ya better!" he said to her. The day after they had gotten home his Nana had told him about her heart condition. She had told him how serious it really was and that she hadn't listened to the advice the specialist had given her. Hank had been furious with her first, but after he had thought about it he could actually understand why she had acted the way she had.

Meanwhile Elena walked outside the saloon. "Ilse!" she called out to the old lady. "How are you doing?" She gave the old lady a hug. "Michaela let her go," Hank answered for his grandma. "She did?" Elena said, "That's wonderful!" Ilse nodded her head, smiling broadly at the two in front of her. "Well," she said, "I'm going to get my stuff at the hotel." Hank stood up from his chair. "What?" he said a bit worried, "Yer not leaving are ya?" He wasn't ready for her to leave yet. After all the things that had happened he actually needed her around for a while. Ilse laughed at him. "Oh no! I'm not leaving!" she said to her grandson. "On the contrary… I've decided to stay here." Hank looked at her questioningly. "Stay?" he asked. Now he was confused. "Oh Hans," she said, "I had a lot of time to think while I had to stay in the clinic. I know that I don't have that long to live anymore… And I thought about how I wanted to spend the rest of my life… And I realized that I wanted to spend it with the people who are dearest to me… And those people don't live in Norway… They live right here in Colorado Springs." Hank felt overjoyed as he realized what his grandma was saying to him. "You're STAYING here?" he asked her, just to be sure. Ilse nodded happily. "Miss Grace said she and Robert E. have a spare room left," she told him, "I'm allowed to live there!" Hank smiled at her. "That's real nice Nana," he said and hugged her. "Oh, I'm so happy!" she said, "No I can visit you every day! Oh, and I don't have to travel that far when you're getting married!" For the second time that day Hank was dumbfounded. Married? He looked at Elena who was trying really hard not to laugh. She winked at him and then walked back into the saloon. Once inside she burst into laughter…

Dear Diary,

It's been a few days since I last wrote something. I wasn't feeling up to it really… But today is the first time I actually believe that everything is going to be fine. That I will be fine… I was even able to laugh again today! Hank's Nana actually believes Hank and I are getting married! I couldn't help but to burst into laughter. Well, maybe we are getting married… one day… but not anytime soon, I think. And I don't mind actually. I first want to have my life back to normal… I want to be back to normal… I miss me… the old me… But I know she's in there somewhere!

And I still want to get to know Hank a little better. He's still a mystery to me. Well, sometimes anyway… Every time when I finally think I know what makes him tick, he completely surprises me again. There are so many things I still don't know about him… He's like a piece of land, waiting to be discovered. And I will be the discoverer…

Yes, I'm pretty sure we will be fine…

Yours,

Elena

The End

Well, this was it! The trilogy has come to an end. I hope you all liked it and I hope there are still some reviews coming my way. Though, this is my last story… for now anyway… I'm really questioning myself at the moment, not just my writing, but actually everything that I do… I just don't seem to be good at anything… And if I look back at the amount of readers I had during my first story, and how few there are left at the end of the third story, I seriously doubt whether I'm good enough at this… Sorry… I really want to thank everyone who did read this story! And an even bigger thank you to those who've read all three of them! And thank you to those who reviewed!

But right now I first have to deal with myself and the bad things that happen in my life…