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Author of 56 Stories |
Disclaimer: I do not own Kyou Kara Maou, Tomo Takabayashi does.
Summary: Livejournals which expose Kyou Kara Maou characters' deepest secrets, personalities, and desires. WARNING: mad rantings, jealous ravings, and numerous stalkings. Guaranteed to have you laughing your socks off. BEWARE!
Title: Kyou Kara Maou Very Secret Livejournals
Wolfram
Post 14: Day off to vigorous start! Woke up feeling most refreshed as just had finished great dream. I was in some sort of large stadium with people cheering and in odd outfit with strange cap. Played a weird game with some sort of narrow club, one overly-sized oven mitten and medium-sized white ball. Was winning whatever I was doing, even if I had no idea what was going on, but that is how my mind works. I am always the victor, and even if I'm not, I SHOULD BE! Not to brag on myself, but I am totally full of WIN. Due to this infinite factor, won whatever demented, non-realistic game mind made up amidst my deep throes of sleep. Dream got even better, though, because not only won game, always beat this Wimp look-alike guy. Almost brought him to tears with full-fledged WIN-ness. Unfortunately woke up, before Wimp look-alike could completely break down and lost chance to "comfort" him in arms...
Forget everything previously said.
Dreams suck!
Current Mood: Irritated at self for spoiling good mood and also at WIN-ness for being too all-powerful
Comments: WAH! Commander vonBielefield! We LOVE your WIN-ness! Your WIN-ness ROCKS! NEVER LOSE THE WIN-NESS! Forget the Wimp! Captivate US with your WIN-ness! EMBRACE, ENTHRALL, SLAY US WITH YOUR WIN-NESS!
-Bielefield Cavalry(aka Adonis Chorus Line, aka Boys in Spurs)
Reply: Thank you, thank you for your support! But no slacking on duty! Back to your stations, boys! My WIN-ness should only be flaunted when absolutely necessary! It can wreak chaos and havoc if do not keep it in check. Other people are insanely jealous of my WIN-ness! You will tell NO ONE, my WIN-ness escaped this morning, is that understood?
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness, aka He With the WIN-ness)
Comments: SIR, YES, SIR! WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, YOU ARE FREAKING HAWT, SIR!
-Bielefield Cavalry(aka Adonis Chorus Line, aka Boys in Spurs)
Reply: Ah, Fanservice! It's full of WIN! But not as much as mine!
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness, aka He With the WIN-ness)
Also, Wimp almost gets kidnapped by some idiot ninja wannabes. I would have held the glory of rescuing his Royal Wimpy-ness Posterior by myself yet again, if Lord Weller had not proceeded to selfishly seize the spotlight. Captured one ninja wannabe, had him interrogated and found out Uncle Oaf (aka Stoffle) is trying to worm his flabby presence into Wimp's good graces. We all suspect Uncle Oaf may be behind disappearance of Gem of Dragon King too.
Only good thing about the whole day is Gunter getting some gaudy headband stuck on him that somehow restrains him from going into a close proximity to the Wimp.
Current Mood: Vindictively Gleeful
Comments: Ah, that is what I love about you, my deliciously spicy enchilada! Such anger and aggression! I have never seen anyone with such a mad passion and zest for life-well, except for me. And I see you possess a sadistically evil streak in you as well! Ah, who knew my heart would one day fall for such a devious little devil! Tell me, are you always this naughty? Hehehe…
-Anonymous
Reply: All right, are you that Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness harasser who gave me that "crispy little chicken nugget" comment a short while back? Listen, I talked to the Wimp and he said harassing was illegal and I should block anonymous posts. You keep up with your odd references to me as food and I will not only follow the Wimp's advice, but I will Friends-lock this blog as well! And un-like Gunter, I have TONS of friends willing to sing me "normal" praises of my Super HAWT Bishounen Qualities. So quit your uncouth cat-calls while you have a chance to redeem yourself!
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Comments: Oh my darling medium-rare roasted lamb-chop, I LOVE how you try and sound threatening! It is SO CUTE! However, your efforts to moderate your blog will be futile. I have hands-on access to every security setting with full permission from the Almighty Author. Apparently, she and a large number of others are squeeing in fangirl-ish delight at this very moment due to me stalking you. Watch what happens when I type this:
Ahem...If you stood in front of a mirror and held up eleven roses, you would see twelve of the most beautiful things in the world!
