2stupid: Another fic.

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Blissfully Insane

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Uchiha Itachi wondered what force of nature had gotten him stuck inside some crazy room with spinning walls (he could feel no wind that would occur if the floor were spinning…the walls, either). Oops, sorry. They weren’t spinning walls. That was a genjutsu.

And why was everyone staring at him once he fell out of that veiled arch-thingie?

“Obliviate!” someone yelled randomly. Itachi’s memories floated away on a gentle breeze, watching the rest of the people with sticks berate their fellow for using what they called “the worst spell ever.”

Of course, amnesiac Itachi was scary, too.

“POCKY!”

“Mine!” Tonks screamed, attempting to get the away from the crazily armed thirteen-year-old wearing strange clothing, armor, and weapons and a pocky-hungry look on his face.

“What have you done?!” lamented Dumbledore. “Now we shall never know what lies beyond the curtain!”

“Uchiha Itachi?” Hoshigaki Kisame and Orochimaru, the representatives of the recruiting group Akatsuki, walked through the portal, clear as day. “Are you sure you tracked the right guy? This one looks like an average civilian kid. And he’s snacking on pocky. In public. Not in disguise. And ignoring the people staring at him.”

“He’s wearing the uniform, though,” Kisame said. “Maybe he fell prey to some weird genjutsu?”

“Can I experiment on him, then?”

“Hell no.”

Amnesiac-Itachi walked over and poked Kisame, who simply stood there and looked long suffering. And poked him again. And again. And-

“Aaargh, stop it, you little jerk!” Kisame reached out to forcibly remove the child mass murderer from his person, despite the fact that a six-foot-three blue sharkman grabbing a child half his age by the head and grinning toothily (revealing sharpened fangs) probably wasn’t good for his public image.

But then, who knew what Hoshigaki Kisame thought?

“MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!”

“Waaargh! Gurgle, gurgle.”

“That’s what you get for picking on a poor defenseless kid like me!” Itachi screamed, kicking Kisame’s “family jewels”.

Orochimaru simply looked on, amused, and began menally listing the physiological things that could cause an unconscious fish-man to gurgle.

And then he wondered just how the Uchiha prodigy managed to perform an S-class kinjutsu involving a secretive bloodline only a few could grasp.

“MUAHAHAHAHAHA! I remember EVERYTHING! COWER AT MY FEET AS I-EEK!”

Uchiha Itachi tripped over Samehada, which promptly shaved off a large chunk of his leg and chakra, and calmed down.

And then his leg regrew, but that’s a specific Uchiha characteristic we’re not particularly interested in right now. (It’s also why the pics of the Uchiha clan don’t show crazy-scarred battle vets.)

“Uchiha Itachi,” Orochimaru said, wondering why Kisame had to leave him with the recruiting pitch. “The Akatsuki is recruiting you. If you can defeat me-”

Itachi pointed to the unconscious Kisame.

“Umm, right. Anyways, you don’t really have a choice, but at least I won’t try to dissect your Sharingan- physically, that is.”

Itachi made a mental note never to activate his Sharingan whenever Orochimaru was doing something gross. The stupid mad-scientist-immortality-obsessed snake-like nukenin.

Damn.

The Order (and the Death Eaters) stared in shock as a woman with blue hair walked out and whispered something in the Uchiha’s ear.

“Okay. I’ll join then,” Itachi said, surprising every non-shinobi in hearing range and some who weren’t.

“Oh, and before we forget,” Konan made a gesture; a pair of puppets and a mobile tank (aka. Sasori) walked out from behind the veil, dragging Sirius’s Stunned body along.

“Keep him. He smells like a dog and probably has similar manners.”

Everyone stared.

And the Akatsuki walked right back through the veil.

“Why do I feel like I got shoved into another dimension, poked by a guy in a black cloak with red clouds and weird hat, dragged around by a pair of animated, life-size puppets, and then dropped several feet down a staircase leading from a dais?” Sirius asked, sitting up.

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Hai! Fast(er) update! Two and a half pages this time.

Next up, I’ll digest Chosha Kurenai’s (sorry for making you wait so long) ideas.

I think.

Review so I’ll have incentive to continue! (aka. faster updates)