Disclaimer 1: I do not own the concept of an Official Fanfiction University/Academy. That idea belongs Camilla Sandman, who hosts her story here on this site. A great amount of thanks to the very same Camilla Sandman of whom gave me permission to do this spin-off in the first place.

Disclaimer 2: The PPC belongs to their owners, Acacia and Jay. Any of the spin-offs and agents mentioned belong to their respective owners.

Disclaimer 3: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! It belongs to its great creator, Kazuki Takahashi.

Chapter 3 – The Orientation

It was a sunny morning that dawned upon the luxury liner holding thirty-three students heading towards the private island where the Fanfiction Academy of Yu-Gi-Oh stood fair and tall. The luxury liner passed by another island earlier that morning, but no one really noticed it except for the few that did wake-up at three in the morning of their own free will and the ship's crew. Anna had been up all night reading and had managed to recognize the somewhat still smouldering remains as the old Kaiba Corporation Head Quarters. A symbol of everything Seto Kaiba despised and wished to do away. But even so, it somehow took her breath away.

"It's not a dream," she said to herself as the island slowly passed out of sight. The other night she had hoped to fall asleep and wake once again in her room where she knew she wouldn't be shot on sight and where her teachers weren't allowed to even breath on her. But she remained awake, dreading that if she did close her eyes that she would miss out on so much…which was why Lauren had commented on her looking so awful when breakfast was being served in the dining room.

Everything was as if it were just a dream for Anna had never seen so many expensive things in one place. For one, she had never been on a ship before. She went in a kayak, once, when her parents took her on a trip to Guadeloupe, but it wasn't nearly as grand as the luxury liner was. The second would be that everything seemed to sparkle and capture the eye. Handsome waiters served them specially prepared food by five star chefs on silver platters and a small orchestra that was tucked into a corner played fine music for all the dining students. Of course, not everything was perfect.

Once, in the fifth instalment of the 'Great Saga of the Eighth Millennium Item Holder, Lakura Heartstrike', she wrote that Lakura had been invited onto a luxury cruise for the best duelists in the world and so was Seto with his brother by his side. She wore beautiful clothes, sung for an enraptured audience and danced the night away with her dearest Seto Kaiba to Britney Spears' song, 'Sometimes'. It had all been arranged perfectly, unlike the 'cruise' she had gotten herself into now.

Now that she had her mind on things other than reading and she finally had some food in her stomach (she missed dinner due to time zones and being knocked out for more than six hours), Anna felt positively ill, which led her to start vomiting like she had the other day. She spent most of the ride to the academy either near a wastebasket, a toilet or hanging over the rail on the pool deck trying to get some fresh air. The rest of the time, when she wasn't puking her guts out, she turned into a green-eyed monster with horns at nearly every girl that passed her by. Why?

Anna was plain. She had brown eyes, brown hair, absolutely no definition to her hips and she was as flat as a wooden two by four. Well, that wasn't true. She had some definition, but not in the standard that she liked. Oh, sure, her father said that she was just a little plump and that it meant she was healthy, but so many girls were skinnier than her and seemed just fine that she just deemed it unfair. She wasn't even plump. And chubby would not cut it.

God, how she hated being fat. Perhaps the vomiting had some uses. She was very sure that looking as she did that she could stand to lose a few pounds. If she remembered correctly, the boys of Yu-Gi-Oh were quite angular and very skinny. She highly doubted any of them would go for a fat chick…even if she only weighed about 142 lbs.

Over to Anna's right a pretty girl with blue hair was practicing some sort of song in a language she didn't understand. It sounded Chinese, but she couldn't be sure. The most Chinese she had ever heard in her life was 'chow mein' and 'chop suey' and whatever she heard in 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon'. Though not understanding, she listened in anyways, focusing on the song in hopes of not heaving up more bile. It worked, thankfully. She felt a little nauseous, but didn't want to throw up anymore.

She thought idly about what she was going to do at the school. According to the guidebook when one spent time in an Official Fanfiction University, time passed differently so that when a student graduated they were sent back to the exact moment they had left. It was a great opportunity, in a way…even if it meant that her right to breathe was in the hands of several trigger-happy maniacs. A school to learn about fanfic writing? Who would have known! And it was filled with lots of good-looking guys, too.

Anna sighed dreamily as she thought about the handsomest, richest and most powerful man in the world…before she was drenched by a bucket of water. Letting out an aggravated breath, she whirled to give the person who dared to get her wet a piece of her mind. "What the hell was that for!" she shouted angrily. Gary, holding yet another empty bucket, raised an eyebrow at her.

