(Weebee is on the bridge of a Defiant class starship)

Weebee: Sorry for the delay folks, but my muse got assimilated by the Borg. We're going to get her back now. (Weebee points at navigator, who looks suspiciously like Ryoga Hibiki.) Engage!

Ami Mizuno(Operations): Captain, Several Borg Transwarp conduits are opening approximately 100 kilometers ahead. It looks like five cubes, sir!.

Weebee: On Screen.

Borg: We are the borg. You will take your muse back. her biological and technological distinctivness are... strange. She will not be added to our own! resistance is futile.

Misato:(Is beamed into the middle of the bridge, one foot off of the floor. Gravity takes over.) Oof!

Ami: Sir, all of the cubes have re-entered their transwarp conduits, and it looks like they permanently sealed them.

Misato: HEY! What the hell was that for!?! (looks around, sees weebee.) Bout time you showed up, they didn't have any beer. and you had damned well have a good reason for taking your sweet time

weebee: (Rubbing temples) Ah, Miss Mizuno, please run CR-14 on the main viewscreen.

Chapter 14, Unexpected Sources.

Ranma sighed in relief as he slid to a stop, shooting yet another look backwards. Ryoga, apparently, had gotten lost. This was a good thing as Ranma wasn’t really sure how to fight her. He’d outgrown his dislike of fighting females, mostly, and even if he hadn’t it would have been a moot issue since Ryoga was actually male, except for one problem. Angry women still tended to be able to get lucky shots in on him, no matter how tightly he held his defenses.

Wincing, he reached up and rubbed at a knot on the back of his head that had been caused when Ryoga had, despite her slightly diminished strength, lifted a heavy box of fruit from the edge of the street without slowing down and thrown it at him.

Taking note of his current location, the martial artist observed that he wasn’t very far from where he’d started running from Ryoga, having doubled back and run through back streets as much as they had. Deciding that he’d better go find Nabiki, who hadn’t looked very well before, Ranma only gave a brief thought to where the lost boy, or girl, had gone this time.

HR.

Ranko munched on a small chocolate bar that she’d gotten from a pouch on the front of her school bag, while she, Yoiko and their friends sat on the benches at one corner of the playground. “I’m telling you, Yoiko, I think that test was pretty easy.”

The brown haired girl just frowned, gazing off into the distance. “I can’t believe I got a C+.” She grumbled. “My parents are going to kill me…. Next time they find me.”

“Well, that’s not going to be for a few weeks, right?” One of the other girls, Kagome, spoke up before being elbowed in the side by her companion, Reika. “Oh, right…” She mumbled, Yoiko giving her an annoyed look.

Looking for something to change the subject, the long black haired girl pointed across the yard. “Hey, who do you think she is?” She asked, curious.

The other three looked where Kagome was pointing, only to see a much older girl, maybe seventeen or eighteen, running into the yard. Her short hair was kept out of her eyes by a bandana similar to Yoiko’s, and she wore a heavy looking pack on her back.

“She looks a little like you.” Ranko observed, looking at Yoiko.

“I guess.” Yoiko returned, about to get back to her sulking over having almost failed the test, when the older woman shouted something that drew all of their attention.

“Saotome! Damn it, where did you go?!”

“Did you just hear…” Ranko asked, only to get a nod from her three friends. “I guess I should probably answer her.” She resolved, getting up from the bench and slowly walking into the middle of the yard.

Kagome and Reiko, obviously not wanting to go anywhere near the obviously unhinged newcomer, stayed exactly where they were, but Yoiko sighed. “Hey, what are you thinking?” She demanded, quickly moving to follow the slightly shorter redhead.

“Well, she wants a Saotome, right?” Ranko asked.

Yoiko just sweat dropped, but continued following her friend. Sometimes, she felt that Ranko didn’t care very much about self-preservation.

The woman with the large backpack didn’t seem to notice the two smaller girls approaching her at first, looking around as if trying to get her bearings. It wasn’t until Ranko tapped her on the arm that she noticed them, and it took her quite a bit of willpower not to start punching the redhead as soon as she saw her. No, she realized, this one was a bit too small to be Ranma. “Excuse me,” Ranko said, flinching slightly as she saw that the black haired woman looked pretty angry. “You were looking for a Saotome, right?”

