Mix the 18.

“So.”

Cloud barely glanced up as Zack slid onto the bench next to him. The fog of twilight seemed to only accentuate the slightly haunted look in the blonde’s eyes, sitting alone on a park bench in the dirt of sector four.

“So,” Cloud echoed after a long moment, refusing to meet his companion’s eyes. Zack took his chance and reached out to Cloud, reeling him in and holding him close.

“Do you want to talk about it? Because I might talk all the freaking time, but you know I’d stop to listen to you, Cloud. Whatever you want to say, I’ll listen,” Zack whispered into the embrace, his warm breath causing a gentle flutter of blonde hair.

“I....” Cloud breathed out slowly, leaning slightly back. Zack sensed the deeper emotions battling inside the blonde, a reminder of the melancholy that lurked within the one he loved, along with a depressed and pessimistic side rarely seen these days.

“I know you’ll listen, Zack. ...but would you wait? I just need to... get things straight for myself.”

“Cloud, I want to help! You know I do!”

“I know, Zack. You always want to help. But you’ve got to let me help myself for once, okay?” he sluggishly pulled out of the comfort of Zack’s arms and warm body. “I’m getting stronger, Zack. I feel... better. About everything. Did you know Sephiroth investigated my trainer? It turns out that the teaching method he was using was hardly benefiting anyone.” Ignoring Zack’s stunned look at this nugget of information, Cloud continued. “He helped the instructor realize that, and also took a few hours to go over what I was supposed to be learning. And do you know what? I could do it! I was good at it! I win practically all my spars now! I’m.. I’m strong. I’m a soldier. I’m in the freaking army. I can defend myself, fight back. It’s a good feeling.”

And Zack was slowly realizing it, understanding the great moods that Cloud was sometimes in despite bruises peppering his body, and feeling the strong, firm grip of Cloud’s hands on his shoulders. Despite that, the younger man was shaking.

“But my childhood, and Nibelheim... I want to tell you guys, but I’m just not strong enough for that yet. It’s dumb, I probably had a pretty good childhood in the eyes of someone else... but it was hard for me. It... hurts. Please, Zack, wait. I know it’s hard for you” (Zack made a soft noise of protest at this),” but wait for me to work through this.”

Reading the expression on Cloud’s face correctly, Zack slid back in close to hold him again.

“Of course I’ll wait. You just need to ask baby, I’d do anything for you.” Lifting up a spike, Zack pressed a kiss against Cloud’s chilled forehead.

“Then don’t call me baby,” Cloud snickered back, elbowing Zack lightly. And he settled back against Zack {as the strong but lithe cadet he was {do you really need this part? It seems a bit long winded though I love the description. Maybe you could have Zack tracing the shoulders and feeling the lithe strength in the compact cadet or something?} . And Zack happily took him into his arms, tracing strong shoulder muscles though the blonde’s shirt with his own calloused fingers. They might have stayed on the dirty bench for more than an hour but what of it? And if, by the time they headed back to Sephiroth’s apartment on the plate, snow had started falling would anyone blame them for sneaking snowballs into the house and subsequently down the back of Sephiroth’s jacket, would anyone blame them? Well certainly someone would, but as the General of the world’s strongest army brushed snow from his jacket onto the towels he had gotten for his companions, he watched the laughing faces of the ones he loved and thought that maybe he wouldn’t hold it against them.

Or maybe he’d just think up more creative punishments.

SONG

Managing to capture a handful of the fluffy blonde locks tickling his sweaty neck, Cloud pulled them into a ponytail with the elastic he had stolen off Zack’s nightstand. Opposite him, Tyler took a big swig of water out of his bottle amid desperate gasps for air.

“Fuck! God, you’re tough!” he panted, bending over for a second. Cloud looked up at him over the towel he was using to wipe his sweaty face and grinned tiredly.

“You’re no pushover yourself,” Cloud conceded. He collapsed on the low wooden bench on the edge of the gym, sighing as Tyler did the same. “Are you topping the class yet?”

“I think you’re about to overtake me,” the other blonde admitted. “I have to say I’m impressed, Strife. I used to think you were nothing more than some lapdog of that Fair guy, but I haven’t seen him around you for ages. Finally decided to find your own way, huh?”

“We had a bit of a fight, I guess. But... everything’s fine now. It’s good.” Cloud smiled shyly, eyes cast downwards. He mulled over that while stretching his legs out silently, unaware of the expression on his companion’s face.

“...you’re fucking him, aren’t you.” The words were deadpan.

“What?” Cloud blinked up dazedly. A storm raged on Tyler’s face.