"Um, I just wanted to tell you that we're docking soon. The crew's just brought everyone their uniforms and told us that we should get changed." He answered, frowning at her.

"But why did you have to get me wet again?" she demanded. He snorted.

"It was the only way to get you out of la la land or wherever you were. I kept calling your name, but you ignored me. Here." He roughly shoved an unsealed uniform package into her arms. "I hope you already picked your classes. The guidebook says that the academy picks your classes by default if you don't…" Gary stood there for a few moments silently before turning around and walking away, stiffly. Anna looked at his retreating back with furrowed brows.

"Weirdo." she muttered. "Jerk. Jerk weirdo. Weird jerk…weird, water dumping, inconsiderate jerk…" She continued insulting Gary as she went to find an unoccupied bathroom to change into her school uniform, totally forgetting about anything else she should be concentrating on. Like her course schedule.

"I can't stand this. I cannot stand this so much that I'd rather wear a clown suit. I cannot stand this uniform so much that anything between a fig leaf and a human pelt would be better. This is degrading I could just—"

"You know, it would be greatly appreciated if you would just shut-up." Gary told the girl as he made his way down the ramp to the island, shielding his eyes from the afternoon sun. "Not just for me. For all of us present." Anna stuck her tongue out at him and he responded by rolling his eyes. "Real mature there, Anna."

"Well, you wouldn't be happy if you had to wear a skirt like this one." she replied as she tugged her short skirt down. She hated skirts. They always made her feel naked and as if someone were constantly staring at her behind. Thank every deity that her school at home-it was a private one-let her take the choice of pants winter or summer. "Skirts are a pain. Especially if they're for Domino High uniforms…"

Gary just shrugged and looked at the other girls who were disembarking. They all looked rather content and quite a few were twirling experimentally. They rather liked the pink blazer, yellow shirt and blue skirt combination. He turned to Anna and smirked. "Seems like you're the only one who thinks so." He teased, earning himself a swat at his head. "I think it suits you. Never knew Americans had such nice legs." He continued, undeterred in the least.

Anna scowled. "Jerk." Gary gasped dramatically and held a hand over his heart.

"Oh, such witty repartee. You wound me with your words, sweet lady. My heart bleeds from the sharp strikes of the jabbing blade that is your cleverness." Gary said sarcastically. Unfortunately for him, his wittiness was wasted for it went straight over the girl's head and he had to fight himself from sighing in a long-suffering manner.

She gave him a strange look. "Huh?"

"Never mind." Was all he said before running over to another girl in the crowd and greeting her in a friendly manner. He must have known her well, Anna realized, as he openly hugged and kissed her twice on each cheek. Anna felt herself grow hot for some odd reason as she watched the two head away from the docks hand in hand. The teen clenched and unclenched her hands as she pressed her lips into a thin line, seeing the head of familiar blue hair.

"Jerk." She spat. She gave a growl and began to stomp off in the direction that everyone else was going, not knowing why she felt so bad. She made herself feel better by dreaming up Mokuba in a maid's dress and Seto in a business suit, watching his little brother clean up his study as he read the business section of a newspaper. Her steps became light and her scowling expression changed to that of a dreamy girl. And then the Seto in her mind began to scold his maid, because he was doing such a poor job and that he should be spanked. And the poor, innocent little maid was protesting daintily, tears falling from his large lavender eyes as his older brother neared…

THUD!

"Ouch!" Anna yelped as she stumbled backwards from the large metal sign she had skipped head long into. She put a hand to her aching nose and glared at the plate of metal. 'Welcome to the Fanfiction Academy of Yu-Gi-Oh' it said, glistening in white letters on a blue back. She kicked it.

As Anna took out her frustrations on the sign, ahead was a tall wall separating the school campus from the rest of the world. Standing near the main gate was a stage where atop it sat a woman dressed in a white trench coat, a fox mask partially covering the left side of her face. Next to her stood a severe looking man with long brown hair who was looking over a ledger with an intense scrutiny. Standing at each end of the stage were two very familiar people that made the majority of the female student populace drool puddles around their feet.

One was with three different colours of hair, tanned and looking very regal as his gaze swept from left to right. His companion, of whom had a single shade of very fair hair, was grinning maniacally as he toyed with a dagger. Though very relaxed, both of these two well known figures stood at the ready in case they either had to make a break for it or had to kill someone.

