Haunting Reflections

Chapter 14: Coming Back to You

Tsuzuki had given up trying to read the small print of the book and decided to just stay beside his Hisoka. As he placed his hand into the smaller ones, he shuddered feeling the icy fingers between his own and for a moment, fervently tried to rub back the warmth into them, hoping against all odds that maybe, just maybe Hisoka would wake up and snap at him for rubbing too hard, or for being so close, or anything really. But however much heat he created, the cold fingers seemed to repress it effortlessly. ‘So cold…’ Tears were stinging his eyes and blurring his sight, but Tsuzuki angrily pushed away the misery, the thoughts that led him down the lane where Hisoka wasn’t awake to yell at him, to smile... He had promised himself, no matter how long, he’d wait for Hisoka. Wait for him to come back… and when he finally woke up, Tsuzuki was never going to show him anything to make his most cherished person feel lost, or miserable, or unwanted. Never to see the pain inside of him… He’d play pretend. He’d be stronger for them. ‘No more tears!’ Tsuzuki growled to himself.

Cruelly cursing whatever deity that made his Hisoka suffer so much, Tsuzuki grasped the frigid fingers tightly. Watari, Tatsumi and Terazuma had visited earlier and they had a bit of a one-sided bout of chatter—Watari talking animatedly about his potions and Tatsumi piously threatening the man of cutting down his salary, whilst Terazuma mainly rumbled uninterestedly. When they finally ran out of things to say, it was a good twenty-seven minutes later before Tsuzuki finally plucked up the courage to listen to his friends’ main purpose of visiting. He already knew why they were there. They had been trying to reach through to him, to explain to him every single detail of the recent case, to make him understand. But he hadn’t wanted to listen.

It scared his friends greatly, in varying ways, knowing that Tsuzuki was barricading himself and Hisoka from the world. Really, it wasn’t hard to realise. Tsuzuki never came into the office anymore, never went out with them, and never seemed to be anywhere but in his apartment by the fragile-looking youth.

At first, for an example of how worried they were, Terazuma had practically jumped at the man when Tsuzuki suggested he went and sliced up some fruits for them and instead, he’d profusely offered (or rather, commanded) that Tsuzuki sit down and let him handle it. Playing the part of the ignorant child, Tsuzuki smiled innocently, thanked the man and went back to listening to Watari’s chatter. Appearances were deceiving, and both of them knew the real intention behind Terazuma’s offer. Terazuma Hajime was not going to allow the purple-eyed shinigami anywhere near knives, scissors, broken bits of bottles and any other sharp-pointy objects for that matter. Not after the last time he saw Tsuzuki in his apartment…

By the time the inane chatter was dried up, it would normally be Watari’s unanimously decided task to open up the subject of Hisoka and…the rest of it, but this time, Tsuzuki had surprised them by being the instigator. Blatantly, succumbing to the fact that maybe, just maybe, if he understood better then it might make a difference with how soon Hisoka woke up, Tsuzuki had asked, “…so tell me what happened, again?” Inwardly, he cringed at how afraid he sounded. He was supposed to be stronger now. Stronger for Hisoka.

Watari breathed a sigh of relief. He gave the dark-haired shinigami a brave smile and ploughed on. “As I was saying yesterday, Tsuzuki-chan, what Muraki did exactly, well we don’t quite know and the secret died with him, I suppose.”

“Wait a minute,” Tsuzuki interjected, startled. “What do you mean ‘died with him’? Is he dead!”

“As dead as Muraki-san can possibly be.” Tatsumi was staring fixatedly at his mug, expressionless tone of voice hanging in the air. He could sense the pair of eyes trying to catch his own blue ones but Tatsumi didn’t dare look into those amethyst gems, couldn’t bear to know what sort of emotion was barely veiled behind those lashes. “Don’t ask anymore questions about that, Tsuzuki. Just listen to Watari for now.”

“Oh, o-okay… I don’t care anyway,” Tsuzuki replied, not knowing whether he was even sure of what he said. ‘Oh god, maybe I’m not ready to hear any of this yet…’

The three present saw that moment of doubt clouding his eyes and knew that whatever chance they had of snapping him out of this stupor was gone. There was a collective sigh and they resigned themselves for the day, knowing that they’d try once again tomorrow and tomorrow and until forever if they had to.

“We know you don’t want to hear this Tsuzuki, but trust me,” Tatsumi murmured, eyes averted from the bottomless amethyst sea, “Kurosaki will get better soon…”

“…I just want him to come back, Tatsumi,” the plea barely above a whisper.

“We know.” A warm hand settled tentatively on his shoulder as the cushion he was sitting on dipped under the weight of Tatsumi moving beside him.

But that warm hand meant nothing to him.

Nothing at all if Hisoka never came back to him.

The cold hand in his grasp didn’t respond to his touch.

