Author: Andrew Joshua Talon PM
Lt. Colonel John Shepherd always does end up in the strangest places... Crossover with Stargate: SG1, Stargate: Atlantis, and several Final Fantasies.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Adventure - Yuna - Chapters: 16 - Words: 26,208 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 73 - Follows: 95 - Updated: 04-23-07 - Published: 04-12-06 - id: 2888578
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Bit of a silly diary series. Crossover with Stargate: Atlantis and complete AU of everything from "No Man's Land" to Misbegotten".
Colonel Shepherd always does seem to get trapped in the weirdest places, doesn't he?
April 9th, 2006
Well, I really doubt that you guys'll ever get this. But I don't have a volleyball, so what the hell. Plus, these sphere things are just really cool anyway.
Right, where was I… This is Lt. Colonel John Shepherd, United States Air Force, of the Atlantis Expedition to the Pegasus Galaxy. Now, where and when I am…? Well, I'm just guessing, really. The date I gave at the top is two weeks after the day I first came to Spira. It might be the same world I crash landed on when pursuing the Wraith hiveships through hyperspace… It might not. Hell, it might not even been the same year. Makes my head hurt.
I remember the hyperspace field of one of the hiveships flaring up as I tried to fly in and latch on, sending my fighter spinning out of control and right back into normal space with a blinding flash. Blinking spots from my eyes, I was able to make out a large, blue blob quickly growing bigger and bigger in my canopy. That was about the time I hit the upper atmosphere of a planet, the hull of my 302 burning bright orange as I descended. I tried to pull up, but my plane wouldn't respond, until I'd already cleared the upper atmosphere, torn through the clouds, and was skipping along the surface of an ocean like a literal rock.
Fortunately for me, the 302 is buoyant, or I wouldn't be here talking right now would I?
I managed to open my canopy, looking in all directions for some land… Or a ship. Which I wasn't looking for, but hey. They fished me out of the water. "They" being a little hard to define. They were humans, at least, decked out in some bizarre kind of diving suits slash armor. I couldn't understand a word they said, until one of them (this very cute blonde girl) started speaking something close to Atlantean Ancient. Close enough so that I could understand them, anyway. I got the gist: This world was called 'Spira', they were of the Al Bhed (a tribe or city-state or something), and I had been incredibly lucky to have come down near them as they were on their way home from a salvage operation.
They'd picked up another guy who also couldn't speak their main language. His name was Tidus, near as I could tell. The girl's name was Rikku.
Tidus claimed he was from a thousand years in the past of this world from someplace called Zanarkand. Rikku was of the opinion he'd gotten too close to Sin, this huge monster thing that's been terrorizing this world for at least that long. Sin toxin can affect the mind in a lot of unpleasant ways. I had to agree-The guy was a real twit. Total brain-dead jock. Whoever had given him a sword, and left him out in the middle of nowhere, had a twisted sense of humor.
As if my life hadn't been stressful enough, I finally got to meet Sin.
Have you ever been to a beach where a dead whale has washed up, and it's the middle of summer, and this whale for one reason or another has not been noticed by the local population until they could smell it from a mile away inland? Sin was like that, only a hundred times worse. I'd have taken anything other than that God forsaken odor, with hundreds of tentacles and this gigantic, hideous fin looming above you, ready to sweep down and crush you like a bug.
Instead of getting turned into paste by the Fish Monster from Hell, it sent out a huge wave that blew me and Tidus off the ship and into the drink. I remember struggling to get to the surface, even as the beast's next waves struck. Training kicked in, and I saved my strength, riding the wave until I could stick my head above water and gulp down some air before plunging back in. By the fifth, maybe sixth time, I was exhausted. Even with the inflatable life jacket I was wearing. A wave bigger than anything that had come before rose up above me, sweeping me like so much lint from a jacket, causing me to black out.
I didn't expect to wake up again… Much less floating in the shallows of a tropical paradise.
Even better, I had arrived at the same island as-you guessed it-Captain Braindead
Guys, if you ever find this sphere doo-dah, and Tidus is still alive, PLEASE keep him from reproducing. I'm dead serious.
April 10th, 2006
Yeah, well… Long story short, apparently, there are these people called Summoners on Spira, who can "summon" these huge, powerful monsters called Aeons for fighting and such. Don't ask me how. It seems to be connected to their religion called Yevon, which was establish after the destruction of Zanarkand, 1,000 years ago. There are, obviously, a lot of holes in the story.