"Oh, my RA! It's Atem!" screamed one girl.

"It's the Thief King!" squealed another girl.

"Atem!"

"Yami!"

"Bakura! Yoo-hoo! Over here!"

"Atemu!"

"Bakura-baby!"

"I love you!"

As one huge mass of squealing estrogen, the girls charged the stage, beating, kicking and elbowing each other to get to Pharaoh Atem and Thief King Bakura before someone else did. Anna, having finished kicking the sign that got into her face, managed to witness as the woman in the white coat took out a shotgun from the folds of her clothes and shot twice exactly one foot away from the stampeding mob. The girls in front froze at the sight of the bullet holes, while the rest stopped from the resounding echo that had come from the two shots. Anna just stared in awe, not believing what she had just witness. She swallowed nervously as she remembered the rules about Mary-Sues and how many times she was going to be shot once orientation was over. She felt sick all over again.

The woman in white just smiled pleasantly as she reloaded her gun. "Atem, I owe you ten bucks. They did stop after two shots." Dusting herself off, she stood up properly on the stage, giving everyone present a surveying glance. "Those were just my warning shots, children. I hope that you don't try stampeding again, for I don't tolerate that sort of behaviour." She said in a sweet voice that did not match her image, which was that of a psycho with a shotgun. "Now, stand in lines and we can get this orientation over with. Now, now…don't be shy. I don't bite." She coaxed, gesturing them all obediently with her free hand to line up. She swept her eyes through the crowd a few times, totally passing over Anna as she did. Once she saw that everything was in order, she began her opening speech after a shared nod with her associates.

"Welcome to the Fanfiction Academy of Yu-Gi-Oh, children. I am the class coordinator, Keily Shinra, but around here it would be most appreciated if you all refer to me as Miss Keily. Any variations of that name like Miss Kei, Miss K or Miss Lee will be fine. Call me anything else and suffer the consequences." At this she brandished her treasured shotgun for all to see. Quite a few cowered at the sight of it. "Next to me is Mister Ueru Betsubetsuni who is to make sure that your rights are upheld while you stay here. Ueru's a very talented accountant and such a wonderful people person. If you have any problems you wish to address or any complaints you'd like to make, you can visit him during his office hours between 8 – 5 everyday, except on weekends. Ueru, would you like to say anything?"

The serious looking man looked up from his ledger and scowled darkly at Miss Keily's masked head before turning his gaze to the silent crowd before him. He adjusted the thin glasses on his nose and began to speak. "Let it be known that you are all attending this school for offences against canon by mangling the Japanese language, plot holes, out of character characterization without warning, misplacing various places in Old Egypt and various other things I cannot be bothered to list as they are arduous, repetitive, inane, tedious and rather subjective." The last part he gave a scathing glance to the coordinator at his side, who could only smile, before continuing on. "We are not here to become your friends, best friends or even dare to want to have the displeasure of being your acquaintances. We are here to teach, serve and protect the fundamentals of Yu-Gi-Oh fanfiction to you. We do not seek romance at your inadequate hands; we do not want to have to deal with your insufficiency to be coherent and mature. We aim to teach. We aim for you to learn…even if we have to kill you all to do it."

Ueru ended his little speech there and it was received with a stunned silence. Possibly for the fact that he just outright told the students that he hated them all very much and that he would kill them, if and when he had the chance. The other possibility was most likely because of Ueru's voice, which resembled that infamous 'deep and sexy' voice that got a lot of female fanwriters to turn into a puddle of goo. But the death threat was most definitely what got them to shut-up, if the gunshots from earlier hadn't already. Miss Keily was the only one who clapped enthusiastically.

"Wasn't that lovely?" she asked everyone. Out of fearful politeness small amounts of applause broke out before dying completely at Ueru's irritated 'I do not want to be here' expression. "Well, lets move on shall we? So…we shall now get you all sorted out into your proper dormitories and classes before letting you take on –"

Suddenly, explosions went off all over the area, kicking up sand and dust, spreading smoke that choked anyone who breathed it. A loud, obnoxious laughter rang through the smoke as it began to dissipate, revealing two young men dressed exactly alike in grey uniforms and a third hiding under a blanket…with both Atem and Bakura tied and gagged, struggling to get free.

"Prepare for trouble!" said one.

"And make it double…" monotoned the other.