“Huh?” Ryoga asked, her mind slowly returning to a non-enraged state.

“I’m Saotome Ranko.” The little girl replied. “Is there something you want?”

“Oh, no. I’m looking for Saotome Ranma.” Ryoga replied, not thinking, before something clicked. “Hey, where am I?”

“This is Furinkan Jr. High school.” Yoiko replied, instantly. Recently, any time she could give someone ELSE directions, she felt distinctly proud of herself.

“Yoiko?” Ryoga asked, as if realizing that the other little girl was here for the first time. The brown haired girl just looked at her, blankly, and blinked a few times. “It’s me, Ryoga!” She said, and that got a reaction.

Yoiko backed away. “Ranko, I think she’s nuts, we should probably get out of here.” Yoiko said, still backing up but not wanting to turn her eyes away.

Ryoga growled, and turned her face to the sky. “And now my own sister doesn’t recognize me! DAMN YOU RANMA!!!”

“Um, what did my brother do to you?” Ranko asked, starting to agree with Yoiko, but not wanting to show it.

“There was this water, and then he jumped down off of the top of this building, and I… I…” Ryoga shuddered, gesturing at her body.

“Water?” Ranko asked, and then began to think. While it was unlikely that this woman was really Yoiko’s brother, she HAD seen her own older sibling turn into a girl before. “Just like Ranma’s change, it’s triggered by water!” She said, happily.

Ryoga blinked, and Yoiko looked at her best friend worriedly. ‘Oh great, she’s gone nuts too.’ She thought, but still followed when Ranko grabbed the strange woman by the arm and started pulling. It was then that Yoiko noticed that the woman had a cast on the arm that Ranko wasn’t holding, one that looked a lot like her brother’s.

HR.

A few minutes later, Ranko, Ryoga and Yoiko were in a women’s bathroom inside the school. Ryoga had been rather reluctant to enter, but when Ranko had told her that she knew how to turn her back, she’d quickly overcome that reluctance.

“Let me get this straight.” Yoiko said, as Ranko let the hot water tap run. Unfortunately, since the school had really bad pipes, it took a second for the water to get hot. “Your brother has a curse that turns him into a girl?”

Ranko nodded.

“And he was that girl who brought you to class today?”

Ranko nodded.

“And now you think Ryoga’s got the same curse?”

Ranko nodded.

“You’re insane.” Yoiko said, flatly.

“It’s hot enough now, I think.” Ranko said, ignoring her friend and turning to the lost girl.

“You’re sure this will work?” Ryoga asked, uncertainly.

Ranko shrugged. “No, not really.” She answered, completely honestly.

Ryoga’s eyebrow twitched, but she stepped up to the sink, splashing herself with the water. Instantly, she felt her body shift and re-arrange, and he was standing there, as good as new. The lost boy patted his chest several times, and then started to grin happily. Spinning around, he sank to his knees, and grabbed both Ranko and the shocked Yoiko into a near bone crushing hug. “THANK YOU!” he yelled.

“You’re welcome…” Ranko gasped.

“Let me go, Ryoga!” Yoiko exclaimed, just as the door to the bathroom swung open and a woman wearing a black skirt suit walked in.

“What on earth is going on he…” She started, then got a look at the scene. She immediately charged at Ryoga, brandishing the clipboard she’d been carrying under her arm previously. “You let those girls go, you pervert!” She demanded, bringing it down on top of his head.

HR.

Urd loved Sake. It was her power source, after all, and deities usually developed a taste for their power sources or had them changed. What she didn’t love, however, was the hangover that she got when she over-imbibed.

“Oh, she’s waking up.” Came a voice, one that sounded very familiar. As the goddess of the past opened her eyes, she winced. “Belldandy, could you turn the lights off?” She croaked.

“Hmm, a lot of people have been mentioning that name today.” The familiar voice said again, now clearly linked to an unfamiliar brown haired woman who was sitting next to her bed. A second later, the woman was up and pulling a set of blinds over a window above her head. “Is that better?”

“Thanks.” Urd replied, now able to see much more clearly. “What happened?” She asked, now having her doubts that she was suffering from a hangover.

“Apparently Pantyhose Taro threw a barrel of water at you.” The woman said, placidly, before her calm look darkened slightly. “Someone should have a talk with that boy.”

