A Day in the Life of the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee

Author: Xanthos Samurai

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Slash, yaoi – all that jazz. There is also a healthy dose of awkward situations, cursin’ and eventual spoilers for all three Kingdom Hearts games.

Disclaimer: I own as much Kingdom Hearts as much as I own the moon. Funny how they’re related.

Feedback: Is always extremely appreciated.

Notes: Once again, this chapter took inexcusably long to get out. I’m going to stop making promises I can’t keep. Sorry, guys! Next chapter is going to be WAY better than this one, but I wanted to get SOMETHING out. The reason this took so long was that I got caught up in writing squick for a Kingdom Hearts squick contest. If you like blood and violence and gore and that sort of thing, head to my LJ. Enjoy the chapter, folks!

---

Whenever Sora, Donald and Goofy stayed for dinner at Hollow Bastion, they were always strongly reminded of meals in the Pride Lands, except with one big difference – Pride Land meals were markedly more civilized. Death threats, slander, culinary mortal combat, brandishing of weapons were all commonplace and someone’s food invariably got ruined by a stray Fire, Blizzard or Thunder spell.

The way it was supposed to work was that they all took turns cooking, but the job usually ended up going to the people who enjoyed it. Namely, Aerith and Leon. Aerith had been cooking for years and enjoyed it immensely. Subsequently, she was also very good at it. Leon, however, had gotten a late start in the cooking game and hadn’t discovered the joy of the culinary arts until Radiant Garden had been destroyed. He found that cooking had a strange relaxing effect on him and had gotten into the habit of watching Aerith in the kitchen as she cooked. Eventually, he actually began to imitate her and started making things on his own. Aerith was generally very patient and only helped him when he specifically asked her to.

Those two were the only real culinary types of the Committee. Cloud was all thumbs in the kitchen despite his handiness in other areas. Tifa wasn’t a bad cook, but as she claimed, she was more into serving alcohol than food. Cid could cook, but his expertise was limited to “bachelor chow.” None of them even wanted to think about Yuffie attempting to cook, despite her claims that she was great at it.

Today it was Tifa and Aerith’s turn, so they had prepared spaghetti, which was simple and could easily be made to feed nine people. They figured that the three fairies altogether would probably only eat one full-sized portion, but they made three extras just in case. You never knew how much anyone was going to eat, really. Both Leon and Yuffie were rail thin and they each ate roughly half their body weight each day.

Tifa and Aerith were just placing the dishes full of steaming food on the table when the Gullwings burst through the door with Cloud and Leon in tow.

“Hey! We found ‘em!” Rikku announced loudly. She was absolutely gleeful. “And guess what it looked like they were doi – Mmmng!”

“That’s enough.”

Leon had snatched Rikku out of the air and now held her firmly against the fur ruff of his coat, presumably to muffle her.

Both Tifa’s and Aerith’s eyes met Leon’s carefully expressionless face, then flicked over to see Cloud’s slightly evil grin and then flicked back to Leon with identical expressions of “Oh, you are so explaining.”

“Hey girls, would you do me another favor and go tell Yuffie and Cid that dinner’s ready?” Tifa looked over at the Gullwings.

Paine folded her arms across her chest.

“We are not your personal messenger service.”

“We know that, but this way you can check out where you want to sleep,” Aerith pointed out.

“Mmph!” Rikku wriggled out of Leon’s grip. “That sounds like a great idea!”

“Okay then let’s go!” Yuna zipped off with the others in tow.

Once the “kids” were out of the room, the two young women pounced upon Leon as though he were a wounded deer and they were hungry lionesses.

“So what happened?”

“Nothing.”

Leon collapsed into the chair beside Tron’s computer terminal. Much to his annoyance, Leon could feel the back of his neck burning red. As Cloud had thoroughly established earlier in the evening, he was a wretched liar.

“Aw c’mon, Leon. It wasn’t that bad.” Cloud grinned at him as he hung up his scarf. “I did save your life, after all.”

“Are you serious?! What happened?” Curiosity and concern instantly came across Tifa and Aerith’s faces, although it must be said that there was significantly more curiosity than concern.

