On An Island

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Three: Three Years

There was shouting, distant, fading, like she was moving through a dense tunnel. They grew closer and then fluttered away, almost like they were afraid of her. She failed to open her eyes and had to try a second time.

At first she didn't know what to think when a blurry image of the caves appeared. And Jack, and Desmond. But they shouldn't be there. But they were running...they were stuck in the cabin. With Daniel. And Jack left...

"That's not what happened to her!"

Jack was angry; his voice sounded stronger than ever. Her blurred vision dissolved and she could see Jack and Desmond now, shouting at the end of the caves. It was one of the back ones; Jack's. She shifted from where she lay and realized she was on something soft...a bed of pillows or cushions. Seats from the plane, she remembered.

"I'm sorry but I know these symptoms!" Desmond replied. "It's the exact same!"

"No."

At that moment his eyes flashed towards hers and they met. He raced over to her, sitting in a seat beside the cot.

"How do you feel?" He asked, searching her face, concerned.

"Okay."

She swallowed, hoping to not sound so weak the next time. She glanced to Desmond. His arms were crossed, frustrated as he glared at her and Jack.

"What does he think happened to me?" She asked.

"Nothing," Jack said, shaking his head. He reached for a bottle of water. "It doesn't matter, here, drink this."

"Jack-"

"How did you feel before you fainted?"

His eyes flashed in annoyance. Startled, she hesitated before realizing her answer.

"Just...like something washed over me," she said, "I just fainted."

Jack nodded and turned to Desmond. He was more serious, colder, than she'd seen him in a long time.

"She just fainted," Jack confirmed.

Desmond shook his head. Hands in his pockets he turned away, pausing before he left. His hair was much longer too, Kate realized, reaching passed his shoulders with bangs that hung almost passed his eyes when he tilted his head.

"Look, it doesn't matter what's wrong with her," Desmond added, "what matters is that we've got to go out there tonight, and I'm not going if- if that's going to happen."

"If what's going to happen?"

She looked at Jack but he was useless. He was ignoring her, and she was afraid that he was ignoring whatever Desmond was telling him- and probably because it was something he didn't want to hear. But Desmond looked so afraid, so terrified of whatever he thought was happening to her that she had to know.

"Nothing."

"Good," Desmond snapped, "then are we going?"

Jack sighed and looked down. She didn't trust him; she could read the lie on him. She watched as he debated with himself; he looked tempted to just get up and walk away. But he looked at her, and when their eyes met there was absolutely no change.

"Can I talk to her alone?" He asked.

Desmond nodded and left. Jack stared at her, trying to see through her, but she didn't know what he was searching for. The past, an answer...he was disappointed, afraid, heartbroken. At last she had to speak up.

"Where do you have to go?"

This seemed to be an easy question for him.

"There's still a food drop, everything three weeks," Jack explained, "we go out, bring it back, keep what we can use. We have to do it tonight, or else the animals will get it."

"There's still a food drop? But..aren't they-"

Jack shrugged.

"I guess nobody knows."

The light in his face shifted and he glowed with a dim, deep guilt. He swallowed, trying to push it aside, but she had already discovered there was more he wasn't tell her. She didn't know anything, she realized, anything about what happened to him or the Others. She looked down, deciding to offer to change the subject.

"So why does Desmond think I'm not fit to go?"

"Look..." Jack hesitated, "were you telling the truth? How do you feel?"

"I feel fine."

Honestly. There wasn't even the slightest pain in her head. Something came over her and swept away. She offered a smile which he tried to return. He leaned back in his seat, still attempting to relax.

"I was afraid I was going to lose you," he admitted, "you come back, after all these years, and then this...what happened to you?"

She didn't want to lie to him. Defeat washed over him at that moment; he looked helpless, like the truth was finally sinking in after fighting it off for so long. She looked down, unable to look him in the eye.

"I've just been looking for you."

He tried to smile but failed. He lowered his head and his hair fell over his face; she just sat, staring at him awkwardly. She didn't know him. She didn't belong in this life...she was supposed to be missing. Maybe even dead. She couldn't tell him what really happened to her- she didn't want to find out what really happened to her.

"What about you?" She asked.

"The same."

A smile crossed his face this time, small, hopeful, and she wondered if he was even believing what he was seeing. And still she had so many questions, but she didn't want to scare him off with interrogations. She wanted to take it slow so that everything wouldn't unravel at once.

Suddenly confusion flashed in his eyes. He lifted his head up slightly, his hands falling to his lap as he paused, as though not wanting to believe his realization...

"Why didn't you ever come back?"

He didn't look at her. Fear plagued her; she didn't want to tell him the truth. She looked around, her eyes scanning the caves, the supplies tucked away, the walls hiding them. She wanted this to be real.

"I just...I was lost. It's the jungle. Everything looks the same."

"For three years?"

He was hurt. He really thought that she betrayed him that, for some reason, she hadn't wanted to come back.

"Yeah," she said, startled, "I was alone, Jack."

He jumped when she said her name, and suddenly he seemed very nervous. He stood and began pacing, circling the cave as questions began to soar out of him.

"But where have you been?" He began, running a hand over his head. "How have you been?" He stopped, looking at her slowly. "Have you seen any of them?"

Her heart skipped a beat. She hadn't even thought about the Others. Were they all dead? She looked at him- he looked desperate to know. Maybe he was just wanting to finally be able to live without fear. But he looked more guilty than anything.

She shook her head.

"No," she said, "I haven't seen any of them."

"Daniel?"

"Who?"

"The scientist from the freighter, the one who was with us when...the last time I saw you."

The freighter, what happened to it? But Daniel...she probably gave herself away looking as guilty as Jack did. She just left him out there. He didn't know this island.

But he did, she realized. He knew exactly where to find them at the bunker. He knew exactly where the cabin was. He knew what to do in there. Maybe he knew the island better than any of them- maybe he was even getting in touch with his people right now. She shouldn't have left him. They could have found Jack, found help...and she'd run away from him.

"No," she said, quietly.

Jack's face fell, he looked sick. She felt sick. He turned away from her, running his hands over his face. Suddenly he looked exhausted, worn out from years of worrying.

"At least...at least you're back."

She looked up at his words. He as staring at her, a smile struggling on his face.

