|Behind these Hazel eyes
Author: Yusuke'sSister PM
Chihiro Sohma, the fox of the zodiac. She was never very important to Akito though having a major part in the zodiac. Whats her part? Whats her life? Why does she hate to be the fox? Sequal to 'The pain the wolf hides' suck at summariesRated: Fiction T - English - Drama/Adventure - Akito S. & Hatsuharu S. - Chapters: 4 - Words: 11,304 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 08-26-06 - Published: 04-15-06 - id: 2893826
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
YS- Hi there! I'm sorry for keeping you waiting for such a long time, I'm making my rounds with my story and quiet frankly I've given up with Everything, but normal. So here I am! Eager to do this! I only own Chihiro and Rain and do not own Fruits Basket.
was so happy when you smiled
your smile breaks through the clouds of gray
from the sunny days that lie in sleep
Waiting with patience for the spring
when the flowers will bloom in nude again
knowing there's more beyond the pain of today
the scars of yesterday remain
you can keep on living as much as your heart believes
can't be born again
all though you can change
Let's stay together always
To find how to break the curse
Those words were implanted in my head throughout my life. Who put them there? Who put up this farfetched hallucination? Well, I did. I had expected no less the 100 I expected 200, an above average determination to end the curse.
We Sohma's, us cursed ones that is, have been beaten, ridiculed, and one of us killed as we all danced under the God ridden curse. We have isolated ourselves from the real world and obeyed Akito, including me.
My whole life I've been stupid, slow, and unable to comprehend a thing that kids my own age were catching hold of. I was told I was stupid and retarded and nothing more. I was told, that I would be better dead. So to prove them that I was never one of these things, I was going to do the smartest thing of all, end the curse. Therefore my stupidity would be overruled by brilliance.
If I was able to construct any possible way for this to happen think of all the praise I would get, no more emotional crushed down comments, I would be the smartest one clearing my nickname of the 'stupid fox'.
It was not a fantasy; it was simply a dream in which I intended to be true.
Peacefully I kept this dream to myself (even from Rain), silencing it till I found any possible evidence that might show a hope of the dreaded curse ending, nothing so far. Rin and other Sohma members have tried various times to break the curse and none have become successful.
No one knew that I had this dream the adults were oblivious to my secretive soon to be plans, they thought because the fox was beaten down I would not attempt to get up. Well I have gotten up, limping, but up.
To be honest though, I had not made plans, not thought, not even watched the ideas to end the curse. I was for sure my dream was just confidence that I would be free one day. It was just a way to brainwash myself that their was light when in actuality no light shined.
Akito was forever to be god, I was forever to be the servant below him, and the only company and intelligence I was allowed was me, myself, and I. It was unbearable to repeat this statement.
When Akito was in a good mood he talked when he was in a bad mood he got straight the point. I wonder what Akito hated so much about all of us. Didn't know we didn't do this? Is he really letting the whole God ordeal get to him?
As always Akito catches me off guard with the mind-bottling questions and as usual I have no idea how to respond. It's difficult to pinpoint Akito's emotions sometimes though more then often their angry. He sat across from me just staring and like anyone it made me uncomfortable, my knees fidgeted.
Slowly he approached the window and put his hand out as a small butterfly fell on him. I wonder how the smallest and harmless creatures could love such a foul man. He put his head down as it crawled on his pointer finger.
"Tell me, what do you think of butterflies?" Akito said masking his anger with odd questions, it made me uneasy.
"Butterflies, Akito?" I said watching his finger. He put out his palm as it crawled to the end of his fingertips, he turned his hand and now the butterfly was on his knuckles. He didn't answer me and went on with his statement, "Just when you think you've captured a butterfly," the butterfly flew away at this point, "they fly away."
I didn't understand Akito's purpose for telling me this hoax of a butterfly, but I was in no position to correct him, that would be unethical. At this point I assumed Akito was looking out the window and I tried to put more weight on my right leg because my left leg was going numb from leaning. When I had done so the paper I had written the math problem on made a loud crumbling noise trying to settle in the position. Akito heard this.
Assuming because Akito had not gotten to the point right away, I was guessing he was in a good mood. I figured he would simply ignore the noise, but he hadn't.
