St: the title is crap I know, but as soon as I get a good one I'll change it

Disclaimer: I do not own

Wanting

"Have you ever seen Eric Delko with any drugs-related objects?"

Ryan, resisting the urge to bite his lip, held his breath. He didn't want to do this, not after everything that had happened. He and Eric had been in each others faces for so long and it had taken Ryan getting shot by a nailgun to work passed their issues and become something that might resemble friends. He didn't want to sell Eric out after that.

He didn't want to give up everything he fought so hard for, because knowing Stetler he'd get a kick out of telling Delko who had sold him out eventually. He tried to think of a way to get out of this, because losing Eric's friendship now was something he couldn't bare. Not when in reality he wanted so much more and friendship was the closest thing he could get.

Eric had been there for him in the most unexpected ways as he'd shown up at the crime scene when his eye had been pierced by a rusty nail. The Cuban had probably saved his vision and he hadn't even thanked him properly for it yet. And Ryan had so much more to be thankful for. Sometimes, in the middle of the night when he woke up after nightmares of rusty nails and a doctor telling him he'd lost his sight, and with that his job, he could still feel the reassuring weight of Eric's hand on his arm.

But nevertheless, the image of the rolling papers in Eric's kit was still vivid in his mind and he couldn't get passed the truth. Because even though Eric had said that someone must have borrowed his kit, they both knew the truth. He tried to be silent.

But Stetler wasn't having any off it. Ryan's silence said things words couldn't and Stetler would figure it out on his own. "I saw him with nothing illegal." Ryan tried, tried to salvage something of this hopeless situation. "It doesn't have to be anything illegal. A pipe, a syringe…" The silence was deafening so Ryan did the only thing he could think off, tell the truth. "I saw some rolling papers in his kit once."

He could feel Stetler's anticipation and he shifted nervously in his seat. "What did you think they were for?" Ryan gritted his teeth, because he knew what Stetler was after, could feel it in his gut. "I thought they were for tobacco." And Stetler's expression settled into something that Ryan could only name as glee. "Have you ever known Eric Delko to smoke cigarettes?" Ryan shook his head. "No."

The interview was over and although Ryan had done everything he could, it still felt like he had messed up, it still felt like he had stabbed Eric in the back.

He saw Calleigh in the hallway later on and approached her, turning his head to see what she was looking at. Eric was standing in front of two guys and Stetler was standing in front of him, looking like he had just won the lottery or something. Horatio was standing with his back towards Calleigh and he and Ryan wasn't sure what was going on.

"How can you explain that one of his colleagues sold him out?"

That one sentence hit Ryan like a ton of bricks and he fervently hoped that Stetler hadn't told Eric it had been him. But Eric turned to look at the two of them and his gaze settled on Ryan. The younger man resisted the urge to look away, but Eric could see it. The Cuban could see the guilt and he redirected his gaze to Horatio and Stetler.

After shift Ryan's mind was in turmoil, a part of him was arguing that he should go to Eric's place and try and salvage whatever friendship they might have left. Another part of him just wanted to go home, get in bed and never come out again, to sleep his life away.

He'd already parked in his parking space when he realized there was a second car next to his on his driveway. A wave of panic settled in his stomach when he realized it was Eric's car. He swallowed and took a deep breath. He got out of the car and managed, somehow, not to freeze up or have a panic attack when he saw Eric sitting on the steps in front of his house.

He approached the other man and tried desperately to keep his spinning emotions under control. His face was carefully casual and almost blank when he finally reached the man sitting on his front steps. "Hey." Ryan offered, not sure what to say. Eric stood. "Hey."

Something unfurled in the pit of his stomach and Ryan could feel the longing rise inside of him like a tidal wave rising out of the water. He pushed it down like he always did. He would be happy with what Eric had offered him after he got out of the hospital two weeks ago, a quiet, shy and decent form of friendship that could turn into being real friends if given time.

But it seemed like they hadn't been given time, because that entire Stetler-fiasco happened and Ryan wasn't sure what to do or say.