"I missed you," he said.

A sad smile fell from her as well.

"I missed you too."

A moment passed, and she thought something was going to happen, but Jack just stood there. It was like he was starting to accept it, but he didn't want to give up the defense he'd worked so hard for.

"I'm sorry to interrupt the moment, but if you're going to get out there by nightfall, you've got to go."

Kate looked up at Desmond's voice. Everything that happened between her and Jack in that moment washed away.

"Yeah," Jack said, already starting to gather supplies, "we'll go right now."

"Where exactly are we going?" She asked, watching him.

He was gathering food, water- more than enough for a short journey through the jungle and back.

"I'll explain on the way." He stopped and looked at her. "Are you sure you feel like going?"

She smiled.

"I've been walking through the jungle for three years," she said, "what's one more trip?"

He smiled too; he even looked a little apologetic.

"Okay then," he said, "let's go."

He knew the jungle a lot better now. He walked the path with ease, like he could have done it with his eyes closed. Kate looked up and was surprised to see that the sun was beginning to fall. Ever so delicately its rays fell to rest behind the jungle leaves and the sky grew darker with every step.

"Why are we going out here at night?"

"If we wait the animals will get to it," Jack explained.

He glanced up to the sky to see if everything was on schedule. As they continued walking Kate noticed the ground beneath them growing thinner, paler. They weren't walking into the heart of the jungle. They weren't anywhere near where the hatch used to be. She remembered the path distinctly, and she wasn't sure what it meant that Jack didn't. Ignoring the inaccurate scenery he walked on. Maybe he didn't know where he was going...

Reaching out, she grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Where are we going?"

Their eyes met and then he looked away; a shy smiled crept onto his face.

"You'll see."

He began walking.

"Jack!"

"It doesn't matter," he said, "we're here."

The jungle was thinning; an airy clearing was ahead. Everything smelled like salt. The ground was shedding into grains of sand beneath them, and before Kate knew it she was sinking into the depths of pure, white sand.

The beach was bare. It struck her like she'd realized a great loss she had suffered. Shadowed by a purple-blue sky the beach rest calmly on the shore of a content ocean. The waves leapt to shore, one after another, a never ending pattern she had almost forgotten.

She and Daniel woke up on the beach, but it had been so long since she had actually been there. Jack seemed to be under the same spell. His eyes fell heavily on the shores realizing, she assumed, how long it'd been since they were there together. He let out a sigh, deep and restless; like he didn't know if he was up for this.

Jack began to walk away, to their left, and Kate blinked. The beach wasn't bare. How could she not have seen it? A makeshift tripod sat in the middle of the beach with a cradle resting on top. Night bent down towards them, steadily shaping the sky into colors of dark blue.

"What is it?" Kate asked.

Her eyes followed Jack as he began gathering wood for a fire. Silently he built the campfire and let a soft flame began to burn. Without explanation he turned back to the jungle. She stared into the flames, its enchanting glow grabbing her attention. For so long they had been running. Building fires, surviving in the wild; it was slowly coming back to her. But horrifically she realized they'd spent more time escaping and running than they had settling down and learning to survive on their own. Jack seemed to have it all planned out now. It was routine. Coming out here, gathering supplies, figuring out how they were going to eat, stay safe. He knew how to do it all now.

He came back with a large branch, which he scooped into the fire. The wood caught on with a ferocious glow, hissing and crackling as he reached over and brushed it against the cradle on the tripod.

"What is it?" Kate said again.

"Some kind of signal," Jack said as he brought the torch back down and let it burn out, "we think it was for communications." He looked at her. "Nobody's answering it now."

"Then why are you lighting it?"

Jack shrugged and threw himself onto the ground. Now that both fires were burning heat swarmed between them, lighting up the evening with a humid glow. Smoke danced before them, burning her eyes, making her feel like she was about to cry.

"We haven't given up." She sat down across from him and met his eyes: intimidating, judgmental, almost. They flickered away, his gaze landing to the ocean, to his world that lay somewhere beyond. "When I think back to being at home and going to work and my friends and family...it all seems so surreal. Sometimes I wonder if it was never even real. After I lost you, I began to wonder the same thing about us. Being on this island, it just takes you away. It makes everything seem so...present. It sucks you in. It takes over you. But I try not to let it. I still keep remembering, still keep hoping that we'll get out of here. It's gotten so hard..."

He looked down, his eyes guilt ridden. He couldn't help but to grow accustomed to living on the island, and by doing that he felt like he was giving up on his life. Swallowing, Jack changed the subject, but his words still trapped the guilt in his throat.

"So where have you been staying?"

She thought quickly.

"Their bunkers," she said. Curiosity flickered in his eyes, along with a hint of familiarity, but it was almost as though she were speaking another language. He didn't look like he understood. "The hatches, I just hid out in there. Good shelter. Sometimes there was food, weapons."

"Funny we never saw you."

Cold, dry humor spat from him, and again she got the feeling that he didn't believe her story. She felt guilty for it, but she didn't want to tell him. For some reason, she couldn't tell him. She managed to smile.

"I travel fast." She paused, and then added: "I also stayed in the barracks. I thought you might come back."

She had been wondering about this. Their houses, their shelters, their supplies, their comfort, was right there waiting for someone to take over. Yet Jack chose to hide in the jungle, fighting to survive the wilderness. His eyes leapt to the ground, an uncomfortable reaction settling in on his face.

"I couldn't stay there," he admitted, "where they lived...Desmond won't even talk about it. I don't want to be there. I don't want to see what happened to them."

She felt like he punched her in the stomach. For her to be so at ease with the idea of living in their homes just drew another line between them, reminding her of just how far apart they really were. She wanted to convince herself that she wouldn't have really been able to do it- she wouldn' have been able to use the resources of the dead, to live amongst their memories and her memories of them...but she knew it was useless. She could have. And she would have. She would have thought it was the smartest, safest plan. She may have gone back to the fuselage site...but she wouldn't have stayed their long if Jack wasn't with her. She should have known that he would have thought the opposite: that he would have gone back to the fuselage camp hoping she would return there. Maybe that explained why they had been apart for so long. They were looking for each other in the wrong places. Her logic was so stupid, so useless.