Anyway, the Summoners go around Spira, from temple to temple, collecting Aeons, until they're ready to go to Zanarkand and call the Final Aeon to defeat Sin. Unfortunately, they can only defeat Sin for ten years at a time (periods called "Calms"). However, given what I saw Sin do? I think that ten years of Calm is worth a road trip.
The summoners go along with Guardians as bodyguards. And this particular summoner at this temple (a rather pretty girl named Yuna) asked me to come along as another Guardian. Why?
Because she apparently has a thing for strays. She picked up Blondie, after all.
No, no… That's really not fair of me. I mean… After some creative "questioning" of the priesthood, I found out that the price the Summoners pay for defeating Sin at all is death. Wakka, a guy who uses his blitzball (explain that later) as a weapon in his job as one of Yuna's guardians, begged me to not say anything about it. It's kind of an unspoken sadness thing around here.
My question is why no one's tried to stop Sin without the Summoners dying? One nuke from Daedalus would sure as hell take that oversized lobster out.
Still… If I'm going to find the Al Bhed who picked me up, and picked up my plane, I need to get to somewhere that has connections. And Luca, where everyone else is going, seems to be the best choice I have at the moment.
And God… Someone's gotta come along and make sure this girl doesn't die before she gets to her destination. At the moment, she's got a blue Chewbacca, the redheaded stepchild ball-thrower, Miss Gothic Witch, and Captain Braindead. I'll be amazed if she gets to the boat in the morning without dying with this crew along.
April 11th, 2006
Well… Looks like I do believe in magic.
Lulu the Goth Witch can actually use magic. McKay'd be drooling over a chance to study that ability of hers… Not to mention Lulu herself. Definitely one of those cultures with open-minded women and cool technology.
Unfortunately, aside from Kimahri (the blue Chewbacca wanna-be), Lulu, and me, the rest of our 'team' is not exactly SG-1. Tidus may be able to do some cool stuff with his sword, but he's already smacked himself in the head twice with the dull part. Wakka's ball throwing is just, well… Pathetic. I tried to get him to use my sidearm, but then he went off on some rant about "forbidden machina", so I withdrew the offer. We've wasted most of our medicine on reviving the bonehead this morning alone.
And Yuna? Well… Valefor (her Aeon) is sure something else, but Yuna herself looks like a strong burst of wind would bowl her over. Still, she's got conviction. Willing to go and kill Sin, even if she dies too? That takes guts. You wouldn't expect it from her, resembling this Japanese schoolgirl.
Oh God… And now, Tidus the Bleached is trying to hit on her. I think I'll take out a few extra fiends in front of him, just to get the point across…
April 12th, 2006
Thank God for the absurd amounts of ammo I pack into my backpack. After the Sinspawn attack, the fiends on Killika, and that run in with Lord Ochu? I'm down two clips already on my P90. Out of six. Total.
Lulu was able to "synthesize" me a few extra rounds, using some local materials (i.e., a few knives and coins), but barring any more armies of Sinspawn, I think I'll be all right.
Blitzball is Spira's football. Basically, it's the one thing everyone on the planet can agree they like. I drew a diagram of the game, but I lost it somewhere… Anyway, it's a fun-looking game. I tried a few practice rounds with Wakka's team, the Aurochs. I had to drink this special potion that lets you breathe underwater. Very cool.
Turns out my high school football training really pays off in this game! Wakka wants me for defense. I suppose I need to contribute something to keep "Religious Psycho" off my back. Why not blitzballing? Besides, I can't shoot for crap. It's like soccer. Which I failed miserably at in high school.
If I can contact Atlantis, we have GOT to get some of these potions and what-nots. One sip and cuts that would have become scars are gone. Zap. Eat that, Mr. Clean!
Note to self-Make sure to keep Tidus away from the Ether, whatever it is (smells like turpentine mixed with naquada. Yech). He's been trying to use 'Haste' to rush around for fun like a monkey on crack.
Yuna's asked me to talk about where I'm from. I've tried to be as, er… Discrete as possible. Me being from another planet is about as believable as Blondie's statement that he's from one thousand years in the past, from a city now considered holy by the Yevonites. But, she can somehow see that I'm really not from around here. Oh yeah, not even close.
I decided to start teaching her how to use my sidearms. The 9 millimeter would suit her just fine, I'm thinking. I've taught her how to conceal it, and safely fire it. It'll be for last-ditch self-defense, a real worse-case scenario… Thing. Yuna is delighted. Wakka is, predictably, ranting about Yevon again. Lulu is doing that whole 'raised eyebrow' thing, Khimari is shaking his head, and Captain Braindead thinks I'm macking on 'his girl'.
So, when do we get to the tenth level of hell?