"What's it that you have in your pocket?" He was uncertain and narrowed his eyes. I shook my head, "Nothing. Nothing at all."
"Then you won't mind if I ask you to empty your pockets." Akito said demandingly. I hadn't seen this statement coming and so I was naturally hesitant. My hand put over my pocket, but it didn't reach into it. I laughed nervously, "Akito. Just tell me what I'm here for."
This got Akito standing up and staggering over like a drunken man, I didn't budge for I was afraid of the consequences if done so. Akito stood over me glaring me down and I kept looking straight foreword too afraid to look up. Akito spoke,
"I've trained you well fox, you know when and when not to look up at me." He then put his pale fingers out, "give me what you have in your pocket."
Nothing ran through my head at that moment it seemed to be almost ridiculous to give Akito the piece of paper, which lay in my pocket, and at the same time smart because I would be listening. I worried he therefore might hurt Haru; I would have to figure that out later. I dug in my pocket and handed Akito the slip of paper.
Keeping my eyes foreword I waited the response and he smoothed out the paper. He read it and I'm sure he read it more than once. I had disobeyed Akito and he just said I had been trained so well, I've tricked him. I was in trouble.
" My, you have been quiet—the little instigator today. Tell me, how long were you that school? Who was with you?" He seemed so patient and that in it made me apprehensive.
" I don't know. I must have been in there 30 or 20 minutes. No one was with me," I tried to hide Haru's help in this situation.
"Do you enjoy lying?" Akito asked turning bitter "Or is that just natural for you? Ever since that son of a bitch wolf died, you've been acting like this. You—my dear are not going to be taken lightly anymore." Then without warning I was sent with a slap, but I wasn't allowed to move or cry, I had to look straight foreword.
You can't help it when you're with Akito to cry, its natural he is so controlling and it scares you. The same way when an adult tells you that if you don't behave their going to spank you, Akito gave me the same feeling.
So without realization I had started to cry and uncontrollably at that fact. Akito glared at my tears and attempts to regain composure and so I was forcefully kicked at my thigh, Akito growled in frustration and turned his back towards me, "Who did this with you? Answer me Fox!"
At first I shook my head no and then he yelled again tearing the paper apart and so I did what I thought was best for Haru's safety. "I did Akito! I did it, okay? I went into the school when everyone was gone and tried to solve a math problem that was on the board! That's all." My breath now seemed raged and I was tired.
Loudly Akito banged his fist against the wall yelling as his eyes pop out of his head, "You're lying! You think you can get around me do you? Do you?" He shoved a plant aside that came close to hitting me.
"Who taught you to write numbers?" Akito yelled once more walking over to me, letting his finger trail up my thigh all the way to my chin. I gulped; he now was calm and when he wasn't yelling it made me tense to be around him.
" I taught myself," I said truthfully. That part was true, I had gotten the books from Rain when she use to be alive and studied them by myself on dark nights when my father use to be alive. I never had mentioned this to anyone and I now realize the fault in my small plan.
"Who. Taught. You?" Akito said impatiently leaning is as if he was going to kiss me. Akito smelt like peaches, it really gave a feeling that Akito was okay. I then spoke honestly again, "I taught myself. Rain had given me the books."
Akito paused in his speculating me and stared, I had said the forbidden word Rain, it was wolf. I especially me was not allowed to speak of the name; it didn't exist the wolf was a forgotten memory. Unlike I expected Akito just grinned and held my face in his cheeks. Suddenly he changed the topic,
"Your eyes are repulsive, they speak of lies and tricks. Stupid Fox," then he gave a sweet smile, "not even your own parents wanted you, did they? They gave you away so fast to me. It's been a long time since I've seen you and you, fox, have changed."
"Changed?" I said worriedly in what my eyes might say to him.
"Your obedient," he smirked and then he stood up opening the bedroom door shoving it aside, he leaned against, "Get out, my room smells with you in here, get out of here."
I hadn't understood the point of this conversation, but I had gotten up anyway and began to walk out. I half expected to be grabbed by Akito, nothing had happened. Akito then spoke, "Tell that stupid ox, to stop helping out the others."