“P… Pantyhose?” Urd asked, finding herself smiling simply because of the bizarre name.

The woman who was apparently her nurse nodded. “But don’t worry about him, how are you feeling?”

“Just a bit of a headache.” Urd replied, and then reached up to feel her head. She winced as she brought her hand to it, feeling the large bump on the side of her skull through her hair. “Where’s the man who was with me, his name’s Keiichi.”

“He went home a little over an hour ago. Apparently, he’s gone to get your sisters.” The woman replied. “Tofu-Sensei tried to tell him that you would be all right, but he insisted.”

Urd nodded, then sighed. This was one heck of an assignment. Not ten minutes into the district, and she got smacked in the head by a flying barrel. Something told her this would be a LONG trip.

HR.

“Nabiki?” Ranma snapped his fingers in front of the middle Tendo’s face. “Nabiki?” He tried again.

She blinked.

“Are you okay?” He asked, when her previous vacant stare, focused about 10000 yards off into the ether, seemed to refocus onto him.

"D...drowned girl, you said it was drowned girl, right?" She asked, almost sounding crazed.

Ranma looked confused for a moment, then seemed to realize what she was thinking. “Yeah, you’re fine.” He said, trying to be reassuring. “It didn’t do anything to ya.”

Nabiki sighed in relief, before her shoulders slumped. “You know, Saotome,” She drawled. “Being in the same district as you can be hazardous to one’s sanity.”

He winced. “Look…Nabiki, I’m sorry. I didn’t think the idiot’d throw cursed spring water off the side of a building.” He winced. “I hope no one but you ‘n Ryoga got hit.”

“Ryoga?” Nabiki asked, and then seemed to remember. “Oh, right, where is he?” She looked around, still slightly out of it and almost expecting the lost boy to come wandering out of Ranma’s shadow or something, given how weird things had been getting.

Ranma shrugged. “He’s lost.” He explained. “I’ll have ta deal with him later, but for now we should probably get you back to the Dojo.”

“Right, the Dojo.” Nabiki said, nodding decisively.

Ranma looked at her oddly. It was true that he occasionally wanted to see the middle Tendo daughter’s calm, condescending attitude shaken, but this… this was just freaky. “Come on.” He said, and started to lead the way to the Dojo. As he did so, he marveled at how far he, Happosai and Taro had gone, and precisely how much damage they’d done.

As the two walked down the streets that lead to the Tendo girl’s house, she was looking much more relaxed. Her formerly wild eyes were now calm and cool, and her hair had been roughly styled back into an approximation of its usual bowl cut. Even her clothes had dried, mostly, of the Jusenkyo water that had been dripping off of them.

She had spent the time they had been walking getting the information of precisely what the hell had happened out of Ranma, though she thought he was giving it to her far too easily. She made a mental note to decrease the price by ten percent next time he bought something off of her. She was just about to say something about the story that Ranma had told when the martial artist tensed up and started looking around the street suspiciously.

“What is it?” The brown haired girl asked, once again feeling slightly nervous.

“Someone’s following us.” Ranma replied, and then his voice became somewhat louder. “You wanna come out, or am I gunna have to go after ya?”

They heard a chuckle, and a small form suddenly appeared on a fence nearby. “Good work, my boy.” Happosai said.

Ranma immediately got into a defensive stance, covering Nabiki, and the old man smiled. “You don’t have to worry, I’m not going to touch Nabiki, though she is looking quite lovely with that slightly damp shirt!” He cackled.

Nabiki blushed, and crossed her arms over her chest. “What do you want, Happosai?” She drawled, before Ranma could say anything.

“O, why are you so suspicious?” The old pervert demanded, swooning melodramatically, but he stopped when he saw that neither of them were buying it. Looking at them seriously, he said something that shocked them both. “I know that you won’t believe this, but I’m here on a serious matter, I swear on the name of the founding school of anything goes.”

Nabiki wasn’t very impressed. Happosai was almost NEVER serious, and when he was it was about seriously being a pest. To her surprise, though, Ranma had stiffened. “What do you want to say, Master Happosai?” He said, formally.

Nabiki gaped at him, but quickly regained control over her expression. “Why are you talking like that, Ranma? Even after you changed, you never struck me as the formal type.”