“Nothing happened,” repeated Leon.

“User Leon, are you all right?” Tron’s cheerful, concerned voice issued from the terminal. “My sensors indicate that your body temperature has elevated several degrees.”

Leon banged a fist on the terminal. “I’m fine, dammit! It’s Cloud’s fault anyways!”

There was a moment of silence in which Leon scowled resolutely at the floor. Why did it seem as though everyone was always out to humiliate him? All the sudden there was giggling.

“So… Cloud elevated you. Is that right, Leon?”

It was just a simple question. That’s all. But that’s all it took for Leon to feel himself catch on fire from the inside out from embarrassment. His ears, his cheeks and the back of his neck all began to burn as Tifa, Aerith and even Cloud began to snigger evilly.

Leon resolutely gritted his teeth, determined not to let them get a rise out of him.

However, if I were to get a rise out of Cloud…

No! Aigh! Bad thoughts! Bad thoughts! More than ever, Leon wanted to go drown himself in Rising Falls or hang himself from the tallest tower of the castle or… or… Fuck! Anything but just sit there.

“If you’re done, I’m going to check my mail.” Leon’s voice was as unruffled and cold as he could possibly make it. With as much dignity as he could muster, he turned to the computer and began to clack on random keys, hoping that he looked like he was doing something important.

“User Leon, you have received no new messages since you last checked three hours, forty six minutes and thirty seconds ago!” Tron practically chirped, pleased that he could help Leon in any way possible.

Leon, however, could feel his eye begin to twitch. He hoped that it wasn’t as obvious to everyone else as it felt to him.

He was saved from further embarrassment at that moment by the Gullwings returning with Cid and Yuffie in tow. The two of them had apparently reached some sort of mutual understanding as they were able to walk down the stairs together without mortally wounding each other. Granted, Yuffie still kept her distance from Cid. It was probably a good idea considering that Cid was probably still more than a little angry.

“’bout time something went as planned around here.” Cid grouched as he sat heavily down in his chair. He picked up a knife and fork in each fist. “With all the crazyness that’s been goin’ on, I’m surprised dinner’s here on time.”

“Oh hush.” Aerith thwapped him on the head as she placed the food on the table. Everyone else took their chairs. “We’ve had hard times before, but we’ve always had food. Don’t be so melodramatic.”

Bowls and plates were passed around the table as the eight hungry members of the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee served themselves heaping platefuls of spaghetti, meatballs, bread and salad. The meal was going well so far. Abnormally well, even. In fact, you could almost have said that it was going normally.

That is, until there was a heavy knocking at the door.

Yuffie, who had been half out of her chair, reaching for the spaghetti, was so startled that she jumped, knocking the bowl into Cid’s lap. Having steaming hot noodles poured onto his crotch didn’t do much for Cid’s already cranky disposition. The pilot yowled and sent a glass flying in turn. Ice-cold water spilled across the table and dripped off the edges, effectively soaking everyone.

“God dammit, Yuffie!” Cid bellowed.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Yuffie squeaked.

“For crying out loud… We should just call this the Hollow Bastion Dysfunctional Committee…” Tifa began to mop up the water. “Door’s open!” She yelled.

The door swung open slowly. Everyone’s eyes were instantly fixed on the figure in the doorway.

He was tall with a proud, erect posture. Billowing black robes couldn’t conceal a warrior’s physique or the great sword strapped to his back. His hair was coarse and grizzled with grey. One sharp eye glinted from over the rims of a pair of dark glasses.

“Auron?” Cloud spoke first, staring with obvious shock at the man at the door. If a pair of wings had suddenly sprung from his ass, he would not have been more surprised.

“Sir Auron!” The Gullwings shrieked in unison and launched themselves as one at the man in black. Cloud rose from the table and walked over to where Auron was currently getting mobbed by the fairies. He still looked like he was in shock.

“Auron, what are you doing here? Er, I mean…” Cloud stopped upon realizing his rudeness, but Auron merely raised a brow.

