|The Uchiha Mister Blossom
Author: angel puppeteer PM
SasuSaku It's a jutsu gone stupidly wrong. And now, the last Uchiha not technically the former Uchiha Sasuke is now... Miss Uchiha Sachi! Goal 1: in progress. Goal 2: Tada! He’s going to be a mother!/UNDERGOING REPAIR.Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Humor - Sasuke U. & Sakura H. - Chapters: 9 - Words: 21,311 - Reviews: 496 - Favs: 205 - Follows: 214 - Updated: 08-14-07 - Published: 04-07-06 - id: 2880575
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Standard disclaimer applied.
The Uchiha Mister Blossom
Chapter 1: Oh! The Wonder Boobs!
Ah. Of course, like any other story, this started with a bright sunny-sunny day! But the sun— much to Uchiha Sasuke's surprise which he hid very carefully— started to giggle. Onyx eyes blinked twice, and then his eyebrows met in the middle.
I'm not dreaming… He thought. A sun does NOT giggle. Tch, whatever. But alright, since he's Uchiha Sasuke, he shrugged it off and continued walking towards the bridge where he and his best friend (or rival) always meet for morning spar and training.
He casually leaned against the railing, his eyes closed. He was already 19, part-time member of ANBU (since Tsunade still thought he was still TOO young to be a full-time in which he replied" "I'm TOO young or you're just getting TOO old?" Of course, Tsunade was not someone to receive insults quietly. She smashed her table into halves and screamed DAAAAAAA!), handsome, sexy…beautiful— ah, the typical pretty nice-ass boy. But he's a cold fish, a human ice berg and he got some bad attitude (that's it, according to Naruto). And yet, what was so good about him?
He's delicious— like yummy chocolate cake with strawberries on top. And he's strong— stronger than the elephant. And he never shrieks. And if a boy NEVER shrieks, that means he's one hot alpha male.
It's been 4 years since Naruto and Sakura brought him back. Tch. I've been too soft— he thought bitterly. Sakura had used her ultimate weapon: her tears.
He sighed and opened his eyes. What the hell is taking dobe this long? He asked angrily when:
"OHAYOOOOOOO SASUKE-TEMEEEEEEE!" loud, energetic— too loud fro a boy— came rocketing towards him in full speed with dust trailing behind him. "OY!"
Grunt. "You're late."
The blonde grinned. "Heh, sorry," he said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.
The Uchiha grunted again. "Let's start."
Naruto kicked him hard and Sasuke was not impressed. He retaliated by punching Naruto's nose and side kicking him.
"Grrrr…" Naruto growled. Sasuke was good— so good— at taijutsu. So he decided to use his special technique.
Sasuke back flipped, narrowed his eyes as Naruto made seals.
"HAH! Prepare to die!"
Sasuke lifted his brow.
POOF! The smoke cleared and—
Sasuke felt his precious eyes bleed; his body went numb with shock. "WHAT THE FUCK—"
A naked well-endowed blonde woman with er—BIG boobs that made Sasuke cringed was standing in front of him, winking at him.
"I love you—"
Ah, Sasuke's virgin ears exploded and blinded with horror, he screamed:
"KATON GOUKAKYUU NO JUTSU!"
Naruto released a high-pitched scream, released the jutsu and dodged the abnormally huge firball.
"YOU ASSHOLE! Are you planning to kill me?" Naruto shouted.
"YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE, BAKA! Why did you use that jutsu on me? My eyes—fuck, they burned." Sasuke was still traumatized. Seeing a naked woman with such…ahem—unbelievably large chest circumference was traumatizing. And to know that it was technically, Naruto— once just cannot imagine the shock Sasuke had.
Plus, he or "she" said: I love you. Sasuke shook in rage. HIS EARS EXPLODED AT THAT SHIT! Only one girl can say those words. And only from her he will greatly appreciate it.
"Che!" Naruto, now normal, crossed his arms behind his head. "You DID enjoy the view— don't deny it!
"BAKA—"Sasuke gave him an uppercut. "The boobs were hideous."
Naruto was flabbergasted. "HOW DARE YOU!" He's right. How dare Sasuke. Everyone LOVEEEEEEEED his Sexy no jutsu appearance. Everyone drooled. Everone lusted after him. EVERYOOOOOOONE.
"And you're fat." Sasuke pointed out harshly, sneering.
"WHAT! DAMN YOU! My body's perfect!"
Sasuke crossed his arms over his chest, his posture arrogant. "You don't look sexy enough to seduce a man." He said.
Naruto's jaw dropped. Not sexy enough? His Sexy no jutsu? In his eyes, Sasuke's head had grown too big for his body.