-Anonymous (aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)
Comments: ZOMG! ZOMG! SQEEEEEE! DAT WAS DE BOMB! X3 X3 X3!
-littleladygoldie
Comments: AUUUUUGH! WHAT AN AWESOME PICK-UP LINE! GO WITH HIM WOLFIE! BE LIKE A COUPLE LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY!
-Yuka Hasumi
Comments: NO, WOLFRAM! RESIST! RESIST! PLAY HARD TO GET SO HE WILL SPOUT OFF MORE WONDERFUL PICK-UPS!
-iheartmwpp
Reply: SHUT UP! NEVER POST ON MY BLOG AGAIN, ALL OF YOU! ESPECIALLY THE PERVERTED GLUTTON! AND I AM NOT FREAKING BLUSHING!
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Comments: FYI, that pick-up line was full of WIN, and um, we never said you were blushing, Wol-chan…
-Schnickledooger (aka the Almighty Author)
Reply: screams in frustration and logs off:
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Current Mood: Annoyed
Comments: I don't see what you need roses for, okay? Plus, you're mind is wandering off-topic from our quest! We need to stay focused on finding the Gem of the Dragon King! Roses and that stupid shirt you have on nothing to do with our current mission!
-Yuuri (aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)
Repy: Oh, stupid shirt is it? This shirt is symbolic of our love, you nitwit! And if you put your mind to use other than listening to your Foolish Hero Complex, you too would heed the whispered urgings of love needing to be expressed!
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Comments: AAARGH! I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU AT ALL!
-Yuuri (aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)
Reply: Well, maybe THIS will make you realize the true extent of my feelings for you!
-YuuriLOVESWolfram(aka the Adonis of HotnessXtheWimp4Ever!)
Comments: OMG! YOU SO CAN'T DO THAT! CHANGE YOUR USER NAME BACK RIGHT NOW!
-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)
Reply: BUY ME SOME FREAKING ROSES, YOU BONE-HEADED WIMP!
-YuuriLOVESWolfram(aka the Adonis of HotnessXtheWimp4Ever!)
Comments: ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! Look! I'm ordering them from an online florist shop this very instant! JUST CHANGE YOUR USER NAME BACK!
-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)
Reply: Thank you. Now that wasn't so difficult, was it?
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Comments: I WANT TO GO HOME! (T-T)!
-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)
Turns out our search for the Gem fruitless also. Instead of finding out news regarding the Gem, had flashback of me as adorable, cute little baby and Conr-ah, Lord Weller when he was not such a glory-hound. Decided flashbacks were a threat that might soften my determination to give Lord Weller the silent treatment for as long as I had, so set out on searching for Gem as quickly as possible.
Apparently, t-shirt purchase and receiving roses were only bright highlight of day, as Wimp gets kidnapped due to Foolish Hero Complex. At first, was sure kidnappers were members of Hideously Ugly Boys Club out to get revenge on their more beautiful, hotter rivals, but it turns out it was only the work of Uncle Oaf again. Now will have to rescue Wimp's Royal Posterior…AGAIN.
On another topic altogether, as Wimp got kidnapped and only me and Lord Weller left due to guardsmen getting knocked out, received various whistles and cat-calls from passer-bys asking Lord Weller why the wrong person was wearing the "Me & My Wimp" shirt.
Needless to say, they all were flambéed, and I will say no more.
Current Mood: Satisfied
Comments: So, Wol-chan, on another completely off-topic remark, were you influenced in any way by wanting roses due to the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness giving you that great pick-up line? Are you even the teensiest bit turned on by his cat-calls?
-lavariel
Reply: Of course not! I am not someone who is easily swayed by some sudden shallow spout of whimsical flattery!
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Comments: Oh, is that so? Then, I prithee, tell me, are thou some divine deity, for if not, why doust I feel the need to kneel before your presence?
-Anonymous (aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)
Reply: LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME!
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Comments: Remember that the Almighty Author gave me full access to security and computer settings. I can see your face on the Webcam and all I ask is: would you like some fries with your ketchup?