Annoyed with himself he squashed the need to reach out to the man in front of him. He fell head over heels in love with Eric the first time he saw him, but the situation and his own stupidity had effectively destroyed any chance Ryan might have had. Then they finally reached a cease fires and then it seemed like once again Ryan had burned all his bridges.

He wondered if it would have been better if he'd never accepted Horatio's job offer.

"You want to come in?" Ryan asked, he wasn't sure if inviting Eric into his house was such a good idea. But whatever Eric wanted to discuss, whatever Eric had come here to do, Ryan didn't want it to be done outside where everyone could see.

Once they were installed in the living room, sitting on the sofa with a beer in front of them Eric spoke up. "So you told Stetler about the rolling papers you saw in my kit?" Ryan nodded, not able to voice what he had done and wondered if this time Eric would punch him, as opposed to all the other times the man had kept himself in check. Eric sighed. "Yeah, I thought so."

Ryan bit his lip and then decided to abandon all pretences. "I'm sorry, Eric, really I am. I wish I hadn't said anything bu-" He was interrupted by Eric shaking his head. "No! Ryan, I understand man, you had no choice. You were under oath, you had to tell the truth and you did. You told Stetler you'd seen rolling papers in my kit once."

"Yeah…" Ryan shifted uncomfortably and took a sip of his drink. He wasn't sure where this was going. "It's not the reason why I'm here." Eric said, leaning back against the comfortable sofa. "It isn't?" Ryan's voice was definitely higher then he remembered it being. He cleared his throat and tried again. "It isn't?"

Eric looked highly amused and smirked. "I'm not." Eric's expression saddened and he sat up straight, leaning slightly forward towards Ryan, who was sitting on the other side of the couch. "The reason I purchased the Marihuana was because my sister Marisol… she's sick. I've been buying the Marihuana for her because it helped her with her nausea. She can't hold anything down, only when she's smoked something. That's also why I popped positive for THC, I got it in me through passive use. I stayed with her while she smoked and then helped her eat. It was also the reason why I'm late all the time. I've been driving her around town, for her appointments and stuff like that."

Ryan nodded, not sure where Eric was going with this, but listening anyway.

"Marisol is pretty sure she's going to die. She's made everyone of our family promise that we'll try to be as happy as we can. She's made us promise that we'll go on living after she's gone. She also made me promise that I'd go for it."

Ryan blinked, not really understanding. "Go for what?" He asked. Eric smiled and shifted closer to Ryan, who was unable to shift further away. Eric leaned forward, so he was almost looming over the younger man and Ryan's eyes widened. .

And then Eric pressed his lips and against Ryan's and all sane thoughts fled. He couldn't remember the rolling papers, or Stetler's interview. He couldn't remember the gnawing guilt deep in his stomach. There was only Eric.

The kiss was slow, sensual and warm and Ryan couldn't wrap his head around the fact that they as in Ryan and Eric were kissing. A warm hand snuck underneath Ryan's shirt, stroking the smooth skin and Ryan arched up into the touch. He small whimper left him and Eric chuckled, pulling away slowly, his hand still stroking the smooth skin.

He leaned backwards and pulled Ryan with him, effectively settling the younger man on his lap. He smirked and thrust his hips up and Ryan released a surprised cry. He fell forward, his chest plastered against Eric's and he couldn't believe that with only a few touches Eric could make him feel this good.

"Marisol told me to go for it, to go for you. I've wanted you ever since I first saw you, Ryan and I couldn't deal with that. It took you getting shot with a nailgun just to figure out what you mean to me and even then I couldn't make the first move. I'm sick of waiting, because I want you baby."

Eric kissed him the, effectively cutting off Ryan's answer. Ryan moaned into the kiss, thrusting his hips against Eric's. "I want you too Eric." Ryan gasped out as soon as they parted. "I've wanted you for so long, but if this is a one time deal, you can get out right now." Eric merely chuckled and kissed him again. "I'm not going anywhere baby, I'll stay as long as you'll have me."

The end

St: I was actually going for another ending, but meh, this works just as fine. Review please