She forced a smile and followed his lead with another change in subject.

"So I guess you and Desmond are friends now."

Jack laughed dryly and relaxed a little.

"Not really," he said, "we don't really...talk."

"So you're just kinda stuck with each other?"

"Yeah."

They paused; it was like the force of saying more than a few lines in a conversation was too much for them. It took too much effort for them to talk...it always had. They were still strangers. They only met a few months ago- a few years ago. Jack had been looking for her longer than he knew her. He knew the basic facts. She had only just begun to open up to him and there was probably still so much more he was curious about.

"Have you told him anything about me?" Kate spoke up as the thought came to her.

Jack looked up. Maybe he thought she was dead...maybe he needed to confess to, everything he knew about her. Including the fact that despite the friend he thought she was she was still wanted, she was still a murderer. Had he even been able to deal with that?

"No," he shook his head.

Relief sank through her, but she didn't show it.

"I'm sorry."

She looked up. He'd barely given her a minute; it was like he had to get the confession out then or he never would. He looked surprised himself, and everything that left him following was fast, urgent.

"I'm sorry I left," he explained, "I'm sorry I ran out it's just...I just...I couldn't."

"I understand."

"No. That mistake, that moment, it changed everything. And I look back on it and I try to tell myself it wasn't really. The past few years it's felt like I've been walking through a dream. You haven't been here and...it doesn't feel real. Sometimes I wonder if I imagined you." He laughed at himself, shaking his head in disbelief. "I wonder if I imagine all that..." His head dropped towards the sand and he swallowed, speaking much more quietly when he continued. "I haven't seen him since."

"Have you seen him before?" She asked.

"Once," he admitted, looking at her. There was a sense of hope in his eyes that she didn't like; it seemed like he'd been pushing himself for years to believe something that wasn't true. It was unhealthy; it was heartbreaking... "When we first crashed, that day I disappeared and you found me. I saw him. It was him and then, in the cabin it was just...I mean, this can't be real. None of this." He ran his hands over his face. "I tell myself that everyday."

"You tell yourself that you're crazy?" Kate pointed out with an air of sarcasm.

Jack laughed.

"Yeah. I don't want it to be real, what we saw. I tell myself it's not possible. That scene...it runs through my head everyday. But at the same time, I hope...I want it to be true. I still haven't found his body. How is that even possible?"

"You can't do this to yourself."

"I know," he confessed, "but I think, maybe they had something to do with it. It just doesn't make any sense. And that's how I've been thinking, up until now, when you came back, that this can't be true. And now you're here. Right in front of me. It's like...seeing ghost. How am I supposed to know that this isn't like then?"

"It's not."

Fear pounded through her; he couldn't figure it out. It would ruin everything, probably break a million laws in the universe. She wasn't supposed to be here. That's what kept scaring her.

"Yeah, but..."

He stood up. Raising a hand hesitatevely in the air he ran his fingers through his hair. Letting out a breath of frustration he stared into the sea, and it was like he was looking at a painting of another world. Everything out there wasn't possible. That was his logic, she knew, she could see it, deep inside him. He didn't really think anyone was going to answer his distress call. He could hope, but he was only waiting for her. Maybe he had always been this way.

She got to her feet, following him slowly.

"I can't explain it," he went on, "there are no answers. Now that they're gone, we'll never know. I mean, why did they do any of this. What is this place?" He turned and looked to her, his eyes burning with determination. "Who were the Dharma Initiative? I mean, at first it seemed like it was all a game, but when the freighter came, they were afraid. They were terrified, and he had no idea what to do. Ben, he was stuck running away just like us."

"What happened to him?"

The question jumped from her before she could help it. Jack's eyes immediately died; he looked down, his hands hidden in his pockets.

"He died."

Throat suddenly dry Jack swallowed and looked back towards the sea. She could read his warning signs easily and knew not to interrogate him. She could just imagine him and Desmond keeping perfectly silent; he hadn't been able to speak about this to anyone for years. Guilt took over her; she wished she hadn't asked.

"You're back now," he said quietly, and turned around. His eyes were wet from fighting off tears. "It's just hard to think that it's all over. After all that it's just...over. We're together again."

A smile broke through, hilighting the tears that had escaped, and he stepped towards her. His arm resting on her shoulder, he pulled her closer, catching her lips with his. She suddenly felt cold, even as his arm wrapped around her, pulling her almost against him. A shiver erupted inside her and he pulled away, a smile forming.

"It's over," he said again.

"Yeah," she replied, looking away from him, her voice barely a whisper, "it's over."

The rest of the night was spent with her listening to Jack. He told stories of the past three years, stealing laughs from her, and threw in some dramatic ones from time to time. As the sky drew darker and the moon settled above them, eclisping the last watercolors of the sunset, that was when his stories grew darker, ridden with guilt. She hardly ever replied, never offered her own stories, and spent the night with her mind years away. She didn't want to tell him the truth. She couldn't hurt him, she couldn't let him know that she wasn't really supposed to be here...if not for the accident of whatever happened to her and Daniel, she wouldn't be here.

Even more, she found that she was letting herself get lost in the comforting drone of his voice, sinking herself into his stories and relaxing with a smile at his laughs. It was nice, hearing him talk with such ease. It made it felt like it was all really over, even to her it was only hours away. It was why she didn't want to tell him. She felt safe here, with him.

It was what she remembered first when the fierce pain hit her and her eyes snapped open. She gasped, ragged breaths leaving her desperately as her eyes darted around, searching for him. He wasn't near her. She wasn't even at the beach. Her eyes widened in horror...

The jungle surrounded her, towering over her with a cloak of shadows and a bright, orange glow. It was morning. The eyes of trees studied her from above and she shivered. She was cold. She remembered kissing him and feeling cold...now she was freezing. Her arms shivered, but when she looked down her skin was a pale blue, cluttered with scrapes and bruises.

She almost threw up when she saw her stomach. It looked like someone ripped it open. Her shirt was torn by a clawed hand, revealing a bloody wound that stung with a frightening burn when she spotted it. Her head was spinning. She was going to be sick...