-Anonymous (aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)
Reply: MY NOSE IS NOT BLEEDING! I ACCIDENTALLY OPENED ONE OF THESE CANS OF "CHEERWINE" THE WIMP BROUGHT BACK AND IT SPRAYED INTO MY FACE! STOP STALKING ME!
:logs off to smash Webcam:
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
OMFG. The fates have heard my prayers!
Was going to sneak quietly away, but stupid Wimp had to call out cheery greeting to Lord Weller and call attention to himself. Ended up shaking horse's reins and fleeing the scene in attempt to gallop away into the sunset like hero in those fruity romance novels Mother used to read me as bedtime stories.
Good news: lost Crowfeet and his minions. Bad news: Lord Weller caught up to us and demanded what in the Great Demon Kingdom did I think I was doing. To which I responded, horse had shied suddenly at something and bolted. Then Lord Weller had shot me a very suspicious look before bowing and groveling and apologizing at Wimp's feet about what a let down of a godfather he was by not keeping an alert enough vigil. Sickened by another attempt of trying to get Wimp's good graces for his slip up, interrupted Lord Weller's long tirade and demanded if Uncle Oaf or anyone had ATTEMPTED on Wimp.
After all, men do not wear maid outfits, even if they are cute boys.
Much to my and Lord Weller's relief, Wimp said no ATTEMPTS had been made. Apparently Yozak was to blame for his present dress attire as it was necessary for his escape. Then Wimp insisted we bring him to the edge of Uncle Oaf's land where apparently civil war was about to break out due to Big Brother Gwendal and Gunter's Hostile Take Over Strategy. Wimp changed into usual black uniform that Lord Weller had so very conveniently on him, sped to scene on his own horse-not mine-sadly-gave his whole Let's-All-Be-One-Big-Happy-Family speech and when that didn't work, transformed into Ultimate Demon King Form With Fetish For Justice and whipped up tornado and made everyone comply to his rules with force.
Found out Gem of Dragon King wasn't really stolen or lost. It was on a cruise trip with Mother on one of her quests for love.
All a day's work in the life of Yuuri Shibuya, Demon King.
Now if you don't mind, I have to stop Lord Weller from thinking he's going to keep that maid outfit the Wimp was wearing.
Current Mood: Determined
Comments: Wolfram, I think you would look absolutely HAWT in one of Yozak's maid uniforms, preferably the mini-skirt model! Then you could be Zakky's little sister!:heart, heart:
-Ronin-N-Gang
Comments: WE SECOND THE MOTION! C'mon, chant it, boys! MAID OUTFIT! MAID OUTFIT! MAID OUTFIT!
-Bielefield Cavalry(aka Adonis Chorus Line, aka Boys in Spurs)
Comments: NO ONE IS GOING TO SEE MY DEEP-FRIED OREO WITH POWDERED SUGAR ON TOP IN A MAID'S OUTFIT EXCEPT ME! I SHALL EXACT JUST-er,I mean…I shall exact the best licensed lawyer there is to press my case! Stalkers, be witnesses! I officially PWN the Adonis of Hotness as my own!
-Anonymous (aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)
Comments: Lol, I just wanted to say to Wolfie, I think you and Yuuri make a PWNZome couple, but you and the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness are full of WIN and even MORE PWNZome! X3 X3 X3!
-Daikaio
Reply: THAT'S IT! THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND! No one PWNS me! I PWN them! And you, whoever you are, are not PWNED! Blast this, why I am even wasting my breath on you? I'm out of here!:logs off:
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Is it just me, or are things disappearing too much lately to count as coincidences?
Anyway, Wimp once again, swayed by Foolish Hero Complex to set out and find missing object. He would not even stay long enough to hear that Gwendal's cousin had been sent out to find it several long years ago, so there was need for him to do the same. However, Wimp probably wanted to escape Gunter and his B.S. lessons of Great Demon Kingdom culture, and hey, I don't blame him.
So far, day good with reappearance of Wimp, however, must have private eye look into this Bandou-kun business. A dolphin, indeed! HA!
Current Mood: Suspicious
Comments: What do I HAVE to do to convince you I am NOT cheating? Not that I am saying that I am not cheating, because we're in a relationship, WHICH WE ARE NOT! Not that I am saying I DO want to cheat, because we're NOT in a relationship, which it technically wouldn't be cheating! Not that…uh…CURSES! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING NOW! Bandou-kun is a dolphin, so lay off him, or you'll have Greenpeace after you!