“It would be easiest if I explained all at once. And you can introduce me to your friends.” He nodded towards the confused (and still wet or noodly, in Cid’s case) people at the table. “That is, if these girls don’t mind letting me go for a minute. Girls?”

“Oh! Certainly, Sir Auron!” Yuna drew back. A worried expression clouded her face. “We’re just anxious because… Well, you were….”

“I know. I’ll explain in just a moment.”

The rest of them watched as Auron, Cloud and the Gullwings returned to the table. Everyone was so transfixed by the new arrival that nobody noticed blood trickle out of Cid’s nose until he scrambled for a napkin. Aerith had already gotten an extra chair and put it at the table for their guest. As Cloud slipped back into his chair, Tifa leaned in to whisper to him.

“How do you know this guy? An old friend of yours?”

“Something like that. I don’t know what he’s doing here…”

“Sorry for interrupting your dinner. It looks delicious.” Auron began graciously.

“Oh! I’m a bad hostess – would you like some? We have plenty.” Aerith reached for the pot, but Auron shook his head.

“Thanks, but no. Being dead kind of takes away the need to eat. I appreciate the thought.”

There was a long moment of silence at the table, but it wasn’t the respectful moment of silence usually associated with the dead. It was the long, awkward silence of a bunch of people trying to figure out how to react to a zombie sitting at their kitchen table.

“Wow! Hey what’s it like being a zombie?! Do you eat brains?!” Yuffie, never one for tact, immediately barraged him with questions. She practically leapt over the table to stare at him.

“Yuffie, where the HELL are your manners?” Tifa seized Yuffie by the headband and shoved her down into her chair. “I’m really sorry, mister. She’s uh… kind of… well, she’s the village idiot.”

“Hey! I am not the village idiot!” The ninja rounded on Tifa with a mightily indignant expression.

“It’s quite all right. My story is… something of an odd one.” Auron looked around the table. “My name is Auron. Your friend Cloud and I were both in the Underworld as prisoners of Hades. That’s where we met.”

“Cloud never mentioned you…” Tifa admitted. “But he doesn’t really talk about anything from back then.”

“That’s fine. I don’t blame him at all. Hades made it… unpleasant.” Auron’s rough voice could speak surprisingly delicately.

“Sir Auron!” Yuna cut in suddenly. “Why aren’t you telling them about yourself before you went to the Underworld?! You were a hero of our world! You died def-”

“That’s enough, Yuna.” Auron said gently. “That was another life ago. Let’s let the past stay in the past.”

Yuna quieted and a new respect for this man in black filled the room.

Tifa cleared her throat. “So… why are you here now? Not that we’re not delighted to have you, but most of the visitors we get around here are Heartless.”

Auron smiled a bit. “I understand. When we were in the Underworld together, Cloud used to tell me all about all of you. It was a good way to pass the time.”

“He did?” Tifa grinned over at Cloud, who tried to duck and hide the blush that was beginning to creep up his neck to his face. Leon found himself amused, even pleased by Cloud’s obvious discomfort. It was nice not to be the one blushing for a change.

“I think I could even guess who all of you are.” Auron looked around the table.

“Oh! That’s so cool! What did he say about all of us? Cloud doesn’t ever talk about anything!” Yuffie was practically jumping out of her seat with curiosity. “I mean, I guess he talks, but whenever he does it’s usually to make fun of Leon and –”

“Yuffie.”

The ninja looked down and found that Cid’s fingers were digging into her arm and that there was a crazed look in his weathered eyes.

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up.”

It wasn’t often that Yuffie was actually afraid of the older man, but she certainly was now.

“Yes sir.” She sat down quietly and folded her hands in her lap, staring straight ahead.

“Don’t mind her.” Cid looked over at Auron. Was that a blush creeping up the pilot’s cheeks? No, it couldn’t be… “Continue, if you like.”

Auron looked at Cid for a moment.

“Obviously, you’re Cid and that’s Yuffie,” he pointed to each of them in turn. “And Tifa and Aerith.” The two girls smiled and nodded as Auron named them correctly as well. Finally, the man in black turned to the only committee member who hadn’t been named yet. “You must be Squall. He talked about you a lot.”