Slowly she became aware of more and more. She was lying on a rock, its sharp edges cutting into her back. She tried to move but was restrained by a block of pain, like bricks were sitting on her. Turning her head she looked up to the sun, blinking at it. Where was he? She felt helpless...and who knew was she was. She opened her mouth to call his name but an ampliphied howling cut her off.

The monster.

Panic quickened her breathing which pulled at her chest, hugging her tightly against the rock she was stranded on. She had to run. A second howl ripped through her; she could practically feel its breath rushing against her neck. Something kicked the energy inside her. Tumbling to the ground she looked around, searching for its dark shadows spying on her in the trees. There was nothing. She broke into a run, her breaths screaming louder than the pounding of her footsteps, racing for safety. She had no idea where she was.

"Jack!"

She lost her balance with the yell and caught herself just in time. Oddly, she felt no pain. Just a rush of coldness, of determination. She called his name again, her voice a shrill against the seemingly calm jungle day. Her shouts began to chase one another, his name bouncing off the face of trees that just stared as she flew by.

Suddenly Jack appeared, standing in the middle of the path. He looked like a statue, like a hallucination, breathing so harshly that she could hear him; his eyes dawned on her like that of something...not even human. Terriffied, traumatized. A cut was bleeding over his eyebrow, he was covered in mud but otherwisde okay...

"Come with me."

He finally broke from his trance. She didn't question him as he grabbed a hold of her hand and pulled her threw the jungle, their footsteps racing to keep up with one another. His palm was sweaty but his grip was hard, and the rush of panic kept her going, running with him until he pulled her aside. They were in some kind of animal shelter; a small house of bamboo, stacked around them in a circle. It was dark. He pulled her furthest from the crack that formed an entrance; all she could see was stripes of sun against darkened trees. He held onto her, arms wrapped around her, and she didn't let go. His breaths echoed in her ear with panic, hers crumbled beneath them.

There was a mechincal sound; the rustling of a computer gathering memory, speed. It was trakking them. Shuddering in the mechinacal rythm it paced around their hiding space; she could see its shadow, floating a few feet above the ground.

The hut rocked with a punch, jerking them backward and then forward. Jack's arms gripped her hard, pulling her stomach. She gasped in pain but didn't push him away. Her hands wrapped around his arms like a child clinging to a teddy bear. There was another push and then a loud cry from the monster. She closed her eyes; she swore she could feel a sworm of cold wind pushing against her. Suddenly another push jerked them and she found herself crashing face-forward into the ground, Jack landing on top of her with a sharp crack. She cried out in pain; her stomach twisted, the wound breathing fiercly. Kate closed her eyes, burrying her head into the jungle floor. She felt Jack's forehead resting against her neck. The monster cried again, but this time it was different. Louder, shaking, frustrated...

There was a fluttering as the mechanical sound rushed away, crying with the shrill of a bird. She waited until the sound echoed back to them and then eventually faded away, like thunder...Jack's weight lifted from her and she gasped. Eyes closed with pain she held onto her stomach as she rolled onto her back, slowly, wincing at every move.

"What happened?" She gasped.

She felt his hand try to pry her fingers away and she let him. She forced her eyes opened. He was studying the wound, obvious fear taking over him. He couldn't hide from her.

"I woke up and it was attacking you," Jack explained. From the darkness he pulled out his backpack. "I tried to stop it but there was no way...it pushed me back. It was like a shark was hitting me. It was pulling you. I wanted to stop it but I couldn't. I just waited. I knew to bring you here...it can't see well in the darkness."

"Is that why it went away?"

Jack nodded. Kate looked around as he pulled out a washcloth. Most of the bamboo had fallen around them, leaving them half covered with shadows, half covered in sunlight. If it came back, they couldn't hide.

"How many times have you two crossed paths?" Kate asked.

She hissed as Jack pressed down hard against the wound.

"Sorry," he offered, and then added, "a couple of times. If the Others were containing it, it's wild now. There's no one to control it. No one to turn it off."

"That's assuming it can be turned off-"

She gasped, closing her eyes. She let her head rest against the ground, defeated. She remained there silently, thinking. Why her? Jack said it specifically tried to attatck her. It only hurt him when he tried to be defensive, and the monster should have recognized him. It had a mind of its own. It was able to follow her, track her down, select her. And why did it leave her the first time? Had it gone back, looking for Jack? Or maybe its friend. Maybe there were two of them. Or more...

"Do you know where we are?"

She was breathing heavily with pain but was able to keep from sounding too weak; Jack never took his eyes off the wound as he tended to it effortlessly.

"Not too far from the beach," he answered, "I can find our way back."

"That's the first time I've heard that."

Jack laughed, shaking off the insult. She smiled, hoping it would make the situation less dire.

"How bad does it look?"

Raising her head slightly, she saw that most of the blood was already gone. Left were long scratches carved into her skin, surrounded by bruises.

"You'll live," he said.

He paused, wiping his forehead with his arm. A trouble look crossed him. She didn't ask, but it was like he was realizing something. Something horrible, not about the wound...he almost looked sick.

"What's wrong?" She asked quietly.

He shook his head.

"Nothing."

His eyes scanned their shelter, which now lacked half its walls. The air was filled with a forboding stiffness, coated with a silence that sent shivers down her back. She had the sudden urge to run- not because she was feeling trapped, like her past was catching up with her, but because of genuine fear. It felt like something was going to happen. Something that would shake their world...and Jack looked like he hadn't been in this kind of danger in years. He looked caught; he looked like he realized exactly this, that things would start happening again.

"Do you feel like you can walk?"

She didn't. Her chest and stomach were numb and when she looked at the wound she felt sick. Small tremors shook her and her head pounded in return. As nice as safety sounded, and as much as she wanted to be in familiar territory, the thought of moving terrified her. But not as much as the thought of coming face to face with the monster again.

Her sweaty bangs slapped against her forehead as she nodded. Raising her arms she balanced herself on her elbows, preparing herself for the worst as Jack reached to help her stand,

By the time they reached the caves they were both drenched with sweat and breathing heavily. Relief overcame her when she saw the waterfall glowing in the corner, and Jack heaved a sigh of the same gratitude.

"This wasn't a symptom."

Desmond rushed over from where he had been sitting, waiting for them. He threw an arm around her, easing some of her weight off Jack as they both led her to the makeshift cot in his cave.