-Yuuri (aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)
Reply: OH, SO NOW YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME WITH GREENPEACE AS WELL? YOU CHEAP FLIRT!
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Comments: AAAAARGH! NEVER MIND! I GIVE UP! THERE'S JUST NO GETTING THROUGH TO YOU!:logs out:
-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)
Comments: Ahem, so, my little frosted choco-latte, now that my less inf-er, the Wimp, is gone, how would you respond if I say I knew theperfect way I'd like to get through to you
-Anonymous (aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)
Reply: violent internet screenslap and logs off:
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Comments: Ouch. Does this mean we're engaged? You like me more than my less inf-er, the Wimp cuz you bitch-slapped me, right? Hello? My little turkey giblets smothered in gravy, are you there?
-Anonymous (aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)
Current Mood:
Comments: Awwwwww! I LOVE Brother Bonding moments! Especially Con/Wolf! Mwee! X3 X3!
-Schnickledooger (aka the Almighty Author)
Reply: Just what exactly are you implying, you Evil Authoress? And while I'm actually talking to you, how about revealing the secret identity of the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness? I KNOW you know who that person is!
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Comments: Oh, Wol-chan, you are so cute! Just think about it for awhile, and I'm sure you'll figure it out! Heehee!
-Schnickledooger (aka the Almighty Author)
Reply: You know, I really hate when people condescend me like that. Plus, this whole situation I find myself in feels abnormal. It's as if I'm being set up like some pawn on a chess board and am being poked and prodded at by some unseen force with a devious agenda to get me to do their bidding…
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Comments: XD
(Note to the readers. Pay no mind to the laughing psychopath)
-Schnickledooger (aka the Almighty Author)
We searched all day in the town with no luck, until we ran into this young woman and kid after sunset in abandoned building. They were obviously hiding from something, and were a hair's breath away from getting caught by the guards loitering outside the ruined structure. Lord Weller and I intervened by pretending to be the only ones in the building
Oh, right. And pretending to be two love-stricken people locked fast in a frenzied passionate affair convened by lust.
Ahem, sorry. Mother's fruity romance bedtime story memories coming back.
Yeah, you got it. I had to pretend I was my brother's lover!
I agree. If I had not been in human territory, feeling weakened by all the esoteric stones around, I would have shish-ka-bobbed those busy-body guardsmen to a crisp for causing me such unwanted emotional trauma.
Suspect Lord Weller was enjoying himself too much.
I mean what kind of brother, no matter what predicament they were in, would tell the guardsmen there was no need to investigate the building because he was a member of the FBI (Fine Body Investigators) and he and his "lady friend" were about to "assume the position"?
Seriously, Lord Weller's pitiful attempts at pick-up lines are as lame as that Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness stalker…
GASP! (o.O)!
Current Mood: SHOCKED
Comments: Oh, my cinnamon-sprinkled waffles, I'm back! What intense fits of unbridled ferocity have I missed from you while I was off-line?
-Anonymous (aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)
Reply: YOU REALLY HAVE NO SENSE OF MORALS, DO YOU? YOU KEEP AWAY FROM ME, YOU LANCE-A-LOT WANNABE! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF! I'M GOING TO TELL, MOTHER, SO THERE!
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Oh, and get this: Big Brother Gwendal and Wimp eloped!
How, how, how, can this be happening? I have one brother stealing my fiancée right out from under my nose, and another brother who seems to have developed an unnatural obsession with me and foods!
WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?
Current Mood: Pissed
Comments: Wolfram, I have nothing else to say other than I am LMAO! I just love how gullible you can be and jump to the wrong conclusions! Haha, but you're so cute, it makes everything worthwhile!
-thacha
Comments: OMG, I know! He's adorable! Especially with his super uber kawaii granite butt! Teehee! X3!
-They Call Me Soysauce
Comments: Hey now, no one talks about my honey's honeybuns except me!
-Anonymous (aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)
Reply: YOU ARE A SICK, SICK MAN! I hope you realize that!