This had me stop in my tracks and turn my head slowly at Akito, he smirked, and then he held up the paper I had written on and on the front I realized the mistake I had made. I had grabbed a piece of paper of which was Haru's old test and on the front written in black ink was, 'Hatsuharu Sohma'
Akito then shut the door on my stunned face and locked it. Standing there I wondered why Akito had been so hushed about it before. I closed my eyes he probably wanted the affect to last as I left the house.
Stepping out of the house being shooed away by Akito's maids I began to walk to my house. The house has gotten so quiet since my father has left and I'm sure without noticing it had lost its atmosphere of happiness.
I tried to make the house seem presentable that everything was fine, but this house was everything but fine. It was a massacre that was trying to be hidden and everyone knew it. My father had died in this house as I found he had hung himself or tried to and when that didn't work he stabbed himself.
I remember walking in from a walk I had taken when I was 5-years-old and there he was, he looked at me with glazed over eyes and said 'I love you'. My father always felt like it was his fault I had to live like this, even though it was great aunt who has given me the curse, his aunt.
What it was like as the adults came in, everything was a blur and they were pointing at my fathers dead body and saying words of which I didn't understand. Akito came that day as well; he held his hand up to his nose and then glanced at me, which got everyone's attention.
Mockingly Akito laughed, "I suppose he killed himself for a good reason, I would kill myself a long time ago if I had been the father of a ignorant little fox."
With all the anger I could muster up I looked up at Akito, Shigure, Kazuma, and Hatori (who went to school with my father) still quiet young watched me, this is when my raging side had come out, when it was born. I stared at Akito for a long time, my hands turning into fist.
Emotions ran wild and I glared lunging at Akito, "Take that back you son of a bitch! Take it back!" It's all I remember saying and now that I think of it I don't remember what I exactly wanted him to say. It was true, I was convinced my father had killed himself because of me. It was unexpected though, that's what surprised me, he had been so happy that morning laughing with this and then me.
Hatori grabbed me as my fist met with Akito and Shigure tried to calm me down. That's when Kazume developed the hugging treatment; it took them 20 minutes to calm me down. I guess the reason the hugging treatment work is because according to Hatori the reason I get so angry is because I don't' feel loved and a hug provides that love.
Some dim-witted adult stuff.
When I was younger (like 3) I had so often seen my relatives the Sohmas get so angry and others would listen, people heard them out and they often got what they wanted. When I saw this I too felt I should be heard and so for many years till I was about 8-years-old I was in many ways, Rain. I got angry at everything and suddenly I had stopped.
Rain and I differed all the sudden, Rain yelled a lot but no one ever seem to listen and she use to have so many sore throats, I felt like she was wasting it away. Watching and hearing day after day of Rain's struggle to fight Akito she was never winning, to win this battle with Akito you had to be sneaky and nonetheless quiet.
While Rain still tried too yell, I held back and even though no one listened to me, they didn't listen to Rain either. Half of it was defiantly because, besides the cat, we were the two lowest creatures that had been executed from the zodiac. The other half was because no one truly cared about us.
Nowadays when rage attacks come it brings be back to that memory of seeing Akito with a startled expression that someone came after him. I'm sure that Rain would of come after him too, but Rain was born into a family of which beat her as well. She never had energy to fight anyone; she was abused throughout most of her life.
When I was about 7-years-old I remember walking with Rain in the backyard near the garden and she fell on a rock, I looked back at her. It was a long time since I had played with Rain and I wondered if she was still good at tag as she once had been. I asked her, "Are you okay?"
She nodded grumbling about the stupid rock. I looked up her leg, Rain had come here when she was almost 5-years old and late 4-years old. She sometimes went back home to her old house for days at a time. She had recently been at her parent's house for two weeks. "It's okay, it doesn't hurt."
I glanced at her legs, which were black and blue up to her knee, "Rain where did you get those bruises?"
Rain slowly looked up at me and grinned as if it were some game; "My mom threw me against the stove, hey want to see this one?" She lifted up her shirt and there was a burnt mark on it, "my dad came after me with the iron." To her going home was deadly and at that matter she found it funny. I don't know why, maybe she was trying to lighten up the situation.