"What happened?" Desmond asked.

"She was attacked."

"By who?"

"By what."

She caught how their eyes met as Jack corrected him: terrified, and worse, like they knew something horrible that she didn't. Carefully she felt herself lower towards the ground as they eased her onto the cot. Flat on her back she felt restrained, like she was trapped in a cage again. Staring at the ceiling, she wondered how much longer this was going to go on. She understood Jack's dread back in the jungle: would it go on forever, them getting into these situations? Or maybe it was just her...maybe she was cursed. After all, Jack had lived three years in the jungle and had nothing but old scars to show for it.

"What can I do?"

Desmond's voice seem to float to her from miles away as she stared at the ceiling, drawn towards the dome collapsing over her.

"How do you feel?" Jack asked her, ignoring him.

His face appeared in her realm of vision, misty like a mirage.

"Okay."

"I just knew something was wrong," Desmond went on, "when you came back late..."

"Did the food drop come?" Jack inquired.

He was studying her; she tried to avoid him but his eyes kept drawing her back in. What was he looking for? What did he expect to happen.

"Yeah."

But he didn't sound excited about it.

Rescue, she realized. Rescue didn't come. That meant three more weeks of struggling to survive, of being away from their lives, and three more weeks of rebuilding hope. Meanwhile she would become like them: waiting, trapped, no where to run to...she had only been on the island for three months. The thought of being there for three years...honestly it terrified her. She wasn't as strong as them, not on that level. She didn't know how long she could pull off this relationship with Jack.

She realized his face had disappeared so she turned her attention to the center of the cave, where an awkward silence was settling in. Jack and Desmond were staring at the floor, as though ignoring a subject they both knew should be brought up. She didn't like it. They were hiding something, and both fear and fury fumed inside her. It couldn't have been as easy as hiding in a cave for three years.

"So what exactly happened?"

Desmond was calmer now, lost in his own theories.

"I just woke up and it was attacking her," Jack sounded exhausted, "it was...strange."

Running his hands over his face he leaned against the wall. He crossed his arms and glued his eyes to the floor. The same contemplative, determined look Desmond was set on was fixed on his face as well. She was out of place, and it felt awkward to have to wait for an explanation. Quite honestly she was used to it being her and Jack. She wasn't used to their being secrets. At least, not ones that she was aware he was keeping.

Suddenly Jack pushed himself off the wall.

"She should probably rest." He turned to her. "How's the pain?"

She smiled wearily.

"Like a cloud of smoke sliced up my stomach."

Her stomach was on fire and a sharp, icy rip had torn right through it. Her legs were still numb, her head still spun every now and then. Sleep sounded like a relieving escape but she felt indifferent about being in silence. It almost seemed like Jack was trying to make an excuse to get her out of the picture for awhile. But he was already out his familiar stash of medicine, selecting from a carefully organized pile of pill bottles.

"Here," he said, offering her two pills, "take these."

Throwing her head back she swallowed two pills with the water he offered. A cool sensation smoothed the sore feeling she hadn't noticed had developed in her throat. Immediately she actually felt completely better. At peace.

"That should help you sleep."

She looked up at Jack's words, startled. He was smiling.

"Ja-"

But the world was already fading around her, fading until finally his smile melted into the darkness of sleep.

"It's not that! It's the drugs, something's wrong!"

"You wouldn't have just messed up!"

"Yeah, well I did!"

The shouting was loud, louder than it should have been. Surreal. That's how Kate felt as she awoke to the caves, blinking heavily. Her eyes burned, and she thought there was a bright light blocking her vision.

"Kate?"

Jack's voice. Worried. Afraid. Her arm felt like lead as she held up her hand, blocking the strain being put on her eyes.

"Is this normal?"

But her voice was rough and raspy, unlike she remembered. The lingering soothing of the cool liquid was still on her tastebuds, this wasn't right.

"Kate, I need you to tell me right now, how do you feel? Be honest."

He was scaring her. But she wasn't going to let him know that.

"My chest feels tight," she admitted, and gasped sharply at the effort of talking, "and it's hard to breathe..."

She gasped a few more times; her throat felt tense. Her head burned...and Jack didn't look any less worried than before. He stared at her, almost like he felt sorry for her. Helplessness sank in and dread, like he didn't want to admit to something.

"You don't know what's wrong with me," she realized.

Jack's face shifted as he tried to appear innocent and hopeful, and he shook his head.

"No."

"It's true," Desmond said, stepping beside him, "you know what's wrong with her. It's exactly like I told you before. Exactly."

"Not exactly."

"Yeah, well which part's not exact?" Desmond shouted. "Suddenly appearing for the first time in three years or the sudden blackouts?"

"What are you talking about?" Kate looked between them both. Jack looked miserable, Desmond was furious.

"Just be quiet." Jack snapped.

Desmond glared at him, incredulous.

"You're the most unwilling person to accept a little faith that I've ever met."

"It's not about faith!" Jack's eyes grew wide, his anger bouncing back to them in echoes; it was a personal matter now, and Kate didn't understand. She had never really noticed...

"No, it's about her life!"

"Please tell me what's going on!" Kate exclaimed painfully, her voice croaking at the effort.

"No."

"I'm telling you-"

"Just shut up!" Jack spun around, eyeing Desmond with a fury that confused her. Why was he acting this way? What was it that was so bad he didn't want to believe it?

"Jack-"

"Just get out of here!" Jack screamed, cutting Desmond off.

Desmond looked insulted, hurt even. He watched Jack for another moment, just as confused as he was.

"Whatever," he snapped, turning away, "good luck with this."

He waved a hand towards her, dismissing the case, and stormed out. Jack looked down at the ground, cowering with hints of embarrassment. A hand swiped through his hair and he sighed. Now that Desmond was gone he looked like he was trapped.

"You believe him, don't you?" Kate asked quietly.

Jack shook his head.

"No."

"Then what's wrong with me?"

He sighed again, turning away. Desperation melted over him, and even though she knew he was trying to hide it, helplessness radiated off him.

"Just don't worry," he said, heading back over to his stash of medicine, "something just went wrong."

He knelt down, examining the stacks of pills from which the prescription he gave her was from. Silently he studied them, though it was obvious he knew he wouldn't get anywhere.

