Dear Santa,

I have been a good boy.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Andy's Christmas party. It was Bri who spiked the punch with too much beer. I can't help it if I drank 32 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like chocolate.

I thought it was funny when I put Claire'sbra on my head and danced the funky chicken on the table while singing " Donkashein"'. I didn't mean to break Andy's microwave and don't know why Andy would sue me for public intoxication.

I don't remember calling Andrew's wife a sexy chick---even though she looked like one with orange eye shadow and red lipstick!

And when I threw up on Starr's husband's stomach, it was only because I ate too much of that pecan roll.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my motorcycle through my neighbor's door. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a bloody idiot and have me arrested for DUI!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all bouncy and jittery. And I'm really not to blame for any of this tragicstuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely andrespectfully yours,
John Bender (Really a nice boy!)

P.S. It's only 99 bucks!