"GAAAAAH! You asshole! How dare you insult my most powerful technique! That is the perfect image of a sexy fucking hot woman!" Naruto yelled, very upset. EVERTOOOONE was supposed to LOVEEEEEEE his Sexy no Jutsu! EVERYOOOOOONE!
"Che, Moron— your boobs have no nipples."
The poor blonde boy was…well, shocked? "YOU STINKING ASSHOLE— MY SEXY NO JUTSU IS PERFECT!"
Sasuke was still unimpressed. "No."
"FINE! YOU — DO — IT — THEN. SINCE YOU'RE ALL GREAT AND MIGHTY!"
Sasuke raised his brow. "Che. Is that a challenge?"
"You're so full of hot air, teme! You act as if you have all the richeeeees and womeeeeeeeeen in the world! You can't go around flaunting just because you're SASUKE!" Naruto yelled on top of his lungs.
"Tch. No problem." Sasuke said.
"Show it to me, teme."
"Hmph." The Uchiha made the Sexy no Jutsu seals.
POOF! The smoke cleared to reveal…
"Oh well, you looked cool! But your boobs are too big—"Naruto said.
"How about this?"
"WOW, Sasuke! THAT'S AWESOME!"
Sasuke had transformed into a beautiful woman with nice breasts— not too big or too small— long silky black hair that went past to his hips and clear milk-white skin.
"How did you come up with that body?"
Sasuke blinked. "Um, inspiration." A mental image of Sakura in bikini flashed before his eyes.
"What? Hey, wait a sec…your body looks a lot like Sakura-chan's…" Naruto said thoughtfully, his eyes fixated to Sasuke's "breasts" as he remembered Sakura in her black two piece bikini.
"WHAT? Why did you think so?" Sharingan flashed dangerously. "Have you seen Sakura…naked?"
Naruto chuckled behind his hand. "Hihihi…I tried to peek once but— OWWWW!"
Sasuke kicked his leg.
"OWWW! I'm joking, man!" Sure, Sasuke transformed to a girl but his strength remained intact. "Jeez, go back to your real form. It makes me sick."
"Baka, you said it's awesome." Sasuke snapped, making a seal. "You're just jealous because I can do your special technique better than you."
"Hell no! No one beats the original. Fine, your boobs are great but mine's bigger." Naruto pointed out.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Hideously big,"
"SHUT UP! Undo the jutsu now!"
The smoke was a shade of pink.
"Okay! Let's resume our spar, Sas—what the hell! I told you to undo the jutsu. I want to train."
Sasuke looked down. He still got "his" boobs. He made a seal. "Kai."
Sasuke remained a girl.
"Sasuke, if you're trying to seduce me—"
Red eyes with black commas flashed dangerously. "GO TO HELL."
"Then why the hell aren't you canceling the jutsu, eh?" asked Naruto frowningly.
Naruto scowled. "Use the tiger seal to cancel the jutsu."
The smoke cleared and Sasuke still got his wonder boobs.
"Shit—what the hell is wrong?" Sasuke growled, getting frustrated and…nervous.
"Do it again." Naruto, too, was getting…nervous.
Naruto paled visibly under his orange track jacket.
"Oh no— Sasuke— I think—"
"Fuck." Sasuke growled under his breath, glaring down to his oh so wonderful boobs.
Sweat rolled down to Sasuke's face. "I'm stuck."
"— now a girl. I mean…you're going to be a girl FOREVER!"
Sasuke gulped. "No shit…" he was sweating now. Sweating hard.
"You're stuck to THAT body…uh, wait till Sakura-chan hears about this." Naruto was looking so terrified at this. Sakura-chan will KILL him! No, she will skin him alive, pluck his eyes out or worst, and shave his hair off…
Sasuke…poor beautiful and sexy Sasuke… How the hell will he resurrect his clan with Saku— no, no, no, no…DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. DON'T THINK ABOUT SEX. But no shit! He can't go OUT with Saku— no, no, what he meant was…well, what was he trying to think anyway?
But as he looked down to his chest…not flat anymore, he can't stop thinking about Sakura. Not because he fashioned this body after Sakura's but…because…
Well, you just can't marry a person of the same gender, can you? Even though you're a MAN inside…
"Sasuke…what now?" asked Naruto apprehensively. Sakura-chan will definitely castrate him!
Sasuke remained looking down to his "breasts".
"Boobs— I have boobs. No, MY BALLS WENT UP TO MY CHEST!" he screeched.
At least, he kept his voice so Sasuke-ishly deep and manly.