While he was looking away the world faded away again. Quickly, quietly, before either of them saw it coming.

She was running, fleeing for her life. Hopping over fallen trees, sprinting through the darkness of the jungle she had gotten to know so well. She knew where to go but she wasn't sure if her feet would take her there. Fear pounded through her. It had been so close, so close...right above her. Staring at her. Recognizing her. It found her. Somehow, after all these years...however long it had been. The monster's cry roared through the jungle, shaking the leaves around her. Terror ripped through her and she pushed herself faster, further, desperate to get away. It couldn't end like this...

She screamed as a sudden burst of hot pain tore through her side...

Kate's eyes snapped open and she gasped, the feel from her dream still pumping through her. The reality of it: the fear, the pain. It was so familiar...she remembered it clearly, as though it was part of her life and not just a dream.

She tossed and turned, her head spinning as it swung from side to side before her eyes finally found Jack. He was watching her. But he didn't look concerned he looked...hurt. They watched each other; she half expected him to have an answer for her. When he opened him mouth to speak his words were reluctant, his throat dry from building up the nerve to interrogate her:

"I need you to tell me the truth, Kate."

A bloody washcloth was sitting beside him on a tray of rubbing alcohol and bandages. He was watching her intently, already trying to catch her lie.

"Where have you been for the past three years?"

He already knew the answer. He knew she was lying before she opened her mouth but she couldn't help it. She didn't want to open this door. It was confusing enough. It was surreal enough, and she was sure there was no way for her to get back. She just wanted to try to accept it, and they could finally live together in peace, safely. It was over here, in this world.

But the monster. It came for her. It had been looking for her.

She didn't want to tell him. It wasn't fair...why couldn't something go right? Every step forward was jerked backward. It was almost like they weren't meant to be together. But she didn't feel that way. She didn't want to hurt him, she didn't want to leave him. It scared her but she could admit to it.

Her reaction seemed to be enough for him. He got up, walking away from her, running a hand over his head and breathing out disbelief.

"I can't believe these," he muttered, "I don't believe this."

"I'm sorry."

Her voice was only a whisper but he heard her. Turning, their eyes. He was afraid. Desmond was right, Jack wasn't ready to accept something this absurbed, something so against what he believed. It terrified him to know that this was possible. He'd settled in, accepting have to live on the island, but he had never adapted to it.

"What happened?" He asked her softly; she was grateful he didn't jump to accusations. "After I left, what happened to you and Daniel?"

She shook her head. The memory was so unreal. The events replayed so quickly in her head that she wasn't sure they were real. It was too much to comprehend. Daniel was thrilled with the concept of suddenly appearing somewhere else in time but it terrified her. There were too many questions, too many roadblocks in the theory of it all and surely, she thought, they had taken on something their century wasn't ready for.

Then again, ever since crashing on the island her life felt like a dream. It was so different, like a fantasy. A horrific fantasy. And Jack...finding someone like him in it was too good to be true.

"That wasn't your father, Jack."

"I know." He shook his head. "I know, it was a ghost."

"No," she was afraid to meet his eyes but the connection happened. Everything he believed for the past three years was about to change. "It was that thing, the monster. It came after us, and Daniel led us to this hidden compartment-"

"Wait, what?"

Shaking his head Jack held up a hand; he was still refusing to believe what he knew was true. But she understood. It was too much to take in and worse, they had to understand in order to know what was going on.

"It was some kind of...I don't know...time machine."

"Kate-"

"I don't like it either. But we just suddenly appeared on the shore. Daniel was...thrilled. Eventually we started fighting and I left. That's when I found you."

He was still shaking his head, running a hand frantically through his hair. He began to pace the room.

"No, it's not possible."

"Jack-"

"No!"

"Then what happened?" Her eyes filled with tears. Her throat gave out, her words falling to a pitiful collapse.

His eyes were so full of terror...he wasn't even afraid for her. She wasn't insulted by it, but she was shaken by the idea of traveling through time, of accomplishing the impossible. She wasn't supposed to be here. That was what it meant.

There was something else, too.

"And what does that have to do with what's happening to me?"

Jack was too stunned to answer. He wanted to leave, she could see that. There was no where to run to.

"Jack," she tried.

"Desmond!" He called, not looking away from her. "Desmond!"

"Yeah?"

Desmond appeared, looking between the two. An understanding lit up in his eyes. He watched Jack carefully, cautious about saying "I told you so". Kate still didn't understand...why was this vital to what was wrong with her? It scared her. It felt like it was out of her hands, out of Jack's hands. That was what was wrong with him. This situation, this explanation, was out of his hands.

Desmond turned to her, his eyes suddenly wide.

"When you were out, did you experience any weird dreams?" Her heart pounded, horrified at his question. "Ones that seemed too real to just be dreams?"

Again she couldn't answer, but she knew the truth had escaped through her eyes. Shoulders sinking, Desmond turned to Jack.

"What was it that you did to fix this?" Jack asked.

"Fix what-"

"A constant," Desmond replied, ignoring her, "but this is different. I mean, it sounds like she just time traveled. Not mentally. Physically. I don't know if a constant will work."

"Something has to."

"Maybe it's just the wound-"

"No," Jack said, "this was happening before the wound."

Now that Desmond was proven right he didn't seemed too fond of it. But the way Jack was staring at her...she felt like she had been put under a microscope.

"What's wrong?" She asked quietly.

She looked to Jack who looked at Desmond. Desmond shrugged.

"I'm sorry, I don't know. This is different..."

"A minute ago you were in here yelling about how her body was going crazy because she traveled through time!" Jack exclaimed.

"I know!" Desmond replied, regretful. "It's just...different, now that I think about it."

"Maybe it just hasn't gotten worse yet," Jack muttered under his breath,

He turned, staring toward the entrance of the cave. A long silence past. She and Desmond watched him, waiting for him to come to a conclusion. Her head swirled with pain and confusion...her muscles ached. Sweat dripped from her skin.

"We need Daniel," Jack announced.

"What?"

Their voices echoed as Jack turned around, his eyes swirling with ideas.

"He was there, with her, he can help us."

"But that's not a constant!" Desmond pointed out."It won't help-"

"Then at least he would know what was going on!"