“Goddamn. GODDAMN!” Tyler leapt from his seat, facing Cloud with an accusatory glare. “Fuck you, Strife! I respected you! I respected you for getting somewhere on your own. I thought you had finished being that weak kid hiding behind other people! But no, it turns out you’re just another cheap whore! FUCK!”

Eyes wide, Cloud shook his head. “No, Tyler, it’s nothing like that! I’m trying to get to SOLDIER on my own! Don’t you understand? Zack’s relationship with me has nothing to do with anything! Him and Seph, they’re not helping me at all!”

“Seph? S- Sephiroth?” Tyler’s eyes narrowed. “You’re fucking the goddamn General? You cheap slut!”

“No!” Cloud stood up as a powerful hand grasped his lapel. “It’s n-nnnn-!” Twisting as the fist collided with his mouth, Cloud tasted blood from a split lip and felt the sting of his tongue bitten between his own teeth at the same moment as he flailed his legs, one of them finding the back of Tyler’s knee and bringing them both down.

The first hit had sent the first wave of adrenalin barreling through him, and Cloud fought back with the idea of protecting himself. They grappled on the floor, dust and sand sticking to the new sweat which was forming on Cloud’s cheeks as he pressed against them in an effort to gain some leverage.

Another of Tyler’s heavy blows hit solid cement but the next collided with his torso as the other blonde attempted to escape. Sending a knee into Tyler’s stomach, Cloud managed to pull himself free and stumbled backwards, dazed.

“Tyler! I thought... I thought we were friends!” Cloud gasped out. Was this what they’d regressed to? No longer the two having a friendly sparring match or friendly conversation, Cloud felt like he was back to those months that seemed too long ago when Tyler would hunt him down for sport, just to hear the whimpers of one he considered pathetic. But now that it was revealed that Cloud had a relationship with a SOLDIER- two SOLDIERS, Tyler thought he was pathetic again? Did the friendly man he was joking with just a moment ago disappear that fast?

“You know what, Strife? I have been in this company for almost a year now. And do you know what? Every class has at least ten of you little cocksucking shits that think that getting down on your knees will get you higher on the chain of command than honest work. And fuck, it might work sometimes but at least I still have my fucking pride!”

Cloud panted as he shuffled further from the livid figure. His head pounded and he was woozy from hitting the ground so hard when he and Tyler had fallen, and the blow to his torso was a deep, solid ache. Maybe something was broken? Blood trickled down his lip and pooled on his collarbone. He couldn’t see that well, why couldn’t he think that well? Cloud swayed as he walked backwards more, trying not to fall over as Tyler advanced again. What was he meant to do? His knees hit the back of the bench and something else, a cool feeling against his bare legs as his aggressor moved forwards. A powerful blow was suggested in the coiled muscles as Tyler began to bring his fist forward. Cloud’s arms moved to defend himself and there was something in his hand, cutting a line into Tyler’s chest, soon welling up with rich scarlet blood that seemed to drip lazily down the edge of the blade, advancing towards his fingers. Did even his blood want to hurt him? And speaking of hurt a fist collided with Cloud’s head and the blackness was swirling ink in the corner of his eyes, but growing and spreading like ink does in water and he could hear someone call out but it was too late and Cloud was slumping backwards like a rag doll.

SAOSIN- COLLAPSE

Sephiroth really didn’t want to do this. Why had this situation even happened? This type of thing wasn’t supposed to happen, and it... it wasn’t supposed be Cloud.

But there the blonde was, trapped between two commanding officers in Sephiroth’s office, shivering violently. Tears ran unabashedly down his cheeks as Cloud sniffled, disturbing the dried blood on his face and causing the red chips of blood to float down slowly, like demented snowflakes. In short, he was a mess. Bruised, bloodied and crying in his gym clothes, standing in disgrace in front of the General of the strongest army in the world.

Sephiroth slowly removed his reading glasses.

“Cadet Strife. Today at 3pm, you attacked another member of the Shinra army with a training sword, is that correct?”

Cloud made a slight lunge towards the man, held back by strong arms at his side. “Is he okay? Oh gods, is Tyler okay?” Cloud gasped out, ignoring his own wounds.

“....He received no lasting injuries. He has already been administered with a Potion, and the accelerated healing rate will ensure no scar tissue is left in three weeks.” Sephiroth tried not to look at Cloud too hard. Just pretend it’s someone else. It’s not Cloud there. “Cadet, do you admit to attacking him?”

“Yes.” Cloud responded without hesitation. His looked ahead, meeting Sephiroth’s gaze but not asking for pity. “I was the one that cut Tyler with that sword.”

