Authors Note: Ok, so this was for the 100songs challenge on Livejournal. The prompt was Cry by Mandy Moore. As no longer allows lyrics in song fics, (sigh) I have removed them. If you want to read the verson with the lyrics, a link will be on my profile. Other than that, I hope you enjoy the fic!

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I watched you walk out of the lab, sliding your coat on as you went. You face was closed, but it wasn’t hard to feel the pain that radiated from you. It was tangible, and I felt the cold touch of its fingers as you walked past me. I’ve watched you for so long now. I’ve memorised every expression, every feeling, every movement you make. The tension in your body, your mouth a hard line, your eyes fixed firmly on the ground. It spoke to me, Mac. It told me that you are in pain, in so much pain. I bit my lip, hesitating and weighing up everything in my mind. I made my decision when I grabbed my jacket and followed you.

I knew you would come here. You always do when things get hard for you. You stand here and gather your thoughts, and then you become your mask again and its business as usual. I sometimes wonder whether you notice that I follow you here sometimes. I doubt it. You are an observant man, but sometimes you can be so oblivious. I stop a few meters away from you and slide into the shadows to watch over you. You hands touch the metal barricades and you stare at the large pile of rubble that was enclosed by them. Memories float to the surface and I see the tension leave your body as your shoulders slump, almost in defeat. I saw your head fall back as you cast your eyes to the dark grey sky above. I was shaken to the core by what I saw next. One lone teardrop fell down your cheek, making a jagged path on your tired skin.

In all the time I have known you, in all the time I have loved you, and not once have I ever seen you cry. You always managed to control it, to fight against it. I saw you at the memorial service two weeks ago, and even then you held it all in. I saw you struggle so hard not to cry, and now it seemed you finally lost the battle. Your mask has shattered, and you are revealing yourself to the world.

There are so many things I want to do. I want to walk up to you and hold you through your tears. I want to tell you that everything will be alright, that I will make everything alright. I want to tell you I love you. But my feet don’t move, like they are stuck to the ground with glue. My heart races in my chest, full of words and feelings that need to be let out. But I can’t. I can’t move a muscle. I can only stand here and watch you cry.

I’ve seen something that very few people have, and it has changed me. I’m a witness to your emotions, and it has affected me in ways I cannot explain. You squeeze your eyes shut for a second, and then re-open them, bringing your head level again. Your hand wipes away the tears on your cheek and you take a few slow and steady breaths to regain your composure. I smile to myself sadly and I know that you will hide behind your mask again. I don’t want to see that transformation. I want to remember this moment for the rest of my life. I stare at you for a moment longer and then I turn and head back to the lab.