Jack began pacing the room again, his feet dashing from one side to another before landing in front of her. He knelt down beside her. Soft determination flooded his eyes, like he was talking to a fragile child. He spoke carefully:

"Do you know where Daniel is? Do you have any idea where he might have gone?"

A funny feeling shook her; it was like mist was feeling her head. Her throat stung and her voice was hoarse.

"The statue."

She could only manage a whisper. Her eyes shot to Desmond as Jack turned to him. She wanted to stay conscious; she had to know what was going on. If this really was a matter of her life or death, she didn't want to be fading away while they ran around making the decisions.

"Do you remember where that was?" Jack asked him.

When had they gone there?

To her, that had only been a few hours ago.

To him, it had been a few years.

He must have been holding onto those moments, those few last moments they had together, all this time. Most of that time, she ignored him. And she had never gotten to explain...

"Yeah," Desmond replied, "I-

The silence was unnerving when she awoke. She swore she felt the hum of an air conditioner, but it was only the breeze of a swift wind swarming in from outside the cave. Eyes fluttering open she spotted Jack standing near the outskirts, staring at the wall.

"What happened?"

He jumped at her weak voice and rushed over, kneeling beside her so that their eyes met. She felt his hand rest in hers; his palm was sweaty, and she knew his concerned eyes were holding back fear.

"You passed out again," Jack explained, "how do you feel?"

Kate looked away. She almost forgot. The last time she was awake she confessed everything...he couldn't just be concerned about her. He was angry with her. She realized that's what she saw when she woke up: he was still trying to come to terms with what she told him.

"Okay."

Immediately silence swarmed their conversation. She had to look away and she chose to stare at the wall instead of facing how she hurt him. For once, she just wanted to choose what she wanted to do. She wanted to be able to stay here, in this world. Why should she want to tell Jack about time traveling? It would only emphasis that she wasn't supposed to be here that, in reality, something horrible probably happened to her. Desmond was right. Whatever happened to her now was because she wasn't supposed to be here. She was paying the price, as always, for trying to live her own life.

He was waiting for her to explain. She realized that quickly; he accepted her reply so easily. He was wanting to know more and he had the right to know...she guessed. She could never hide the truth from him. It was becoming a weakness. It was slowly ripping her apart from her former self. Jack was right, living on this island was surreal, like living in a dream world, where you weren't yourself at all.

"I'm sorry," she turned to him, "I'm sorry, I should have told you. I just...don't want to go back."

"Who said you were going back?"

"I don't know..."

Tears threatened to fall and she closed her eyes. Her hand slipped away from his and rested on her forehead. Her head spun in dizzying spells, even as she stared at darkness.

"I just...one minute I'm about to be killed and the next I'm with you. And I didn't want to hurt you...you don't believe any of this, do you?"

"Your apology or the time traveling part?"

A smile broke out onto both of their faces; small laughs filled the room but only for a moment.

"This goes against everything you believe in, doesn't it?" Kate asked.

She brought herself to look at him and searched his eyes curiously.

"You have no idea."

He sighed, as though what they knew was a great burden. But it was too much to comprehend. To the rest of the world, time travel was a myth. Here it was reality...and it was frightening. They didn't have any answers. Daniel probably wouldn't have any answers.

"What does Desmond think is wrong with me?"

He looked down and paused, debating rather or not to answer. His eyes shifted to the cave's mouth as though he were hoping Desmond would save him in time. But no one came.

"On the way back from the freighter Desmond experienced something. He kind of blacked out, but not...entirely. He woke up and he was in the military in 1996."

"Wait, what?"

"I know. He said it was just like it was in 1996. He was actually there. And when he woke up from this...experience...he had no memory of ever being on the island. This same thing happened again and again, always going back to the same time period. He started failing, physically. Apparently it happened to someone on the freighter too."

"What happened to him?"

His head fell; she could practically hear his chin snap against his neck, his eyes closing. He stood, his feet angrily leading him back to his spot near the wall.

"Jack? What happened?"

He turned to her, his eyes snapping at her. Angry. Tired. Helpless.

"He died."

Her heart leapt and then began beating furiously. She felt worse, like her body slipped away form her. Now she knew why he had been ignoring Desmond, why he insisted that this couldn't be true. He didn't want her to die. And he knew it would happen. There was no stopping it...

"But I can't I...I didn't lose my memory. And this is different. The first time I only dreamed I...it wasn't real. And this time there was nothing. Nothing! I'm just blacking out. That's all it's...it's from the wound."

She closed her eyes. She was crying again.

"I'm sorry, Kate."

His voice was so soft, so broken. So far away...he was afraid of her. She was afraid of having to face this situation.

"Jack!"

Her eyes snapped open, still misty with tears. Her and Daniel's eyes connected the moment he entered the cave. Rushing in behind Desmond he watched her, acknowledging the tension that was still between them.

"Tell me everything you experience when you black out," Daniel said, "everything. Every sound, every feeling. Every dream. Are you in pain?"

"Yeah, I was attacked-"

"No, not from that."

She didn't understand, but she couldn't handle the suspense.

"Yeah, there's this stinging feeling in my face," Kate admitted.

"Her nose was bleeding the first time."

Kate looked up at Jack. He never told her that. But he looked away, and she knew it would waste time to get him to explain.

"It happens quickly. I don't fade out it just happens. One moment I'm fine the next I'm waking up from passing out."

"And do you have any dreams? Any memories?"

"I..." she looked to Jack, secretly wishing he could help her. But she knew he couldn't. "The second time I dreamed I was being chased by the monster. It attacked me."

"Interesting..."

Suddenly Daniel quickly approached her; her heart leapt in surprise and began beating, anticipating that something bad would happen. But he only stood there, studying her, frowning. Looking as clueless as the rest of them.

"But I'm fine now," Kate whispered.

"Now's not forever," Daniel said. He turned to Jack and Desmond. "It's not the same situation but it's close enough. Of anything, it may be worse." She saw Jack flinch, disapproving Daniel's choice of words. "It's kind of like a parallel universe, where there's another you living an alternate life. But this is the future. The direct future. And somewhere in this future there's another Kate. That's what's happening to her. I'm guessing the monster figured out that she's not supposed to be here."