Sephiroth had to look down at that point, happy for once with the distraction the rulebook in his hands caused. “It is clearly stated in the Shinra rulebook, section four point two one, that any cadet that attacks with a weapon outside of training or a supervised condition is to be ejected from the SOLDIER training program. We understand that you were provoked and attacked by Mr TYLERLAST NAME HERE, but he only used his fis-” Sephiroth glanced up at the interruption, to see Zack burst in, a flustered look on his face that quickly turned to utterly devastated as he took in what was going on, no doubt having been informed earlier but doubting it.

His attention was brought back to what was right in front of him when Cloud spoke.

“I accept the terms of my punishment, General,”

“Haynes, Roley, you can leave now. Thank you for your assistance.” Sephiroth quietly dismissed them, and watched as Cloud seemed to slowly sink in mid air without the two’s anchorage at his sides. Zack came up behind him and wrapped his arms solidly around Cloud.

Before Cloud covered his face, Sephiroth saw a look of agony on it, and felt a wave of anger rush through him. All Cloud had done was cut an inch into his aggressor, in an act done entirely in self defense, yet here he was not only agonizing over the fact that he had done such a thing, but he was now being stripped of any chance of ever achieving his goal. He didn’t deserve this. Not Cloud of all people!

Sephiroth enveloped Cloud in his embrace and allowed his fingers to brush against Zack’s solid back, silently asking the other man to lend him the strength to help Cloud through his.

The blonde sagged against him.

“I’m s-so sorry....” Cloud sobbed.

“Sssh. Ssh baby.” Zack hummed.

“...ssorry. Sorry. I’m so sorrrr...” he broke off into another round of sobs.

Sephiroth felt one of Zack’s hands sneak out of the embrace and return the touch on Sephiroth’s shoulder, sliding in underneath the armor.

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE- TESTIFY.

Sephiroth had a few moments to mull over his thoughts while Cloud ate, haltingly as it was. He felt a wide range of emotions right now; anger, sorrow, and others he didn’t know the name of. He felt it for Cloud, but why for Cloud when he’d expelled that Valkerie boy from Shinra. Was this what ‘playing favourites’ meant? Or was this simply Sephiroth feeling normal emotions, like Zack wished he would so often?

In any case he was firmly focused on the blonde when the three of them curled up on the bed, offering each other the closeness they all obviously needed.

“I... I want to tell you two about my childhood,” Cloud told them. He looked up at them both, strong despite his churning sorrow.

Zack started at that. “Cloud, I thought you said you wanted to wait until you were ready to tell us? Please, only tell us when you want to-”

“I do.” Cloud interrupted. “Please, just listen to me. You’re the two I love, so I want you to know.”

Sephiroth tightened his embrace at that. These were the people he loved.

“I... I probably had a good childhood compared to some people. It’s like that saying, don’t waste food when there’s starving people in Corel... but I haven’t experienced any of that. I don’t know how to compare the two.”

Cloud stopped for a moment, and then nodded to himself and started.

“I guess I should start with my parents. My father is... I don’t know who my father is. I don’t care. He can’t do anything for me, and if he’d cared he’d be there with my mother and I. It’s mum who I want to tell you about. I guess the root of the problem is that she didn’t love me. Well, it’s more like if she remembered who I was, maybe she’d love me, but as it was I don’t think she even remembered I existed half the time.”

Sitting next to him, Zack gasped. “You mean she didn’t know who you were? Was there something wrong with her?”

Cloud shrugged offhandedly. “Some kind of mental illness, I assume. The only doctor at Nibelheim diagnosed it as ‘brain rot’, but he was an insane fucker that loved to hack off limbs, so I don’t place much weight in his opinion,”

Zack’s horrified eyes met Sephiroth’s. What the hell happened to medical standards out there in the boondocks?

“Of course, no-one wants to be friends with the kid whose mum is bonkers. It didn’t help that I didn’t have a father, either. So in the end... I guess I grew up alone.” Cloud looked up. “There you guys have it. I .. don’t even know why I was holding it in any more. I guess when I held it inside me it gave me a reason to be angry at the world. But that’s silly. Anyway,” he sat up straighter. “So now that I’m disqualified from SOLDIER training will I remain an infantryman forever? I guess I could work to rise up the ranks that way, or just stay in the army until I figure out what I want to do next.”

Why... why was he being so calm about it all? Sephiroth glanced at Zack, confused, only to watch him run his fingers through Cloud’s soft hair.

“Cloud, baby? It’s okay. We’re here for you.” He pressed a kiss to Cloud’s forehead, and reached up to stroke Sephiroth’s cheek before settling onto the bed, pulling Cloud down with him. Sephiroth followed suit slowly, like a sliver of metal being pulled in by Zack’s magnet.