"Oh, no…" Keily groaned, waving her hand in front of her face. "…not them…not now." Right in front of her, Dartz's three swordsmen were making absolute fools of themselves, by stealing the entire orientation as Team Rocket…or in this case, since their uniforms had a great big green 'O' instead of a red 'R', Team Orichalcos. "Amelda! Raphael! Uh…Varon?" She wasn't sure who was underneath the blanket. What in Kazuki Takahashi's name are you doing?" She was steadfastly ignored, however, as the two Orichalcos Team members continued with their routine, regardless.

"To protect the world from devastation!" yelled Amelda, making himself louder as to cover up Keily's exponentially rising voice.

"To unite all people's within our nation…" said Rafael, who was not into this as much as his companions were.

"To denounce the evils of truth and love!" Amelda did a pose.

"To extend our reach to the stars above." Rafael just stood there, wishing for all the world that he wasn't there.

Amelda struck another pose, a classic with a fist punching triumphantly into the air. He grinned. "Amelda!"

Rafael crossed his arms and sighed. "…Rafael…" The blond man huffed again as he was pulled into a strange and awkward pose with his partner in crime.

"Team Orichalcos, ready to use your souls as fuel!" Amelda announced.

"So surrender now or prepare to duel…" The eldest of the swordsmen said, perking up just a bit by the end. Not by much, of course. As he finished his bit, Varon, dressed in an Orichalcos costume jumped out from underneath the blanket, making fangirls who knew him, squeal in delight. Winking at the girls, he finished with the most enthusiasm out of all three of them.

"ROAR! That's right, fool!" he shouted to the heavens, posing with his teammates. For good measure, he blew a kiss at everyone assembled. Silence followed the three swordsmen's sudden appearance onstage, just as it followed the threats of Miss Keily and Mister Ueru. Anna found that a tension was beginning to grow around them all, becoming so thick that she was sure that she could cut it with a knife. She glanced around nervously as a single tumbleweed gently rolled and bounced by on a dry wind.

And then the screaming stampede started once again, like a tsunami of shrieks, bodies and estrogen did fall upon Anna and any that stood in its wake. She felt several elbow, stomp and smack her as they made their way to the stage. The last things she heard were the sound of several shots being fired from the class coordinator's shotgun.

"…Multiple bruises…a broken nose…sixteen concussions…gunshot wounds, non-fatal…broken scapula?"

Ueru and Keily had managed to get everything at the ruined orientation settled, more or less, and were now enjoying a bit of rest and relaxation in Keily's office. They were sporting a couple of bruises and a black eye respectively. They were also looking over the amount of injuries sustained by both students and staff members alike. The pile of medical reports on the coordinator's desk was at least four hundred pages thick and they had only managed to get through the first twenty or so pages. Ueru gave an exasperated sigh as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Keily simply smiled.

"I think that was a good first day." She commented.

Ueru stared at the fox mask on the coordinator's head, glaring for all he was worth. "Remind me why I work with you?"

She turned to look at the older man who had been given the more official title of 'academic advisor'. He let his gaze land on something other than her face. They did not say anything to one another. She sighed, her shoulders sagging as she sat back in her chair as she chose to look at the ceiling.

"Well, I find it too bad that no one has died yet." She said, changing the subject to something the both of them would be more willing to talk about. "And that we weren't able to make them take the Death-T Entrance Exam. Kaiba would have been so disappointed that one of his greatest creations wasn't going to be put to use after all."

Ueru shrugged. "There's always the rest of this semester and if not this semester, then the next. And the one after that and the one after that." He told her coolly. "We've got quite a bit of time on our hands, Shinra." The coordinator agreed with him, nodding her head absently. She had picked up another medical report from her desk and was skimming through it with an interested expression. She clenched the paper, crinkling its edges as she pressed her lips into a thin line.

"Anna Stiller…"

!

"Oh, look. Lakura's back."

I am so lame. That chapter was lame, lame, lame…beyond lame! I should be shot for it. Really. I'm am still looking for a beta reader as well. And I'm still accepting applications. So if you're interested in having a cameo, you're more than welcome to ask me for an application form…Not that anyone sane would want to appear in this incredibly bland and boring story…excuse me as I go and look over some things…

Constructive criticism would be most appreciated and worshipped. Blatant flames will be used to fuel the boilers.

By the way, Amelda is Aleister in the English Yu-Gi-Oh dubs during the Waking the Dragons story arc. So are Rafael and Varon…or Valon if you prefer.