"So it's...fixing things?" Jack said.

"Yes. And it's going to keep coming back until time is set in stone. And the black outs, that's because there's not enough room in this world for two Kate's, for lack of a better explanation. There can't be two of you. It's just not right, it can't work."

"How can we make it stop?" Kate demanded.

Jack was afraid. Desmond was afraid. Daniel didn't look too sure enough but then again she had barely seen one trace of confidence since meeting him.

"We have to take you back," he said, and then added: "we have to go back."

Kate's eyes closed. Of course. Nothing could go right, nothing...tears began to emerge. She felt sorry for herself. She would go back and to what? Three years of suffering on the island? Would she and Jack ever be able to live as easily as he and Desmond were now?

Light burst through her eyes and she gasped, breathing in a raspy panic. The last thing she remembered she was in the caves, taking in what Daniel said. Now the ground was rushing beneath her. Footsteps pounded across the forest floor. Her face felt wet...

She was hovering above the ground, and she realized someone had to be holding her. She looked down. Jack's arms were wrapped around her, holding her carefully as they fled into the jungle.

"How much further?" He asked.

"I...it's just up ahead."

"He doesn't know!" Desmond complained quietly. He was right next to Jack. "He can't find it!"

"Just give him time."

"We don't have time!"

"She's awake, you know."

Daniel's voice stopped them. Her eyes slipped through the ground; it was too awkward. The silence went on, and she realized they weren't going to let her know what was going on. Jack kept running; she trembled with each footstep. She was cold. Shaking.

"Wait!"

They stopped. Kate's stomach lurched as Jack suddenly slowed. She looked around for an explanation but there was only jungle around her. He began stepping forward slowly, heading for a wall of jungle ahead of them. A thin trail was barely visible, cutting through the trees.

"This is it," Jack whispered.

Her vision was blocked off as his hand covered her face; he was protecting her. The silence rummaged around them, anticipating them as they stepped through the path. She watched as the faded image of the palm of Jack's hand hovered above her eyes and she wondered how close they were...

Suddenly she could see again.

The cabin was standing right in front of them. Jack's breathing became rapid; he was thinking of his father.

"Let's do this," Daniel announced.

Kate felt herself being lowered to the ground and her feet caught her balance; Jack held onto her arms, keeping her close. Their eyes met. She'd seen him afraid many times, more times than he probably realized. But he looked sick with fear. His fingers were sweaty against her skin.

"We need to go," Daniel said. She and Jack continued to watch one another, not daring to look away. He didn't want to lose her, he didn't want to risk a single chance of losing her forever. Again. "Look, none of this will matter. When we get back we can find you. Everything will be okay."

Jack didn't believe. And she was starting to not to. Her eyes filled with tears as she came to the realization: something happened to Jack, after he left the cabin. What if she couldn't stop it? What if this really was the last time they ever saw each other?

Her head spun, demanding attention.

"Jack."

Their gaze snatched apart, landing on the image of his father. He was standing before them, in front of the path they just left. Jack didn't say anything. He just stood there, as though his silence would send the ghost the- whoever he was- away.

"I know you tried but I'm sorry," Jack's father shook his head, "it just can't be."

She was close enough to Jack to feel him breathing in a panic; she knew he wanted to say something but he couldn't bring himself to do it. It was crazy. But at the same time...it was his dad.

"You can't mess with what's supposed to be."

His father believed in fate. Jack tensed at the saying and she understood: it was why Jack was so against fate. Faith. Anything that had to do with believing what wasn't there, what he couldn't see. Putting his life in the hands of an idea.

"I'm sorry, Jack."

Suddenly his father was gone and the smoke monster was in his place. As it leapt towards them Jack pulled her away. She looked at him. He was crying as they fled into the house, slamming the door behind him.

"Jack-"

"You have to go-"

"No." She looked up at him. Tears stained his face; he struggled to breathe easily. "What happened to you after you left the cabin?"

"I-"

"There's no time!"

They jumped at Desmond's voice and looked at the door. The handle was shaking.

"We have to go," Daniel said, stepping beside them. He looked between the two. She couldn't take her eyes off of Jack. She didn't want to risk any chance of losing him. "I promise you, it will be okay."

"Jack, what happened to you? Where were you?"

"I-"

The door handle jerked again.

"Kate!" Daniel exclaimed.

"I'm a few miles north of the cabin! I'm with Ben and Richard! Desmond, he's coming back from the barracks. He'll be at a station called The Arrow, heading back this way." Tears streamed down his face; he still hadn't let her go.

"Kate!"

Daniel was pulling at her shoulder, eyes wide as he glanced between her and the shaking doorframe. Suddenly a lock clicked. Her heart pounded, out of control. She felt sick. She felt sick at the thought of leaving him, at the thought of the monster. And she felt sick for real too; her head...

"We've got to go!"

The door flew open and a swarm of smoke swam in, speeding towards them. Daniel grabbed her, pushing her away from Jack.

"Jack!" She screamed, her cries fading into the monster's howl.

Tears poured down her face in uncontrollable waves. She couldn't breathe. She didn't want to go but her feet led her anyway. Daniel's hand was wrapped tightly around her arm. She felt dizzy. The world spun. The monster howled.

Someone grabbed her free arm. She looked up, relief falling through her at the sight of Jack's face. Desperation pounded in his eyes.

"Kate," his breaths chased one another. His hand shook as he held onto her. He tightened her grip.

A cloud of darkness emerged behind him.

"Jack!"

"Kate, I love you!"

She was jerked away and fell on hard, cold ground. The trap door shut above them. Daniel's arms were wrapped around her. She could hear herself crying. Eyes shut tightly she blocked the world out, thinking only of his face, trying to capture his voice. He would never leave her...he would haunt her forever. It was the only chance of hope she ever had, her relationship with him. She was changing. And for the better, she realized too late. She could have changed. But instead she failed him, like everyone else.

She hoped Daniel was right. But even if everything changed, if nothing that just happened mattered, she would never be able to forget. She would always have to live knowing that she could hurt him, that their relationship was fatal. She would never be able to look at him without remembering his face just then, and she would know forever that an end was never far away.

Author's Note: Thanks so much for the reviews! I'm sooo sorry for the wait!

Until next time...

October Sky