“Sssh.” Zack crooned, as the first sob wracked Cloud’s body. “We’ll always be there for you, baby. We love you.”

PLACEBO- LADY OF THE FLOWERS.

“A mission?”

“Just to take his mind off things. After all, it isn’t the end of the world.”

“Cloud said he wanted to become a SOLDIER to prove he could succeed. Now that that’s taken away from him, you seem to think that he’ll struggle with everyday life?”

“He’s just depressed right now, really.” A sigh. “He won’t leave my apartment willingly. I think he needs this time alone, though a week’s enough. We should get him out of there.”

“....that’s a good idea. Let me just check the- ah.”

“Huh? What’s wrong?”

“It looks like the only mission that is coming up for the next month is... in Nibelheim.”

“....shit. I’d suggest we ditch that and take Cloud on a holiday instead, but if we can get him out there killing monsters I’m sure he’d burn some of his aggression off.”

“So...”

“So. Um. Umm....... yeah. Sign us up.”

“Okay.” A soft tapping of the keyboard. “Interestingly enough, I was requested for this mission. It just seems to be a low level monster problem, so I wonder why...?”

“Maybe the Nibel citizens wanna take pictures of you? Who cares!”

“...Perhaps. But first, Zack-”

“Yeah, muchkin?”

Sephiroth gave the man a look that would make a lesser man wet himself.

“Did you really need to sit on my lap for all of that?”

“Oh Seph baby, I can see through your nasty looks! You can’t deny that you love me!”

Sephiroth sighed, and wondered if he could co-conspire with Cloud to banish the man to the couch tonight.

BRIGHTEN- TELEVISION

“Thank you.”

“Huh?” Zack glanced at his blonde companion in confusion. “Thanks for what?”

Cloud grinned, despite still being slightly green from the transport. “I know what you’re doing here, Zack. I’m not an idiot.”

Zack answered back with his trademark smile. “You’re far from it, sexy. Trust me.” He pulled Cloud close, marinating in the simple act of being close to the blonde.

A noise interrupted them, and both sprang apart so see Sephiroth round the corner of the truck.

“Oh, Seph! I thought you were the driver! God, you scared me!” Zack breathlessly told him, ignoring Cloud’s groan.

“No, I believe he is still urinating in the bushes,” Sephiroth informed them. By a strange twist of fate the driver selected for this mission was none other than the thug Needle, whose real name was John Mellory and seemed to have calmed down a lot after his gang had been split up. He recognized Cloud, but didn’t seem to care. ‘That guy?’ one of his classmates had said when Cloud asked after him, ‘Yeah, he seems to have mellowed out a lot after finding himself a cute girlfriend down in the slums. Some blonde with big tittays, I hear.’.

Good for him! Cloud thought optimistically, looking up at the two men standing by his sides and feeling suddenly happy for his situation. In front of him lay Nibelheim like a silver scarab with a single jewel of green sitting at it’s peak, but in his eyes it was just a pathetic bug to crush.

Cloud Strife was a new man, stronger and more confident than ever before.

He grasped the hands of both his boyfriends. Looking up at them both, he smiled, untainted by sorrow. He could survive, he could face his past, he would take anything on. After all, the rule book didn’t say how long the barring from SOLDIER was for, did it? He could have sworn he saw a footnote that might have mentioned that the standard timeframe was a year....

But for now, they were together. The Strongest man in the world, his Second in Command, and a determined young man from Nibel that was definitely not a kid. Oh, and that man over there peeing in the bushes, too.

And together, they would take anything on.

...

...

...

Recovering the memory seven years down the track, Cloud Strife winced.

[END OF DATA.]

AN

Wow. Ended, huh? Hard to believe I’ve been writing this thing since 2006. It’s been fun, though. I wanna thank all you awesome dudes, even if judging by the amount of reviews I got last chapter you did all get sick of me not updating whilst I was dealing with exams.

Still, I feel like this fic has developed with my own development. If you read through it you can see it go from another generic emo!Cloud story to- hopefully!- something a little more distinctly me. It’s been a journey for me, really.

Anyway, don’t forget those drabbles I’m writing- I’ll post them up when I finish them, and also keep your eyes out for Remix, which be a post-game tieup of the whole situation, because I like happy endings okay.

Anyway, if you need me feel free to PM me, or visit me at rafira . livejournal . com!

Also, Please take a look at the profilesof Kazuhiko and Spopoc! (Read her story, Training)

Farewell for now! I hope you enjoyed this final chapter!

Bonus track! This was supposed to be the ending line, but my beta told me to use the other version:

Recovering the memory seven years down the track, Cloud Strife winced at the insane naivety of the whole situation, then wandered off to throw something at Yuffie. Better that than mope.