Childishly, Tsuzuki kicked off his house slippers and slipped under the covers to cradle the slight body against him. His body shuddered at the frigid contact but Tsuzuki focused on sharing his body heat and adamantly ignored the cold. He ignored most of everything anyway nowadays; the way that laboured breath seemed to struggle to expand that slight chest, the way the pale skin seemed to turn paler and paler, almost like the sickly colour of ash, the way those sinfully enticing lips seemed cracked and chaffed with the dry air…

The way those emerald gems seemed to move under the pale eyelids.

“Hisoka!” Tsuzuki yelped; the cold hands tucked against his chest clenched and bunched up his shirt front, those jaded eyes struggling with an internal battle under closed lids. A grimace and a whimper escaped those dry lips and Tsuzuki was struck with a dilemma on whether to be ultimately afraid that something was wrong or absurdly happy that Hisoka was moments away from waking up. But those fast moving eyes, seeing something unseen and fearful, worried Tsuzuki. ‘Dear god, Hisoka, what are you seeing behind those eyelids?’ “…Hisoka?” His fingers strayed on their own accord, inching closer towards that taut cheek, wanting to brush away a lock of hair and reassure the fear that was screaming in silence from the boy, coming off of him in waves.

At the mere contact of his fingers, Hisoka’s eyes snapped wide open, fear predominant and the glazed expression seemed to trap him and render him motionless. “…Tsu-tsuzuki?” came the soft whimper. “I r-remember, Tsuzuki… ev-everything…” Wide, wide, emerald eyes stared up at the man in fear. Hurt, anger, hopelessness at being used… no, don’t even think of that… ‘Oh god, I’m crying! I’m not Supposed to cry! I promised. Stronger! Stronger, for him!’

Roughly, Tsuzuki pulled the boy closer to him and pressed his lips onto the youth’s eyes, then his forehead, and finally, gently, on those cold lips. He willed his warmth to bring those lips to life, to smooth away the pain and the dryness, to plead for entrance into the smaller cavern.

Hisoka was terrified. Arms holding him comfortingly had suddenly pulled him closer than he thought possible and to feel Tsuzuki’s warm persistent kisses asking for dominance, asking for a response… But this was Tsuzuki; sweet, kind and emotionally charged Tsuzuki. It took every will in his fibre to shove away the haunting images of a silver-eyed man looming over his body, took every bit of strength he had in him to forget the harsh, guttural sounds, the sharp feel of icy, nails upon him… Every bit of his hidden, deep and silent love for Tsuzuki to part his lips, and submit to the feelings of warmth and overpowering love from the dark-haired man before him.

Tsuzuki plundered in, tasting every inch of Hisoka, his Hisoka, revelling in the sheer unbelievable joy and beauty of his pale angel. Neither knew how long it lasted, but finally Tsuzuki pulled away. “You don’t remember anything, Hisoka. It was all just a dream, a very bad dream…”

Hisoka nodded silently, falling back down from the high of their kiss. Arms wrapped tightly, afraid of what they knew, but at that moment nothing mattered. Not the fact that they were lying to themselves, not the blatant cowardice in both of them for just running away from their past. But some things were never meant to be understood and most things can never be resolved. It was better for them, to just forget and move on.

Better to just move on.

---Fin---

Eiri: Well, there you have it. Haunting Reflections. ‘You are your best critic’ so believe me when I say I berated myself for not having written better. But I’m learning, observing and definitely planning something new and hopefully much, much better! Either way, I hope you like this one anyway. SPECIAL THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED! Really I love you guys. Reviews aren’t everything though and I loved to see the Hits pole sky rocketing. To have even one adamant reader is a treasure beyond all treasures. So again, I love you guys!

Secondly, I’m going to start another fic sometime by next week and hopefully I’ll manage to be more consistent with updates (provided nothing goes wrong with Fanfiction) Here’s a short summary (subject to changes depending on my Muse) :

The Goddess Incarnate: Music is the food of Gods and Goddesses. Life bringing, soul-shattering and mind-bending; it’s a force more powerful than Hatred, stronger than Genius and the nurturer of Love. Kurosaki Hisoka harbours a hidden passion for music and with the help of one Minase Hijiri steps into the world of the muses, rivalry, and ordinary school life.

Of course, things are never actually ordinary and Hisoka finds himself in a predicament involving a Goddess worshipping cult which selfishly rips away talent from others, an emotionally fractured Tsuzuki turned into a child (at least in his mind), an eighteen year-old protective Hijiri, a very tense Terazuma, a hyperactively successful (his sex-changing potion works!) Watari, and a very pissed-off Tatsumi hell-bent on taking over the office. Konoe just decided that it was better he went into hiding for the remainder of the case’s duration.

Sounds promising? …I hope so.

Until then, ja ne? D