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Ooh, the irony! The Wimp's punishment is to be thrown into a prison where he will be surrounded by women, which he seems to like more, and they in return have a fetish for demon tribesmen. Yeah, he will most definitely learn a lesson from that! Stupid Sevelarians!
Anyway, such interactions were illegal in this country, and the Wimp with his Fight For Right took it as his initiative to declare how unjust such a law was. Luckily, Big Brother Gwendal stopped him before he killed anyone, something the Wimp would beat himself up for later on.
Ended up fleeing country in caravan with refugee women from esoteric mine field, plus the young woman and the kid who had aided the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness into unmasking his true identity. Am most profoundly grateful to them. Kid turns out to be son of one of the esoteric mine women workers, while young woman is revealed by Gwendal to be his cousin Hube's girlfriend/wife. Oh, and she's preggers. Well, it seems good ole cousin Hube has been busy doing other activities other than searching for the demon flute. Of course, none of this matters, since Wimp recovered missing artifact on his own. It ended up saving everyone's lives, as we had not been too far out in desert, when we became trapped between raging Sandbear and fast-approaching Sevelarian army. Wimp proceeded to play short ditty on demon flute which mystic powers brought down rainstorm that shielded us from enemy's sight.
Turns out Sandbear had been tamed by deserter soldier, Ryan and dug everyone a safe passage home to the Great Demon Kingdom. Of course, Wimp wanted to return straight to his precious "Earth", however he was unable to do so. He threw a fit, saying he wanted to go home, and I tried to explain that this was his home, so like it or lump it. Wimp didn't seem to enjoy my approach to logic.
I think perhaps it is time for another dramatic, fragile pose in nightgown to win Wimp over to stay…
Current Mood: Scheming
Comments: Ooh, finally! I was wondering when you were going to make any moves on Yuuri in that DAMN SEXY nightgown of yours!:wink:
-sHiNiGaMi-ArAsHi1412
Reply: NO MORE STALKERS! I'VE HAD ENOUGH! OFF! OFF-LINE NOW! MY WIMP AND I ARE ABOUT TO HAVE A KODAK MOMENT HERE!
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Comments: Don't be so stingy! Yuu-chan belongs to everyone! Nah-nah!
-Anami-chan
Reply: HEAR ME ALL PARTICLES WHO DWELL IN FLAME…
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Comments: Retreat! Retreat! Every stalker for themselves!
-All Stalkers/Spammers
Reply: That takes care of them! Now, where was I? Oh yes. Yuuuuuuuuuuuuri, my ribbons on my nightgown have all come undone! Why don't you come over here and fasten them for me? And if the whole nightgown happens to come off…then we should not worry about the miniscule details of cheap manufacturing of the fabric and celebrate the fullness of life!
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Comments: You know, Ang-ah, Wolfram, I'm just going to ignore that comment and say, I'm amazed that you didn't ONCE spam my blog while I was lost in the desert with Gwendal or when I was thrown in prison. That wasn't like you. Normally, you'd be deafening me with cries of cheater and whatnot, but hey, I'm not going to complain. It was a nice break from your usual yelling.
-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)
Reply: Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. I would have kept my key trademark as a character going steady but I was too busy sleuthing out the identity of the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness. I just couldn't take anymore of his spamming about me, certain parts of my body and detailed descriptions of food. Oh, Yuuri, I think I can more closely relate to this "Sherlock Holmes" person you mentioned when searching for the Gem of the Dragon King! Yuuri? Yuuri? What's the matter now, you Wimp?
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)
Comments: I (CENSOR) HATE HIM! I REALLY DO! HOW DARE HE GET YOU SO ABSORBED ABOUT HIM THAT YOU FORGET ABOUT ME? HE'S GOING DOWN! HE'S (CENSOR) GOING DOWN! DO YOU HEAR THAT, YOU FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION? I WILL CRUSH YOUR BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD! NO! EVEN BETTER! I WILL CRUSH MY HEAD SO YOU WON'T STAND A CHANCE!:begins slamming head against wall:
-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)
Reply: Someone call Gisela! I think the Wimp's had too much sun from the desert! He's becoming mentally unstable! Really! Now he's laughing maniacally and talking crazily to himself! Hurry, people! I THINK MY WIN-NESS MIGHT HAVE JUST COMPLETELY ERUPTED!
-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness, aka He With the WIN-ness)