I was grateful for the parents I was given and shortly after that Rain stopped seeing her parents because Hatori and Shigure had begged.
Roughly around the age 10, I had wondered why Hatori and Shigure never stood up for me like that. Was I not to be taken seriously? Then after a few anger moments I realized they had way too much weight on their shoulders and I let my problems drop.
I was taking Rain's death quietly and I'm sure Hatori and Shigure had become interested in why I had done nothing so far. What was the point? She was dead, no use in trying to kill myself. For this I felt selfish.
Grumbling I looked in the fridge that night turning the light on. I pressed the answering machine on the first two calls being bill collectors. I picked up ketchup and looked around for anything I might want to use for it. Sniffing the milk the third call was made some business about wanting to sell something.
I grabbed some bread, turkey, cheese, and mustard and began to pull it all out. I stuffed the bread bag in my mouth and shut the fridge door with my leg. In my arms were mustard, cold cuts, milk, and a glass. Then the last and final call was made.
"Hello there Chihiro, its Kazume," he paused and I'm sure he was waiting for a reaction. I was stunned. I had hardly talking to Kazume since my early childhood. "There is something bothering me would you mind stopping by tomorrow around 3? I'm sorry for such the short notice," he chuckled, "But I'm sure you'll make it. Goodbye then." Then the machine beeped saying no more messages.
I shoved everything across the table the cup rolling across and falling on the other end. I pressed the button again to hear Kazume. I wonder why Kazume wanted me, I never really knew Kazume and for that matter I wasn't allowed too. Everyone else besides me has at least tried martial arts, for some odd reason I was never allowed too. To go now seemed suspicious in many terms.
'But I'm sure you'll make it.' I wonder what he meant by that. Who asked him to call me? I tried to remain calm and I had to be mature about this so I went back to making my sand which telling myself to head towards the dojo around 3 tomorrow. My mind flashed to Haru and I wondered what happen to him.
Licking my fingers from the mustard, I picked up the phone and called him. It rang and rang annoyingly and then someone picked up, Haru. "Hello?" he said unsteadily.
"Haru?" I said anxious "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Akito—he just—he took the paper and I didn't know—I'm sorry."
A small laugh was heard and Haru yawned, "Don't worry about it, Akito didn't do anything, quiet frankly it probably was just to scare you."
"Oh," I said in relief. Then there was an awkward silence.
" Hey you okay up there in that house? All by yourself?" Haru said teasingly even though he knew it was safe; it was probably just to make me not feel so lonely. I swallowed the bread turning on the television.
"I'm fine, I'm tough," I laughed nervously, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."
"Alright, be careful in that house of yours." Haru hung up before me and I took a moment to just stare at the phone. I hope he wasn't just lying to be kind to me I would of felt worse. I stuck the phone back in the receiver.
I made another sandwich because I hadn't eaten anything all day I was starving. I put my knees up to my face as I ate in front of the television on the floor. It was a elementary school soap opera. I laughed at the funny parts, but the house seemed dead.
The only sound comings from this lonely house were the watts being burned away in the light bulbs, the television, the sounds of me eating the sandwiches, and the sounds of my hidden lonesome of laughter.
Ending Theme Song:
Now, let's gather around.
Look to today's tears
To bring tomorrow's strength.
La la la la la la la la!
Love and life.
La la la la la la la la!
Love and life.
To the day that I gave my all,
Goodbye and thank you.
I end it with a smile.
That is my small prayer.
Spring, the flower blooms
At the time the green sprouts
Whatever kind of tear it is,
It's flowing on the wind.
La la la la la la la la!
Love and life.
YS- It's kind of short, but whatever. I'm beginning to like this character more and more and at times I don't even think about her, she seemed to normal to live under such a great curse and I guess in a way that is what makes her so great. I don't tend to write for this story to often, but I probably will be since I have deleted everything, but normal. Unwanted Child will be getting the next newest update soon, once I feel creative enough to write it. Schools coming back and I guess that's half the reason of why this chapter is so short; my creativity is being eaten away by the signs of school. Blah. Enjoy! Please No Flames.