“My name’s actually Leon now,” said Leon. “And he did?”

“Mmhmm. Quite a bit.”

“So what brings you here, Auron?” Cloud interjected, clearly not worried about how obviously he was trying to steer the conversation away from that particular topic. “I mean… you’re still dead, right? I thought you couldn’t leave the Underworld.”

“Ah, that.” Auron leaned back in his chair and smiled. “You noticed how I look a little different now, didn’t you?”

Cloud nodded. Auron did seem a little more solid this time around. And of course the black robes were a big change from his customary red.

Auron smiled a bit, clearly pleased about the next piece of information that he was about to divulge.

“Well, since your friend Sora made sure that Hades was out of the picture, I’ve been made the Lord of the Underworld.”

The announcement clearly had the intended affect on the members of the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee – drinks were spewed, food flew and loud exclamations of surprise rang all through the house. When the dust, spaghetti and noise cleared, all of them were staring at Auron with varying degrees of shock and respect.

“How did that happen?” Cloud asked.

“Hercules’ father is Zeus, who happens to be the king of Olympus, including the Underworld. He just let Hades run it to keep him out of trouble. When the opening came up, Zeus said he would restore my humanity in exchange for taking the job. Naturally, I accepted.”

“So you can, like, one-hit KO things? You’re death, right?” Yuffie’s eyes were so wide that they looked in danger of popping out of her head.

“Well, in a sense. I can do that, but it’s the responsibility of death not to abuse that power and to make sure that lives end when they should.” Auron paused. “That being said, yes I can ‘one-hit KO things.’”

“Can you kill Heartless?” Leon was actually giving serious thought to the useful aspects of Auron’s new abilities. If he could kill the Heartless and Nobodies, it would certainly save them a whole lot of trouble.”

“Unfortunately no. Heartless are not technically alive, so I cannot kill them. Or Nobodies, for that matter.”

Leon tried to hide his disappointment. Of course not. That would have made life easier and that simply wasn’t allowed.

“Anyways, I didn’t mean to intrude on your dinner.” Auron stood again. “I just wanted to drop in and say hello to Cloud and meet all of you. I’ll let you get back to your meal.”

“No, you didn’t interrupt anything!” Cloud looked over at him. “You should stay. We have lots of food and plenty of room.” That last part was a lie – with every new recruit, member and freeloader, the Committee was rapidly running out of space. Oh well, Tifa was going to move into her bar any day and he and Leon could just live in the Bastion. All alone. With no interruptions. Hee hee hee.

“I wouldn’t want to impose.” Auron was watching Cloud, wondering why his one-time protégé’s face looked so… devious.

“Not at all. We’ll just kick Yuffie out.” Cid was gripping his napkin just a bit too tightly. It would be rude to let Auron leave now, after all. He had to extend their hospitality and convince Auron to stay.

Half of Cid’s brain wanted to throw himself off Rising Falls again, but the other half protested. Cid had been struck by something about Auron from the first moment he had laid eyes on the other man. Maybe it was Auron’s air of dignity or maybe it was the fact that he was also weathered and experienced. Shit, maybe it was just the sexy grey in his hair and the fuck-me rumble in his voice – Cid had no idea. But what he did know was that he was trying hard not to make an idiot of himself like Leon did when Cloud was in the room.

Fuck, don’t tell me I’ve turned into Leon.

“Besides, we’re playing strip-poker after dinner. You have to stay for that, even if you don’t play.” Yuffie was saying.

“Strip-poker, hm?” Auron took his seat again. “Well, I certainly can’t leave before that. It’s been years since I played strip-poker.”

Nobody but Yuffie saw Cid duck under the table, blood dripping from his nose. She made a mental note to hassle him to within an inch of his life about it later. Much later. When she wasn’t afraid of him killing her to begin with.

“So… you’re going to play strip-poker with us?” Tifa looked at him inquisitively. Oh this could be too good to be true.

“Sure, why not?”

Every person at that table suddenly had the exact same thought: that this was going to be the best game of strip-poker ever.

To Be Continued…