Ranma didn’t turn away from Happosai as he spoke. “He invoked the honor of the school.” He replied. “That’s the one thing even he doesn’t play around with, even if he doesn’t care much for his own personal honor.”

“Hey, show a little more respect, boy!” Happosai yelled, before restraining himself. “This isn’t easy, and it’s harder when you’re mouthing off!” Seeing that Ranma suddenly became quiet, the old man threw an annoyed look to Nabiki, who shrugged and stepped back as if to say ’I won’t interfere.’

Marshaling his thoughts, Happosai spoke. “Ranma Saotome, you have saved my life today. As such, I owe you a debt of honor, one which I will fulfill. If you have a request of me, make it now.”

Ranma blinked. “I did what?” He asked, confused. “I stopped Taro from hitting ya with the water, but it’s a curse, not instant death. I mean, it’s a pain in the…” He was stopped as Happosai waved him to silence.

“Do you know what the spring of drowned girl does to your aura?” Happosai asked. Seeing Ranma shake his head, he continued. “It reverses its polarity, switching male and female life force. In most cases, this only causes slightly odd behavior until the two equal out enough not to really be effected.” He frowned deeply. “In my case, the sudden shift of all of that stored female Chi to male would drive me insane in minutes, and probably kill me within days. As much as I hate to say it, I owe you my life, now ask me your favor.”

Nabiki smirked, and spoke up. “Maybe you should ask him never to grope another girl.”

Ranma shook his head. “I don’t even really think he’s gunna keep the bargain, and besides, if I did that he’d die anyways. He lives off of female life energy.” Contemplating for a moment, the young martial artist had an idea. It was so obvious that Happosai half expected a light bulb to pop on above his head. “I know what I want.” Ranma said, decisively. “I want you to teach me all you know of the founding school that doesn’t involve swiping women’s underwear. I’ve seen a few of those techniques of yers, and I want ‘em.”

Happosai growled, but then sighed. “If that is what you wish, I will begin training you when you ask.” He grudgingly said, before turning and hopping off.

When he was several blocks away, the old man’s face broke into a smile. “He fell for it!” He cackled, happily. He hadn’t been lying when he’d offered Ranma anything he could do. Having his aura twisted inside out and his mind torn apart would have been quite the grizzly way to die, but he had been hoping that Ranma would make the request he had. Now, with a promise that he would be taught only the better portions of the founding school, Ranma would agree to learn under Happosai, and he would be taught EVERYTHING the old man knew. “Ranma, my boy, you’re quite a student.” He cackled, disappearing into his bedroom in the Tendo home.

In the house’s front lawn, Soun Tendo blinked after the cackling form of his master. “This isn’t good at all.” He muttered, and continued to cry.

HR.

In a vacant lot near the outskirts of Nerima, Pantyhose Taro drove one massive fist into the ground in frustration, bellowing at the sky. The fight hadn’t gone on for very long after he’d lost the spring water.

Happosai had suddenly become MUCH braver, and within about five minutes Taro had had to retreat. That, though, wasn’t the worst part.

The bull creature looked down at himself, or rather, itself, and shuddered. Not only had Happosai gotten away yet again, but what that…that… FEMBOY had tricked him into doing. If Taro’s next bellow could have been understood by human ears, it would have sounded like “Femboy, I WILL kill you!”

After the mighty bellow to the sky, the cross between a bull, a crane, an eel, a yeti, an octopus and a girl lurched into the air on its unsteady wings, headed out of the district… for now.

END.

Misato: (Blinks.) Why this old thing?

Weebee:(Shrugs.) Well, with the writer's block, I figured everything was just as hard to write, so I may as well do this one.

Ryoga: You mean James thought that.

Weebee: Shut up, Hibiki.

Misato: (Sighs.) Well, it's passable... now I'm off to go get a beer.

Ami: Ma'am, you do realize this is a federation starship, and anything stronger than synthaholis restricted by command code, right?

Misato: (Looks at Weebee, who is wearing a command uniform with captain's pips.) C'mon, blind man. You and me have a date with a replicator. (Grabs him by the arm and pulls.)

Weebee: Hey! (Is pulled along, and sighs.) Miss Mizuno, you have the bridge!